Brenda called her FBI contact, Bill Cline.
“Hi Bill, this is Brenda Watson.”
“Brenda, great to hear from you! Any leads yet?”
“I made a preliminary list of people for you to investigate. I don’t know anything more about them other than the fact they seem to come around more than once a day and they have packages which could be used for drug delivery. How would like for me to get this list to you?”
“There is a small Italian restaurant across from the William Jefferson hotel on fifty-first that would work quite nicely. We can have an excellent dinner and I can see who you have listed to date.”
“What time?”
“Oh, let’s say around seven. Before I forget, what will you be wearing?”
“A black skirt and a lacy white blouse. I’m about five-foot five without heels and have dark hair. See you then,” she said.
“Take care, Brenda,” he finished as she clicked off the receiver and set the phone back down. Brenda stared at the phone for a few moments and was lost in thought. It didn’t help to quell the nervousness she still felt within her.
Brenda was early and entered the restaurant at around six-forty-five and walked to the bar and ordered a Lemon Drop. A false ID from the government certainly had its pluses! She sat so that she could see everyone who entered and that they could also see her.
“I haven’t seen you around here before,” the bartender said as he delivered Brenda’s drink.
“Well…It’s my first time here. Really, I’m just here meeting someone.”
“My name’s Danny,” he said as he extended his hand.
“Nice to meet you. My name is Brenda,” she warmly replied as she took his hand in hers.
“Is it just that you haven’t found this place before, or are you new to the city?” he asked.
Brenda smiled, “I just moved here a couple of weeks ago.”
“Where from?”
“Virginia. I was going to school there.”
“Well, with that education, what sort of work do you do now?”
“I work for a modeling agency.”
Danny’s face wrinkled in a quizzical way of being dumbfounded. Brenda merely smiled as she thought in a moment of inspiration at how men seem to place preconceptions on a woman and how she must live. Why can’t a woman be smart and also do something that she enjoys?
Brenda softly broke his concentration. “How much do I owe you for the drink?”
“Eight dollars.”
She reached into her purse and laid a ten-dollar bill on the bar.
“Keep the change,” she said.
“Thanks.”
Brenda sipped her drink and began wondering what Bill Cline looked like. She knew that a person never looked like the voice on the phone and Bill Cline sounded like a man of Latin extraction; tall, dark and handsome. She let her eyes wander about the room. She found that she liked the bare brick walls and the funky artworks hanging on the walls above the tables. The lighting was dim, kind of romantic and the aroma of olive oil and garlic permeated the establishment. The atmosphere that this place created was cozy and relaxing. Brenda took a sip of her drink and felt the smoothness of her drink and how the taste lingered quite well. “Hmm, I’d better watch how much I drink or it’ll go straight to my head,” she thought.
Brenda heard some noise coming from the doorway. A couple had entered and the hostess seated them at a secluded table. Brenda was drawn to their interaction. “They must be on a first date,” she thought. Brenda, rather amusedly, watched the subtle signals they would pass to the other; she was smiling, he was talking, she would reach across the table and touch his hand and then pull away, lightly dancing on her perfectly done nails. Brenda was so engrossed watching the couple that she didn’t know someone was sitting next to her until a man’s throat cleared.
“Are you Brenda?” he asked.
Brenda about jumped when she heard his voice.
“Yes.”
“I’m Bill Cline. Nice to meet you.” he said extending his hand.
Brenda gently returned the shake. His hand felt cold and damp, almost like a fish! “Yuk!” was all she could think.
“It’s nice to finally meet you Bill,” she said.
Bill Cline wasn’t what Brenda had expected. She had dreamt of a dark Latin lover type, the hero of love novels. Bill wasn’t even close to that. He was maybe five-foot- eight, severely over-weight, and the most noticeable feature was his hair, or lack of. Bill was in his early fifties and time had not been kind to him. He had bags under his light gray eyes, a rather bulbous nose which had turned purple and pockmarked with the consumption of too much alcohol. He had small lips and a face red from the exertion of walking from the cab to the restaurant. Brenda had a hard time keeping from staring at his hair, which was black with gray specks. It had grown long and was combed from one side to the other to cover the total loss at the top of his head. Dandruff specks were very visible on the shoulders of his rumpled dark blue suit.
Bill ordered a drink, a double shot of Jack on the rocks and downed it in two gulps.
“I’ll have another,” he said to Danny.
Danny looked at Bill and then at Brenda, a look of concern was obvious on his face. This couldn’t be a date. A girl like Brenda wouldn’t be caught dead with a slob like the man she was with. Either she was a hooker or this was business. From the look of Brenda it must be the latter he thought. Danny delivered the drink to Bill and gathered the two twenty dollar bills from his hand.
Brenda watched as Bill drank half of his second drink, “God! This guy’s an alcoholic!” she thought.
“Maybe we should get a table and eat something?” she asked.
“Let me finish my drink hon. Then I’ll order one at the table,” he said as the last of the drink slid down his throat.
Bill had drank his cocktails so fast that the alcohol hadn’t reached his blood stream yet so he seemed absolutely coherent as they walked to a table and were seated by the hostess.
“I’d like a double Jack on the rocks please.” he asked the hostess.
“I’ll have your waiter bring it to you,” she said.
“Would you happen to have the list?” he asked Brenda.
“Yes, right here.”
Brenda knew she had better give him the list she had made before the drinks hit him or he would forget he even had it.
“How long will it take to investigate these people?”
“It depends - maybe a month. It shouldn’t take too long,” he answered.
The waiter returned with Bill’s drink and placed it on the table in front of him.
“Would you like another?” asked the waiter indicating to Brenda.
Brenda had barely tasted her drink and shook her head no.
“How thorough is the investigation?” she asked.
“We’ll know what size panties the women wear and how many condoms the guys use,” Bill laughed as the alcohol started to be absorbed into his system.
Brenda noted that Bill seemed outgoing and yet very sad… in a different sort of way. She hoped the alcohol wouldn’t change him too much. She browsed through the menu until a particular dinner entrée appealed to her. Bill was still busy looking through his.
“Are you ready to order?” the waiter asked, surprising her.
“I’d like the Veal Picata,” Brenda answered.
“Soup or salad?”
“Salad please, Balsamic Vinegrette.”
“And you sir?”
Bill lowered his drink from his mouth and looked up from the menu. “I’ll have the Osso Bucco, and hmm, what’s the soup today?”
“Minestrone and Clam Chowder.”
“I’ll take the Chowder.”
“Very good. Would you like another drink sir?” noting that Bill had already finished his glass of bourbon.
“I think we’ll have a bottle of wine. Just send us a good red.”
Brenda was becoming very uneasy with Bill’s alcohol consumption. His first drink was just reaching his brain and the next three were waiting to help him along. And now, wine. “I certainly hope Bill isn’t a nasty when he’s drunk” was all she could think about. Brenda had to do something to keep him from drinking so much.
“Would you like a piece of bread Bill?”
“Sure.”
Brenda buttered a piece of bread and handed it to Bill.
“Thanks.”
“Have you worked for the FBI for very long?” she asked, wanting to have him think instead of drink.
“Long enough to destroy my life,” he answered with a sullen look on his face.
“It destroyed your life?”
“Yes, I lived for this job and then it took everything I had from me: my wife, my home, and my health.”
Brenda didn’t like where this was going, but before she could change the subject Bill continued.
“I gave them everything. I was shot on a stakeout and had to work in the office after that. I hated it and I guess I was pretty miserable at home so my wife found someone else who treated her nicely and it was bye, bye. She got the home so I ended up living in an apartment. I gained a lot of weight and my heart started to fail. I had a by-pass last year. I only have two more years until I retire and then I can do all the things I missed out on.”
The waiter returned with a bottle of wine and poured a small amount for Bill to taste.
“Ah, hell, it tastes fine.”
The waiter poured both Bill and Brenda a glass and left to get their food orders.
Bill got a sad look on his face and looked as though he wanted to say something but as the drinks took effect he couldn’t find his thought, he just felt sad.
“Are you alright?” Brenda asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I was… trying to remember something.”
The waiter served their meals and left.
“You know, we have been trying to find out… about this drug thing… for quite a while,” he said.
“I hope Tiffany and I are able to help.”
“Where is Tiffany? I’d… like to meet her… too.”
“She had a photo shoot.”
“Maybe she can…come next time,” Bill said as the words were starting to slur.
“Can you tell me anything about this investigation so far?” Brenda asked.
“Not really. After Natalia…. was killed… the whole thing went… cold. You’re… our best hope,” Bill said as he filled his glass with more wine.
Bill’s speech was beginning to slur badly and Brenda knew that asking anymore questions would be futile. The rest of the meal was eaten in silence. Bill drank the rest of the bottle of wine and finally finished his dinner. Brenda waited patiently until he was done.
“How does this work? Should I pay you for dinner or what?” she asked.
Brenda was disgusted with Bill. He had come to dinner with her and drank until he was drunk. First he was disgusting to look at and then he did this, drink until he was oblivious to whatever was going on. Brenda wanted to leave and leave now.
“I have… a credit card. Mmm…don’t worry. Government… will pick up the bill.”
“Then I’m leaving. I need to go home.”
Bill could see that Brenda was angry and he knew why. He had made a complete fool of himself.
“Brenda! Please wait! I want to say something… to you.”
“There is nothing to say! I have to leave.”
“Wait, please! I know I drank too much tonight. I don’t blame you… for wanting to leave. Most girls want to leave… when they first see me anyways. I know what I look like… and almost every girl I talk to is short and to the point. Really, they want… nothing to do with me. I walked into this restaurant tonight… saw you sitting at the bar waiting for me… and my stomach dropped. I thought… you’d be repulsed, and, God… this is so hard to say. I thought you…well… wouldn’t want to talk to me. I thought drinking… would help me talk to you. And… and, I know I drank too much. Please…can you forgive me?”
Brenda looked at Bill and felt nothing but sadness for this man. He was so insecure that he felt he had to get drunk to talk to her. She had felt nothing but contempt for him until he had bared his soul. Brenda reached across the table and took Bill’s wrist into her hand.
“Bill, please don’t ever feel that way with me. I just wish you hadn’t drunk so much. I would have very much liked to have been able to talk to you.”
“I’m so… sorry. You have no idea… how I felt… when I saw you. You’re so gorgeous and…. God! I’m such a jerk.”
Brenda knew Bill was feeling sorry for himself, and the booze wasn’t helping. Brenda knew she wanted to go home now.
“Bill, I’ll call you tomorrow. Are you alright enough to get home by yourself?”
“I’ll be… fine.”
Brenda thought better. “Wait here just a minute.”
Brenda went to the bar and asked Danny to call for a cab.
“Is your friend alright?”
“He’ll be fine. Just don’t let him leave without a ride.”
“I won’t. Please come back again. I’d like to buy you a drink.”
Brenda blushed and then said, “I’d like that.”
The taxi arrived and Brenda left after saying goodnight to Bill. She felt bad leaving him but she knew he was able to take care of himself. Brenda really felt bad for Bill. He was a sweet man, but had his priorities screwed up. His insecurities were ruining his life and if he didn’t get a grip on himself, when he retired, he would drink himself to death.
Brenda thought that this evening would be exciting - passing on information about the assignment, being undercover, and all. But this evening didn’t end the way she thought it would. Bill was a drunk and a pathetic person to be around. She felt sad. There was no excitement in passing along information. In fact, just the opposite was true. It was boring. Bill wasn’t the exciting Latin lover she had envisioned. He was only a sad man with a job to do and a drunk besides. Where had she gone wrong she wondered? Where was the gun battle? The skulking? The shadows? Here she was, in a cab riding home, to an empty apartment wondering what she had done wrong. Brenda did have this thing for excitement and became a woman for what? To be an undercover agent saving the world? Hell, she could have done that as a man. Brenda lowered her hand to her leg, her nails grazing her knee. The slippery feel of her nylons on her nails made her think of something else - her femininity. Brenda’s legs were crossed at the knee, her skirt hiked up to mid thigh. She caught the driver occasionally staring at her in the mirror and for some reason she had decided that she liked it — the attention. She felt like a woman: not cheap, nor sluttish, but very attractive. She liked the feel of men’s eyes practically undressing her and caressing her every curve with a blink.
Brenda arrived at home and went to change. She closed the door to her apartment and bumped her chest. Instantly, she felt a bolt of lightning go through her breast! “OUCH!” God! Brenda pulled her top off and slowly massaged her nipple and breast that she had bumped. Now she noticed that both of her nipples were red and swollen out some like they were poking out. Her breasts were puffy and there was a definite hardness of mass behind each. They ached quite a bit and hurt to touch them! Brenda, worried, wondered what to do. Her breasts had never felt like this before! “I’m going to die! I have some sort of cancer!” was all that she could think about. A half an hour later, Brenda had curled under her bed linens, weeping softly. She had made her mind up that she would call the doctor in the morning. To come so far to be herself, only to be stricken down with some hideous disease, was a cruel, cruel fate - one which she did not deserve! Her tears gradually slowed, trickling forth, as she shifted herself to get more comfortable. One last tear from her right eye precariously perched itself upon her cheek and stayed as she faded from consciousness for the refuge of her dreams.
Morning came and Brenda faced another dilemma - what to wear? She was feeling especially girlish today despite her deep worry about her chest. Her breasts still hurt if she touched them. Brenda downed her hormones and continued her search for just the right thing to wear. She found a loose fitting blouse and a short skirt. She then felt the impulse to feel her legs and noticed a small amount of stubble. I’ll have to shave them again. This girl thing is becoming a major amount of work to look nice. Brenda turned on her shower and waited for the water to warm. She entered the shower and lathered up her legs before turning the water off. She slowly drew the razor along their length. Her skin had grown softer and her legs seemed to have accumulated more of a shape, she mused. These changes were exciting her and she loved the feeling. Brenda turned the water on again and rinsed the lather from her legs and soaped her body. When she reached her chest, the water seemed to have taken part of the pain away and only the swelling remained. She was excited that she was growing breasts but this pain had her worried.
Brenda turned off the water and then dried herself. She found a pair of lacy thong panties to slip on. She no longer worried about showing that thing she was becoming to despise as it seemed smaller than she remembered. The hormones had been seeing to that. It had been months since her last erection and she had become very adept at tucking herself in. She slid the panties up her soft smooth legs and shivered at the feeling they generated as they caressed her skin. She kept thinking of how cruel it had been to have been born a man and miss out on wearing clothes like this for most of her life. She found a matching bra and inserted her breast forms in. Brenda noted that they seemed very tight against her breasts, almost uncomfortable. She looked into the mirror and saw that she now had cleavage, not a lot but it definitely was cleavage. She smiled. Today she would wear a blouse that showed off that cleavage. Brenda did her makeup with a dramatic touch - she felt the need to look especially nice. She then rolled a pair of sheer charcoal pantyhose up her legs, loving the way they felt similar to her sensual experience with her panties this morning, very sexy. Brenda, then nagged with a thought of something out of place, looked through her clothing again and then changed her mind. She would wear a skirt to mid thigh, a camisole, and her Ann Taylor blazer which matched that skirt. Her black four-inch sandals finished the look.
It was a warm autumn morning for this time of year so Brenda didn’t need a coat to ward off the cold. She stood waiting for the subway train to arrive and started to feel a little uneasy. Everyone’s eyes seemed to be on her, men and women. Brenda looked around and wondered what was wrong.
“That outfit seems to accent your charming looks quite well young lady,” the old woman next to her said.
“Thank you very much,” Brenda shyly replied. Now she knew why people were staring. She was gorgeous. She stood out like a rose in a field of thistles. Brenda didn’t know whether to smile or hide her head from the embarrassment. The arriving train made the decision for her. She boarded the car quickly and remained standing. Her skirt was short enough and sitting would just make her situation worse. She was seemingly becoming very self-conscious as of late. Men that passed her as she continued on would rub themselves against her trying to cop a feel. By the time she reached her destination she felt thoroughly violated. Why do men think they can do things like that to me? she wondered. Brenda felt dirty inside and frowned.
She entered the lobby of her building and the security guard looked up and smiled.
“You look exceptionally pretty today Miss Watson,” he said.
Brenda blushed, “Thank you Steve.”
The compliment lifted her spirits up some and she couldn’t help but smile again.
Brenda entered her office and called Carla to announce her arrival. She sat down at her desk and crossed her legs at the knee and slipped one leg behind the other at her ankle. She loved the feeling of her nylon clad legs as they rubbed against each other. She felt her heart beat increase when she rubbed her nails down her thigh to her knee. It was very arousing! Earth to Brenda! Regain control, or it will be a long day!
Everyone that entered the suite complimented Brenda on her stunning looks today.
“Brenda, you are looking better each day. How do you do it?” Melissa asked.
“I don’t.”
“Yes you do! You’re positively gorgeous today! I just wish you were a little bit taller so I could hire you as a model.”
“Stop it. Please. You’re going to make me blush.”
“You’re a beautiful woman Brenda. Be proud of that. I’m actually glad you wore something nice today, I forgot to tell you that we are going to attend a party at the mid-town galleries this evening, so I hope you haven’t made plans already. The girls will be modeling several different clothing lines and I’ll need you to help get them ready and to mingle with the guests. I hope you don’t mind?”
“Of course not Miss Benson.”
“Stop being so formal with me, will you? Call me Melissa.”
“Yes, Melissa.”
“Good. And I love that camisole.”
“Thank you.”
Melissa entered her office and Brenda saw the light go on that indicated she was talking on her private line. The light went off and then Brenda heard Melissa’s cell phone ring. She couldn’t hear the conversation, but Melissa exited her office thirty minutes later.
“Brenda, I’m meeting my date for tonight and I’m going to pick out a suit for him to wear this evening. I want him to look perfect with my dress. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
“Okay Melissa.”
Fifteen minutes later Mario entered the suite and laid several packages on the receiving table.
“Could you sign this Brenda?” he said as he handed her the signature board.
Mario looked at Brenda and didn’t smile or even acknowledge the fact the she looked very nice. Brenda knew that subconsciously she had done this for Mario. She was really smitten by this man. She knew he wasn’t available, but it didn’t hurt to make him notice her either. It made her feel good when he complimented her.
“Well a good morning to you too Mister Mopey face,” she said.
Mario was in a funk - that was obvious! But why, she didn’t know. Even on the darkest of days he had a smile always reserved for Brenda.
“I’m sorry Brenda. I’m not in a very good mood today.”
“Why, what happened?”
“My girl friend broke up with me last night.”
Brenda’s stomach jumped and then she asked, “Why would she do that?”
“She has been seeing another guy on the side and decided to dump me. I thought we had something special going on, but I guess I was wrong.”
Brenda stood up and walked around her desk standing directly in front of Mario. Mario really hadn’t noticed Brenda through his anger, but now, as she came into focus, he saw what a beautiful woman she really was. Brenda had always been just another girl to flirt with and tease - after all he was already in love with his precious girlfriend. He may have flirted, but he really only had eyes for her. Mario now looked at Brenda’s flawlessly made up face and suddenly realized that he was looking at her for the very first time! Brenda was cute, very cute. But she had an inner beauty that shown in the twinkle of her eyes. Those eyes! Damn! He could fall into them and never want to come back out again. He looked down and saw the barest amount of cleavage peeking above her camisole and then farther down to her trim waist, to her rounded hips and then to her curvaceous legs. Mario had never looked at Brenda like this before and he saw a woman that was exciting him like no other woman had ever done before.
“Oh Mario, I’m so sorry for you,” she said as she reached out and touched his hand.
Maybe it was static electricity or something else that made Mario jump. But Brenda’s touch had made him feel wonderful.
“Don’t feel sorry Brenda, I’ll get over it. I mean, I’m very sorry I didn’t notice you when I came in this morning. You look beautiful.”
“I do? Well, thank you. I’m glad you noticed.”
“I have a lot of deliveries to make today, but I would be honored if you would have lunch with me.”
“You’re asking me to lunch?” Brenda couldn’t believe her ears. She had dreamed of a moment like this and it had finally arrived!
“Yes, I am. Would you?”
“I’d be honored. Come by when you can. Carla will cover my desk while I’m gone.”
“See you then Brenda. And thanks.”
“For what?”
“For just…being you.”
Brenda couldn’t respond to that. Her mouth wouldn’t move. All she could do was blush.
After Mario left, Brenda regained enough of her senses to remember that she needed to call her doctor to voice her concern about her breasts.
“Doctor, the reason I called you is that my chest is really hurting lately.”
”Let me get your chart, ah here it is. Yes, I imagine they do, from what I can see here is that your previous doctor put you on a low amount of estrogen so your body would get used to it and to produce feminine curves but not so great as to destroy your masculinity. You have had some development as a female, mostly in your hip area and a small amount of breast growth. You had asked me for larger natural breasts so I increased your estrogen dosage slightly and added progesterone to make that happen. I can guess it jump started breast tissue growth within you. You’re becoming a young woman Brenda and because of your age it should happen quite rapidly. You’ve probably lost the function of your male parts by now. Hormones will do that to you, you know. I would recommend the removal of your testes in the near future and that way we could stop the anti-androgens which would be much better for your body.”
“How long will it be before I can throw away my breast forms?”
“That all depends on your body. All girls develop differently whether they were born that way, or as in your case, a girl that is transitioning.”
“Transitioning?”
“Yes, that’s what you are doing isn’t it? Becoming a woman?”
“I guess I am. I really haven’t given it much thought. I just know I want breasts.”
“Brenda, you’re scaring me. There’s a hell of a lot more to what you’re doing than just growing breasts. The hormones you’re taking are going to change you more than just making then grow - your whole body is going to change! Your mind won’t ever be the same after this and you probably won’t even think like a man ever again. They can change your sexuality and it may not wind up being what you think. Whichever way you do end up as in sexuality, there is no correct way. You will just have to accept and embrace what happens. These aren’t things you play with Brenda. You really need to be absolutely sure that this is the direction you want to go.”
“More than anything, I am sure: this is what I want.”
“Well, it’s your decision to make, and we did promise to do whatever you wished when you started this thing, I wish you luck Brenda, and don’t worry about the discomfort in your breasts, at least yet. If the pain does not alternate back down and up a few times to a dull ache and it stays sharp, or if you feel and lumps or masses other than right behind the nipples, then feel free to come in anytime. Those would be signs of something unusual. After about 4 more months, we will need to begin setting you for regular breast exams too, another fact of every woman’s life as breasts need to be constantly watched upon for changes. Tell you what, come see me in the office in three weeks and I’ll take a look at you and see if I should back off on your HRT levels.”
“Thank you doctor.”
Brenda felt better about her chest, but now, the doctor had planted the seed of doubt in her mind. Was what she was doing the right thing? Or was it just another adventure Matt always jumped into without the thought of the consequences? Brenda loved the feel of her small but developing breasts but she really hadn’t thought about the rest of what she was doing. Was her lunch date with Mario just a way to prove to herself her femininity or was she REALLY attracted to him? Was her brain changing like the doctor said it would? Did she really want to become the woman she portrayed? Or did she just have a fascination with breasts or would she really want to keep them? After all, they were forever unless she had them cut off. What about the rest of what he had said - remove her testes. Just a nice way of saying cut off your balls. Ouch! Just the thought of that gave Brenda a cold shiver down her spine.
Brenda began thinking hard about what she was doing. The agency had tried to make her appear to be a woman, as a disguise. She loved the way she felt as she had gone through it too. It was exciting. She also knew that she wasn’t Matt any longer either. She really WAS Brenda, now, and she was pretty sure she wanted to stay that way - forever. She was looking at gender from the other side of the fence, but now, it was becoming serious. Certain hard decisions were coming up fast and soon, she would have to make some life altering decisions. THIS was DEFINITELY not a game anymore - this was about the rest of her life!
The recording message of hanging up and dialing again from having held the phone off the hook too long interrupted her train of thought. Brenda gently lowered the phone and placed it back onto its cradle. She didn’t feel so good anymore, she absolutely had doubts about what she was doing and needed more time to think on it. She thought of the time she had gone out and ended up kissing — no, the right description was almost raping that guy, just to prove to herself that she was a woman and someone worthwhile. Worthwhile? Of course I’m worthwhile. Aren’t I? I feel SO, so stupid! What a fool I am! she thought. She finally realized that she was truly playing a dangerous game with her life.
Brenda had jumped into this assignment with her eyes wide shut. She had persuaded Dirk to go along with her optimism, thinking that this would be fun thing. But now, it had become a real life issue, at least for herself. And she no longer knew whether she was thinking rationally about her situation or if she delusional from her inner desires and fantasies. She wanted breasts. Yes! And she wanted to see Mario again. Yes! In a romantic, situational way too. Yes! And yet, she now had this nagging thought in her mind that what she was doing was wrong. Hmmm! This girl thing was fine as long as she didn’t forget that she was Matt. But, what she was doing? Why was she even becoming Brenda? And now she wasn’t so sure if THAT was the right thing to do anymore. Dammit! Why the hell did she have to call the doctor? Everything was so simple before. Be a girl, have breasts, date the guy, just do what every red blooded American girl does. Except that, she wasn’t a girl… at least not yet. Fuck! Why did I make that call?
Tiffany walked in and interrupted a motionless Brenda, deep in thought.
“Wow, you look really nice today,” Tiffany said.
Startled, Brenda caught herself, and regained her composure. “Thanks.”
“Are you going to the show tonight,” Tiffany asked.
“Melissa just told me about it. I guess I’ll have to go, it’s not like I have anything else to do,” Brenda answered with sarcasm in her voice.
“My goodness didn’t we get off on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”
“I’m sorry. I have some really important issues to deal with and… Crap! I really need someone to talk to.”
Tiffany, seeing the seriousness on Brenda’s face, volunteered, “How about me?”
“Ok. Maybe tonight after the party. And if I do spill, please! don’t be judgmental.”
“I won’t, I promise.”
The morning passed away somewhat quickly after that and Mario finally arrived to take Brenda to lunch.
“Hey good looking! Almost ready to go?”
“I guess.”
Mario’s smile subsided. “Wow, what happened to you Miss Sunshine?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m having a really bad day.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Maybe... I’m not sure if I really can… or should.”
“Hey, you don’t have to go to lunch with me, if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that Mario. Please. Don’t get me wrong. I really do WANT to have lunch with you. I’m just afraid I might be bad company is all.”
“Come on. Let’s go then. You’re cute enough you couldn’t possibly be bad company.”
Brenda couldn’t help herself, she stood and smiled at Mario. He always had a way of making her feel better about herself. It must be that sexy smile she thought.
Mario watched as Brenda walked toward him, her legs seemed to go on forever as she perched on her heels. Brenda had an athletic figure, not voluptuous but trim, it seemed to fit her like a glove. He wondered why he hadn’t noticed her before? She really was a stunning looking girl.
“What are you hungry for?” he asked.
“You,” she instantly thought and sighed. Continuing with the menu, she realized that she couldn’t make up her mind for the type of food she felt like having, she sighed. ”Anything would be fine.”
“I only have a half of an hour. How about a pizza? There is a place right around the corner that sells different varieties by the slice.”
“That sounds good to me. Let’s head there.”
Mario took Brenda’s hand and led her to the elevator. Her head told her to pull it away from him but her heart said to hold it tighter. He finally let of her hand when they had reached the Pizza Delight restaurant.
Mario ordered a slice for the each of them and led Brenda to an empty table. Brenda lowered herself and tried to pull her skirt down with little success. She knew she would leave little doubt as to the beauty of her legs. Mentally, again, she sighed in a slight frustration.
Mario took Brenda’s hand back into his and asked, “Ok dear. What was bothering you earlier?”
Brenda’s eyes travelled from her held hand up to his face.
“Some internal issues I’m having. Really though, I think I’ll work them out. It’s just right now they seem tremendous to me. What about you Mr. Mopey? You seem a bit more cheerful this afternoon.”
“I was still thinking about that bitch… dumping me… this morning. After I saw you, well….you changed my whole outlook on things.”
“What do you mean by that? I didn’t scare you too did I?” Brenda giggled.
“You’ve got to be kidding. You’re gorgeous today.”
“Thank you, it takes a lot of work to look like this.”
“You could show up with ragged torn clothing and drenched in mud and still be look cute. Don’t undersell yourself.”
Brenda smiled and looked down at the tabletop.“You’ll make me blush if you keep saying things like that!”
“It would look good on you too! Ah, they’re ready. Stay here, I’ll grab the pizza.”
Brenda was glad Mario offered to pick up the pizza slices. She didn’t want to have to try to keep her skirt pulled down more than once today. I’ll have to remember to wear a longer one next time, she mused.
Mario returned and placed the slice in front of Brenda. Steam was pouring off the slice and the abundant cheese was running off onto the paper beneath it.
“Mmm, that smells so good,” she stated.
“Let it cool a little or you’ll burn the top of your mouth.”
”Tell me more about your girlfriend. Why did she dump you?”
“She was seeing another guy the entire time she was dating me. The worst part of this is that he was a friend of mine. We played on the same softball team.”
“I’m sorry. Why do you think she choose him over you.”
“He asked her to marry him.”
“Did she date him long?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t even know she was seeing him. And I don’t think he knew about me. Jim isn’t the kind of guy that tries to steal another guy’s girlfriend.”
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“No. And I don’t think I will. It wouldn’t be fair to him. I’m just angry at Jessica for doing this to me.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Find someone nicer than her and bring that someone to their wedding. Do you have any plans for later next year?” flirted Mario.
“Now I know what Cheryl meant. You are the worst, Mario,” she laughed.
Brenda’s pizza had finally cooled enough for her to attempt to eat it. She took a bite. Mmmm! They do make the best pizza here! she thought as the flavors invaded her mouth.
“Are you saying I’m rushing things?”
“You silly goose. You don’t even know me, and you’re asking me to go to a wedding with you?”
“Okay. I guess I rushed things a little. Would you go out to dinner with me instead?”
“I’d like that. When were you thinking of?”
“Is this Friday too soon?”
“That would be perfect. What should I wear to it?”
“Something casual. We’ll go for a burger and then watch the Knicks play ball.”
“What’s the Knicks?”
“Our basketball team. It’ll be fun.”
Brenda finished a third of her pizza slice and wrapped it in her napkin to eat later.
“Is that all you’re going to eat?” Mario incredulously asked as he finished off his slice.
“I’m full. I’ll finish it later.”
“You’ll waste away to nothing if you don’t eat.”
“I put weight on just breathing air. I don’t want to get fat.”
“You ready to go?”
Mario wiped his hands off dry with a napkin and Brenda did the same. He reached down and helped Brenda to her feet. Damn! She has nice legs! he thought as her skirt lifted almost to her panties.
Brenda blushed and reached down to pull her skirt back down to a decent level, it was thrilling to expose her legs this way but she knew nice girls didn’t do this. And she was a nice girl. I’ll have to wear something less daring next time I come to work, or I won’t be a nice girl for very long.
Brenda placed her wrapped pizza slice in her purse and was surprised when Mario took her hand again as they started walking back to her office. His hand felt rough and strong. It was the hand of a man that worked hard for a living. His hand made her feel safe and protected as they walked. Mario liked the feel of Brenda’s hand in his. It was small and petite, soft…it was making him forget all about Jessica. Brenda was a special girl and he was beginning to find out that he really liked her.
“When I get back to the office, I’ll give you my address. What time will you be by Friday night?”
“The game doesn’t start until eight and the burger place is near the garden and I’d like to spend some time with you before the game. So I’ll pick you up around five if that’s alright?”
“I’ll be ready.”
Brenda wrote down her address on a piece of paper and handed it to Mario.
“Thank you so much for lunch,” she genuinely smiled.
“You’re welcome. Anytime you’d like to go again, just let me know.”
“I will.”
That afternoon passed quickly and it was time to go to the party at the artist’s gallery. Brenda and the models were taken to the building in a van that seated all of them. Brenda finally realized that she might have some time tonight to talk to her friend.
The gallery was located in an old warehouse that had been converted to a high end gallery. The gallery was located on the second floor of the building. Great care was taken to keep the feel of the original building. Cast iron stairs with worn marble treads led to the second floor, which had the original flooring. The wood had been sanded and varnished to a luxurious shine and the brick walls were sandblasted to a clean rough finish. Paintings were hung on the walls and various partitions were placed about the floor with more paintings on display. The showing wasn’t going to start for another hour, so the girls would have time to get ready for the fashion show.
Various designers had sent samples of their current lines to be seen. They ran the gamut from business to dressy or casual to sexy. It was going to be quite a night!
Brenda wanted to spend some time with Tiffany, as they really hadn’t had much time to talk since Tiffany had been hired. Tonight would be a good time for them to become friends, so when they were seen talking, a red flag wouldn’t go up.
“Hi Tiffany. Let me help you set up your wardrobe for the show,” Brenda smiled.
“Thanks, I’d like that.”
“What are you going to wear first?”
“I think they want to go with the more conservative suits first and then work toward the more sexy items. Brenda, you look really different… almost stunning.” Tiffany said. Then a look of shock hit her face as she realized why. Tiffany moved closer and whispered, “You have cleavage! Damn! How did you manage that?”
Brenda lowered her eyes and softly answered, “My hormones are kicking in and my breasts are growing.”
“What? I’m not going to grow breasts, am I?” Tiffany asked with obvious concern in her voice.
“No Tiffany, you won’t. Not unless you want to. That’s sort of what I wanted to talk to you about earlier. There is no easy way to say this… other than to just come out with it. I’m not Matt anymore… I haven’t been, really, for some time. I’m Brenda. And… I have already begun transitioning… into a woman.”
Tiffany looked at Brenda in stunned silence. This assignment had just gone beyond some casual undercover work. It fucked up her friend!!!
“You’re right Brenda, we DO NEED to talk!!! And I mean right after the show!!!! You’re coming home with me and staying the night! This is… damn!”
Brenda’s friend looked at her like she had just died and was missing her already. Brenda understood what Tiffany was feeling and felt bad now that she saw the emotions playing across Tiffany’s face. Brenda was really sorry, now that she had upset her friend with her revelation.
“Okay… I’d like that.”
Brenda hung the fashions in order for Tiffany and then went to help Connie.
“You should have helped me first Brenda! I’m the star here!” Connie admonished Brenda in a condescending voice.
“I’m sorry Connie. I was trying to get to know Tiffany better. I’ll remember for the next time,” Brenda answered. “What a bitch!” she thought fumingly.
“I’ll be right back. I have to go to the little girl’s room,” Connie huffed.
Brenda sorted Connie’s fashions and was done by the time that Connie had returned. Brenda noticed a trace of white powder under her nose and that she seemed to be in a better mood.
“Connie, you’d better wipe under your nose or people will know what you were doing.”
Connie turned scarlet with embarrassment. She had just been busted and, even worse, by the receptionist. This could get ugly.
“Don’t worry Connie, I’m cool with it. Where did you get it from?” Brenda asked.
“It was in my purse. Would you like to try some?”
“No thank you, I can’t.”
Brenda had to put Connie at ease about her drug use or she might blow her own cover if she was judgmental.
“Why not? It will make you feel good.”
“I really can’t. I’m allergic to it. I tried it in high school and my heart stopped. Luckily one of my friends knew what to do until the ambulance arrived or I would be dead.”
“You poor thing, can’t you do anything else? Like grass or meth?”
“I’m afraid to try. So all I ever do is have a drink.”
“Well at least that’s better than nothing at all. Did I tell you that you look really nice today?”
“No. But thanks.” Brenda smiled back.
“I’d love to borrow that skirt and heels someday, if it would be all right?”
“Connie wants to borrow my clothes?” Brenda thought,” How much more girly can I get than that? Another girl wants to borrow my clothes?” Brenda wanted to hug herself and she decided Connie wasn’t such a bitch after all.
The show started and Brenda stayed behind the changing partition to help the other girls dress. They would wear an outfit and walk around the room mingling with the guests answering questions about the clothing they were wearing The usual walk on the runway would last maybe a minute at the most, but these walks were lasting for more than ten minutes each and the girls were returning out of order so things were getting hectic.
“Brenda, please pay attention to which girl is returning. We’re falling behind,” Melissa said.
Melissa had just arrived with her date and went behind the partition to help Brenda.
“I’m sorry Melissa. I thought I had everything in order.”
”Don’t worry. I’ll help you. You take those four racks and I’ll take these three, we’ll be done in no time.”
“Thanks Melissa. You look absolutely stunning tonight as well.”
Melissa did look stunning in her Versaci gown, She had borrowed it from one of her prized customers and here she was working right along with Brenda in a dress that must have cost five thousand dollars.
“Who’s your date Melissa? He’s very handsome.”
“Oh that’s Gerald Bratton. When I need a date, I ask him to take me. We’re just friends. He’s the head of the drug enforcement unit for the NYPD.”
“Oh.”
Now Brenda knew what was meant by keeping your enemies closer! Melissa would know right from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, what, where, and when the drug unit was going to do anything. No wonder she had never been busted!
The girls donned their last outfits and went to converse with the guests. Tiffany wore a pair of brown four-inch sandals, nude sheer panty hose, mid thigh brown leather miniskirt, a beige camisole and a matching brown leather vest. She looked absolutely hot and when she saw herself in the mirror, she knew she would have trouble with the male guests. She was exceptionally tempted to ask for a date with her image in the mirror. Sigh! If only…
“God Tiffany! I’m really jealous! You just… outshine the rest of us mere mortals!” Brenda giggled to her friend. “I’m sorry. You really are beautiful tonight.”
“Don’t be. It’s not all that great having guys falling all over themselves for you.”
“I don’t know about that…” Brenda giggled again.
“You’re going to have trouble yourself little girl. You look really hot yourself tonight.”
“I doubt it, not with all you girls in the room. No one will even see me.”
“They’ll see you, believe me,” Tiffany whispered again, “If I was Dirk right now, I’d be after you in a heartbeat! So don’t sell yourself short.”
Brenda blushed as a moment of weirdness seized her. When Tiffany said what she did about being Dirk and being attracted to her, her stomach tingled some with a fluttering feeling. She felt a mixture of her friendship with Dirk being mixed with an enjoyment of him paying attention to and wanting her, even disguised here as Tiffany. Brenda found herself shocked and feeling good at the same time. Now things were getting really strange!
Tiffany and Brenda entered the gallery and began to mingle. A tall and very handsome man came to talk to Tiffany.
“I was watching you all night young lady. You paled the other models by far in comparison. Your beauty and grace seem so much more refined than the others.”
This man had extraordinarily good looks and was dressed impeccably. He was turning heads wherever he went. Tiffany hadn’t noticed him earlier nor did she care to notice him right now. After all, he was just a man. And she had no use for a man. Tiffany felt her face begin to warm. My God! I’m blushing! I don’t believe It! This guy is actually making me blush! I can’t be turned on by a guy!
“Thank you… but you must be blind! The others…they really are so much prettier,” Tiffany stammered. She couldn’t believe she had just said that. SHE was asking for a compliment and even more unsettling SHE was flirting!
“There was no doubt that you were the star tonight. You were turning heads every time you appeared. May I ask what your name is?”
“Tiffany, Tiffany Rollins.”
Tiffany wanted to say more but she was dumbstruck by her inability to talk to this man. Her brain was slow to process and her throat wouldn’t seem to allow the air up to her mouth for her to speak.
“I’m Robert Stanton. I’m very pleased to meet you. Would you like to join me for a glass of wine?”
Before Tiffany could think, her mouth uttered, “Yes, please. I would like that very much.”
What in the world? Oh SHIT! Tiffany cringed in horror inside her mind. Oh my Gawd!! Think before you talk! Damn it! Damn! Damn! Remove your hand from Robert’s arm now! You can escort yourself to the wine bar. Walking arm in arm, with this man, will send the wrong impression to others! Not to mention — ME!
A voice startled her.
“What would you like Tiffany, white or red?”
“I’ll have white please.”
Robert handed Tiffany a glass of chardonnay and then escorted her to look at the paintings. Robert was quite knowledgeable about the various artist’s works which were on display and dazzled Tiffany with historical information relating to each painting and commentary of the artists and the brush styles. Tiffany had become mesmerized by Robert without even realizing it. His soft melodious voice, good looks, and all the information she was learning about the paintings, was making her warm inside and a feeling of being safe and very secure in the presence of this man coursed throughout her body. She eventually found herself leaning into him as he spoke. The alcohol had allowed her relax to the whole man - woman thing. Tiffany enjoyed the warmth radiating from Robert’s body as they strolled the gallery together arm in arm looking much like a couple.
“Oh Robert! What a beautiful painting,” Tiffany gushed.
It was a painting of a man and woman shown looking across a lake from their rear. The woman was wearing a virginal white dress and the man was wearing dark clothing of the era, probably the 1700’s. They were holding hands… a most romantic pose.
“Yes it is. It’s one of my favorites.”
Tiffany was drawn into the painting. The couple intrigued her: Who were they? Why did the romance of the painting make her feel as though she was there? Tiffany moved closer to Robert and was overcome with a desire to feel his manliness - she wanted to feel like the girl in the picture!
Robert looked at Tiffany and knew that now was the moment he had waited all night for. He turned her head toward his with his finger and saw that her red lips were slightly parted waiting to be touched. He lowered his lips to hers and until they softly touched. They kissed with a real passion! Tiffany involuntarily responded and melted within his grasp. This is heaven! she thought. The feel of the softness of her skin against his strong hair covered arms as he held her and the feel of the slight growth of beard touching her face while they were enraptured was sensually overwhelming her poor brain! She pictured herself as the woman in the painting being kissed by the man she loved. Their lips parted and then Tiffany slowly stared up into his eyes. She found herself panting, flush and seeing little stars within her vision as her senses still reeled. Not a word was spoken. Tiffany pulled herself up against his chest again and reached up with her wanting lips. She had found an unknown hunger had seized her in its grips and she had to explore what was happening to her! Reason was soon lost, however, as this desire within her took over. They kissed again and again. Their second session lasted much longer than their first and they finally parted lips, temporarily satiated, but knowing that they must have been putting on quite a show for the other attendees.
Tiffany opened her eyes and brought her hand to her lower lip as she looked around the gallery and saw the smirks and smiles of those who saw the expression of love the couple had displayed. Tiffany felt very embarrassed for being so open with Robert. She was now thoroughly confused! A pang of love, Yes Love!, and she was liking this feeling a lot. But he is a MAN! With this love she was feeling towards this man and the fact that she had kissed him so very openly and had initiated their second round herself, made her stop. What would people think? They really weren’t a couple. Not yet, anyway, she thought as her mind returned to the painting and she took his hand in hers while she stared deeply into the picture and pondered what had just happened. She looked down and saw her long dainty fingers and red nails intertwined with his strong bulky manicured hands. This just seemed so natural, so perfect together. It was like it was meant to be with her at his side as she was frail and smaller in comparison beside him - lovers, hand in hand. Tiffany let a sigh pass her lips. She was in love.
Just as suddenly as Tiffany had fallen in love, Dirk surfaced fast and broke spell. What in the hell am I doing? What THE FUCK??? he thought. SHIT! Oh Gawd Oh Gawd! I just kissed a man!! NO! NO! I kissed him TWICE… and now I’m holding his hand!!! IM GONNA DIE!!! Tiffany suddenly pulled her hand from Roberts’ and pulled both her hands to her chest and said, “I need to go… to the bathroom.”
Tiffany was in a near run for the door and threw it open. She slammed a stall door open, looked down and began heaving up the wine she drank. A man KISSED me!!! FUCK! What’s happening to me?!! She began sobbing and trying to wipe the mess from her mouth and chin. I’m so fucking messed up, I don’t know who I am or WHAT I am anymore! Tiffany rolled over to sit on the floor and repeatedly banged the back of her head against the stall’s wall and she started to cry harder.
Brenda looked around and did not see Tiffany anywhere. After a guest mentioned she had seen her run for the bathroom, Brenda came to find her. She had been in there for over ten minutes and Robert was beginning to worry.
Brenda wasn’t prepared for what she found in the bathroom. Tiffany had her legs curled under her, crying uncontrollably - her face red to the point of being almost purple! She was shaking and banging her head against the stall slowly. Brenda dropped to the floor and pulled her against her chest to stop her from banging her head. Ignoring the smell of the bile, Brenda began cooing and consoling her once staunch buddy, the one who had been the stronger willed of the two of them, who was now her best girlfriend.
“Tiffany you’re going to be alright. Just let it out.” Brenda continued as she held her. She could tell her friend had just experienced something horrible and would wait however long it was necessary to find out just what had happened. Some more minutes later, Tiffany slowed her crying and sniffles down.
“Tiff. What happened?” Brenda looked with a loving concern in her eyes at Tiffany’s.
Tiffany brought her arm to her face and wiped away some more of her tears.
“Are you alright for real Tiff? Please… tell me something!”
Tiffany suddenly glared with a look of pure hatred.
“NO! I’m not alright! THAT…that MAN! THAT Robert! Hhh-hh-he kissed ME!!.”
“He kissed you? Is that all?”
“IS THAT ALL? Obviously YOU didn’t HEAR me, HE KISSED ME!!!”
“Well… what’s wrong with that?”
“SHIT, Brenda, you’re sick!!! Brenda… Unlike you, I’m a MAN. And kissing another man just isn’t right!! I just feel sick that I let it happen.”
Brenda leaned back and smiled, “God he’s so handsome I wish he would kiss me!”
Tiffany gave her a weird look as Brenda continued, “Tiffany, right now you’re a woman - and not a man. Robert doesn’t know you are a man undercover and you shouldn’t feel any guilt as to what happened. You should feel wonderful to have a man like that want you. It’s part of the role and part of our mission. You’re a woman now Tiffany. Just play the part and try to go with the flow. Its not forever, and it won’t be permanent. I promise you! Try and go back out and enjoy your evening.”
“But I’m not a girl! I don’t want to be a girl! I HATE all this deception BS! I want to go back to being Dirk. I want the hell out of here!”
“You know you can’t! Not until this assignment is over. If you try and act like Dirk, you will be killed. Damn! Let yourself go! Be Tiffany in heart and soul. I’m not going to let you just throw away your life!”
Tiffany raised her face to look up at Brenda.
“Since when did you become the sensible one?”
“Since I became a woman: A real woman — inside.”
“Do I have to kiss Robert again?” Tiffany sniffed.
“Only if you want to. If you don’t, then just let him know in a gentle way that you can’t. Now come on silly girl, your world awaits.”
Brenda stood up and reached down and helped Tiffany stand up. After Brenda assisted Tiffany in cleaning herself up, the two girls returned back into the gallery. Tiffany had repaired her makeup and the little actress was all smiles once again. There were no more kisses that night. Tiffany couldn’t bring herself to do that again. But there was a spark that Robert had lit in her heart for him, a feeling which she couldn’t resist and fight right now. She would have to deal with it later.
The party ended and Brenda followed Tiffany home for their soul-baring discussion.
“I like your apartment. It’s definitely cozy!” Brenda said as she looked around the front room.
The FBI had provided Tiffany with a very nice apartment, nicer than Brenda’s. And it was in a much nicer area.
“I like it, but I do miss my place back home.”
“Do you mean that dump you were living in before this assignment?”
“Hey, it wasn’t a dump!”
“If living in a laundry hamper isn’t a dump, then I don’t know what is!”
Dirk had a bad habit of throwing things everywhere, especially his clothes, when he was living in Virginia. Matt had always reprimanded him on what a slob he was and usually found himself picking up Dirk’s messes. Tiffany’s apartment was different though. It was as though a different person lived there: everything was in its place, no clothes were strewn about - in fact it looked as though it had been dusted. That was something Dirk would have never done!
“I don’t know what happened. I moved in here. I just couldn’t let it look bad. What girl could?”
“Did you say girl?”
“You know what I mean. I just couldn’t let it be dirty.”
“How’s your part of the investigation going? Have you found out anything yet?” Brenda asked.
“No. Not really. I haven’t been here long enough. What about you?”
“I’ve found out a couple of things. I made a list and gave it to Cline for investigation and Connie uses drugs.”
“How do you know that?”
“She had white powder under her nose after a trip to the restroom.”
“It figures. No wonder she’s such a bitch!”
“I don’t know the rest of the girls very well yet. But it might be easier for you to get information from them than it would be for me.”
“Anyone else that may be of interest?”
“Just supposition. Ron, the engineer, spends way too much time on our floor and much of it with Melissa. Some of the delivery guys may be bringing drugs in with their packages.”
“Speaking of delivery guys, the buzz is that you’re seeing Mario the UPS guy.”
Brenda turned bright red, betraying any thought of possibly lying about her feelings for Mario. She sat down on the sofa opposite of Tiffany.
“It’s nothing. We just went to a single lunch.”
“He told Donna you were going to go to the basketball game with him. Are you?”
Brenda hung her head down and sheepishly admitted, “Yes.”
“Matt!! What the hell are you thinking of? You could compromise this investigation!”
“DON’T call me Matt! PLEASE! He’s gone. Just gone. He doesn’t exist…not anymore... I’m Brenda now.”
“You’re not Brenda! You’re Matt! Brenda is just a charade for this assignment and you’d better not forget that! When this is over, Brenda is going away!!!”
Brenda’s eyes filled with tears when she heard those harsh words coming from someone whom was supposed to be her best friend.
With her eyes spilling two tiny streams of warm water, Brenda choked out, “You obviously didn’t hear me! In the bathroom. Tonight. I am a woman. I became a woman — inside. I am now a she!” Brenda paused trying to stifle back choking. “I AM Brenda! I LOVE being Brenda! I love BEING a woman!” she said as the tears that had run down her face, dripped onto her legs.
Now Tiffany really felt like shit! She had just made her best friend cry and only because she had decided that they both hated being girls. Tiffany went over to Brenda, sitting down beside her on the couch, and took her in her arms and held her while she wept openly.
“I’m so sorry Brenda. Damn! I just… I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“Well I do,” she replied indignantly.
“I thought you were kidding earlier when you said you wanted to transition.”
“I wasn’t.”
The reality of what Brenda was saying now hit Tiffany with full force.
“You weren’t kidding about your breasts either than, were you?”
Brenda looked into her friends eyes with a deep conviction, ”No, I wasn’t. I want breasts. I want everything. I want to be on the outside who I am on the inside… all of it! I am a woman.”
Tiffany let her friend go and stood. She backed away, turned around, and looked at Brenda again with a new look in her eyes.
“Brenda could you stand for a minute please?”
“Why?”
“I want to see something.”
Brenda rose and stood looking at her friend. Tiffany really hadn’t looked at Brenda for some time. When they were training, they looked like girls all the time, but Tiffany could always see a little of Matt when she looked really hard. Maybe it was the surfer’s shoulders or little things like that. They had been harder to spot as the training sessions came to an end, probably because of the hormones. Brenda had grown softer looking. Tiffany really hadn’t taken a good look at her friend for awhile and now that she did, Brenda’s face was very soft and sensual. It was way more than cute and without the subtle masculinity that was once there. Her hair was long enough to frame her face perfectly. Her brows were thinly plucked and lifted to make her eyes appear large and bright. Her makeup although a bit smudged from crying, looked like it belonged on her face. It was sultry and sexy. She was lucky to have a barely noticeable Adam’s apple on her long thin neck — the kind that…girl’s have. Her shoulders were narrow and soft looking too. Her skin was also soft and smooth, almost like velvet. Tiffany’s gaze continued down to Brenda’s breasts and the cleavage swelling from underneath her camisole. Her waist was extremely tiny and her hips swelled as they reached her leather miniskirt. Her eyes continued down to her legs and she could see the curves the hormones had sculpted from the masculine muscle that was once there. Finally, down to her dainty feet, wrapped with sexy sandals with four-inch heels. There simply wasn’t a man standing in front of Tiffany. Brenda was a woman. A very pretty one at that! Tiffany felt her penis becoming hard. Her friend was turning her on!
Brenda suddenly didn’t like the way Tiffany was staring at her. It made her feel dirty and exposed. They were always friends and now she felt like something else, like some cheap tart.
“You’re beautiful,” Tiffany said with sincerity in her voice. “You really did change… [gulp!] You are a woman! My God!”
Brenda didn’t know how to respond. She looked at her friend and saw a kind expression on her face and she melted, feeling pretty again.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“Do you really want to remain as a woman?”
“Yes! Absolutely! It feels so right!”
“Then why are your breasts still growing?”
“I’m taking more hormones now. When we were taking it before they didn’t want to screw up our bodies so everything couldn’t be reversed. The hormones softened our bodies up and gave us some curves, but not a lot. For some reason, when my breasts started to grow, just a little, was when I decided that I wanted real breasts. I asked the doctor about it and he increased my hormone levels a lot and it made things happen a lot faster. I can feel my whole body changing. Even the way I am thinking and reacting.”
“I’ll vouch for that! You’ve really changed! You look, act, and … feel to me like a woman.”
“Thank you. That really means a lot to me.”
“May I see your breasts.”
Brenda felt embarrassed, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to show them to anybody.
“I don’t know. They’re not very big.”
“Please Brenda? I just have to see it! I need to know.”
“Okay, I’ll show you. But no laughing.” Brenda said with a smile.
Brenda removed her camisole, bra, and forms as Tiffany watched. Tiffany was becoming very aroused as her friend removed her intimate clothing and when she saw Brenda’s small swelling breasts and large red nipples she went to Brenda. Tiffany raised her hand and touched Brenda’s nipple ‘oh-so-softly’ and felt it grow hard. A bolt of lightning crashed through Brenda’s body and she moaned. She had never felt anything so intensely seductive in her life as Tiffany’s touch!
Tiffany looked at the wanton expression on Brenda’s face and lowered her lips until they touched hers. The feeling that both experienced was electric! Brenda’s lips felt different than Roberts did. And it felt as though she were kissing a girl! Brenda’s lips parted and Tiffany thrust her tongue deep into Brenda’s mouth. Tiffany was disappearing and Dirk was taking over the seduction. His hand found Brenda’s breast and began to caress the nipple. He felt Brenda yield to his advances. She was like a virgin being seduced for the very first time.
Brenda broke their kiss and whispered, “We shouldn’t… be doing this,” and then returned her lips to his. Tiffany was feeling the discomfort of the gaff as she became hard.
Brenda no longer wore her gaff. The hormones had made her impotent and she no longer worried about getting an erection and now wore the panties of her choice - thongs. Tiffany felt Brenda’s tongue caressing hers with a passion built over months of celibacy.
Brenda’s passion was growing beyond her control and she now loved what her friend was doing to her, but felt some guilt anyway.
“Please… stop,” she whimpered and pulled his mouth back to hers, “Please,” she whispered as she felt her skirt grow loose when Dirk had found the zipper and lowered it. Brenda felt her skirt slide down her legs and Dirks hand rub her feminine rear. Her cheeks had also become extremely sensitive in the last month as they grew to feminine proportions. Brenda was swooning with the seduction and, try as she might, she couldn’t stop what she was doing.
“Please Dirk…. Please…. don’t,” was all she could say as the kisses continued. Dirk removed his mouth from Brenda’s and caressed her neck with his lips. Gentle nibbles tantalizing her delicate skin as he nibbled along her shoulder and then across over to just behind her ear making her moan. Brenda’s breaths were becoming short and more ragged as Dirk found her nipple with his mouth and she was succumbing to whatever he wanted to do to her. Brenda was in a state of ecstatic bliss! She was a woman being seduced by a man and knew she had found her place in life! No more questions. No more doubts. She would become a woman!
Brenda felt Dirks arousal against her leg and she felt fearful. Not as a man being touched by another man but as a woman being touched by a man’s hard penis for the first time. Brenda reached for it with her hand and touched it. Feeling it pulse when she did, Brenda gasped. Dirk’s lips were firmly attached to her breast and waves of pleasure coursed throughout her body as he suckled upon it like he was her baby. Brenda rubbed his penis with her hand and held onto it. It felt so hard through the gaff as she slid her hand along the length, it made her feel even more like a woman reinforcing what she desired. She heard Dirk moan when she touched it. Brenda felt Dirk’s hands find the top of her pantyhose and felt them sliding down her legs with an urgency. She reached down and unbuckled the ankle strap on one shoe and felt the hose come off that foot. Brenda felt Dirk lift her up into his arms and carry her into the bedroom and then lay her down upon his bed. The assault on her nipples continued as Dirk lay down beside her and caressed them with his tongue.
“Please,” she moaned, “Please,” as she continued rubbing Dirk’s gaff.
Dirk wanted Brenda. She had driven him over the edge and all rational thinking had disappeared with the lust for each other. He as a man and she as a woman.
“Wait, I’ll be right back.”
“No… please don’t go,” she begged and pulled him to her lips to kiss him once more.
Dirk broke the kiss and said, “I won’t be long.”
Dirk went to the bathroom and returned with a jar of Vaseline.
“Dirk, we shouldn’t do this. It’s wrong. we work together, we are fr-,” Brenda’s words stopped as his mouth once again found her breasts. Brenda’s breathing was hard now, her eyes were glazed and she reached for Dirk’s penis again. She found it and held it once again and when Dirk kissed her on the mouth again she knew she wanted him inside of her. She had to have him inside her! She needed her passion to grow beyond her breasts!
“Dirk, get… I want you… inside of me,” she whispered.
Dirk felt Brenda pulling at his gaff and just by accident pinched his penis. Dirk yelped with the pain and felt it deflate slightly.
“Brenda, STOP! What are we doing? My God! I almost forgot you’re my friend Matt! We can’t do this! Shit!... I’m... sorry,” Dirk spilled forth, trying to justify his stopping something he very much wanted.
He had just seduced his best friend and almost had sex with him.
Brenda felt like her face had just been slapped. Her desires had gained control of right and wrong and now she felt ashamed for what she had allowed to happen.
“What we did was wrong,” she said sheepishly, “But it was so wonderful! Thank you for being able to stop before something bad really happened. Because…. I couldn’t.”
“How did you become such a girl Brenda? Damn! I would have never done what you were doing.”
“That’s because you’re not a girl! You may look like one, but you’re not one yet.”
“I’ll never become one Brenda! Never! I will fight it! I won’t succumb. I don’t want to.”
“I didn’t think I wanted to either, but look what happened to me.” Brenda said.
“You’re different than me. You always go all out and could care less about what happens as a result. But I want to be a man after this shit’s all over with.” Dirk said.
“Maybe I am different. But don’t be so sure that you won’t want to change your mind. You might like being a girl more than you think and changing back won’t be fun either.”
“I still don’t think I will be able to do this much longer,” Dirk said.
“It will have to be as long as it takes,” Brenda said.
“When Tiffany takes over my personality, I’m not Dirk anymore! And I hate that! Tonight, you helped me find Dirk again. I love you Brenda. Dammit! I love you!”
“I love you too! But not as lovers. We just lost control. I really should go… before anything else happens. I have a lot to think about,” Brenda said.
“We both do,” Tiffany replied.
Edited by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Comments
Runway
Arcee, just one word, WOW!
Nice job. I think Dirk won't be Dirk for long. I think that Tiffany is going to win out. I think Tiff is going to find she loves who she is, and really enjoys the attention she will recieve if she survives what may happen in the future.
I see that both our girls are letting themselves open to get into trouble big time. they seem to be pretty free with what they talk about with each other and others. Brenda has given away to much personal information to people, that could come back and hurt her. That Drunk from the FBI has me worried. Is he an informant to that guy that is head of the Drug department at the police? Why didn't Brenda see this as a possiblity. They may be in deep cover, but there are many people out there that could blow both their covers.
Good job, looking forward to your next installation.
Joni W