"Amber, what are you doing? Anything you could use to cut off your GPS
bangle, cut yourself or hurt others has been taken away until you can be
trusted, Princess. I want you to come to the fruit shop with me hand in
hand and we can buy some tasty fruit together, no need to wear a coat, it
is summertime and people would stare at you," Helen said, taking my hand.
"Oh, and the controller button is set on a 10 and I have it with me so
don't try and escape or call for help or you will get the shock of your
life, young lady."

With a firm grip Helen pulled me, her faux daughter,
out onto the pavement.

"Where did she come from?" I wondered. It's as if they knew my every
move. Walking down the street, I tried to silently signal with my eyes at
passersby my need for help. A younger man walked by, glancing around,
looked at me and smiled. When I turned around, I saw his eyes on my rear
end -- and I realized he was checking me out.

Smiling, looking at men wasn't going to get me help. It was going to get
me more problems.

Someone wolf-whistled and Helen rolled her eyes. "Some men are stupid.
But I can't really blame them, you are a very pretty girl." She pulled me
into a fruit shop. "What would you like me to buy for you? Grapes?
Apples? Bananas? There is plenty of choice here."

Hmm....I always liked bananas but now, I felt funny. An apparently cute
girl asking for bananas? Only trouble there. Grapes, too, kind of a fruit
associated with fertility and whatnot. What a minefield just buying fruit
had become! Okay then.. "Apples, please."

Helen gave me three pound coins. "Go up, choose some and buy them. I'll
be right behind you. Be sure to look cute whilst doing it, you like to
look cute," she said quietly so that others could not hear what she was
saying. I take the coins. Look cute? How exactly does one look cute?
Jingling them in my hand, I walk up to the cashier, a male in high
school, and put down the apples. "Could I buy these, please?"

He smiled. "Of course you can." When I had the apples Helen said, "I
think I'll get you some new clothes and jewelery, the kind that all your
friends are wearing. Oh...and you need your ears pierced as well." I
started. "Uh.....what's wrong with the clothing I already have? There is
a huge pile of it!"

"Ok then, I won't buy you new clothes if you don't want them." Helen took
me into the jewelery shop next door. "My daughter Amber here would like
to have her ears pierced."

I jump a little bit at the sudden revelation, and start tugging on
Mummy's elbow. "Mummy, I think I...uh...I changed my mind..." Helen
frowned but realised that she could neither force me nor shock me-there
were too many people around. "I understand. Let's go home." I smile a
little on the inside...she's easier to manipulate than I'd feared.
Returning home, I was ordered to a chair and started leafing through
magazines (again). I thought life would get better, until "Mom" started
quizzing me on Amber's crushes. She had so many, and they changed so
often. I ended up getting almost every question wrong. I knew I'd pay for
that...

"I'm going to make you do a youtube vidio about how much you love Justin
Bieber and what a "belibier" you are. You will wear a Justin Bieber T-
shirt, a necklace with a photo of him on it and plenty of bangles,and
your denim blue jeans and white trainers, and some soft pink lipstick on
your lips. You will tell the camara how much you adore him. Oh, and this
weekend it is your birthday, aren't you so excited about it? You are
going to look so good and have so much fun with your friends." she
says."Just like Amber would have done."

"Wait, is this because of the earring thing? Let's not get carried away.
And for my birthday, do I get my freedom back?" Inside, I'm just thinking
how can I get out a secret message....blink in morse code but i don't
know morse code....what can I do?
"Yes, it is. Those pretty ears should have a pair of gold studs set in
them by now, most girls in the West wear earrings, whatever their
politics and sexuality.And you won't get your freedom back untill you
reach the age of eighteen, that is when you are legally an adult,at
least, and maybe not ever...For now you will be my sweet, pretty, boy
crazy, Bieber-loving, princess of a daughter. You will live her life in
just the way she would have lived it, you will be a perfect double of my
daughter or you will get to know what PAIN really means. Because of you
my daughter is dead, and you don't have any idea of how much I loved her,
do you? And how much I hate it that she is decaying in my back garden.
The only way to soothe the ache in my heart is to have you playing her
role to perfection. Do you understand, faux daughter?"

Shaking a little from "Mom's" intesity, I dryly swallowed and nodded. I
went back to the bedroom and changed...I felt ridiculous with the name of
a no=talent singer emblazoned across my chest in pale pink -- with his
photo underneath! A different photo from the one that hung from my
neck.....

I went back out to the living room, and stood, hands clasped. "Is this
the look you want, Mommy?"

Helen kissed my forehead. "You look perfect. I have some cue cards. For
the next few days I will use them when you make vidios for youtube, when
you talk on the phone to your friends,when you send e-mails. We don't
want you acting oddly or trying in any way to send out a warning that you
are not the pretty daughter that everyone thinks you are, do we? I have
all your passwords and your cellphone so you can't tell anyone who you
really are, not that they would believe you if you did. In time I may
trust you enough to have your cellphone but it will cut off and send out
an alarm if you do not act as the mirror image of Amber in every single
thing you say down it. Let's get the vidio camara rolling, shall we?
Light's, camara, action." She turned the camara on, pointed it at me and
held up a cue card out of camara-shot.

I swallowed and smiled, reading off the first card. "Hi everyone! Well,
today I want to tel you all about the reasons I love, well," and here I
did something humiliating -- I lifted up the necklace to show a portrait
of Bieber. "why I love this guy."

And we were off. Oddly enough, the first few were written out word for
word, and boy were they embarrassing. "And plus, he's like super cute."
Over time though, they reduced to phrases and I found myself filling in
the words. One card merely read "cares value likes fans" and I found
myself saying "and he so cares about his fans and values us and likes
us." It was becoming natural.

Though I was snapped to reality by the last card, that I could barely
keep up my smile for -- "and my birthday is coming soon and I hope I get
tons of Bieber gear! Bye everyone!" I waved as the power on the camera
went off.

Bieber gear? And all this just because I got Amber's crushes wrong?

She took me upstairs and made her watch whilst she uploaded the
humilating vidieo onto Youtube. I was blushing with embarassment."Now we
are going to turn on your Yahoo Messenger, Amber, and you are going to
chat with your close friend Sara with your webcam turned on. I will have
one hand showing you the proper cue cards and the other holding the
controler to that shocking thing I had implanted inside you and I will be
watching you and listening to every single world you say and every
expression on your face. And I will hurt you seriously if you try
anything stupid.Do you understand

I followed "Mum" still hyper-aware of the video I'd recorded, and easily
I'd been accepted as just another girl. Was I really going to have to
endure an entire birthday party as a girl? What would that entail? I
absent-mindedly started peeling my nail polish as I entered the kitchen.
I wasn't sure I liked what I smelled."Stop picking those nails or I'll
have to repaint them for you." my new mother snapped at me.

She pressed the *1* button on the control, enough for a short sharp
shock.

I jumped a little bit from the shock. Apparently I was not even allowed
bad habits. "Well, what did your Amber do while she was bored?"

I walked into the kitchen, and saw a small bowl of pasta primavera
waiting for me. I hate that stuff -- the roasted vegetables, the
absolute lack of meat. It even smelled horrible. "This, this is her
favorite dish?" I know I'm going to have to eat it, but I'm certainly
not going to enjoy it.I knew my "father" was watching the video I
recorded -- it's going in the other room. God knows how many hits it's
going to have. God knows how I'd be punished if it doesn't get enough.
God knows if I'm even supposed to think about God. I sit down and
started eating, trying to avoid tasting the food. I think back to the
other things I've read in the diaries -- cheer practice, dance recitals,
who knows what they have planned for me tonight?

"She went online or watched TV or chatted...but we tried to stop boredom
as we wanted her to be happy. You'll love this...I'm going to take you to
your weekly cheer practise.And tomorrow it's your birthday and all your
friends are coming over."

James came in smiling. "You were so cute in that vidio."

My mouth dropped open at this. "Cheer practice? How? I don't know any
routines, any cheers, any chants! I'll so obviously be someone
different.

Look -- if you want this whole twisted thing of yours to be discovered,
please take me to cheer practice! No matter how I try, I can't fake
knowing things that I don't. I'm sure you'll blame me, but I need more
time than this to figure all this out!"I had seen some cheer wear in
Amber's closet -- clearly a big part of her life -- but I couldn't fake
it after 36 hours. Were these people crazy?

James looked at Helen. "She does have a point, you know. We can teach her
the cheers themselves...but the moves are something else.

She won't be able to do them and what if she freaks out and tries to get
us arrested? You can't shock her with so many people present, you would
be found out and we would get hard time in prison. At worst, they might
think we murdered Amber and we could get the death penalty or life
without parole for something that we didn't do. Ironicly, we can't take
her to cheer practise until we have made her practise how to cheer."

"Ok, no cheer practise. Let's put a movie on for her to watch instead and
tell the cheer practise people that she is still ill from her "accident."

Then we can put her to bed with Spirit and wrap up her birthday presents
for tomorrow."

"Mummy" and "Daddy" walked me to a chair in the living room, kitted out
with impressive surround sound and widescreen. They popped in "Triple
Dog" with the warning that there will be a quiz on it to make sure I'm
paying attention. Furthermore, to remove distractions, one of my ankles
was locked to a leg of the chair with a dainty silver lock, making sure
I could not try to get up and leave.Wrapped in Justin Bieber clothing,
watching an insipid tale that's supposed to be scary of truth or dare
gone wrong, I could only imagine what gifts were being wrapped for me.

On occasion I lifted my ankle, but the small chain held well I'm not
going anywhere.I heard the rustle of wrapping paper as gifts are wrapped
up with tape; presents that no doubt the real Amber would love and want
and be very happy and thankful to get, but that would surely be far too
girly for me to enjoy. The film was no fun and the chain held firm and
would not come lose or break.I tracked enough of the movie to talk about
as I'm sure I'll be expected to do. The movie ends, and I sat there
helplessly, a damsel in distress, trapped as the giggling and planning
from "mum" and "Dad" continue. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep...I
was woken with a soft fatherly kiss on my forehead and my leg was
unchained. "Up to bed, Princess, it'll be a big day in the morning." My
new father put me over his shoulder and took me upstairs. Soon I was in
bed in your heart nightie with my hands tied around Spirit with fishing
wire,and my ankles bound to the bed. My new parents sat on the bed next
to me.

I could barely stay awake -- was there something in my food? I used to
be a night owl, but now I was wiping out surprisingly early. I barely
felt being changed and put to bed. Shamefully, I don't protest much
while being tied down for the night...maybe I just knew what would
happen. I was vaguely worried about the party, but could not imagine
anything more humiliating than what I've already done. Then I noticed
that my parents had not left. "Is, um, is something up?"

"Yes, Princess," Helen said. "Tomorrow will be a big party, all your girl
friends and some cute male friends will be there. We expect you more then
ever to keep in role as our darling daughter. If we think we are going to
be caught and arrested because of you we will kill you by setting off
your shock-device on it's highest setting. Do you understand, darling
daughter? Oh, and we put a ground-up Ambien in your food. It's a one-off
and we won't do it again-once we can trust you we want you to be a night
owl as Amber was one, we just want you to sleep well tonight. Do you have
any questions?"

'Is something up?' I wondered. How about 'Why am I being held hostage by
two absolute crazy people?' But I could not say that...not here, not
yet.

"Ummm, just, like, what do you want of me? I mean, should be all happy
and talk to everyone, or be shy? I just don't know..."

"We want you to be happy, sweet and friendly with all the people at your
party, and to kiss them on the cheeks when you see them for the first
time, the boys as well as the girls. They and we will have so many
presents for you, Princess, and you will love the food."

I could not help but shudder. Clearly I was going to be the center of
attention. Who knows what humiliating presents were in store for me...

what ridiculous games I was going to be expected to undertake. No doubt
my pictures would be online by the end of this, and I would be locked
into this role. I drifted off to sleep, having confused dreams of camera
flashes, people singing, kissing games, loads of cosmetics, makeovers,
and the lot...

When I woke up I was being untied by James and Helen, and there were no
less then six presents at the end of my bed, of various sizes from big to
small.

They kissed my cheeks and smiled at me as if I really were their darling
daughter. "Wake up, birthday girl, you are thirteen and we have brought
you plenty of presents. Feel free to choose which to open first. Then
when they are all opened we'll get you dressed in a beautiful party dress
of golden satin with a matching ribbon in your hair, and do your make
up.You can wear your finest jewelery and your best watch and soon your
guests will start to arrive. Aren't you exited,Princess?"

I painted a smile on my face, as I knew I was expected to. "Ooh, a
dress! Awesome! Can I open at least one present now? pleeeeese?"

A smiling Dad nodded, and I snatch the smallest one wrapped in pink paper
with white ribbon. I finally pulled the ribbon off and unwraped...a
tiara.

Mummy looked at me. "I told you'd be a birthday princess, sweetie! Now
everyone will know it's your special day." I felt ridiculous sliding it
onto my head even for a moment, with the dangleing fake crystal no doubt
catching every stray ray of light.

"I'll shower and then get ready for the party, huh?"

"Good idea. When you have showered put on the bra, panties and dress and
jewelery waiting for you,and the tiara of course, and come downstairs
where the rest of the presents will be waiting for you to open, I'm sure
you'll love them." James and Helen feft me to shower and dress and took
the other presents downstairs.