Mummy Dearest

Mummy Dearest

by Melanie Brown

Copyright  © 2013 Melanie Brown

Mitch and his friend Josh can't catch a break.

Sarcasm dripping from his words, the naked boy sitting on the stone slab said, “I say again, Most Holy One, I demand to know what has happened to me? What strange place did you send us?”

Ammon stood there a moment, without speaking, holding his face with both hands, staring at the two fair skinned boys. He was certain he would return the princess and her slave girl, her former sister. Instead, the minds returned with the physical bodies of the two boys whose life force he has just returned to their own time.

Ammon hesitated a moment longer, before he finally said, “You’re Highness. There seems to be some mistake…”

Sliding off the stone table the boy scowled, “Yes. And you made it. My sister and I found ourselves in a strange world. Not only were we boys, but the place was flush with magic. Magic more powerful than anything you wield, Most Holy One.”

“Do you remember killing each other, princess?” asked Ammon, his palms so sweaty there was no way he could hold anything.

“Yes. How could I forget, Ammon. I told my father I did not want an arranged marriage. I did not want to drink the blood of my sister.”

Ammon coughed and said, “Well, your Highness. At the king’s request, I have returned you to the land of the living!”

The boy laughed. He said, “And for what reason? I cannot marry him now!”


*          *          *


“Honey!” called Mom. “Ryan’s here!”

I was in the bathroom, checking my make-up and hair. I called out, “Be there in a second!” I studied myself in the mirror to make sure my gloss was on right. I made kissy faces at the mirror. I’d always wondered why girls did that. I still had no idea.

My hair was perfect. My make-up was perfect. My denim mini-skirt was too short for Dad, but he got over-ruled by Mom. Ryan was taking me to a movie and then to dinner at Chilli’s. I never thought I’d be looking forward to dating a boy. Technically, for me, this was my first date with Ryan. To him, we’d been dating a year.

This was turning out to be quite a different weekend than what I was used to. A date on Saturday and just the night before, cheerleading at our school’s football game with Ryan of course, on the team. And, I have to admit that being a cheerleader was completely different from what I expected.

I had always considered cheerleaders as pretty, but vacuous bimbos. But as it turns out, we’re not. We have to keep our grades up, we work out and choreograph our routines. We’re not dumb. We’re just girls and like to be silly and have fun. I used to be on the shy side, and I was worried after discovering I was now a cheerleader. But after working through the routines and the encouragement from the other girls on the squad, I filled with confidence. Not to brag or anything, but I can say I totally rocked it Friday night, along with the other girls.

As I added a bit more mascara, I had to admit to myself that I really wasn’t interested in ever going back to being a boy. I don’t know if it was because everyone treated me as if I’d always been a girl, or I was just surrendering to being a girl for the rest of my life or because my brain was being saturated in estrogen. As I posed in front of the mirror, I decided I liked…no, I loved being a girl. I never wanted to be a boy again.

I took a deep breath, one last glance at the mirror, and I exited the bathroom to have my first date with a boy. As I entered the living room, my heart jumped as I saw Ryan standing by the door. He gave me a big smile. I felt so lucky that Ryan was my boyfriend. He’s very nice and so cute!

“Hi Ryan!” I said as I approached him.

Grinning, Ryan said, “You look great Kiya! Ready to go?”

I slipped the strap of my purse over my shoulder and picked up my phone and said, “I’m ready!”

Mom said, “Bye honey. Have a good time.”

Dad said, “See ya, kitten. Remember. Eleven.”

I frowned and said, “Daddy, I thought we agreed to twelve.”

Dad’s eyes pierced Ryan’s head as if it was made of paper. He said, “She needs to be home by eleven.”

Ryan smiled nervously and said, “Yes sir. I’ll have her back by eleven.” He placed his hand on the door knob and said, “Let’s go.”

Patrick, my little brother looked up at Mom and said, “If he doesn’t bring her back, can I have her room?”

As we walked towards Ryan’s car, I said, “I apologize for Dad. He’s been grumpy all week.”

Ryan laughed and said, “No problem. If I had a daughter as pretty as you, I’d be protective of you too.” Ever the gentleman, Ryan opened the passenger door for me.

“Thanks,” I said to both him opening the door and his compliment. Trying not to give anyone a peep show in my short skirt, I stepped into Ryan’s car.

Ryan slid into the driver’s seat and then leaned in towards me and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. I smiled as I kissed him back. He said, “I don’t know what I’d do without you, babe.” This wasn’t our first kiss as far as Ryan was concerned. It wasn’t even for me now. I took care of my first kiss last night after the game.

I smiled at him and said, “Me too.” I was happy. Truly happy. At first I really didn’t want to be a girl. But now I love my new life.

Ryan started the car and drove it away from my house towards the mall. I sat there fidgeting for a few moments, unsure of what to say. I didn’t have a lot of experience dating in the first place, but being on the girl’s side was a very different experience. I watched out the window for a minute or so, and then looked back at Ryan.

“Great game last night,” I said lamely. “I thought you did good.”

Ryan smiled at me and said, “Thanks. You too.” He looked back at the road as he said, “I think you’re the best cheerleader on the squad. I might be biased though.”

I felt my cheeks flush. I was hardly the best cheerleader. I have been trying very hard though. I looked at my lap and said, “Thanks.”

He stopped the car at a traffic light. He leaned over at me and again kissed me. His lips lingered on mine for almost a minute. I closed my eyes and drank in the moment. Then someone honked their horn because Ryan didn’t notice the light had turned green.

Two kisses later and we arrived at the mall and then a long kiss before we got out of Ryan’s car. Ryan took my hand and led me towards the mall’s entrance where the movie theater was. Walking towards the mall in the slanting rays of the evening sun, my hand in Ryan’s, a gentle breeze making my long, black hair dance around my shoulders, I felt I was in heaven.

There was already a line starting to form for the latest Nathan Allen action flick. Ryan leaned towards my ear and said, “Looks like we got here just in time! The line will be out the door in a few minutes.”

“Well, I heard it’s a good movie,” I said. I didn’t mention that Nathan Allen was a fox and a half. Funny how I never noticed before.

We got our tickets and as we walked towards the concessions, Ryan asked, “What kind of Coke do you want?”

I said, “Dr. Pepper. While you’re getting that, I need to go to the little girls’ room.”

Ryan said, “Okay. I’ll get a large popcorn that we can share.”

I was halfway through the door before realizing I was entering the men’s room. My clue was a man and his young son coming out and almost running into me. I turned three shades of red and covered my face with one hand as I hurried to the proper facilities.

After taking care of business (it’s annoying to always have to sit), I stood in front of the mirror and checked myself out. My lip gloss needed a little repair, but everything else was still in place. Ryan was waiting for me (he’d better be!) on a bench near the ticket taker. He smiled at me and handed me my drink and ticket and then got up and we both gave the ticket taker our tickets.

We found some good seats just as the previews were starting. Ryan didn’t even hesitate before putting his arm around my shoulder. Apparently he’d already got that out of the way in that strange, nebulous period that I didn’t actually exist.

That still made my head hurt. To think that none of these situations existed until we returned as girls from that ancient pre-Egyptian city. The energies driving the Earth must be pretty powerful. My parents were the same, but my obnoxious sister was now my obnoxious brother. A guy who before wouldn’t have given me the time of day is now my boyfriend. Everyone whose life I’d touched in any tiny way since my birth had to be changed. The changes were even greater with Josh who now had a new birth date. I tried not to think about it.

I smiled as I snuggled into the crook of Ryan’s arm and breathed in his scent. I closed my eyes and rested my head against Ryan’s shoulder and…and…suddenly my breath locked in my throat like trying to breathe in a vacuum. There was a bright light and my head thunked against a hard surface instead of Ryan’s muscled shoulder.

“Waaaah! What the fuck!?” I heard Josh shout behind me along with the rustle of cloth and the sound of objects being kicked to the floor.

I sat bolt up-right, gasping for air. I looked wildly around and quickly saw I was on one of the stone slabs in a darkened temple room surrounded by candles and priestesses. I felt myself and discovered to my chagrin that I was back to being male. Then I saw the high priest and shouted, “Ammon! What the hell? Why did you bring us back?”

Ammon made the unmistakable gesture of putting his finger to his lips and he leaned in and whispered, “It’s me, Sacmis. I was successful.” Standing straight and speaking for all to hear, Ammon said, “The king ordered it.”

I slid off the table and said, “Do you always do what the king says?”

Frowning, Ammon said, “What do you think, boy? I like my head where it is.”

I turned to look at Josh as he made an angry growling sound and shouted, “Fuck! Fuck! Why? Danny was fucking me! I mean he was right in the middle of…” Josh looked around the room at the priestesses standing around and continued, “um, well, in the middle of doing it! Mitch! This is crazy! I don’t want to be a boy again! And I sure as hell don’t want to be back here!”

Standing naked in the temple, I folded my arms and said angrily, “Spill it, Ammon! Why in hell are we back here? And this time as ourselves?”

Ammon leaned in towards the ear of one of the priestesses and said in a voice he hoped wouldn’t be overheard, “Be ready to summon the guard. This might get violent.” The priestess hurried away. Ammon clasped his hand behind his back and slowly approached me. In a calm tone, he said, “I know this is confusing to you. The princess and her sister returned the moment you left. However, what I didn’t expect was for them to return with your bodies. I can only assume you arrived back in your own time as Kiya and Aoh. The King ordered me to send them back immediately in the hopes they return to their own bodies. I’m actually encouraged that you two returned as boys.”

Josh stepped up and angrily shook his fist at Ammon. He said, “This sucks, man! I had something good going on. Send me and Mitch back!”

Staying calm, Ammon said, “That is the plan, boy. One of the priestesses is mixing up a new batch of the special herbal tea we need.”

A tall, imposing figure, surrounded by soldiers, suddenly entered the temple room and walked towards us. Ammon bowed deeply and the priestesses bowed their heads. In a dramatic voice, Ammon said, “My king!”

“Holiest,” snarled the king. “Why are they still here?” He violently pointed the end of his staff at Josh and me. “Did I not command you to restore the princess to her beauty?”

Bowing again and stuttering slightly, Ammon said, “I have sent them back to the future, my Lord in the hopes of restoring them. Somehow, when their souls returned, their physical bodies somehow swapped. I’m hoping the next exchange will correct this and restore balance to the Earth’s power.”

I took a step towards Ammon, who immediately took a step backwards and said, “Look, Ammon. As strange as this sounds, Josh and I were actually enjoying our new lives. We don’t want our old lives!”

Looking worried, Ammon said, “The thread of power connecting you with the princess and your time grows weak. We can only make one more transfer. I’m not even sure if it’s strong enough for the full trip.”

The king bellowed, “Send these two pale, skinny sorry excuses for men back to the Land of the Dead from whence they came! Now, Ammon! I will have my queen!”

Bowing again, Ammon said, “Yes, my King! A priestess is brewing the required herbal tea as we speak.”

Holding up a defiant fist, Josh said, “And what if we refuse? I’m not going anywhere until I get Aoh’s body back!”

The king poked the end of his staff into Josh’s rib cage hard enough to knock the wind out of him. The King sneered, “Then I will dip you alive in boiling tar and use you as a torch to light my garden.”

Josh looked at the floor and pushed the end of the staff away from his chest. He said, “Well, since you put it that way…” He looked up and grinned at the king and said, “Oh, by the way. No point in Kiya drinking Aoh’s blood. She’s not exactly a virgin any more.”

“You violated my queen’s virgin slave?” the king bellowed slamming his fist on the nearest stone table.

“I didn’t,” said Josh, still with the sappy grin. “Danny did.”

The king turned to Ammon and snarled, “Who is Danny? What is going on here, Ammon?”

Ammon raises his arms defensively and said, “It’s complicated, my King. Trust that Aoh will return here a virgin. It will be as if she never left.”

The king said, “You realize that if the princess is not restored to her beauty, it will mean war between our’s and her city? And that your head will sit on a stick in the center of the city square?” Ammon audibly swallowed and sweat trickled down his forehead.

In the awkward silence that followed, I said, “Ammon, you said the link back to our time is getting weak. What happens if Josh and I are stuck here and the girls don’t come back?”

Ammon opened his mouth to answer, but the king said, “You two will be sold as slaves. Probably in Greece. They like boys there. The Most Holy One will still have his head on a stick and his testicles fed to the hogs.”

Looking extremely uncomfortable and like he wanted to run, Ammon said, “The Earth energy tied to the princess, while weak is stronger than the energy tied to you and your friend. I suspect that your life force will merge with the princess and her sister, while your dead vessels return to your time. If we’re lucky.”

I suddenly ran up to Ammon and punched him in the nose, then wrestled him to the floor. “If we’re lucky?! Josh and I are dead no matter what!” I clasped my hands around his throat. Several priestesses tried to pull me off him. I shouted, “We helped you! This is how you reward us?”

I was struck on the side of my head and tumbled to the floor next to Ammon. I saw a guard, breathing hard from running, raise his sword.

Ammon, rubbing his throat said in a raspy voice, “Don’t kill him! We can’t bring the princess back without him!” Disappointment showing in his face, the guard reattached the sword to his belt.

“Ammon,” said the king. “My patience grows thin. I would like to have a princess to wed in a day or two.”

Josh said, “You know she doesn’t want to marry you! She doesn’t want to murder her sister and drink her blood!”

I said, “That’s right. Mostly.”

The king, Ra in human form, turned his gaze towards me. “And you know this how?”

I laughed and said, “I was her, remember? Our souls started to mingle. She’s opposed to the arranged marriage though she understand the reason for it. A part of her does long to be queen. But Josh is right. She doesn’t want to drink the blood of her sister. You might wind up with a replay of the same double-suicide.”

Scowling, the king said, “The gods demand it! They must have their sacrifice to ensure the queen will provide me with many sons!”

I said, glancing over to Ammon, “I’d be willing to bet that Ammon can cook up a good substitute fertility potion or something that would be just as good.”

“What about the gods thirst for virgin blood?” the king demanded.

Flashing a wicked grin, Ammon said, “Sacmis has yet to be despoiled in the military brothel. You could sacrifice her.”

I let out a low whistle and said, “Wow. That’s pretty cold, Ammon.”

Ammon sneered, “For her crimes, she’d be getting off easy, let me tell you.” The old Sacmis, who now resided in Ammon’s body seemed to be enjoying this line of thinking a bit too much.

A priestess entered the room carrying a large vessel with steaming liquid inside.

Josh said, “What’s inside that vase?”

Ammon said, “The herbal tea. And that’s a Grecian urn.”

Josh giggled and said, “What’s a Gr…”

I turned to Josh and shouted, “Don’t say it!”

Josh said, “But I might be the first one in history!”

“Silence!” shouted the king. “You two. On the tables now!” Guards approached me and Josh, hands on the hilts of their swords.

Ammon turned to me, frustration in his face. He said, “I’m truly sorry. Mitch, right? You helped me and I can’t ever repay you. I have no choice but to return you to your time. It is only right that Kiya and Aoh return to their own bodies to fulfill their own destinies, as well as you must return to your own time. An imbalance was created when your life force was brought here and incorrectly returned. It’s only right that the four of you to be put back to the way you were. We must hurry. The energy is fading.”

I frowned and said, “True. I have no claim to Kiya’s body. It belongs to her. What about you, Ammon? I don’t see Sacmis here so you two can reset your balance.” I was handed a cup of the foul smelling tea after I had pulled myself to the top of the stone table.

Ammon gave me a wry grin and said, “I’m willing to tolerate a little bit of imbalance.”

From the other table, Josh said, “Mitch, do we really have to drink this crap?” At the king’s nod, two swords where thrust up, pointing at Josh’s torso.

I laughed and knocked back the cup of tea in one swig. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and said, “Yes. See you on the flip side, Josh.” I then lay back on the cold stone table. A priestess covered me with a silken cloth and started lighting scented candles.

“What a pisser.” I heard Josh say and then I heard the sound of him swallowing the tea.

Ammon and the priestesses began chanting. I felt a bit dizzy and a sense of falling as I drifted into blackness…


*          *          *


I woke up with a start and tried to sit up, gasping for air. At first all I could see were blurry lights and darks. As I sat up, I felt that something was wrong. I felt a weight shift on my chest. My vision began to clear and I looked down to see I was in a large soft bed with satin sheets. I looked down at myself.

“I have boobs,” I said. “Really big ones.” Long blonde hair suddenly cascaded around my shoulders.

“What the fuck!” I heard an almost musical woman’s voice from across the room say.

“Princess! Thou must hurry!” I looked up and was shocked to see a man in armor, covered by a white and gold tunic. He was extending his hand to me. A woman with long blonde hair and wearing a flowing white gown stood near him.

I shook my head to clear it. I said, “I have boobs. Big ones.” I looked across the room to see a beautiful girl with long red hair and the fairest skin I’ve ever seen sitting up in a bed. She was wearing some kind of medieval dress. Another knight was helping her.

The knight took my hand and helped me rise out of the bed. He said, “Gwen, the wielder of white magic hath freed ye from the Black Sorcerer’s spell. We must hurry before he returns!”

I looked at the handsome knight with the earnest face, the beautiful Gwen and the red haired girl that has to be Josh and then back to my ample breasts.

“Ah, crappeth, man…” I said as I fainted into the knight’s arms.


*          *          *


The End

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