Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapter 28.

Chapter 28

I’m not sure how long Karin held me there into her chest but she didn’t move or push me away and she was even crying too for awhile then I could sort of tell even while I was crying that shift in her as she got a hold of herself and took one of those shaky but big centering breaths and there was this shaky sigh as she adjusted herself to wrap her arms around me in a better way.

My ribs are still really sore and I’ve lots of bruises but it still feels nice. I let out a sigh of my own and lean on Karin.

We’re there like that for awhile before she says anything.

“Jamie, you’ve got me so confused.”

“I know…sorry?”

“Why?”

“You were comfortable behind those walls Kare…but at the same time when you’re behind all that stuff you put up to keep yourself safe you don’t get to live.”

“I thought you were some guy, just all perved and stuff trying to steal what makes women, women…my gender…it’s…being a woman…a lesbian…It’s mine, it was something that men couldn’t touch, couldn’t get their claws into.”

“But I’m not a man.”

“Yeah…I’m sort of getting there but all I was seeing was your extra bits.”

“I know, but trust me on this having a dick doesn’t make you a man, it really doesn’t make you male it’s just plumbing.”

“But you…you like it…”

“Yes, I like it and like who I am.”

“I don’t get that.”

“I know…Kare, there’s really more than one gender y’know it’s just the western ideas of it that need to get adjusted.”

“It’s just so strange…scary really to actually see that there’s way more woman in that soul of yours Jamie than guy.”

“Well, I’d like to think I’m Jamie and I have Jamie’s soul and that there are female tones in my song that are part of me that make me who I am rather that just all the other absolutes.”

“Huh?”

“People are way more complicated than just being one thing.”

“Okay…?” (Sniffle.)

“I think of all the things that make us up Kare like a song. You take a wonderful piece of music and think how the notes and times and places in the song all make it what it is so do our own bits and pieces and times and voices make us up.”

(Sniffle.) “Oh you’re such an arts major…what about the pain, the bad things the shitty stuff?”

“Blisters, cuts, broken strings, missed notes, strained voices.”

“Jesus..”

“Not quite but I try.”

She actually softly laughs a little. Then she moves so she can look at me. She really is a nice looking woman. Oval face, brown eyes, brown hair and even tired without the make up she’s got this honest clean look when the hates not there, when the weight’s off of her heart.

“You are not like anyone I’ve ever met Jamie, I’ve…I’ve never had someone not hold me against me…not hate me for being me…no one’s said the stuff you’ve said either…I’m sorry…I’m really sorry for everything…I just didn’t get it…see you…Hell I’m still sure that I don’t really get it…just what you are but…I think I get who you are…”

“Good…”

I sit up despite the ow of the ribs and kiss her long and slowly and deeply but softly and sweetly just letting go…letting her hear my girl-song in the kiss. She lets me and there’s that inhale of surprise, then the uh…moan of it being that oh I like that, then she’s kissing me back.

I don’t break the kiss and when she kisses a little deeper and more passionately I go with it, sink into her being in control…I’m good with being sub or the girl or whatever you want to call it. Our nipples are hard and our chests are lightly rubbing together and our breathing quickens and she breaks the kiss breathing hard. She bites her lip and looks at me. I can see it there. She liked it, but she liked it. I have a dick and she liked kissing me and that’s swirling in her head. She goes to talk and I reach up and put my finger on her lips.

“I get it…there’s a lot to think about….”

She nods but she doesn’t move my finger. I’m pretty sure that no one she’s been with has ever done that with her before…dared to. I smile at her.

“Go talk to Neela, really talk okay…get another girls view of who I am.”

“Okay…”

“Kare?”

“Yeah…?”

“Find someone to talk to, someone who really knows their stuff before what’s cutting you up since then kills you.”

Her eyes fill with tears. “How…?”

“No one’s born that hurt Kare, we’re not born knowing that kind of pain and anger…I don’t know what happened but you need help.”

“I…I…I’ve gotten past…”

I stare right at her leaning kiss close to her and some tears spill out.

I give her a soft kiss.

“Hey, I’m here because I needed help…you can’t see all the things that hurt us…Kare get some help please, get it out of your heart…please?”

She nods but gets up.

Upset in retreat mode, thinking about…well likely everything but needs to get away from me because. Well when you’re hurt you curl up right.

“I’m…I’m…going to go Jamie…is that okay?”

“Sure…hug first?”

She gives me a soft hug but it’s actually a long one and I can tell she’s right on the emotional edge. She gives me this shaky sweet, hurt scared smile before kissing me on the cheek and heads out of my room. I watch her go and I sigh and try to get comfortable. I relax and try to ease my breathing but if you’ve ever had injured ribs you’ll get how much of a task that is.

“You okay?”

I open an eye to see Sasha there or rather back with a tray and she passes me a take out cup with a Japanese green tea in it and I savor the first taste. “Fine, sore…but I’ll live.”

“You almost didn’t.”

“I know…just thinking about it scares me.”

“It should, they really wanted to hurt you.”

“Job done.”

“You seem pretty calm about it Jamie.”

“I freaked out with Kare awhile back and I’m too sore to get worked up about it all over again.”

“Kare?”

“Karin.”

“Yes but I though there was a lot of badness between the two of you.”

“I have a dick, she didn’t know how to deal, what box to put me in.”

We both look at each other before grinning and sating together. “You don’t put this in a box honey you just get me naked then wrap me in a bow.”

It’s actually a quote from a TG-Poet that Sasha follows. We both like it as a quote though.

It’s nice to smile. “Karin’s got stuff that she really has to face and get over, we talked and stuff I’m not sure where we’re at really but there’s this whole diamond in the rough under the hate thing there.”

“I hope she doesn’t burn you though.”

“Actually I’m keeping it in mind. Fear hits people hard. I’m not going to take her lashing out if she does as something personal.”

“Why, it usually gets personal.”

“She saved my life and she was really upset with who she was when she didn’t have those walls up. I saw her then Sasha, it earns her a pass or to in my book.”

Sasha leans over and kisses me, softly and sweetly and passionately. “I love that you can see the world and people like that Jamie…don’t lose that.”

“People deserve better Sasha, we keep saying it but we have to start living it sometime right?”

“Right…” She says as she moves her hands and my bed clothes and strokes me hard and starts kissing my breasts gently.

There was a bit of movement at the door and I glimpse a nurse getting an eyeful before smiling at her and closing my eyes and letting Sasha apply some of her own gentle TLC for me and my hurts.

………………………………...................They’re keeping me for observation just to keep an eye on me overnight. My ribs aren’t broken but cracked and heavily bruised. My arm though was broken in three places and I’ve some screws in there holding things together.

Sasha stayed until visiting hours were called and between that time and just after supper Rick and Tommy showed up to visit as well as the girls and I even received a couple of things and flowers from people I didn’t really know.

And of course there where the campus police and the regular police and the RCMP too all wanting my statements. Not all at once thankfully and I’m actually a little concerned for the girls that attacked me.

Yes you heard me say that right.

I know who and what I am. I’m good with it but I also know that there are those people that can’t get past it or just really, really have the wrong idea about people like me. I’m not condoning them attacking me by any means but.

The RCMP are talking Hate Crime and that on someone’s record, and the assault charges can ruin someone’s life forever. I know just from what my friends said that the three girls are all first years students like me.

Plus there’s a really big stink about this on campus brewing. I really am not going to be the poster child for a fight between LGBT and the world.

I’d really rather this be about my attack happening because we really aren’t talking to each other and setting all the hate and stuff aside.

Sigh…

“That sounded tired.”

I look to see the nurse that caught the bit of a show from me and Sasha. I get a good look at her now and she’s trans.

Tall, older like in her forties and just starting the process. She’s wearing a wig and she’s a big girl…not like super heavy big but yes she’s carrying some weight but tall six foot three in flats. She’s done a good job on her face but a bit heavy on her make up but then again I’ve never had to fight the beard. Some one showed her how to really do her eyes to pop and not in the over done drag way but to draw attention to them and away from the things she’s struggling with.

“I’ve a lot to mull over in my head.”

“Sounds like it, I just thought I’d check in on you before my shifts over.”

“Thank you, it was really kind of you.”

“You’re lucky with your friends.” She looks a little wistful.

“I know.” I give her a look, really take her in.

“You’re not from here are you?”

“No, I moved here from the states…I just couldn’t stay there when there wasn’t enough of a support system for me to be me.”

“Hard?”

“A lot of hoops, a ton of money and a lot of unacceptance.”

“Heard that.”

“Sorry…I did hear why they brought you in for.”

“It happens.”

“It does.” She extends her hand. “Uhm…I’m Michelle.”

“Jamie, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” I smile as I’m looking her in the eyes and she’s blushing. “Oh…you did see…so which one of us were you?”

“Uhm…both…”

“Michelle?”

“Y..yes?”

“Help me to the bathroom?”

“Oh…sure…”

I get her to help my get off the bed and while I can walk it’s still really obvious that I’m sore. She stays right beside me and helps me get inside.

“Thanks Wolf-girl.” I smile at her.

“Huh?…how’d you…?”

“You’re wearing a first nations charm bracelet they sell around here and there’s wolves on it. That and your look.”

“My look?”

“The girl that was with me today, Sasha she’s native blooded and really into native histories and anthropology I guess some of it stuck with me. I guess I can see the traces of it.”

“Most people don’t.”

“It’s pretty common here.”

“Yeah it’s something that sort of helps…”

“So how do you like it here.”

“It…It’s…lonely…”

“It doesn’t have to be…” I turn around once I’m inside the bathroom I turn around and I kiss her. I have to…there is just something hurt and alone, needing in her that I’m responding too…just going on instinct…feeling…heart…

“J..Jamie…” She kind of gasps and whispers it out at the same time. “W..Why?”

“Why does there have to be a why Michelle? I like you…I have a good vibe from you and your heart…I like being with people…”

“But…but…”

“Will you stop over thinking this and get over that yes someone finds you attractive.”

“Jamie…”…………………………......... “Oh Jamie….” a bit more excited because I sat on the toilet seat and took her cock out of her light blue scrubs and her anime panties? I look up at her as I’m stroking her hard…nice good solid…average…but solid…hard…

“Anime panties?”

“Uhmmm…Oooh…Bleach…”

“I know but you…liking anime…”

“I know…I’m too old…I’m weird and just not into…oh…Jamie…th..things someone my age…should…”

“No…I think it’s cool actually…” I smile at her and even though like I said she’s a big girl, and she’s just not there yet there’s something about her…well…

Her mascara is a bit blurred from passion sweat…she’s biting her lip and even though she’s wearing a wig it’s tumbled and messy sexy looking and she’s got wolf eyes.

Hazel but that hazel that gives you green like the forest at one way the light hits them and that native deep rich brown the next minute but if you catch them just right, just like they are reflecting some of the light they have that wolf golden hue.

And that’s just sexy as hell and somehow spiritual to me as I slip my lips over her cock…clitty…I’m not sure what she prefers.

I can tell just by the way she moves, shivers and breathes…it’s been a long time since anyone has done this, or touched her and I sink into it, losing myself to this sexual trance place I go so often with Sasha to really enjoy this…make it last…

“Jamie, Jamie…Jamie…Jamie…”

I love it when a lover chants my name like it’s a mantra.

I drink down and swallow her offerings for the first time she cums for me…then the second time we end up down on the floor and she’s whining and trying to breathe, pant not scream as I have two fingers inside of her and I’m rubbing her boy spot like she’s a GG and that’s her clitty while I’m lustfully enjoying the feeling of her deep in my throat…And while it’s hot and it’s passionate it’s not rushed…I’d never hurt her with rushing things…

……………………………….....................Michelle helps me up and helps me back to my bed after I get cleaned up and freshened up and Oh…I’m sore. She get’s freshened up herself before leaving my room so she doesn’t have to do the whole walk of shame thing through her workplace.

She gently stares at me when she comes out and watches me ease myself back into the bed. She walks over and there’s something there that had been hammered down from her old life seeping back out of her…there’s a spark there.

“You pushed things.”

“I usually do.”

“Oh so do I have to keep an eye on you?”

“No, but I’d love for you not to be a stranger.”

She blinks…shy again. “Are you sure?”

“Michelle…yes I’m sure…I thin k you get that I’m really open when it comes to my relationships but while I’m carefree like that I’m loyal too…I don’t just shack up with people but I don’t just hook up with them either…I meet someone that touches my soul I want them around in my life. Is that okay with you…”

“Y..yeah…It is…I…I…My ex…”

“Left scars?”

“Yeah…I’m not sure if I could…be…really, really with someone…like long term yet.”

“I get that…but…in my life? Me in yours?”

(Sniffle) “Yes…Jamie…definitely…”

“Good.”

She leans over and kisses me and it’s a nice kiss but yes…out of practice…or maybe she’s never kissed someone as a girl much but it’s still a good kiss… “Get some sleep Jamie, nurses orders.”

“Yes Ma’am”

I like the way her eyes shone when I called her that. I know that feeling.

I watch her go and we finger wave goodbye when she gets to the door of my room and I sigh and lean back and close my eyes.

Life’s just kind of strange but I’m going to live it my way anyway.