Coulda Been... Too

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So, it looks like there'll be more of these. I don't think any of them will be easy for me to write, but I'm finding them oddly... cathartic. Cleansing, even. Another fantasy of how things could have gone. If I write more, they won't be in chronological order.

Coulda Been... Too
by Edeyn Hannah Blackeney

This didn't happen. The real story is much more painful, but really... this is what might have been in different circumstances. There's a kernel of what really happened here, but...


I was exhausted. And sore. And soooo thirsty.

I brushed the hair out of my face, sweaty mess. I pulled it behind my head and used the pillow under me to hold it there.

"Hello?" came a voice from the door.

I looked up and saw a nurse smiling at me.

"Er, hi... um, I don't think I know you," I said as politely as I could. Polite is hard when your brain is foggy.

"You wouldn't remember me," she said with a slight giggle. Yeah, giggle, not chuckle... I liked her already, "I didn't arrive until you were already in labor and cussing at the doctors."

"Ah," I grinned, "sorry about that..."

They had been totally wrong. The doctors. I wasn't able to carry to term, so they were right about that, but twins were rarely full-term, anyway, right?

"Not a problem. Edeyn, was it?" she inquired, "I'm here because two little girls new to the place as of an hour ago or so would like to know if they'll be dining with their mother?"

"Oh!" I said, the exultation flowing through me and throwing me wide awake now, "I'd like that very much! I, um, I'd like to breast feed... if it's possible. The meds I'm on won't hurt them, will they?"

"We kind of suspected that your situation would make you lean to wanting to breast feed," she admitted with a smile, "No, we already checked all your medications and there should be no problems. I'll go and get them, they're kinda hungry."

And with that, she left. I was a mommy. The thrill and terror of that filled me at once. Granted, I was gonna be in the hospital for a couple weeks more, but...

The friendly nurse returned with a double bassinet. She helped me settle my daughters(!) in each arm, and showed me how to let them attach. She advised me to only try to feed one at a time, and switch off next time with the second one going first.

I held my babies. I began to feed for the first time. I think I felt truly alive for the first time...

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Comments

short but powerful

Huggles

I've really enjoyed your the stories you've shared. I do understand that these stories are not exact accounts but based on some truths (kernel). Still, they really ring home with a sincerity and a power that touches me deeply.

Thank you for sharing your story with all of us.

Hugs Maggie

Powerful!

But more for the hidden truths behind the story than for the story itself.
My depest sympathies go out to you.
Love, Jo

A nifty thought...

If I had carried to term, which for twins wouldn't have been likely anyway, and they had been born on the due date, I'd've shared a birthday with my daughters...
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney
Wasn't it Jim Henson who said, "Without faith, I am nothing," after all? Wait, no, that was God. Sorry, common mistake...

Blog about your daughters.

Hi,

I read your blog about your daughters and I'm truly sorry for happened to them. Not only you lose your little brother, but you lose your daughters also. I truly am sorry. My sympathies goes out to you.

Francis Doyon

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