The bedroom (A Jaci and Dottie story)

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Andrea shook her head. Dorothy was so cute with her idea.

"It works for plants. Indeed!" She muttered.

Jacilynn had been quiet for some time in her room. Andrea gently tapped on the door of her newest daughter. There was no answer. Fearing another flashback episode Andrea opened the door and looked in.

There was no sign of Jacilynn however there was signs of a struggle of sorts. On the bed was a pair of jeans. While Andrea knew they were girls jeans they did look the same as a pair of boys jeans. Normally this would not be an issue but for Jacilynn Andrea knew it was.

The poor girl had the worst aversion to male clothing she had seen. To most trans people male clothing was a costume at best or "icky" at worst. To little Jacilynn it was something else. Andrea had a good idea what it might be but until Jacilynn opened up and told her what had happened she could not really do anything.

Jacilynn's former foster Mom had pointed out that while Jaci loved dresses and pretty clothes when she let down her guard, the rest of the time she only appeared to tolerate them. Andrea had to agree. She had taken the girls shopping not long ago. Both of them made a b line straight to the girls section not once looking at boys clothing.

Andrea thought back to the excited young girls giving the sales lady armfuls of clothes to try on. Just about every piece was a dress or skirt and top. Dorothy had a few shorts in her mix. Jacilynn's smile was so wide in that unguarded moment. She really was quite pretty when she smiled.

Andrea made her way to the bed, more out of habit than anything else, when she spotted Jacilynn's head on the otherside of the bed near the dresser. Walking around the bed she found her sitting on the floor silently crying. Jacilynn was only in her plain boycut panties and her bra. From the looks of it Jacilynn would soon outgrow her A cup bra and move to a small B cup.

The disturbing part was that Jacilynn's panties were also dark down below. The poor girl was not wearing a pad again. Andrea wished the girl would allow herself to be scanned. But the girl was not ready. Andrea suspected that Jacilynn was much more of a girl than she appeared to be. However she also was not ready to accept that.

Looking around Andrea found the box of pads. They were sitting near the trashcan. Andrea was glad Jacilynn's aim was so bad. Buying pads still felt like an intrusion to her. Still she needed them for the whole 3-5 days that she bled. Jacilynn was a bit of a mystery to the doctors. She would not sit still for any scan no matter how hard they tried. But when you looked at her bottom side it looked just like a boys should.

Yet once a month out of her behind she would bleed. It was not always red red either sometimes it was sorta brown. The doctors tested the blood and while it could be menstrual blood it could also be something else. Since the girl was not getting sick, running fevers, or experiencing anything more than mild cramps they left it be. The doctor had suggested sedating the child but Andrea felt that would do more harm than good to the delicate girl at this time.

Andrea retrieved the box of pads and put them back onto the girls vanity with its wide assortment of cosmetics. She removed one pad from the box and brought it with her. Sitting down on the floor was not as easy as it used to be in her youth but she did it. The girl did not look like she was having a flashback but was sad. So she did the best she could and gently rubbed the girls back and waited.

"It's not fair!" uttered Jaci from the direction of her knees. Again Andrea just waited.

"Why can't I be a normal boy?"

This was going to be a long night.

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Why, indeed?

Andrea Lena's picture

So many children in our 'circle' have been confused by so many conflicting expectations. Any new change like she's going through has to be so frightening. So much of what Jaci feels is based on the demands of convention and 'normalcy.' I'm sure that Tante feels somewhat overwhelmed, but like any good parent or guardian, between kindness and patience and knowing to whom to ask the right questions, they'll all survive the night. Thank you for this, dear one!

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

"Why can't I be a normal boy?"

Gee, I dont know anybody who has asked THAT question. Over and over again ....

Thanks for this, hon. I'm hoping Tante and Dottie can help little Jaci get through this.

DogSig.png

Why does she so fear doctors?

Was she physically or mentally abused? Was she taught to fear doctors?

This was the girl raised as a boy much of her life if I recall.

I wonder if it might be necessary to drug her so they can examine her.

I am torn. I don't like the idea but if she is bleeding in what appears a menstrual cycle yet appears male externally there could be serious medical risks to her fertility or health eventually.

She needs help.

The question is can they get the medical answers without destroying the fragile mind.

So sad. She is instinctively a girl --- IE the foster mom's recollection of the shopping trips --and probably biologically one or mostly one yet she feel she MUST try to be a boy AND must fight the doctors at every turn. Somehow she was *educated* into this self destructive contradictory life view.

Poor kid. A damned if you do or you don't situation.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

your replys

Always show such emotion. Thank you ...though your kinda off on a few thing