I am really nervous when I get to school on Monday. After all the girls had left on Sunday, I had really got to thinking about the plotting they were doing. What if it all goes bad?

I pass A-Wut in the halls on the way to class and he has the usual smug smirk on his face. He mockingly acts like he grabs his boobs, looking straight at mine, wiggles his butt, and laughs. Furious, I storm into the classroom and sit at my desk. Hom is already sitting at hers and asks, “What’s up, Thai Pie? You look really upset.” I blow out my breath and tell her about A-Wut. Hom’s eyes flash angrily and she looks pointedly at Chimlin, who is the main girl in their plan. Chimlin nods and I know that their operation is about to go into effect.

Chimlin moves over to a different desk as soon as Sunan, one of A-Wut’s group, comes in. He is the only one of A-Wut’s group that is in our class and, actually, does not seem to be as much under A-Wut’s thumb as the others. She sits at the desk right in front of his. As class starts, she hands a note back to him. I notice his eyes get wide as he reads it–and then he blushes.

Over the next couple of weeks, there is a budding ‘romance’ between Chimlin and Sunan. By the end of the fourth week, Chimlin has Sunan eating out of her hand. She has him so wrapped around her little finger that he would do anything for her…

The Monday that marks my third month of hormones turns out to be an important ‘anniversary’ date. I am in Buppha’s office and she gives me the two new ‘long-lasting’ shots. She tells me that I only have to get these once a month, rather than weekly. I can’t say that I am disappointed in that, since they burn just as badly. She takes my measurements; I have gained another half inch (and shoe size) and my bust is now a B-cup (which I already knew because Malee had adjusted my bras to ones with less padding and also exchanged my shoes again). The phone buzzes; she answers and tells me to go to Miss Karawek’s office right away.

I nervously knock on Miss Karawek’s door, not knowing what to expect. She opens it and smiles at me. Then she tells me to come in. I am surprised to see A-Wut in the office, with a very red face. Miss Karawek looks harshly at him and says to me, “Kanya, A-Wut has admitted to bullying and blackmailing you into taking female hormones. He has also admitted to maneuvering you into taking the shots. Is this true?” A flood of emotions and relief hits me. Could this nightmare be over?

I nod and say in a gush of words, “Yes, Ma’am. When I first got here, I was really vulnerable and he got to me–because I had befriended Dao. He forced me to take the pills, saying that if I didn’t they would hurt Dao. Later, they somehow got ‘evidence’ to frame Dao and me for stealing pills from his Dad. He said that no one would believe me because I am a kathoey…and that they would take his word over mine…that Dao and I would go to jail. Dao said it was true that no one would believe us…”

A-Wut’s face gets redder and redder as I speak. I look at Miss Karawek and ask, “Will I get into trouble now? Can he really do that to me?” She comes over and hugs me and says, “No, Thai Pie, he is right that a boy’s word would probably carry more weight than a kathoey’s in some circles, but he was bluffing you. Besides, his friend, Sunan, is the one that originally confessed to all of this and implicated A-Wut.”

At that moment, there is a knock on the door. Miss Karawek opens it and a kind-looking man comes in, although he seems very agitated and angry. A-Wut’s face goes extremely pale. Miss Karawek smiles at the man and says, “Welcome Dr. Mongkut. It is nice to see you again, although not under these circumstances. A-Wut, please wait outside while your father and I talk to Kanya.”

After A-Wut slinks out, Miss Karawek introduces me to A-Wut’s father, “Kanya, this is Dr. Mongkut, A-Wut’s father. He is also the doctor that did my surgery a few years ago to complete my female body.” She smiles at him and then at me. He gives me a kind but sad look and says in a gentle voice, “I am so sorry for what my son has done to you, Kanya. It is inexcusable and he will be severely punished. There is no way to make up for what he has done, but you will be the judge as to how far his punishment will go–we will talk about that later, though. We need to let your mother know what has been going on with you now–it is past time.”

I feel the blood drain from my face. Explaining all of this to Mommy is going to be hard. Then I have another thought and ask, “But won’t Miss Karawek, Malee, and Nurse Buppha get into trouble for helping me with what they did?” Dr. Mongkut shakes his head and says, “Don’t worry your pretty little head over that. A-Wut will bear the complete blame for what has happened. It was, after all, his fault. I will make sure that your friends are not blamed and that your Mommy does not know how far they went for you. I take care of my kathoey, too. They are like daughters to me.”

Two hours later, I am sitting in an exam room at Dr. Mongkut’s clinic.

Miss Karawek and I had gone to meet him and Mommy at his office; Mommy had rushed straight over at Miss Karawek’s call. A-Wut was nowhere to be seen when Miss Karawek and I got there, but Dr. Mongkut assured me that he ‘was being taken care of’. The following meeting with Mommy was predictably very emotional. Dr. Mongkut was true to his word, though, and the full blame was laid on A-Wut, completely sparing the others involved.

Now, Dr. Mongkut is giving me a thorough exam. Mommy just gasps when he has me undress, including takiing off my bra, and she sees the full extent of my breasts and developing curves. She just mumbles that she can’t believe that she did not notice the changes before and I don’t explain either. A nurse comes in, draws some blood, and takes it to the lab for a quick analysis.

Several minutes later, Dr. Mongkut declares that I am healthy and in the full throws of a healthy female puberty. He then says, “Kanya, you are underage and the final decision is up to your Mommy what happens, but I would like to know from you what you would like to do. You don’t have to answer right now, the blockers and hormones in your system are going to take at least four weeks to get out. During that time, you will continue to develop as a girl. It would not be good for me to give you more drugs to counter that, though. Most of the feminine developments, with the exception of your breasts, are still mostly reversible anyway, if you decide to go back to being Danny.”

Mommy starts to speak for me and Dr. Mongkut asks her really nicely to let me speak for myself. I look at her for permission and she sighs and says, “Yes, Dr. Mongkut is right. I would also like to hear what you are thinking. I will have to take you to a psychiatrist to deal with this anyways–I may have to go, myself.” I look at them both and say, “I don’t need a psychiatrist, Mommy. Really–over the past few weeks, my friends have really helped me through this. I never really knew what having friends meant until now.” Mommy sort of deflates at that admission.

I look at Dr. Mongkut and ask, “What can I do? What do you recommend I do?” He smiles and says, “Well, there are three basic options. One, you do nothing–the blockers and female hormones will work their way out of your system and your normal body functions will take over. There is a pretty good risk that after this amount of time and the levels of hormones you took that you will be sterile, though. It is also possible that you will produce less boy hormone than normal because your boy parts have shrunken too much. So, for this scenario you may have to actually take boy hormones the rest of your life.”

He continues, ignoring the shocked look on Mommy’s face, “The second option is to keep you on a blocker without any hormones until you are older and, according to Western opinion, better able to determine what you want to do. I don’t recommend this option because that would stop your development in the middle of your puberty. Your body is in ‘growth mode’ right now–many things happen during puberty other than developing sexually. You have likely noticed you are getting taller or that your feet are growing? Stopping that now could create a lot of complications later when you start hormones back up, regardless of which kind.”

Mommy still looks really unhappy as he continues, “The third option is to basically continue the course you were on, only under my, or another doctor’s, supervision. We would continue to give you hormone blockers to prevent you from making boy hormones and also give you girl hormones to finish out your puberty, and then for the rest of your life to keep you healthy as a woman.”

Mommy is a little red in the face as he finishes, “Like I said, you have at least four weeks or so to decide, so why don’t you think about it some more and talk to your Mommy when you get home.” I nod, lost in thought–what do I want? And will Mommy support my decision? I have come to like my life as it is. Will I have to go to some stupid shrink and let them squeeze my head or give me some electro-shock therapy or other stuff like they show in the movies?

I finally say, “OK, I will talk to Mommy about it and think hard about what I want. I sort of like being a girl now, though…” I look at Mommy and say, “I won’t talk to a shrink if you take me, though. I would rather talk to you and my friends that have all been here for me.” I guess finally standing up to A-Wut, even with a lot of help, has given me the courage to stand up for myself to others, too–Mommy included.

Mommy agrees to hold off on any decisions until we can talk. She is quiet about the shrink, but I am pretty sure I can win that battle. I am not sure I will get what I really want in the end, though. Whatever that is…

Dr. Mongkut tells me to get dressed and we all go back to his office where Miss Karawek is still waiting.

Dr. Mongkut gets us all some tea and quietly begins talking, “Now that we have sorted out Kanya, or at least have a plan, we need to talk about A-Wut. He did a terrible thing to you, Kanya. I have already laid out the beginnings of his punishment, but the full extent is up to you. You and your Mommy can go to the police and formally charge him as one option. I can tell you that any punishment he would get from that will hold no light to what I have planned. If you are willing to let me take care of it, I can promise you that he will not do anything like this again.”

He gets up and opens the door to let a red-faced girl in. I gasp in shock as I recognize A-Wut. Dr. Mongkut says, “I would like you to meet Kamlai, it means ‘bracelet’ to remind her that this is life is like her shackle. Regardless of what you decide to do about the police, Kamlai is here to stay for quite some time. Like you Kanya, when A-Wut forced you to start taking hormones, Kamlai has not begun puberty yet. I have given her a blocker to ensure that she does not develop into a boy until she has paid for her crime. What that means is up to you.”

At first, Mommy is shocked. Then she settles down. Her diplomatic time in Thailand has started to let her see things more through their eyes and she realizes that, for Thailand, this is not a cruel punishment. Her American side does not like it, though. I, on the other hand, am starting to embrace Thai thinking and customs and also like the revenge side of things, even though I know it is bad to do so. I say, “I can’t say what Mommy will do, but I will not go to the police, nor encourage anyone else to.”

Mommy looks at me, shocked, and says, “Kanya…Danny…you don’t want to press charges? A-Wut assaulted you!” I look at Mommy and quietly, but firmly, say, “A-Wut holds no regard for kathoey or regular girls. I think it will do him a lot of good to learn more about what it is like to have others think they are better than you. Being Kamlai, a kathoey, is perfect for that. And for now, I am still Kanya, Mommy. Remember? You changed my name!”

Mommy is exasperated and says, “I can change it back just as easily. I don’t get it…” Miss Karawek speaks up at that moment and says, “Ms. Johnson, Kanya has grown up a lot over the last months. She has a much different perspective on life than she ever would have had under other circumstances. Until you have walked a mile in these shoes, you can’t comprehend the struggles–internal and external. I beg you to trust your…child.” Mommy finally relents, although I know it is not over–we will be talking about this more at home.

Dr. Mongkut continues, “Kanya, here is what I want you to please tell me. Do you want Kamlai to have to take hormones like you did? She will be on blockers until she is at least sixteen, regardless. That is my punishment to her. You can decide whether she should become my full daughter now, or whether she will decide on her own at sixteen. She will be treated only as a girl until then, either way.”

I want to say ‘yes’. I want to scream ‘Hell, yes!’ I really do…and I almost do. But then I think about it and my rage cools down. I finally say, “Dr. Mongkut, you are right. What A-Wut did to me was terrible. But he has hurt a lot of other people, too–like Dao. I do not feel comfortable making Kamlai go through what A-Wut put me through out of vengeance; then I am no better than A-Wut. I fully believe that Kamlai will learn firsthand how serious and wrong what A-Wut did was without me forcing hormones on her. I would say that you should ask others that A-Wut bullied and terrified what they think, though. They deserve to have a say; especially Dao, who really believes that she has no say in anything.

Mommy has a shocked, but thoughtful, look on her face as I say this. Miss Karawek leans over and whispers in her ear, “See, I told you she has grown up. Trust her feelings, they are true.” Dr. Mongkut nods at me and says, “Very well, Kanya. I shall consult with Dao and any others that you suggest and let the consensus decide. Miss Karawek, Kamlai will join your school tomorrow and I expect her to be treated as any other kathoey. I understand that Kanya and Kamlai will now be using the girl’s bathroom? I trust you will me know if Kamlai has problems adjusting to her new role? I can be of further assistance, if need be.”

Miss Karawek smiles and says, “Yes, we will be pleased to have Kamlai in our school. Kanya and the other girls can make sure that she fits in and complies with all of the rules.” I nod and Mommy speaks up, “Dan…Kanya…Dang! I am back to not knowing what to call you, again. Are you sure you want to keep going to school as Kanja? You can go back to Danny, you know…”

I shake my head and say, “Mommy, I fit in as Kanya. All my friends are Kanya’s. My old clothes would not fit me anymore, and besides, I like my Kanya clothes.” I get a twinkle in my eye and say, “Besides, I can be Kamlai’s friend much better as Kanya!”

Mommy and I argue a long time after we get home. She still wants me to see a shrink at first; but after we talk and cry together for a really long time, she agrees to wait and see how things go. I feel really good about myself right now and I am able to convince her of that.

What I don’t know is what to do about the hormone thing. Mommy pushes me to consider just dropping the blockers and hormones and letting my body go back to its normal self–whatever that may be. But I get the feeling that she would be kind of sad to see her daughter go, too. I think about my life over the last couple of months and know why I feel so good about myself. I am out from under the pressure of A-Wut’s threats and that alone feels good, but it is more than that.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I belong somewhere. I have friends that I really like to hang out with. Friends I can relate to, confide in, rely on. I just seem to fit in better as Kanya than Danny ever did and being Danny is a slowly fading memory. Although I miss some of the things I used to do as Danny with Dad, I know that is not an option anymore and I have a lot more fun with Mommy as Kanya…

The next day, everyone at school is buzzing. Not because we have another kathoey at school, not even because of who the kathoey is, but because of why we have another kathoey. Miss Karawek publically announced why A-Wut is no longer there and Kamlai is. A-Wut had bullied enough people that Kamlai’s life will be interesting for quite some time; that is for sure.

Miss Karawek also lets me know that Dao and the others that I had suggested Dr. Mongkut talk to had all agreed that Kamlai should be given hormones. I almost feel sorry for her, but not quite. I am sort of happy that she is going to have to go through everything that A-Wut put me through, but I am glad that I did not force it. This sends an even stronger message.

Miss Karawek tells me that Kamlai has already received a shot to get the hormones into her system and an implant that will continue to provide her with hormones for five years, and she will be on them the rest of her life, since any changes will be permanent by then. We agree to not tell Mommy that, though. She still would not fully understand…

I run into Kamlai later in the day and it seems the hormones are already taking effect. She is sobbing uncontrollably and is totally emotional. She tries to blame me for her woes and I just laugh at her. I wish her good luck convincing anyone of that and leave her standing alone, crying her heart out, to join Hom and Chimlin. Chimlin has just ‘broken up’ with Sunan and she and Hom are giggling about how it all worked out. I hug them both and we go arm in arm to the girl’s room to check our makeup…

To be continued in Part 7.