This is a true story. It happened to me many years ago in Germany while I was in the Military. The events are as they happened and the places described exist as I have described them. Only the names have been changed to protect anyone who still needs protection.
It was 1969. The end of the sixties. You remember the sixties? Well, if you lived there, you might not. Viet Nam was at it's height, anti-war protests were running rampant here at home in the states, Psychedelic rock was still at it's peak and things were very, very difficult for TGs/TS's/TVs and C/Ds. Even with the "free love" that had run rampant, those groups didn't seem to get included in the "do your own thing" movement.
I had already gotten my "Greetings" letter from the President. I promptly entered the US Air Force in an attempt to comply with my obligation to serve my country while avoiding the possibility of getting my butt shot off in "Nam". If I had gone into the Army or the Marines it was a real possibility. I had been stationed stateside for about a year when I received orders sending me to Germany, a DREAM assignment! I had ALWAYS wanted to travel and see Europe and, now, my government was gonna send me there, FREE! Before you thumb your nose at me for "shirking" my responsibility by not wanting to get killed for my country, understand this. I wasn't a war protester or anything like it. I just knew that too many young American men were being killed and crippled in Viet Nam. Now, go ahead and think what you want, but I didn't want to be one of them.
Anyway, I had been a "closet" cross-dresser for many years but had never really had an opportunity to go out in public "dressed". I didn't really have that thought in my mind when I went to Germany. I had a wonderful time, the first year or so, and didn't give much thought to "dressing" at all. It wasn't a big thing with me (at that time, anyway) and being in the military it didn't seem a good idea to get caught dressed, so I didn't dress at all that first year.
Then I heard about Fasching, which is kind of like Mardi Gras except the whole country takes part. There are costume parties and drunken revels all over the place and everybody is everybody else's friend. The thought entered my mind that, if I was ever going to get out in public, dressed, now was the time and this was the perfect opportunity. I could get dressed up and go to parties without fear of being unmasked or worry about being "read". Even if I was, so what? It was a costume and I wouldn't be the only one out there. EVERYONE was wearing some kind of costume and there would be a LOT of other guys wearing women's clothes.
I spent quite a bit of time finding and buying clothing, shoes, makeup, and a good wig. I figured I'd have ONE good shot at this and I wanted to make it count. I actually had the wig styled and a corset fitted to me. I even found artificial nails and a nice dress that actually fit me-I didn't look bad at all. I planned this like an invasion. I left no stone unturned and no detail was too small to worry about. I bought earrings, bracelets, a necklace, and a watch that all matched and complimented my dress. I found shoes with a 3-inch spike heel and a purse that matched; I practiced walking on those shoes every chance I got.
The day Fasching began, I made an appointment at a salon to get "the works". Makeup and waxing and facial. I had my nails put on and polished and even got a pedicure. I wanted to look as good as I possibly could and I wanted EVERY experience I could get as far as looking and being treated like a woman. When I left that salon, I was dressed "to the nines". I looked every inch the lady and felt it. I was nervous as hell, I'll admit, but I had looked long and hard at the image I saw in the mirror in the salon and I couldn't see me at all. All I saw looking back at me from that mirror was a fairly attractive young woman (I was 23 at the time). I had already made reservations at a huge party that was being held in Wiesbaden, the closest large city to the base at which I was stationed, and had also made arrangements to meet several of my buddies at the party. We had a table reserved and I had shown them the outfit I would be wearing so they knew that I'd be dressed as a female. What they didn't know was that I was making this all out attack and I knew I was going to surprise them with how good I looked.
The party was being held at a large hall not far from the salon I had chosen. So, after finishing up there and accepting the compliments of the staff, I walked the two blocks to the party, enjoying the feelings of being outside and dressed completely as a woman. I loved the sound my high heels made on the pavement. I received a few looks and more than one whistle and was as high as a kite, on adrenaline, by the time I reached the hall. I had all my male clothes in a gym bag. I lost no time in checking the bag at the front door and then pulled out my ticket. Well, you might know, when I pulled out that ticket, everything else came out of the purse with it and went everywhere on the floor! I was frantically trying to pick everything up and not show much leg or be awkward about it. Between the unaccustomed length on my nails and the feeling of being off balance on those three-inch heels, I wasn't having a lot of luck.
I was beginning to perspire from the exertion and the embarrassment and I was very angry at my own clumsiness. From out of nowhere, a fairly good-looking young man rescued me from my predicament. He helped me pick up all the stuff that had spilled out of my purse and made sure that I had everything safely back in that purse before he turned to leave. I called him back and thanked him but he didn't seem to think he had done anything unusual. He did accept my thanks though and he left me after taking my hand and gently touching his lips to the back of it!
I was so taken aback by that, that I couldn't think or even breathe for a minute. I just stood there a bit numb and unsure about how I felt about what had just happened. A man had kissed my hand! The only thought I remember with any clarity was "Wow! I'm glad I had the hair waxed off my arms and hands!" If that guy had tumbled to the fact that I wasn't a real woman, I might have been in a little trouble when he kissed my hand and found hair!
A slight digression: Before I go any farther, I should tell you that I was then, and I am now, a heterosexual male. I have never considered any kind of sexual relationship or even a single encounter with another man. I love women and only women. I have nothing against other people satisfying their sexual appetites in whatever way brings them and their partner pleasure and I don't judge people in that respect. I say live and let live and that's all I have to say about that, as Mr. Gump would say. So, anyway, I was quite shocked and disconcerted when that guy kissed my hand but, when I recovered, I just wrote it off, got myself back together mentally and entered the hall.
I had never been in there before and the sheer size of the place took me by surprise. The ceiling must have been 20 feet over my head, the room itself must have been 60'x80' and every square inch of the place was decorated with ribbons and balloons and bows. A huge chandelier dominated the center of the room and it too was festooned with ribbons and the like. Everywhere I looked I saw people, hundreds of them it seemed, all in costume and the noise of all the conversations combined with the music that was playing, was almost too much to deal with.
I was so fascinated by all the activity and lights and noise that I just stood at the entrance for a few seconds trying to take it all in. Standing there, fully dressed and made up as a woman, and about to enter the biggest party I had ever seen was an amazing feeling! As I looked around, I spotted one of my friends and, taking a deep breath, I walked in his direction, swaying my hips and putting all I had into my impersonation. I tried not to overdo it though. A friend's wife had coached me in the ways of appearing to be a woman and she had told me that the easiest way to be "read" was to overdo anything.
"Just relax and try not to appear nervous or out of place", was what she had told me. "I've seen the dress and other stuff you will be wearing and I know what that salon can do. You'll be fine as long as you don't draw the 'wrong' kind of attention to yourself. Just don't try too hard and remember that you will look like any other woman out for a good time." Well, that's what she SAID! So I tried to appear as natural and relaxed as I could and as I approached my friend I saw his eyes and where they were looking.
He was focused on my legs and hadn't even looked up to see my face yet. I could see a smile on his face and it wasn't an amused smile. It was an interested smile. The kind I have seen before on the face of every man when he sees a good set of legs, or a nice figure, or a pretty face. I knew that my legs were good. Not great, but not bad either. It seems that most men who aren't overweight have fairly good legs when you shave off the hair and put stockings and heels on them. I don't know why that is, but check for yourself if you don't believe me.
Anyway, I knew that my legs looked pretty good and I stopped in front of him and just stood there waiting for his eyes to travel up to my face. He made a leisurely trip out of it, stopping briefly at my hips (padded) and my waist (cinched in by the corset) and my, ummm bosom (also padded and enhanced by heavy duty balloons filled with a mixture of unflavored gelatin and rice for the right bounce and sway). By the time he got as far as my neck, I could see that he was still interested in what he saw and when he reached my face, I saw no light of recognition in his eyes. I knew that I had him fooled and he knew me pretty well!
I was elated that my disguise was proving to be successful and, at the same time, I knew I had to be careful here. A little fun at his expense would be fine but there was a limit, a point beyond which I dared not go and I had to walk a fine line. If I went too far I might raise suspicion and that was something I did NOT want to do! So, for just a few seconds I met his gaze with my own eyes and had a slight smile on my painted lips but I said nothing.
He began to speak and said, "Well, hello there! My name is Al and I am very happy to meet you!"
I kept quiet for just a couple of seconds longer and then said, in my normal male voice, "Are you gonna keep looking at me like that or are you gonna buy a girl a drink?"
And I began to laugh. Not a mocking kind of laugh but an easy friendly kind of laugh so he would know that I wasn't laughing AT him, at least not in a bad way. His mouth fell open and he looked at me with his eyes beginning to bug out a bit. Then his eyes lit up and he began to laugh with me.
"Mike, you crazy son of a..." he started to yell, but I held up my hand to stop him and bent close to his ear.
I whispered, "Al, keep it down. It IS noisy in here but I don't want the rest of the bunch to hear you. Let's see if I can fool them like I did you. You don't want to be the only sucker I catch tonight, do ya?"
"Oh, MAN!" He burst out, "wait till they get a load of YOU! They are gonna crap a pile of mini bricks! This is gonna be TOO good! DAMN, man, YOU look GOOD! Shit, if you hadn't said anything, I NEVER would have recognized you! How the hell did you do that, anyway?" As he talked, his eyes were constantly in motion up and down my body and stopping occasionally when they reached my face.
"Al," I replied, "You don't even want to know what all went into all of this. I'll tell you some other time, though, if you really want to know. Right now, I need a drink and then I wanna see how many of the other guys I can fool. Wanna help me?"
Now, you gotta understand, Al was THE practical joker of our bunch. If a practical joke existed, Al would try it or already HAD tried it. He was ALWAYS pulling some kind of stunt to try to get our collective goats. I knew if I was able to enlist his help, tonight would be a night for me to remember for the rest of my life. It was already WAY more than I had ever thought it would be and if Al teamed with me, we would pull the ALL-TIME best practical joke on all the rest of our fiends.
I said, "Look, lets do this. You go over to the table where they are sitting and grab a couple of glasses and a bottle of bubbly. If they ask you where you are going, just point at me and smile like you have just met me and you are gonna pull the old, "get the girl drunk and spend the night with her" deal. Let's see how many of them fall for it and if they recognize me at all. If they don't tumble to who I really am, we can play it for laughs for a while and let them in on it after an hour or two. Are you game?"
Now, what was in my mind at that point was, I wanted to wander around this party hall with an escort, namely Al, so that I could get the absolute most out of the money and time I had spent putting this whole night together. I wanted EVERY experience I could get of being taken for and treated like a lady. What I DIDN'T want was what happened an hour or so later!
Al did his part. He went over to the table where our friends were and did his shtick with the leering look and the waggling eyebrows and all the guys at the table were looking at him like, "you lucky SOB!" He came back with the champagne and two glasses and poured one for each of us and we did the interlocked arms drink. You know the one. Where the guy and girl kind of wind their arms around each other's, drink in hand and then drink out of their own glass? I looked at Al and he looked at me and we never looked back at the table or our friends.
I knew they couldn't hear us talking from where they were and I said to him, "Okay, here's the plan. We walk away staying real close to each other. It's kinda dark in here and they won't be able to see us very well so they will probably think you are taking me away to some darker corner for some, well, you know. When we get far enough away from them that they can't see us at all, and with all these people in here that should be about 15 feet, then we can loosen up some and not pretend so hard. Besides, I don't wanna spend the night at that table with guys I know. I wanna get out and see all that's going on here, enjoy the party and just have some fun. Okay? So let's play this up a bit for their benefit and move away from here."
We finished our drinks and put the glasses and the bottle down on a nearby table. I told Al to take my hand, just till we got far enough away that our friends couldn't see us clearly. Then we could drop the game and wander around and see things and meet people. Well, old Al surprised me. He took my hand all right but then he put his other arm around my waist and DANCED me away from there! I was so surprised that all I could do was follow him! If I hadn't, he would have pulled me right out of my high heels!
We danced for a minute or two getting ever farther from our friends and, when we judged that they couldn't see us too well anymore, we let go of each other and walked towards the other end of the hall. There was music playing and people in costumes everywhere and Al and I were having a lot of fun just looking around. WHAT a party! There must have been 1200 people there in varying states of drunkenness and most of them were in costumes! There were Knights and Princesses, Cowboys and Indians, Kings and Queens, Zorros, well, you name it, it was probably there. We wandered around for about an hour and then we heard that there was a big costume contest judging going on in another room so we headed in that direction.
Now, all the time Al and I were wandering around, we were getting a drink here and a drink there and inside of that hour, we were both getting just a bit soused. Okay, we were well on the way to being hammered! We were on our way out of the main room when IT happened! I had seen a couple of guys I knew who were not part of our group of friends but were acquaintances of mine. One of them, Jim let's call him, was a real drunk. I mean a downright juice freak. I never saw him when he wasn't either drunk, getting drunk, or PLANNING on getting drunk. His girlfriend was with him and I had met her one other time when Jim and I were bowling on a team in a league. She was a German girl and very pretty and I could never figure what she saw in Jim but who can account for tastes, right?
Anyway, as Al and I passed their table, they were getting up to come out on the floor to dance when Jim caught sight of me! Al was about four steps ahead of me and wasn't paying attention to what was going on behind him. When Jim saw me, his eyes got this, well, evil look in them and he let go of his girlfriend's hand and grabbed mine! I heard him say something like, "I GOTTA kiss THIS BIG GIRL!" Well, the next thing I knew he planted a liplock on me right in front of God, his girlfriend and everybody else within seeing range!
I was so shocked that I didn't even react until about two seconds into it. I knew there were several things I COULD do. One would have been to deck him right there but that would have started a fight and I didn't want that! You haven't lived until you have been arrested by the German Politzei! They don't ask any questions, they just club everybody in range and sort it out later at the station house! I didn't NEED that! Nor did I need trying to explain to the Air Police, who would have been called to take the combatants back to base, that I was just trying to get this big palooka OFF of me and why I was dressed the way I was!
Another thing I could have done was to just push him off and exclaim in my best male voice that I didn't swing THAT way but that probably would have started a fight as well. I sure as hell wasn't enjoying his beer breath or the face full of whiskers he hadn't shaved that day and, as a kisser, he left a lot to be desired as well! I don't know. Maybe if I was a real girl, it might have been different. Maybe he thought that girls LIKED scratchy face kisses. Maybe his girl friend DID! All I knew was that I DIDN"T!!! Well, about that time, I felt a tongue trying to get into my mouth and I decided that I'd had ENOUGH!!
I pulled my face back from Jim's and grabbed a breath of semi fresh air, looked straight at his girlfriend and said, in my best girl voice, "What's the matter honey? Can't you satisfy your man? Is he so horny that you let him go around kissing any girl he sees?"
Well, that got him off of me! His face got red and then he got this guilty look on his face and he let me go! WHEW! WHAT a relief! I thought I was gonna have to go gargle with Drano or something to get the beer taste of his stinking breath off of me!
Unfortunately, it also brought me into DIRECT confrontation with, you guessed it! The GIRLFRIEND! For a second there, I thought SHE was gonna try to pound me into the floor but she gave me this look like, "I know you from somewhere" and turned on JIM! She gave him an open handed shot to the side of the face that I'll bet people all through the hall heard! She shouted a few choice phrases in German at him and stalked away! Jim went after her and I was SAVED!
I stood there for a few seconds, trying to get my head back on straight and Al came back. He said, "Hey, where the hell have you been? I got all the way into the room where they are having the costume contest and when I turned around, you weren't there!" He looked at me and I'm sure that I still had a shocked look on my face.
I know my makeup was smeared and I looked at Al and said, "Never MIND! I'll explain it to you later! Right now I gotta go to the bathroom!" I stalked away, headed for the bathroom, not really thinking about much of anything, just thoroughly angry and embarrassed!
When I finally found the bathrooms, I started to go into the men's room when Al grabbed my arm and said, "You want to start a riot! Or maybe you'd like to get groped by about 25 drunks! I think you better use the other one!"
"But, Al! I'm really a guy, you know? What if I go into the, gulp, Ladies room and I am found out? You wanna talk about a riot!?!? Man I'll get lynched!"
See, I hadn't thought about this problem! Go ahead, laugh! I did! Well, I either had to laugh, or cry, or go off the wall, or on it! Well, anyway, I finally mustered enough courage, after another two glasses of champagne, to go ahead and use the ladies room.
Friends, that was an experience I am not sure I want to repeat, EVER! It was like a cattle yard in there! Everywhere I looked there were women in various stages of dress, or undress and, after I took care of the most pressing business, sitting down, by the way, fighting for mirror space with all those females was, well, I can't even find the words to describe it.
Now, don't get me wrong. I was in the room where every guy would love to get a look into. Women EVERYWHERE and, as I stated, in various stages of undress! BUT I couldn't do a THING about it! It was my fondest dream and my worst nightmare all rolled into one! All that girl flesh and I couldn't react to it as I would have liked to! If I had... OH man, there would probably have been the biggest riot in the history of Wiesbaden! I probably wouldn't have gotten out of the stockade until I was 90! That's all assuming that all those women didn't just kill me on the spot!
So, I waited my turn at the mirrors, fixed my makeup as best I could, and got myself out of there with a whole skin, thank goodness! When I got out of there, Al was still waiting for me and we went ahead and watched the costume contest. I was well on my way to being drunk as a skunk and about halfway through the contest, I noticed that, sitting on the stage about 5 feet away from me, was my Commanding officer! I remember nudging Al and we had some kind of discussion. I don't recall, to this day, what we talked about but I DO remember sneaking up to the stage and tying my Commanding officer's shoelaces together!
After that, the evening was pretty much a blur. I remember finally getting back to where my friends were and sitting down. Al said it took them the better part of a half hour before they finally figured out who I was but I don't remember any of that. I know, though, that we all got pie-eyed that night and I vaguely remember going back to the base in a cab with three or four of my buddies.
I awoke the next morning, a Saturday with a relatively clear head. I never suffered from hangovers. I don't know why but I didn't question it, just accepted it and was grateful for it. I was, of course still dressed! I got off my bunk and wandered down the hall to the latrine with the idea of attending to the morning necessaries and washing the smeared makeup off my face, still in the dress, corset, heels, and wig. I didn't even think about walking down the hall in full drag, in an all male barracks. I had to go and THAT was my priority! Maybe I was still a little drunk. Okay, maybe I was still a LOT drunk!
Anyway, I was on a mission! Yeah, that's it! A relief mission! Okay, okay, stop groaning! Well, I walked into the latrine and took care of my immediate business, that of relieving myself of about two gallons of champagne. Then I DID notice the way I was still dressed! Well, nothing for it but to brazen it out. As I flushed the toilet, I heard someone come into the latrine and when I stepped out of the stall, there, in all his bleary, red-eyed glory was none other than JIM, my erstwhile Romeo from last night!
I stopped, he stopped, the whole world stopped for about ten seconds. He looked at me and I thought he was gonna swallow his whole face! His mouth opened wide enough to do it! Then he kinda gulped a couple of times and I couldn't help it, I started to laugh! His mouth was moving like he was trying to say something but no sound was coming out and I finally said, in my normal male voice:
"What a night, huh? Hooray for Fasching! And, oh yeah, JIM? The next time you wanna kiss me, SHAVE FIRST!"
And walked away swaying my butt as I did just to rub it in! I heard him slam open a stall door and I heard the sound of Jim, ridding himself of all he had drunk the night before, via the oral route!
AHHH, revenge! How sweet it was! I went back to my room and turned on the stereo and listened to some Moby Grape and some Quicksilver Messenger Service as I undressed. I took my time.
Oh, for the record. The worst part of this whole thing was being kissed by someone I outranked, even though I WAS out of uniform at the time! The best part? Well, I'd have to say that it was the experience of being in public, dressed, without a care in the world about being discovered or "read". That and of course the morning after revenge on Jim and the fact that I eventually ended up with his girlfriend! When she realized that it was ME, that night, she thought it was kind of "kinky" and we had a couple of interesting dates that I might write about sometime.
After I live this one down, that is!
My thanks to Kim EM and Prudence Walker who both suggested I write this up and submit it. That is, they suggested I do that AFTER they stopped laughing and rolling around the floor holding their sides!
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