Bears Know Best - Part 15

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Bears Know Best

Part 15 of 28
by Tiffany Shar

Edited by Carla Ann

Thirteen year-old Taylor Landt’s step-mother believes that he should be the next great football player for the high school he’ll be attending in the fall. Having a dad who is an accomplished professional linebacker, and growing up surrounded by professional football coaches and players should all but guarantee his ability to dominate on the field. Unfortunately he hates playing football, and knows his height and build will never allow him to be successful at the sport. Faced with an obsessive step-mother who ignores his obvious talents in other areas but instead thinks he is a blight on his father’s reputation, Taylor does the unthinkable and moves to Ohio to live with his mother who abandoned their family and left him with his father eight years ago.

Soon after his arrival, Taylor discovers there’s more to his inability to follow in his fathers’ footsteps than just his height. Will it be possible for him to make friends in a new town in the middle of nowhere outside the shadow of his dad's fame? Will Taylor be able to finally make peace with his mother who abandoned them all those years ago? And how long can he keep his secrets to himself?


Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.


 

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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

 

Chapter 19: Surgery

 
TAYLOR IT’S TIME to wake up,” I heard Dad say and felt my shoulder shaken.

“Huh?” I said and blinked sleepily up at my dad. A different nurse stood next to him.

“Hi Taylor, I’m Karen,” she told me with a smile. “I’m going to take care of getting you ready and down to surgery this morning.”

“Oh,” I said suddenly wanting to shake.

“Here is the hospital gown I need to get you changed into.” She said with as disarming of a smile as she could manage, “Why don’t you go to the bathroom, put it on, and we’ll get you down there.”

I held back the tears that my fear seemed to want me to give into. “Oh… Okay,” I stammered out. As I rolled out of the bed Dad gave me a hand to get off. I was grateful for the pair of socks I had on with the cold floor below my feet. As I sat down to go to the bathroom I was almost tempted to stand one last time, but I really wasn’t going to miss the misshapen appendage. When I was sure I had everything out from my bladder, I put on the gown and looked in the mirror.

‘I’m so scared,’ I thought to myself as I stared at myself. I had no doubt that I was a girl from seeing myself in the mirror, but I wish I didn’t have to have the corrective surgery. ‘Why couldn’t I have been born with a normal vagina?’

Out in the room Dad was waiting, along with Mom and Rachel now, and they gave me big hugs. I could feel a breeze from the back of the gown, and Mom gave me a hand with tying it as much as it could be tied. “This is so embarrassing,” I whispered to her.

Karen stepped up then and said, “Well in the best of doctor wisdom, after depriving you of liquids all night, I have to start this IV now so you’ll be well hydrated!” While everyone else laughed nervously, she hung the bag on a stand and inserted the needle in my wrist. As I looked on in terror at it Karen added, “It’s just saline, Taylor, along with a very mild sedative to help calm you down.” She looked around the room and said, “Okay, I’ll step out in the hall for a minute so you can give her a pep talk!”

Mom kissed the top of my head and hugged me again. “Do you want me to braid your hair real quick before they come back to get you?”

I nodded, I didn’t know what today was going to be like, but any extra time that Mom would spend on me sounded good. It took her all of two minute to brush my hair and braid it. “I’d think you had been doing this for her all of her life,” Rachel commented. She had a small smile on her face that still looked like it was just for show to me.

“I wish we had…” Mom answered sadly.

“I guess we should get her going towards the surgical ward?” Dad asked Karen, who had reentered the room. I could hear he was almost as nervous as I was about all of this.

“If you’re ready Taylor?” Karen asked me.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I answered.

“Okay then, hop into this wheelchair and we’ll take you down,” she told me.

“Oh goody, a wheelchair…” I told her wryly. My three parental type units followed us down the hallway.

Karen pushed me to a room that they were going to put me out in before taking me to the operating room. “Just lay down here Taylor,” she told me.

Dr. Canter, Dr. Jacobson, and Dr. Gafford came in as a group as I lay down. “How are you doing Taylor?” Dr. Jacobson said.

“Scared,” I told her honestly.

“It’ll be okay, trust me,” She told me with a smile.

“Are you helping with the surgery?” I asked, confused.

“No, but I thought I would come hang out until you were under, and I’ll pop in again tomorrow when you become a bit more aware of your surroundings again,” she told me. She came over to me and squeezed my hand.

“Mr. Landt, Ms. Redding, Mrs. Landt?” Dr. Canter asked, introducing himself in person.

They nodded, “Let’s go ahead and get Taylor setup here.”

Dr. Canter began working on hooking several more IVs up to me, and finally brought a mask over to me. While he worked on hooking me up Mom held my right hand, and Dad held my left gently avoiding the IV port. “I love you Taylor,” Mom told me.

“I love you too Mom, Dad,” I told them while giving both of their hands a squeeze.

I was terrified, would I ever wake up? If I did wake up was everything going to be okay?

“Okay Taylor, I just want you to breathe in deep through this mask and count backwards from ten for me.” Dr. Canter said as he put the mask over my face.

“Ten… nine… eight…”

And I was out for the count.

 
THE NEXT THING I knew was that my mouth felt like it was full of sawdust and I was clueless about where I was. I looked over to my left and saw a familiar face, “Daddy,” I choked out. My throat was so dry I was surprised my voice worked at all.

“Taylor! You’re awake!” he said as he came over and took my hand.

“Taylor!” I heard another voice quietly exclaim beside him too, pushing next to him. I recognized Mom.

“Hi,” I croaked. “Can I have some water?” I tried asking. As I listened to my voice I laughed, I didn’t sound like myself at all.

Dad squeezed my hand. “I’ll go let the nurse know you’re awake,” he said, and another hand took over.

“How do you feel?” My mom asked.

“Thirsty,” I said. I was so thirsty I didn’t really care about anything else; even though I knew there was something else I should care about.

I turned my head and saw Dad come back with a nurse. She began taking some vitals and I asked, “Water?”

She smiled at me, “Just a few moments sweetie,” she told me.

After what seemed like an eternity she disappeared out of site and came back with a water bottle that looked like something I would use in a chemistry lab in school. She squeezed some water into my mouth. I wanted to suck it out greedily but she pulled the straw out. “Not too much yet Taylor,” she said sweetly, “a little at a time for a while so you don’t get sick.”

I glared at her, but she seemed impervious to my death stare. After a couple minutes she let me have some more water and gave Mom instructions on how to give me some more while she went to get the doctor. I’d just convinced Mom to give me some more water, and was feeling less thirsty when I said, “Mommy, I’m sleepy, I’m going back to bed.”

 
THAT WAS THE last thing I remembered from that day. Apparently I woke up several other times, including when they moved me to my room, but I don’t remember any of them. I guess I even asked Mom why she was there in Atlanta once; I was really loopy I guess…

Tuesday about ten or so I woke up for real.

“Daddy?” I asked.

I heard a noise and saw him stand up from a chair and come over to me. “Right here sweetheart,” he told me.

I felt tears on my face.

“Are you in pain?” he asked with concern.

I shook my head, “Did everything come out alright?”

He nodded and Mom came over from a seat with a set of legal papers in her hand that she must have been working on reading. “Everything came out fine,” he assured me.

“How are you feeling?” Mom asked me.

I thought for a moment. I was thirsty mainly. I tried to extend my brain down to in between my legs and didn’t know what I felt down there. It was weird…

“I don’t know?” I said questioningly. “I don’t feel pain down there, but it feels weird.”

“That’s probably part of the… temporary parts they put down there to keep things in the right shape,” she told me.

I saw Dad visibly grimace at that one.

“Does it look alright down there?” I asked.

“I haven’t looked,” Dad admitted and looked at Mom.

“They changed the bandages one time last night when I was here, it’s just really swollen down there right now,” she told me.

“When will I be able to see?” I asked.

“Dr. Gafford and Dr. Jacobson are supposed to stop in at ten to give you a look somehow,” Mom told me.

“What time is it now?”

“Nine,” Dad told me rejoining the conversation. I guess I could understand why he wouldn’t want to look at his sons missing parts, or his daughter’s vagina… short of changing my diapers he wouldn’t have ever looked down there anyways when I was younger. Mom used to always bathe me, and after she left, I insisted that I did all of that on my own.

“Ugh.” I said. “How long am I going to have to lay here?”

“Probably at least today and tomorrow,” Mom told me.

“I don’t feel that bad though,” I told her.

Dad laughed at me, “Wait until they stop giving you the pain killers Taylor.”

I looked up at him, “They have me on a lot of them?” I asked suddenly nervous.

“Not as much as an adult would be, but quite a bit,” he told me, pointing to the second bag on the IV stand and a blue box on the stand with some numbers on the front.

“Oh.”

I pulled my free hand back to my hair and noticed what a mess it was. I also figured out that my left wrist was hurting a bit from having the needle in it still, and my arm ached and felt a bit cold. As I lifted my head to take in my surroundings I realized I had wires attached to my chest and I felt some other kind of line alongside my leg. ‘Probably from the catheter,’ I thought to myself and shuddered. Even with all of the cutting down there that had to happen that honestly was the part that freaked me out the most. I forced myself not to think about it.

“Do you want to watch TV or something?” Mom asked me.

I shrugged, “I guess…” She handed me the remote and I channel surfed for a few minutes before a nurse came in to check on me.

“Hi, I’m Cassie,” she told me.

“I’ve met so many of you guys it seems,” I told her with a smile.

“You’ll do that here,” she agreed. “How do you feel?”

I shrugged, “I don’t feel any pain down there.”

“Good, when you do let me know, okay?”

I nodded, wincing internally that she said ‘when’ and not ‘if.’

I watched the first part of a movie before Dr. Jacobson and Dr. Gafford walked in together. Mom turned off the TV and everyone said their greetings. “How are you feeling Taylor?” Dr. Gafford asked. As the lead surgeon she was in charge throughout this period of recovery and such.

“Fine I guess,” I said to her. “Just thirsty… not really hungry though.” I admitted. “That seems weird.”

“It’s pretty normal due to the anesthesia Taylor. I’m guessing you’ll start getting hungry more tomorrow for certain. Tonight I’ll make sure they bring some broth by or Jell-O,” she said partially to the nurse next to them.

“Okay.” I said and waited for someone to speak. “How did it go?” I asked nervously.

“Taylor, everything went great. Thankfully it’s not like it was a transgendered patient’s surgery, since you actually have all of the equipment as far as a uterus and such there wasn’t much internally that we had to do. It was all pretty much cosmetic except for having to shorten your urethra a little bit.”

I shuddered a little bit to think about what it must look like down there. “When can I see?” I asked nervously.

“Well, we’d like to keep the bandages on through tomorrow, and then we’ll take them off about this time. In two days, on Thursday, we’ll pull out the temporary plug we put in to make sure that your new opening stays open. You’ll have to then do a little bit of daily care there for a while, but again, since you actually have all of the right internal equipment it wasn’t nearly as invasive as it might have been.” Dr. Gafford said that with a smile and gave my hand a friendly squeeze.

“Okay,” I said. I didn’t really have any other questions, other than what was I going to do laid-up here for three more days… “When can I walk around and stuff?” I asked.

“Let’s keep you down for another day until we pull the bandages off,” she said that with a stern manner. “We’ll see how the stitches and everything looks then, if it looks like it’s safe to move more I’ll personally see to you getting about a little bit. You’re not going to be moving around a whole lot though for a few days though, sorry,” she said the last part in a manner that made feel she did empathize with me there.

She glanced at my parents to make sure they were listening. “Taylor, it’s hard to predict how bad the pain will be later. If it gets bad, that blue box on the stand next to your IV dispenses a very strong painkiller directly into your IV. The box will ensure you can’t get too much. We’re hoping you won’t need any, but if you do, pressing that button,” she paused to show me a remote hanging on the stand with a single button on it, “will give you a dose. Once pressed though we have it set so it won’t work again for an hour and it’s important to let the nurse know each time, got it?”

“I understand,” I replied, noticing it was beyond my reach.

“We have it just out of your reach so one of your parents will have to activate it for you. I’m trusting in your and their good judgment in this, okay?”

“Yes ma’am, only if I really need it.” She smiled at me.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’m also sure that after today we can remove it.”

“Good!” Looking at that machine made me nervous, now that I knew what it was.

She and Dr. Jacobson stayed to talk to my parents and me for a while before moving onto other patients. Dr. Jacobson assured me she would stop by tomorrow after the bandages came off to see how I was coping. After that my day was boring. My parents took turns staying with me and I found out that Rachel had flown back to Atlanta that morning. ‘Good riddance’ had been my thought about that. I spent a lot of the day sleeping, but also read some on my iPad, watched some TV, and talked with Dad. I was surprised how tiring even reading was. ‘The medication must be affecting my eyes,’ I thought as I rubbed them my one free hand.

At one point Mom had stepped out for a couple hours and Dad was alone with me. The nurse had just come to change my catheter bag, and so we were going to be given some peace for a bit I thought. “Taylor, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about…”

“What?” I asked nervously.

“Well, you know I hate to say this, but I think I’m probably only going to be playing one or two more seasons for Atlanta.”

“Why?”

“I’m getting old for a linebacker Taylor,” he told me with a sad smile.

“But you played better last year than you ever have before,” I told him. It was true even though he was getting a bit old to be playing that spot, he had a great season last year. Most of the guys in the league averaged five or six years younger than him now though, let alone as he kept getting older.

“Thanks, and you’re right… but I’m also thinking that might let us choose to live somewhere else,” he said.

“What about moving up here?” I suggested casually.

“Why here?”

“Well… Dad, I know Mom left us and everything… but I can’t imagine living away from her completely anymore. No offense… but, you’re not going to do well with some of the ‘girl’ issues that are coming up…”

He winced. “Rachel could help…”

“Daddy,” I started, trying to stay calm, “Rachel…we hate each other. She’s mean, cruel, and I can’t stand her! She was on her best behavior this weekend, but she has never, and will never love me for who I am. All she wants is a son that can follow in his father’s footsteps as an NFL player. I’m not that, and I never was.” I told him. I could feel my eyes getting moist.

“Taylor, she doesn’t hate you.”

“I don’t believe that, and neither do you.”

He looked stricken, but there was a part of him that knew it was the truth, I could see it in his eyes. “Look Daddy, I know you love her… I don’t want to be the one to get in the way there. But, other than visits, I can’t see myself ever living in the same house with her again.”

I felt like I had stabbed him in the back, and he looked like it too, but he nodded. “Well then, either she’s going to have to prove that she can change, or we’ll fix the situation,” he said. There was a long moment of awkward silence then. “So are you in any pain?” he asked.

I shook my head, “No, whatever is in that IV must be good stuff!” I smiled.

I heard some voices in the hallway that sounded vaguely familiar.

There was a knock on the doorframe and I heard, “May we come in?”

I sat up a little bit taller to try and see who was coming around the corner, and grimaced a bit as I felt my first real pain. “Alyssa?” I said excitedly. I sounded so weak though still for some reason.

“Yep!” I heard, and still couldn’t see her as my vision of her was obstructed by a massive display of balloons and flowers.

“Oh my god,” I breathed.

“Where should I put these?” She said with a smile I could hear in her voice.

“Why don’t you put them right here on this table,” Dad told her.

She came over to me and gave me a hug. Her parents were with her and her mom hugged me too. “How are you feeling?” Her mom asked.

I shrugged, “I don’t feel much of anything right now,” I answered honestly. I wondered if her dad knew why I was in here now.

They stayed and talked with Dad and me for an hour or so before the nurse shoed them out and said I needed some time resting again. I groaned a bit, but agreed. Mom showed up about that time to relieve Dad and had a vase of pink roses with yellow tips on them that were pretty too. She handed me a ‘Build-a-Bear’ box with a smile.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Open it,” she said with a smile.

“It’s cuuute!” I exclaimed. Inside the white box was a tiger dressed in a cute pair of ‘Hello Kitty’ pajamas.

She smiled at me. “I thought you could use a few more stuffed friends to keep you and Allie company,” she suggested. I put my arm up so she would come give me a hug. ‘I hate not being allowed to move around,’ I thought grouchily.

“Thanks Mommy,” I told her.

I talked with her for a few minutes, but must have fallen asleep at some point.

 
THE NEXT THING I knew a nurse was by to check on my vitals and brought by some broth to try to eat. It tasted gross, but I forced some of it down anyway. I didn’t stay awake very long then either, falling asleep holding my new stuffed animal whom I’d named ‘Mandy.’

Mom stayed in the room with me that night, sleeping on the chair-bed that Dad had slept on, but I wasn’t really aware of her much. My few hours of alertness that day seem to have cost me a lot in strength, and I didn’t really wake again until nine the next day when Mom shook me awake.

“How are you feeling sweetheart?”

I had to think for a moment, the honest truth was I hurt. “I’m kind of sore,” I told her.

She smiled at me, “The nurse is going to come back in a moment and I’m sure she’ll give you something for that. Or if you want me to press that button?” she probed.

“No, not that!” I was afraid of it. For all I knew it was something that I would get addicted to!

“Okay sweetie, we’ll just tell the nurse you’re in some discomfort then.”

“Sounds good,” I said. It was the first time I’d felt anything down there in the nearly two days since the surgery.

She grasped my hand and talked with me a little bit more about the fact my Dad would be in here for the visit from Dr. Gafford and Dr. Jacobson. “Do you want your Dad to leave when they take the bandages off?” She asked me.

I thought for a second… “I don’t care, let him decide…” I said embarrassed, and I could feel my face turn red. “This is hard on him too,” I said honestly.

She nodded at me. “I told him you would say that.”

“What did he say?”

“He knew it too. He’ll decide when the time comes I guess.” She told me.

A nurse came in then and Mom told her about my pain. She went outside and came back with a couple pills in a paper cup. “The doctors want to start backing you off of the strong medicine,” she told me with a smile, while I noticed one less bag on the IV stand.

“Might as well start feeling it soon…” I said with a grimace.

“If it gets too bad let me know and we’ll change that opinion if we need to.” She turned and disconnected the blue box from my IV and started to roll its stand out to the hallway.

“Thanks.” I told her.

Mom turned on the TV and I pulled at my hair a little bit. It was a mess! I could feel it with my hand. “Do you want me to brush your hair for you?” Mom asked me.

I nodded, almost feeling like crying. I couldn’t wait to escape the prison that was this bed… and I had a week left probably! “Please?” I asked.

Mom had just dug out my hairbrush and was coming over when Dr. Gafford and Dr. Jacobson walked in. “Good morning!” Dr. Jacobson said to me with a smile, and Dr. Gafford greeted me as well.

“How are you feeling this morning?” Dr. Gafford asked.

I shrugged, “Okay I guess, I really don’t want to keep sitting here,” I told her honestly.

“Most of my patients don’t,” She told me with a smile. “We’ll get you out of bed tomorrow, I promise.”

“I’m going to hold you to that…” I said with as much of a friendly manner as I could manage. I felt so grungy since I hadn’t showered in two days now.

Dr. Jacobson smiled at me, “I can understand Taylor.”

“Are you ready for us to take the bandages off?” Dr. Gafford asked.

I nodded and bit my lip; I was kind of scared to see what it looked like.

Dr. Gafford pulled the blanket and sheet from the bed and was getting ready to pull my hospital gown up when my Dad walked in. “Umm…” he said embarrassed.

“Come in Dad,” I said just as embarrassed.

He gulped and went to stand over by the wall next to my mom.

Dr. Gafford had the nurse close the outside door then, and she pulled up on my hospital gown. “Okay, let’s see what we have here,” she said and smiled. I couldn’t really see much as I felt her pull on bandages and tape down there. She worked for several moments before holding up a mirror for me and saying, “Here you go,” she said. Dad gripped my hand, and Mom looked on in curiosity.

I stared at the spot where I used to have what I thought was a penis. The weird thing was that it felt like it was still hanging down there, but as I looked on I could make out a completely foreign set of ‘lips’ and it didn’t look as scary as I thought. There was some blood and stitches present still that were a bit gross, but it didn’t look as bad as it had in my daydreams and nightmares. The one thing that was still there was some packing that looked like it contained dried blood too. Everything was all puffy and bruised, with an angry red color, but they didn’t seem concerned so I didn’t ask about that.

“What about the other stuff?” I asked nervously.

“We’ll take that out tomorrow,” Dr. Gafford said. “There are some stitches holding it in place for now, I want to make sure that you have an opening that will be stable before we take it out though — that’s really our only concern for you and healing at this point. All of the ‘plumbing’ behind your new opening was already present. If you were really male we would have had to cut through muscle tissue and created depth there for you to ever be able to do anything, the nice thing about you being a girl we didn’t have to worry about that!”

I smiled, “Now if only I didn’t have to go through any of this…”

Dr. Jacobson and Dr. Gafford joined my parents in nodding sadly.

“Taylor, I want to go ahead and clean the wound out a bit more — then maybe we can get one of the nurses and your mom to help you change from your hospital gown into a nightgown of your own.”

“Really?!?” I asked excitedly. “I’m so tired of wearing this!” I admitted.

Dr. Gafford smiled, “Really, I know it’ll help you feel better. I’ll also have the nurse come give you a sponge bath…” I wrinkled my nose a bit, “it’ll be the best we can do until tomorrow. I’ll let you take a shower then if things look alright. Baths are going to be out of the question for several weeks though.”

I sighed at that one, ‘I just started enjoying those…’

“Okay,” I said, “something is better than nothing.”

She nodded at me and she had the nurse bring her a few supplies and began cleaning my new part up a bit.

“That tickles!” I exclaimed. I couldn’t help but notice it felt weird too.

“That’s great! Most of my patients are numb for weeks! Almost done,” she said. She worked for a couple more torturous moments to clean down there, and other than the redness and bruising, it didn’t look like a horror movie anymore.

“Alright, done,” she proclaimed.

Dr. Jacobson let me know she was going to be back in an hour to talk with me, and Dad chose the moment that both of them left to make his own awkward exit. He’d looked briefly at the spot, but for the rest of the time cowered at the head of my bed holding my hand so he couldn’t see. The nurse and Mom helped me get the gown off and gave me a sponge bath.

“This is so humiliating,” I griped, almost in tears.

“Hang in there Taylor,” Mom told me.

“Does she have a nightgown?” The nurse asked.

Mom moved over to the closet where she had left my bag, and dug out the nightgowns that she had packed for me. She held them up and I grimaced, ‘of course she threw it in!’ I thought when I saw the Rapunzel one.

I sighed and pointed to the Rapunzel one. She smiled, just as I knew she would, and I decided it would be worth the embarrassment.

“Cute!” the nurse said.

“It’s the bad thing about being so short,” I admitted to the nurse. She went outside while mom helped me sit up and pull the nightgown down, and returned with an ugly pair of panties.

“The doctor said we can go ahead and have you wear these surgical panties,” she told me. They looked odd, but as she slid them up my legs and helped me pull them on without moving from the bed, I felt better for having some covering. She remade the sheets and blanket around my lower half, and my embarrassment seemed to be at an end.

“Umm… thanks…” I said as the nurse turned to leave.

“No problem sweetie,” she told me as she walked out the door.

“That was so embarrassing!” I complained to Mom.

“At least it should be the only one you’ll have to endure,” she told me, “and you do feel a bit cleaner now, right?” she asked.

My face was red as I nodded.

“Would you like for me to do your hair now?” she asked.

“Please?” I asked.

She found my hairbrush again, and I used the bed controls I had to push myself into a more upright position. Dad had seen the nurse leave and came to the conclusion it was safe. He had kind of an odd look on his face as he saw Mom working on my head. The top of my nightgown was visible, and I think there was a bit of a smile on his face as he must have decided I looked cute or something. He didn’t say anything though as he took a seat on a chair that faced my bed.

I felt Mom continue to work on my hair, and I had no doubts as to what she was doing with my hair. When she pronounced herself done I knew she had put my hair into two pigtails, and just shook my head. “You tried to make me look seven?” I asked with fake irritation. I really was grateful to have the knots out of my hair, and not have a ‘bed head’ going on now.

“It doesn’t take that much effort,” Dad said straight-faced from his chair, not even looking up from his iPad so I could glare at him effectively.

I tried anyway, and was shocked that he looked up and genuinely seemed to melt beneath my gaze! ‘I must have some kind of superpower!!!’ I thought to myself as Mom laughed at me and ruined the hope.

The rest of the morning passed swiftly. Dr. Jacobson took over for my parents for about an hour and spoke with me about a lot of things. She didn’t limit herself to how I felt about the surgery; she talked about many other things too. At one point I mentioned how bored I felt just sitting there, and that I wish I could play my horn or something. She had looked thoughtful for a moment, but didn’t comment beyond saying she understood. Apparently she played saxophone in a jazz combo that some of the other doctors played in. I thought that was pretty cool!

When she left Dad returned, and Mom took the opportunity to drive back home to Conneaut for the afternoon and evening. She was supposed to drive back for Dr. Gafford’s visit, and then Dad was going to take a day off from me so he could go get some workouts done. He had been able to do a little bit of jogging, and even a little bit of weights at the hotel, but he needed to do more if he was going to be ready for the team’s training camp at the end of the month.

The great thing about lunch that day was that I was allowed for the first time to eat something! It wasn’t much, just Jell-O, but it was something. They even let me order some chicken nuggets for dinner that night. It was mostly a boring day of watching TV, reading books on my iPad, and occasionally having conversations with my dad. Well, that and nurse visits that seemed to never end!

As I went to sleep that night, I mused that I had now finished all but the last book in the Twilight series… ‘What am I going to read next?’ I asked myself. ‘Maybe Mom will let me have my iPhone and I can text Alyssa and ask her for suggestions…’

 
 

Chapter 20: Long Roads

 
THE NEXT DAY I woke up when the sun started streaming in my room’s window… ‘Way too early!’ I thought to myself. Dad was snoring in the recliner/bed hybrid thing, and I knew there was no way I would be going back to sleep. A nurse stopped in and said ‘hi’ quietly to me, and we quietly giggled about my dad’s snoring. She brought me a fresh glass of ice water at my request, and I began to both fear and look forward to Dr. Gafford’s return visit this morning.

When Dad eventually woke up he used the room’s shower to make himself feel human. I was sooo jealous!!!

Mom came in about nine-thirty with two cups of coffee in her hand. She handed one to Dad. “Thank you Heather,” he said. I was pretty proud of how civil the two of them had been together the past week. I had no expectations of Dad divorcing Rachel and coming to get back together with Mom, but at least they could behave as adults together. In the past, anytime we got together there was a lot of tension in the air as I was passed from one to the other, but that seemed to have improved the last week.

Dr. Gafford came in not too much later and Dad quietly excused himself while the packing was pulled out. It was a bit uncomfortable to deal with, but it didn’t hurt as much as I expected it to. When the packing was out I could see a ‘hole’ had been revealed… and knew that it would be my new reality from here on out. She spent some time discussing with my Mom and I about a modified ‘dilating’ procedure for us to do frequently for a while to make sure the new opening stayed open. She explained that I wouldn’t have to do it for much more than a month, but for us to be sure the skin was staying open properly I needed to do it daily.

As she demonstrated it I was both horrified, and slightly ashamed that it felt almost… pleasant… Dr. Gafford must have noticed my reaction, because she said, “And that’s how we know you aren’t a normal patient with this procedure. If you were, this would be nothing but pain for a long time,” she told me.

I blushed.

“The nurse will help you take a shower this morning Taylor, and tomorrow morning we’ll pull the catheter out. If you need to make a bowel movement, and I expect you should today, she can either bring you a bed pan or you can get help to the restroom.”

“Am I going to be that weak?” I asked scared.

“You’re not going to be as strong as you’re used to,” she told me.

It wasn’t nearly as bad as she led me to believe though; as I was helped up to the bathroom to take a shower it didn’t seem too bad. Mom shooed the nurse out of the way and helped me by herself. “It’s not like she weighs that much,” Mom told her as she supported my weight a little bit while I wriggled out of the panties they’d given me the day before. She pulled my nightgown over my head, and helped me into the shower.

I managed to do pretty well on my own actually, and I think Mom was surprised by that as I washed my hair for the first time since I’d gotten up three days ago. It felt luxurious to have the warm water running over my body, but I did start to feel tired of standing, so I got out long before I wanted, for fear of falling. Mom helped me into another pair of panties that were like the ones from the previous night. She had just helped me pull another nightgown over my head when the nurse stopped back in.

“Did you manage mostly okay?” She asked me.

I nodded.

“Dr. Gafford suggested we go ahead and use a maxi-pad in your panties in case there is any bleeding or draining of your wound down there.”

I blushed. “Umm… okay, how?”

She let Mom take the lead on the issue and soon I had a pad stuck to the panties to catch anything. “Well at least you know what to do when you get your period now,” Mom told me with a smirk.

I’d blushed and stuck my tongue out at her before hiding behind my wet hair. Mom brushed my hair into its’ new normal shape, and even let me put on some lip gloss. All things considered I felt a lot better when I returned to the bed, but really worn out. I ended up taking a nap till lunch.

 
THAT DAY PASSED with several chances for me to walk around my room and a brief walk down the hallway. I was embarrassed by how weak I was. Dad had taken me for one of those walks and carried me back to my room afterwards when I overexerted myself. My parents left me in the room alone that night for the first time at my insistence. They just both looked too haggard for me to let them continue to wear themselves down like that.

Friday they removed the catheter and I used my new opening to urinate for the first time. I had been afraid it would hurt, but everything worked just fine. The only real problem was the fact that my urine spray seemed weird; I really understood mom’s direction of wiping well after that. The nurse came in to help me clean up my vagina several times through that day, and I began to hope that I would be able to get out of there soon. I so didn’t want to spend my birthday in the hospital!

By the end of Friday I was tired from having walked around as much as I could convince the nurses to let me. Mom seemed to be given the idea that staying in bed was something I still needed to be doing, so she brought a pile of DVDs that we began watching. They ranged from Disney movies to chic-flicks and managed to keep me mostly distracted that day.

Saturday I once again began to feel like I was going crazy from staring at the walls, and wondered if Dr. Jacobson could go ahead and come and spring me due to mental anguish… During my morning check-up the nurse said that everything looked like it was healing fine.

Just when I thought I couldn’t take another moment of watching TV, reading, or being stuck in the hospital I got a surprise visit from Alyssa, Danielle, and Breanna! Alyssa came in with the Settler’s board game that we’d played several weeks back, and the four of us had found a table in a nearby game room to play it in.

“How are you feeling?” Danielle asked me.

I shrugged, “Mostly okay I guess,” I told her. “Mainly bored senseless,” I added.

“When are they going to let you out?” Breanna asked.

“Hopefully Monday… I really don’t want to be in here Tuesday…”

“What’s up with Tuesday?” Danielle asked.

“It’s my birthday.”

“Yeah, being in the hospital on your birthday just doesn’t sound like fun.” Alyssa said.

That afternoon the four of us hung out and I felt less boxed in while they were there with me. Unfortunately for me they had to go back home to Conneaut, and I was left once again with just my Mom and Dad for company. I ended up sitting on Dad’s lap at one point to watch yet another movie. I just didn’t feel like sitting or lying on the bed anymore!

At some point I must have fallen asleep like that though, because I woke the next morning when a nurse came in to bother me. Sunday was the last full day in the hospital for me, I hoped, so I did everything I could just to keep myself occupied. Mom brought a coloring book and some crayons for something different to do, and I was amused that it occupied me so fully to color in scenes from various Disney Princess movies.

Sunday night I was just grateful to have managed to make it through another day without losing my mind!!!

 
MONDAY MORNING I was told to just stay in my nightgown and wait for Dr. Gafford to come by. She was supposed to be able to come by about nine and do one last check so I could be released from the hospital.

“Good morning Taylor,” Dr. Gafford said after I had forced down the barely edible breakfast and sat the tray down to my side.

“Good morning,” I said with a smile, “Please, please, please, tell me I can go home today!” I begged.

She laughed, “I see that you’re not a big fan of our hospitality?”

“No. Not really.” I paused, “I’m bored out of my mind! I’ll get down on my knees and beg if I need to!!!” I added.

Mom stood over to the side and just shook her head and laughed at me. Dad was supposed to come by and do the actual pickup to drive me to my mom’s house. Once I was settled in there he was going to stay the night in a hotel that was nearby through Wednesday. He had to fly back down to Atlanta then for a couple days of downtime before their team training camp started the year back up.

Dr. Gafford laughed as well, “I see this all of the time, and I can see why you want out.” She gave my hand a squeeze and said, “Well let’s take a look at the incisions and make sure everything looks okay. If it does, we’ll talk about your release.” She winked at me. A nurse came and helped with moving the blanket, sheet, and she looked at my new anatomy very closely. She used a gloved hand to push my skin back and forth, “have you been able to use the devices?”

I blushed, “Yes.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to continue for more than a few more weeks Taylor, you’re healing pretty quickly.” She added.

“So I can get out of here?” I asked, not hiding my excitement.

“I don’t know… another week or so might be a good idea…” she joked with me as I willed my eyes to melt her body into a puddle of goo. “Oh alright! If you insist!!!I’ll have the nurses start the paperwork for getting you out of here. I’d recommend you avoid tight pants and shorts for a few more days still. And, if you’re going home, I want another day or two of you resting as much as possible!”

I looked sullen, but I agreed, “Okay.”

“Anything else we need to worry about?” Mom asked.

“For right now, continue with everything we’ve been doing to maintain the opening. I want to see her again next Monday, call my office to setup a time.”

“We’ll do that,” Mom said.

“Very good then,” Dr. Gafford said. “Well then, why don’t you get a shower and then get changed into some clothes to run away,” she told me with a smile.

“I can do that!” I said with a smile.

“I’m sure you can,” she said.

I gave her a quick hug, “Thanks for everything,” I told her.

“You’re very welcome Taylor,” she told me.

As soon as she was walking away from my bed I jumped down from the bed and made my way to my closet. Mom had brought a blue, tiered skirt and a white blouse with her that morning. I quickly showered, and didn’t take any time for it to be comforting, I wanted out! Mom insisted on doing my hair for me, and within thirty minutes I was packed up and ready to head out the door.

Unfortunately the hospital took another hour to process all of my paperwork so I could actually leave!

As I was pushed down the hallway in a wheelchair I kept wishing the lady would push me faster. Dad was waiting at the doorway to the hospital with his rental car. “I can walk you know!” I said to Dad as he moved to pick me up.

“I know,” he said sheepishly. “I’m just worried about you.”

I hugged him and made my way into the car, carefully smoothing my skirt underneath me and being careful of my sore area. It still surprised me that I wasn’t in more pain as I recovered from the procedure. Everything I had read about the closest thing to my procedure it had seemed incredibly painful; among the most painful experiences people had had, and the only thing I could figure out was that because I really was a girl… well, it wasn’t nearly as painful. Not that it was painless mind you!

“Do you want to get some real food?” Dad asked me as we dropped Mom off at her car.

I nodded, “Something as unhealthy as possible!”

He laughed. My mom and he seemed to get a kick out of my desire to leave the hospital so badly. We son found ourselves at the Cheesecake Factory restaurant that we’d been to a few weeks before. I felt hungry enough to order a full meal by myself, but couldn’t even finish a third of the dish before I felt full. I’d blushed a bit about it, but both of my parents had just laughed and given me a hug, saying it was okay.

“Home?” I asked, suddenly feeling tired as we stood up to go.

“That’s the plan,” Mom told me.

It amazed me how quickly I suddenly felt tired as I walked with them back to the cars. I clung to dad’s arm all the way back to the car, and I think he was worried he was going to have to carry me. “Are you alright?” he asked as he opened the door for me.

I nodded, “I’m just tired. I don’t know what else they did to me, but I don’t have the energy I normally do.”

He nodded, “The doctors said that you would have that problem. Why don’t you take a nap while we drive to your mom’s house?”

I groaned, “I’m so tired of sleeping…”

As tired of sleeping as I was though, I wasn’t aware of the trip home at all. Instead I only woke briefly when I realized Dad was carefully carrying me upstairs to my room. I was pretty out of it as he turned towards my open room where Mom directed him.

“Sweetie, do you want to put a pair of pajamas on?” Mom asked me after Dad set me down and I sat up.

I wasn’t quite sure why I was so out of it all of a sudden. I nodded, “Sure,” I said.

“Can you do it?” Mom asked me.

I nodded, “Can you hand me a pair please?”

“Sure,” she said. Dad made his way out my bedroom door and I found myself once again lying down and sleeping.

I slept off and on through the afternoon before feeling awake again. My hair was a mess as I sat up on my bed. I brushed some loose hair out of my eyes and stood up slowly. There was a purple scrunchie sitting on my dresser so I slowly took and made a ponytail behind my head. I could see my reflection and it didn’t look all that flattering.

“Ugh…” I breathed out. “I hope I get past this stuff soon.” I was completely talking to myself out loud, ‘probably a sign I’m crazy,’ I said to myself. Mom had placed my iPhone on my dresser and I checked the time, almost five, and so I decided to go downstairs and see where everyone else was.

As I slowly and carefully walked downstairs I noticed a ‘welcome home’ sign Mom had placed hanging from the ceiling above the hallway entrance to the kitchen/living room area. I smiled weakly at how much she seemed to care. A part of me felt even worse for all of the things that I had thought about and done to her over the years.

“Hey sweetie!” Mom said with a smile from the couch where she was looking over something from work.

“Hi,” I told her. “Where’s Dad?”

“He just went to go check in to his hotel, he’s going to be back here in about ten minutes and he’s supposed to bring back some pizza for dinner.”

“Okay,” I said. I was thirsty so I wandered over to the cabinet where she kept glasses and got myself a glass of ice water. I noticed her gaze follow me the whole time as if she was worried I was going to fall over and break at any given moment. ‘Well I did kind of exhaust myself already once today…’ I admitted.

I took the glass of water over to sit next to Mom, who made room for me on the couch next to her. She gave me a hug and put her arm around me while pushing aside whatever case file she was working on. “How are you feeling?”

“Ugh… Okay I guess. I don’t know why I was so tired!” I said.

“Your body is using all of its energy to heal right now still, it’ll be this way for a while I’m afraid.”

“Not fair,” I said, pouting.

“I know sweetheart,” she told me and squeezed me lightly again.

I sat there quietly with her for about ten minutes before I heard the front doorbell ring.

“I’ll get it sweetheart.” I just smiled at her. I didn’t really feel like running to the door still.

“Is Taylor up?” I heard down the hallway.

“Alyssa!” I exclaimed, and started to get up. Before I could get to the hallway entrance though, she was already coming down the hallway.

“They let you out!” She said excitedly as she gave me a careful hug.

I smiled, “I broke out!” I giggled.

“Hope you didn’t kill too many innocent nurses,” she laughed too.

“There’s no such thing…” I breathed. The nurses had all been nice enough… but their constant attention drove me nuts! Of course they weren’t there when you needed them though either.

She laughed. “So what have you been doing? I texted you like fifty times this afternoon.”

I led her back to the living room and she sat down next to me. “I guess I must have been more tired than I thought when we left the hospital. Dad took us to lunch and I fell asleep in the car until about twenty minutes ago.”

“Wow, I’m sorry Taylor that sucks.” She told me caringly.

I shrugged, “It’ll get better…”

“So when do they let you start doing things?”

“Well, I think I’m allowed to start playing horn again at the end of this week if it doesn’t hurt me…” I paused, “They are concerned about it being over the weight limit and the abdominal pressure though, so we’ll have to see if it hurts…”

“What about things like marching band camp?”

“You said that’s the first week of August?”

She nodded, “I think the sixth is the first day, I can look at my calendar at home.”

“I think I’ll be okay for that.” I counted the weeks mentally. “It’s like two more weeks after that before I’ll be allowed to ride again,” I told her.

“That’s too bad, there are a couple of races coming up that you probably could have ridden in…” she said with a smile.

“Right… definitely wouldn’t have been able to do that,” I told her.

We bantered back and forth about all of the things that I couldn’t do, but wanted to be able to do right away for a good ten minutes. I barely noticed that there was another ring of the doorbell and my Dad came in with two pizzas. “Can you stay for dinner?” I asked Alyssa, semi-pleading for her to so I could have time with her.

“Sure!” She told me with a smile.

The four of us ate pizza and I sat on a ‘doughnut’ that had been suggested for sitting for now on harder chairs. “So when do you fly home Mr. Landt?” Alyssa asked.

“I’m going to fly home Wednesday morning. I thought I’d stick around for Taylor’s birthday tomorrow,” he told her.

“That’s cool,” she said.

I wasn’t even sure of what we were doing for my birthday at that point, and was getting ready to ask when they distracted me. “So what would you think about flying down to Atlanta for our first pre-season game in August with Taylor?” Dad asked Alyssa.

“Really?” Alyssa asked.

“Really,” he responded with a smile, “And, maybe these other two friends could fly down too?” Dad suggested.

“That would be awesome!” Alyssa said.

I nodded, “That would be a lot of fun,” I told him.

“Cool,” he told us. He mentioned the date of the game and Mom wrote it down. We told him we’d ask Danielle and Breanna if it worked for them or not. The idea of flying with my new friends down to Atlanta sounded like fun.

‘It’d also be nice to have friends around when everyone else figures out I’m not a boy…’ I thought to myself. ‘I’m so glad I don’t have to go to school with everyone I knew back home!’

Alyssa stayed until about eight that night, when Mom made some excuses that I needed to go to bed. Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple… “Do you need any help?” She asked me.

I sighed, “I’ll be okay,” I told her turning red.

Dad insisted on carrying me upstairs before giving me a hug and going to his hotel for the night. “You know, this really sucks,” I told her as I lay down up on my bed to take care of something that had to be a ritual for the next month.

“At least you will be able to stop doing it once it heals,” she told me.

“Can we fast forward?” I asked.

She gave me a hug and closed the door behind her. An hour later I was actually able to pull the covers over me, and enjoy sleeping in my own bed for the first time in a week.

 
I decided to do a longer posting today to get the transition to the last section of the book up. I will probably post again on Friday or Saturday. Fifteen chapters plus an epilogue remain! Once again if you have any thoughts or comments I’d love to hear them. Thank you for continuing to read Bears Know Best!

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Bears Know Best - Part 15

Why doesn't Rachel have a child to carry on his legacy? Can she have children, or too damned selfish to do so?

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Wait

The reasons for Rachel's personality traits get explained in more detail in about 8 or so chapters. It's coming, I promie! :-)

I think that I would go nuts

I think that I would go nuts with a surgery that had me in the hospital for a week, and effectively off my feet for a week or two. (Which isn't a good thing, because I have a bum knee.)

There is nothing more important to 4 teenage girls than going to a professional football game. :D I guess they can drool over the hunky guys and be envious of the sexy cheerleaders.

Kick me if I'm wrong

But would that be Dr. Tiffany Jacobson?

No Kicks

You are correct. :-)