Can I have some Brown Sugar for my Damper? Chapter 10.

Chapter 10.

*Before…

“Well I find you sexy in your glasses, I find you sexy in your scrubs when you’re at work, I adore you in those ratty old sweats with the holes in them you wear to do the washing and I find you sexy when your hair’s all messy and you haven’t had a cup of coffee yet.”

Oh dammit he made my jaw tremble…that was…just.

………………………………...

We pull into Sutton’s beach and my heart does this OH….This is one of those times that just drives home to me that I’m in a whole new place…and that it’s a really beautiful place.

*And now…

I get changed and I’ll admit I’m nervous about my bathing suit but I check three times and settled in there’s nothing showing. Not that there’s anything to show but still. And I’m doing a two piece. More the classic older or vintage style covers more bikini than the ones that are G-string types.

I so don’t get the appeal of a string wedged up my bum-crack all day. And while I don’t have a bad behind it’s still so just not me.

I know I’m sounding old but someone should tell these girls that just because you can it’s not a dare to do it.

I also make sure I use the lotion I bought first, a decent SPF and some bug repellent tea tree stuff. Yes having Rudy rub some on me would be nice but this is a public beach with kids and I don’t want to wait until I’m almost burned to put some on.

And the bug stuff, well that’s just smart really, even on a beach in a nice open and breezy spot the wind can die off and then you’re under siege.

I add my wrap just as an added bonus and head out getting my sunglasses and my beach hat and my flip-flops.

I feel a bit scared and kind of amazing.

Me out in public…dressed like this on a beach for the first time ever.

It’s actually more than just nice.

I’ve missed this, the beach, the water. Montreal has sorta beaches but they don’t compare.

I walk over to where Rudy’s making the fire in the public grill pit and he’s got it going with wood he brought. No, not like branches and stuff or lumber trimmings but what are bundles of cut and split wood and a few small four or five inch wide logs.

“Fruit wood?”

“Some, I don’t like charcoal for special occasions.”

“This is a special occasion?”

“Our first big date and family thing…it’s special to me.”

“Me too. Where’s Sam he needs a top coat.”

“He’s trying to get some of the coolers out of the truck, don’t help him hon he’ll get insulted.”

“Course not; he’s a little man y’know.” I’m smiling because he said Hon…to me that’s kind of a big deal.

I do smile as I watch Sam struggle with the cooler or more with the height at the back of the truck. I honestly can’t remember that sense of little man pride he’s got. Given that I am the way I am now I’m not really sure I had it even then.

It’s kind of funny when I look back at things and my life and sure I sort of knew I was one of the family odd ducks but I was never really like Sam.

And me being me now…I kind of adore the little guy for being himself.

I smile wide and give him a big. “Sam! Thank you! You muscled that over here by yourself?”

He grins at me. “Yep, I did you need anything else miss?” He just did this really sweet imitation of his dad that it’s just pretty awesome.

“No I’m good but thank you I’d have had trouble bring all that pop and ice over.”

“That’d cuz I help dad out at work and all, I got’s the muscles.”

“Can you show me?”

“Sure!”

He makes the whole arm flexing stuff. I reach out and give his bicep a little squeeze. “Ooh, cool…!” I sort of girl coo about it and he gets that little guy grin and he so reminds me of Rudy it’s kind of amazing.

I look over at Rudy as Sam goes for more stuff and he gives me this look. It’s this make my heart roll over kind of look. It’s not the you’re beautiful look and it’s not that you’re sexy look that he’s giving me he’s giving me this look that almost feels like.

Mom…but in the Dad and wife happy paternal guy kind of way.

And it’s really that ache and me feeling my phantom ovaries and womby bits kind of feeling.

Me…a wife? A Mom?

I smile and bite my lip and I can’t actually say that that’s on his mind but it’s on mine and I mean he’s been through some stuff and I’ve been through stuff and we’re just. Well we’re well past that point in our lives to play games and stuff.

And really, just as much as me wanting to finish my transition I want a real life and Rudy seems like the guy that might just be my guy.

I get up and I go over and I stupervise Sam in setting up the beach lounge chairs and stuff and he’s really an awesome little trooper and when he’s done I look at him. “Okay mister you need a top coat.”

“Aaaw that stuff!?”

“Yes this stuff you done want to get a sunburn do you?”

“No….okay.” he closes his eyes and he sticks out both arms like he’s a zombie with a face like I made him eat a veggie he doesn’t like and I give him a decent coating of the sunblock and he make noises. “Eeew…ick…this stuff stinks.”

“I know but the last thing you need is to get a really bad burn kiddo….there all done and your dad’s going to be setting up for a while so how’d you like to show me around?”

“Okay that I kin do.”

Rudy’s watching us both and I bring my camera with me and Sam takes me all over the place. It’s kind of busier doing that than I thought I mean I’ve never had kids so I’m not really that used to having them around like this but it’s really satisfying as much as it’s a different kind of challenge and there’s the playground and I do stuff there too like be on a set of swings in like the first time in twenty odd years or more or go one the see-saw with him and watch him playing on the monkey bars.

It’s a really amazing thing too.

And once he’s good and hot from all that running around we both hit the water and Rudy joins us. The water’s warm and it’s pretty pleasant and we really don’t go too far or too deep since we sort of want it so Sam’s feet are touching the bottom and I’m sort of sitting and treading water and just letting the ocean sort of carry my weight and I’m having fun.

I wasn’t a woman the last time I was swimming and it’s very, very different swimming with breast and the gentle lift and float and bounce and sway that I feel in the water is so relaxing and just nice.

“This is really nice guys.”

Sam grins and Rudy nods. “You came from a place by the water right?”

“Saint John it’s off The Bay of Fundy and not a really great kind of area to swim a lot there were a few spots. It’s just all of this. The ocean and the feeling and the smell, sane between my toes. And the biggest thing really guys is not being alone.”

Sam swims over and gives me a little kid hug around the waist and he smiles. “You’re a lot of fun Morgan it’s really cool that you came with us.”

Rudy swims over and he gives me a kiss.

Oh…Mmmm…

And have I mentioned just how good he looks shiny and wet with his hair all darker from being wet and seeing his muscles. He’s buff but in that working guy kind of way so he has some meat on him too and he’s not all gym or beach rat trim and stuff he’s just so solid and I even like…well I like all of it chest hair and all.

And the fact that the water has made his trunks as baggy as they are kind of stick to him in all the right places is.

It’s very, very good and as we kiss it’s getting better.

Yay me?

I mean there’s chasers and perv’s and stuff out there that’d take a girl like me and do things if I was remotely looking for something like that but I’m not. And this isn’t it’s so much different than that scene this is me a woman being very attracted to a guy that she really and honestly likes and he likes back.

Sam’s making those young kid retching fake noises as our kiss deepens and Rudy slips me some tongue.

It’s my first time for that kind of kiss from someone that means it as a kiss.

So it’s a good thing when the feelings in your heart are stronger than the feelings in your body right?

We break the kiss and I’m catching my breath and Rudy looks at Sam. “Let’s go get cookin and we can let Morgan finally get to use her tanning chair and get some rest and Sun.”

“I kin grill?”

“Yeah, let’s”

They leave and Rudy smiles at me and he walks out of the water backwards and his grin gets all teasing and devilish as he’d definitely sporting some serious arousal going on down there and I blush because he’s doing that and it’s pretty obvious if someone looks.

I sink down in the water some more to hide the goofy grin that’s there too because yeah, he’s showing off and stuff but he’s with me and he’s kind of showing off for me.

And that feels just.

Yeah I’m so happy hugging myself right now.