John had joined the local Toast Masters club some weeks ago. He had watched the pomp and ceremony as the Master-of-Ceremonies welcomed everyone and introduced each of the speakers with friendly and encouraging words.

The hall was small enough not to be overwhelming to the novice speakers, yet big enough to hold the eighty or so people seated in front of the small raised stage. Centred on the stage was a wooden podium with the name and logo of the club stencilled on the front.

The front row of the seating included a desk for the two judges to sit at and make notes. Being a judge was as much a part of the Toast Masters learning process as being a speaker. As such, you were expected give a little commentary on the speech in a way that was fair and honest, constructive yet gentle.

John sat in a isle seat a few rows from the front. Shortly he was to make his inaugural speech. He was not comfortable making presentations to groups, in fact he admitted to himself, he wasn't comfortable being social, but he was trying. "Very trying" his wife would have sighed theatrically if she had heard his thoughts. She sat next to him in support, with her hand resting on his knee. Beside her sat John's mother and father excited to share in the event that was his first speech to the club.

As the MC finished outlining the evenings program, John's sweating hands fumbled with his speech notes. He was going to be the first to take to the stage tonight, an honour given to any first-timer as not to prolong the agony of waiting, nor have the embarrassment of having to present after another more skilled.

No one knew more than the title of tonight's performance, "Tolerance and Acceptance". He had practiced over and over as to know the words by heart but he had practiced in private, even his beloved wife had yet to hear the speech. The small cards with the key points were only to help when nerves might cause him to stumble.

As the MC introduced him and admonished the audience to be attentive and kind to their newest member, John rose and took to the podium as the MC sat down. He took a breath and looked at the audience. 'His audience' his inner voice exclaimed.

Most of the people gathered tonight were older gentlemen, with a smattering of ladies amongst them. There were some in their thirties and forties, like John, and a small group of High School students together at the back of the hall. The last few weeks had allowed John to put some names to faces and to build his confidence in the friendly and supporting atmosphere.

"Good Evening." John started with a cheerful and slightly forced smile. One's first speech was supposed to be an icebreaker, something easy to get started in the Toast Masters program with, to introduce himself to the club. The Handbook explained that if he spoke about something he felt interested or passionate about then the speaking would be easier. It also said to start with a joke to get the audience on side. 'Oh Well, here goes'.

"I made a purchase at a local shop the other day" he spoke, "and they gave me an entry form to enter the draw for a competition. I filled in my name and address, and then paused when I read "Sex: M F." John smiled before delivering the punch line, wondering if his home-made joke would fall flat. "So I wrote 'T W T S S' beside it and circled the lot."

Some people in the audience giggled, most looked puzzled. "Having sex only on Monday and Fridays doesn't seem right. I had to add the rest of the days of the week." he said to explain the joke to those who had not yet got it. He noticed his wife blushing yet grinning with encouragement.

"We can all laugh at the joke about how often we have sex, but tonight, I'd like to look deeper, at what is meant by gender."

He paused, partly to let the audience take his statement in, and to judge its reception. Those that were expecting a shy and inexperienced speaker to make a light-hearted and somewhat boring speech were quickly re-evaluating him. There were looks of puzzlement but more were thoughtful or rapidly increasing interest.

Emboldened, he continued. "I believe that sex and gender are two very different things. If the entry form had asked me what gender I was, then of course, male or female would have been appropriate choices.

"Yet for most of us, here tonight and in society at large, the difference between sex and gender never comes up, it never needs considering. For most people, boys grow up to become men, fall in love with a woman and live happily ever after. Girls become women, fall in love with a nice man and also live happily ever after. This is what society says is normal.

"Yet we all know or have heard of people who are attracted to others of the same sex. Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual. Such people are, in this enlightened time protected from discrimination by law and generally accepted by society. This country and others around the world are grappling with their rights to marriage, and medically it seems that the gender of people we are attracted to is wired into our brains or genetic code and cannot be blamed on our upbringing or our associates."

"While I am somewhat inexperienced about such things..." John said with a grin that brought good natured laughter from the floor, "...I believe that sexuality is a scale, an axis, something that is not just black or white, one or the other. People might be strongly attracted to one gender or the other, some of us might be more towards the middle of the scale and swing both ways. Some might prefer one side but have an occasional fling on the other. My point is that we are all different and that we should state sexual attraction in black or white is clearly wrong.

He paused to indicate a change of direction and to let the challenge sink in.

"Polite society does not talk of such things as sex and for some of us such talk is uncomfortable so I'll not say any more about sex, especially with my parents in the room." This caused another laugh from his attentive audience. He hoped the judges noticed the effort he had made to inter-space lighter moments amongst the heavy message.

"So if we have talked about sex, then what is gender and do we need different terms for what you might think of as the same thing. Are they different?" he asked his audience. "Traditionally the term Gender has been used to indicate masculine or feminine. Contrast that with the Sex of an animal as male or female."

"So I stand here tonight before you wearing men's clothes and looking masculine. You assume that I have male bits and you will be relieved to know that I don't intend to prove that part to you.". Embarrassed chuckles proved that was exactly what some members had been thinking.

"Further, I'm not about to come out of the closet or declare that I'm a woman inside, at least not tonight." he laughed. Some giggled back, but most of the audience were quiet, thoughtful or shocked at how far the young speaker had gone from the conservative norm of the speech club.

"But lets discuss Gender a little more. People 'present' as a man or a woman. Short hair or long, dresses and skirts or trousers, masculine or feminine mannerisms form part of what we as individuals present to society when we step out the door every day.

"Gender, like sex is not black and white. I'm sure we can all think of girls who are tomboys or girly or some degree in between. Labels for males are not as kind; jocks or 'real men' contrast with dweebs or sissies. I'm sure we can think of people of both sexes that could place somewhere along a 'gender scale'."

"And society feels comfortable when we slot into our rightful place. When you can look at someone and can label them, you can feel comfortable and know how they are likely to relate to you and you to them."

"If we accept that one's sex is does not define their sexual attraction then I hope we can accept that one's gender is a separate issue as well."

"I'm not referring to cross-dressers, transvestites, drag queens and such who enjoy the idea of dressing up for various reasons, but instead those members of society who have a gender-identity that does not match their sex."

"For most of us, we cannot conceive that our gender identity and our sex could be different. It is who we are, emotionally and physically yet for some the brain and the body do not match. These people suffer Gender Identity Disorder and for some the medical treatment involves hormone treatments and possibly surgery."

"Yet not even then can we apply a gender binary to the issue. Can it be wrong for a man to show soft emotions or cry? What harm does a man wearing a skirt or dress do? There was a time when women should not wear pants. Why do we feel uncertain or threatened with a man walking down the street wearing feminine clothing?"

"Why do I even think of such things? Why should we care? Because people around us are exploring these issues every day. Because young people look to their elders to see how they should deal with issues. If a kid admits to being gay at school, their classmates might respond in ways that mirror attitudes from parents and grandparents. If a young person overhears a snide comment from a grandparent or an uncle about a cross-dresser walking down the street, how will they react to a classmate having gender issues?"

"If we can tolerate different people without emotional or physical abuse, think how much better to take the small step to acceptance. To say hello as you pass on the street, to welcome them into your shop with a smile, to engage them in the same way you might engage a 'normal' person. Even to discourage others from making unkind comments. Such actions effect more than the person. They demonstrate to others around you that you accept the person and that others might too."

John paused. The message had been heavy so far and was about to get even more so. He took a breath and moved to his conclusion, hoping his audience was still with him.

"Youth suicide has been a problem in our town in recent years. I don't claim to have answers or insights into the problem. All I can say is that people need to know that we will accept them regardless of what issues they might have. Young people strive to find their place in the world. If they believe that we cannot tolerate or accept them and their issues then we are going to keep having a problem."

"I'm not implying that every youth suicide is gender related. Poverty, bullying and lots of other issues can cause a person to feel they have nowhere to turn. It also affects the family, friends and school or workplace. It also effects the police and emergency staff who have to deal with such events."

John gave a sympathetic look at his wife who was a front-line paramedic. She had been first on the scene at several in recent times. Each time had upset her deeply.

"Learning about how each of us is different, we can learn to tolerate and even accept each other. The more we show acceptance, the better our society becomes, and the more open and less afraid people can be."

"I hope tonight, I've challenged everyone to think what Gender means and how important acceptance is. Thanks for listening."

And so ended the speech, and the judging began.

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Authors Note: I guess I'm guilty of preaching to the converted. I'm more a reader than a writer unlike many on BC, but I wanted to give something back to the site where I've spent the last few months reading some amazing stories from some fantastic people. I'm the first to admit I'm a bit naive but this is an attempt to say I empathise with some of the issues people face. A big thanks to Erin and the other wonderful admins who keep things running. And yes, my wonderful wife is as described. For some it's a job and for some its a calling. I'm there to hug and support her at the end of each shift.