The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1716 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I showered woke the girls and Danny, called Julie and went down to start breakfast. Julie came down in her wrap and said, “She knows.”

“Knows what?” I asked a bit thick headed.

“About you.”

“What about me?”

“You were Charlie.”

“Oh that?”

“Now hang on a minute, I was trying to protect you–she saw something on the internet–and all you do is yawn?”

I did just that. “Well, she’s quite bright, she’s bound to look thing up–so I assumed it would happen sooner or later.”

“So I coulda saved my breath?”

“Thank you for trying, I do appreciate it.” I went to hug her but she stepped back.

“I was up half the bloody night trying to dissuade her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“An’ I didn’t get a suit from Debenhams.”

“John Lewis.”

“What?”

“John Lewis not Debenhams.”

“Oh sod it, I’m going to shower.” Julie stormed off leaving me totally confused. So what happens next? Does Sam accuse me of lying to her? I suppose I’ll have to wait and see. I yawned again and the kids started arriving for their breakfasts. Today, I had no university to go to, so perhaps we can sort it out. I yawned yet again–I must be more tired than I thought.

After breakfast I took the girls to school and did some food shopping on the way home. It was after ten when I returned home and Jacquie, Stella and Sam were seated at the kitchen table talking and drinking tea. The way everything went quiet when I walked in, I can safely assume, yours truly was topic of conversation.

I fed Catherine, who then went off to play with Mima’s old doll’s pushchair. Sam looked confused and Jacquie looked uncomfortable, while Stella looked like she usually does. She went up to change and to get some clothes for Puddin’ as she was soon to be going to a play group. She asked if anyone wanted to go with her, and Jacquie asked if she could. I agreed she could and she went off to change.

“Okay, let’s have it out shall we?” I said to Sam while making myself a cuppa.

“You lied to me.”

“I think you’ll find I didn’t, I might not have told you the whole truth, but I didn’t lie.”

“Okay, semantics, whatever, you deceived me.”

“That I accept,” I blushed.

“Why?”

“Why not–I know nothing about you other than you’re a student calling yourself Sam. I’ve done my bit of being outted, I have a new body, a new identity and a new birth certificate. I’m female as far as the world is concerned, albeit by a slightly different route to most women. I’m married with several adopted children and have a successful career as a teacher and ecologist. I’ve made films and done talks, published a book on dormice and helped quite a few people. I’m Catherine Cameron, the Lady Cameron, by marriage. There now you know all there is to know about me–what about you?”

My reckless declaration took her by surprise and she sat blushing for a moment. “I’m not angry with you or anything.”

“Sam, I don’t give a shit if you are–I’m not answerable to you for who I am or was. If you want to know, I don’t tell any wannabe women about my past because it makes me a potential role model–and as most of them aren’t half as fortunate as I was, they’re going to be disappointed.”

“Lots of surgery I suppose? Goes with marrying a banker.”

“I’ve had one operation to change my outie into an innie. The other surgery I had was to stop a bleed in my lung when a rather sick and twisted young man stuck a knife in me as I cycled past him. For the record, Stella saved my life while Simon beat the guy to a pulp. I’ve been in hospital a few times through various illnesses and injuries but no other surgery.”

“But your body and face are so female.”

“I’m androgen insensitive, not to the extent that I was born with a vagina but my body remained on the feminine side of neutral until I started taking hormones then it kick started puberty–a female one–my hips widened, my breasts grew and my voice didn’t break.”

“When I saw it on the web, I didn’t believe it, you look so real.”

“Of course I’m real, just fortunate as things turned out. Had I been a normal male, it might have been less helpful to have a female phenotype.”

“What about the breast feeding–did you take something for that?”

“No, it started spontaneously.”

“You are one strange lady.”

“Yes and I’ve owned up to it–now tell me about yourself.”

She looked at me–“Easy, I’m a freak, always have been always will be.”

“Okay, is that it?”

“Pretty much.”

“That tells me nothing about you.”

“Not much to tell. I’ve wanted to be a girl ever since I discovered boys and girls were different–which I did sitting in the bath with my younger sister. I’ve got two elder brothers; both of them think I’m a freak.

“My parents disowned me when they caught me wearing girl’s clothes. I ended up in care until I decided I wanted to make something of my life and knuckled down to some schoolwork, got good enough grades to get into Portsmouth university–that’s my life so far.”

“Trish and Danny have spent times in children’s homes until they came here, Jacquie has also spent time in an institution. We have a number of damaged lives here but we all muck in to help each other, and amazingly it seems to work for us. Now you know what’s what, it’s up to you to either accept us as we are because we’ll accept you as you want to be; or you’ll have to move on. The choice is yours.”

“I want to stay.”

“That means you’ll have to agree to the rules.”

“Which are?”

“We live here as a family, we love each other and work to help and protect each other. No one is allowed to come between us without agreement of the others.”

“What does that mean exactly?”

“We’ve all been damaged, so we don’t allow anyone else to hurt us. It doesn’t stop you having relationships or friendships beyond the family, but if you wish to marry them or bring them into the family, then we all discuss it.”

“That is seriously different.”

“It’s happened because over time, members have had relationships which have tried to either damage the group or take people away from the group. It so happened the individuals concerned saw what was happening and came back.”

“It sounds like some weird religious sect.”

“It might, but the only religion here is love and support for each other. I have no truck with gods and so on, although I don’t stop the kids if they wish to try different beliefs. They go to a convent school which teaches Christianity a la Roman Catholicism. Two of them have already shown their teachers the difference between dogma and actual Christianity, and they’ve nearly had to leave once. I had another girl there but she died.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you. She was transgendered but was coming on very well. What we didn’t know was she had a brain aneurysm which popped when we were out cycling. She died instantly.” I felt my eyes tear up.

Sam placed her hand on mine, “I know I can’t replace her and wouldn’t want to try, but I could make up the numbers if you’re happy to let me stay.”

“Is that going to be as Sam? I don’t even know your male name.”

“My name is Sam Cotton, it’s going to be Samantha Cotton in future. I want to become a proper female, like you, Cathy. I want to shelve my studies and get a job until next autumn, and start again as a woman.”

“Is that what you told them?”

“It was an option, if I could raise the fees, they’d allow me do that–I need a job to pay for it.”

“I’ll see if Simon has any temporary work going in one of the banks–maternity cover, that sort of thing.”

“That would be brilliant.”

“I can’t promise but I’ll ask him.”

“Thank you, so much. You really are a special lady, Lady Cathy.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t afford to put you up for nothing, so you can earn your keep by helping about the house and garden.”

“Fine–what would you like me to do?”

“You can babysit Catherine for an hour while I get a bike ride in.”

“I haven’t looked after a youngster since I left home–my elder brother has a kid.”

“Well, I believe they haven’t changed much in design since then–I’m off to change.”

“Cathy?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for letting me join your special group.”

“Just don’t let me down.”

“I won’t.”