Don't Blame Me I'm A Martian-15

Don’t Blame Me I’m A Martian-15

Chapter 15

You ever get one of those times in your life when things are just that good that you’re hugging yourself just because it feels that awesome. I honestly don’t think that I’ve ever felt like this. I feel like I want to hug things, someone, or just happy roll on my bed or something I have these warm fuzzy dancing butterflies in my stomach and I know I’m completely girling out right now but I don’t care.

I ache in this way that feels so damned good and everything from the boner that won’t really die down to my chest achy and nipples really, really wanting to be sliding against Kaylee’s or pressed to her body or under her hands….

It’s better than….

I actually can’t help but to sing as I’m walking home and other than rocking out I don’t sing.

And I swear that I never thought that I knew the words for any kind of chick song.

“Your love  
Is better than ice cream.  
Better than anything else that I've tried  
And your love  
Is better than ice cream  
Everyone here knows how to cry

And it's a long way down  
It's a long way down  
It's a long way  
Down to the place where we started from.  

Your love  
Is better than chocolate  
Better than anything else that I've tried  
And oh love is better than chocolate.  
Everyone here knows how to fight  

And it's a long way down  
It's a long way down  
It's a long way  
Down to the place where we started from.”

I kind of keep signing it over and over as I’m walking home to our beach and Hill and Jax are there with some of the other cousins and there’s a bonfire and I get a seat by Hill and lean in on her hugging her arm a bit and she looks down at me and smiles as she asks. “Good date?”

“Best Date in my life.”


“Yeah…” I kind of sigh and put my head on her shoulder. Jax looks over. “Good time?”

I give him a thumbs up.

“Get laid?”

Hill’s like. “Jax!”

“No actually, it was better than sex.”

She looks at me, head tilted. Jax, Jax is staring at me like I lost my marbles.

I smile but just look at the fire. “I think I get the whole anticipation of the moment thing…that on edge of all that excitement and passion and the fact that it just makes you feel…achy good but wanted great and lusted after just…awesome because it all leads to…”

“Sex?” Jax offers.

“No!” Hillary and I say together.

I look at him. “It’s more than that, it’s that in your heart promise that this is going to be making love, that when it happens you’ll feel the world differently after that.”

He’s frowning. “Dylan you’re sounding like a girl.”

“Dude there’s an awful lot of “girl” that’s really working for me right now. And yeah I’d love to hook up with Kaylee and all that sure but at the same time there’s so much more to it from where girls feel.”

“I dunno, you sound all bad girly teen romance novel crap.”

“Oh those books that sell billions of copies every year.”

“Yeah and make you feel ill reading them.”

“Dude that’s because you’re reading the words instead of feeling them.”

“I don’t get the difference.”

“Uh-huh, It’s just different Jax. It kind of feels more intense than just hooking up. It’s like when you see a hot girl and then get all that stuff you want to do in that daydream spot. Well with girls dude the fantasy isn’t the sex…it’s everything but the sex it’s all those things that couples do and she wants that person to fit…to be that one person out there that completes her….”

“Dylan dude see that’s just it you said it just now that it Ain’t about the sex. So what’s so good about that.”

I do that face palm.

“Jax…Oh Jax don’t you get it? It’s not about the sex because once a girl knows that she’s finding that person and together the sex is like a given.”

“Huh it is?”

“Yes!” Hill and I both exclaim.

“But…so when I’m with a girl and she puts out?”

Hillary looks at him. “Mostly it’s because we really like the guy, then sexual chemistry is important so…but if he’s good and the more we like him then oh yeah it’s on baby.”

“But when people get married they ay the sex stops.”

Hill nods. “I guess well sometimes real life gets in the way sometimes.”

I nod. “Hey even I know that right now we don’t have heavy jobs or bills or kids to take care of really that’s a lot of stuff. But some couples quit once they’re hooked up too some don’t because take Mom and Dad they do it all the time.”

Hillary burst out laughing. “You remember that summer Jax that the got the police bike Jax?”

He’s covering his face with his hand. “Argh…Hill I was just forgetting that.”

“Huh? What?” I ask.

Hill grins. “Mom got a police motorcycle donated to the dept from another department and she spent a summer on it and Dad was so into it the swivel to Mom’s hips had nothing to do with the bike.”

I grin back. “Okay that’s cool I think I remember a bike.”

Jax nods. “You were like three and I was still too young to run away from the scarring of my memories.” He does lower his hand and look at me. “So this Kaylee’s tweaking you OMG-Yay-Awesome girly stuff huh?”

“Yeah……” I draw it out and smile.

“So you like getting to be just my little sister now?”

“Would that be bad?”

“Nope just kinda like to know where I stand. It’d be nice to know if I said hey Dylan you wanna grab a beer down at the Foxx-Tail ( A Strip-club back home.) and not get like slapped for it.”

“I’d say sure, sounds great and you’re buying.”

Hillary slaps him. Jax flinches and play yelps “Hey! What’s that for?”

“You’d ask Dylan to a titty bar and not me?”

I slip my feet under myself to get ready and I give her a push over onto the sand. “He didn’t think you’d want to hang out at work!”

She squawks and Jax bursts out laughing. “Yeah!” She shove, climbs right over him as she chases me yelling playfully. “You assholes, gawd you guys are all the same.”…… “Dylan I’m going to get you for this!”

She chases me up and down the beach and in and out of the surf and we throw wet clumps of seaweed and jelly fish at each other and Jax gets into the fight too and it just turns into a free for all as we just kind of blow off stuff and suddenly we’re back to being a whole lot younger before all of our lives got more complicated.

Such a “Wonder Years.” Moment.

We head out for a quick night time dip and we ditch our clothes and skinny dip and while we’re not in for long because it’s so cold but it really feels like nothing I’ve ever felt swimming with my naked body gliding through the water and swimming under it’s nor just the water over my breasts but I swear it’s like the ocean sings to me, through me.

But so not enough to stay in that long. Yeah it’s still summer but it’s night time and the Atlantic is still the Atlantic and it’s still New Jersey. It’s great during the day but at night brrr and I’m so getting that girls and the hardened nipple thing only they’re chilled and achy too.

Jax doesn’t watch us or us him since that’d be…and yeah I’m good with changing with Hill because well it’s Hillary and after the whole girlification night it’s not a big deal.

We head back shivering and Jax was done way first because he was just wearing knee length cut offs and he’s holding up the beach blanket by the fire by the time Hill and I are into out things.

BTW wet bra kinda feels gross but I’m not showing through my shirt.

Jax walks over once we’re close enough and wraps me and Hill up in the fire warmed blanket. “You guys go ahead and whatever I’ll kill the fire.”

There’s a. “Naw, don’t bother.” from some of the older cousins/aunts/uncles some with dates and/or S.O.’s and some booze, blankets, a radio and more drift wood. Which is cool by us and we head off to the compound and to our trailers and hugs before we split up. It really is cool that the three of us can do this and get along like this now.

Before we found out about me being this intergendered chimera thing It’d have just been a lot shittier. I don’t mean to say that there’d be fighting and all this other stuff but at the same time Jax wouldn’t really think about hanging with me. I’d still barely know Hillary because of the older sister little brother divide. So as strange as this is and freaky and likely to earn me a lot of shit home…

It’s already worth it.

I mean Hill’s going back to college and Jax will be doing something to get himself out of the house somewhere soon since he graduates this year and while good…he’s not going to be a pro-boxer or one of those UFC fighter guys…Mom’d shoot him first. So this is really the last of our old summers and thanks to this we’re closer than ever.

I get a hot shower and bundle up and head into my trailer and climb into my bed wishing that summer wasn’t half over.

But still…

Lying there in bed snuggling into the covers I can’t help but to drift off replaying the night that Kaylee and I had. Not the off stuff but the good stuff. The dancing and the kissing and the kissing and the touching.

Her touching me, me touching her and my hands roam and wander, cup myself and feel and there’s like this dreamy sort of blue light in my head as I swear I can see her in this single bed, naked under thin sheets touching her breasts but their hers…but their mine and but her hands are hers but their mine and it feels to good to touch them and feel them and play with the areolas and the nipples getting so hard…wet…I’m leaking pre-cum and she’s just so and her fingers dip in but they’re not her fingers but my hardness inside her and my hand’s not my hand but it’s her depths and moving clenching unclenching muscles and her fingers on her girl clitty aren’t that but mine at the top of my stroke the twirl around her love button the swirl of my hand up and around my tip and I cry out. And she cries out and it’s like we roll over into the pillow to muffle our sounds at the same time.

We arch our backs pressing our breasts into the bed and mattress savoring and needing that push pressure all the more until climax washes over and through us and then rolling back onto our back moving, feeling, touching going for more because with multiple orgasms one…oh…one is just the start of the feelings boiling inside of us.

I early pass out after my third and panting, smiling, almost dazed in this happy oh my god what a fantasy thing I sort of gather into my sheets and pull on of the pillows to my chest and hug it falling into this amazing sleep. Light as a feather inside but so tired in the best of ways.

……………………………….................God waking up after that just felt amazing and I felt like I was riding this great kind of rush but not a rush, like….well like nothing I’ve felt before. I make myself blush biting my lip and smiling just remembering it and if this was like getting into the whole girl fantasy thing then Whoo hoo bring it. I’ve had a lot of dates with the “Handy sisters” before but this…wow. But my sheets and stuff need a wash and I’m done working for Mr. Seger so strip the bedding and just in my sweat pants and a t-shirt head off to get the wash on before everyone else is up.

What a great morning.

There’s just the sun’s up and there’s that feeling of the morning dew on my toes through my flip flops and I can just smell that ocean air.

I even forgo being fast and stuff and skip using the dryer and I hang it out on the clotheslines getting a first crack at them instead of the adults. There’s got to be something with that because the older set here almost always use the clotheslines over the dryers. I even did my regular wash and I’m having that almost laugh because it’s weird smile because I’m hanging my bra’s and panties and boxer briefs out to dry.

I just hung my bra’s to dry.

I dunno, where I might have been wigging before now it’s kind of funny. I slip into the house as the adults are moving around or some of them and Mom’s up making coffee and I snag a mug and smile drinking it black. “You look…(She blushes and smiles.)…bright eyed this morning.”

I look at her and Mom looks so much the way that I’m feeling. “You too…you and Dad have a good night?”


“What? C’mon I’ve got at least half the right to know about this kind of stuff you dish with Hillary about.”

“I don’t dish with her that much?”

“Why not?”

“We don’t plus her idea of who she should date and who I think you should date are on two different scales.”

“Okay, I get that.”

“So you’re…”

“Great…fantasy night.” I blush a bit but grin at her.

“This Kaylee?”


She bites her lip like she’s fighting inside over that wanting to know girl and mom thing and that not wanting to know, scared to find out how much I know thing. She digs through the fridge taking out breakfast fixings and I slip in beside her to help surprising her a lot.

We drink coffee and talk and share and give these details about stuff that are intimate stuff but not OTT grossing out stuff and soon it’s not just me and Mom but the early rising members of the female side of the family and it’s cool.

I know, teen boys shouldn’t want to do any of thing, heck most teen girls either but I’m…I’m neither and it’s like I can feel so much from them as they talk and while not too vivid it’s intense. I mean when we’re talking there’s this feeling like…it’s like they’re so impressed that this boy with boobs is getting it and at the same time the fact that I’m getting it makes them really want to get those ideas and feeling across.

And we’re sharing in these other things like these little domestic trick things with a “Here Dylan like this.” or a “Here there’s a cool trick to that.” And that stuff’s not women’s work where I’m from. In fact my Aunt Charlene, not a sister of M&D (Mom and Dad) but a cousin asked me. “I know you’ve got the boobs there Dylan but you’ve always been a boy’s boy into the sports and stuff so why are you into learning girls stuff now?”

“Hey, there’s a lot of people that don’t know this stuff. I just figure I can be like Dad actually and have a nice pot of homemade pasta sauce on simmer while I’m doing stuff in the garage or the yard. Besides if I can do that stuff it’s like super bonus stuff for a relationship. I can have my girlfriend go to work and reheat the supper I made last night and brag to the other girls that those were leftovers that I made when I made supper last night.”

That brings some laughs and we serve out the food which as I’ve told you is a jumble of stuff with this crowd.

I might have hung and dished with them but I eat like a guy and them some. I love the hash brows we make. Remember that griddle plate we have on the BBQ? Well usually the meat gets going on that first but after all the stuff from the ham and bacon and stuff is there we take last night’s left over potatoes or freshly grated ones with some grated onion and salt and pepper and a bit of water and we put it on the flat-top and you sort of stir it around all that cook area at first and the water and stuff lifts the yummy brown bits off it and into the hash and then when it’s all picked up you leave it…until it get’s right crispy.

Grand dad, Dad’s dad does it best because he adds in the meat usually left over last night’s BBQ and then he’ll make the hash before it brows into these little nests and after it’s browned a bit he’ll crack an egg in the hole. He get’s it where he can flip them and you got this…crusty yummy BBQ potato-oniony thing that’s just awesome but has a still runny inside egg over easy in the middle.

Oh…two of those with some tomato slices and a sausage and a few slices of bacon…heaven.

I might look like a girl a whole lot but I can pack it away like any teenaged guy.

Hill’s looking at me. “Gawd Dylan where are you putting it all?”

I stop and blink. “Apparently my boobs.” I look down my t-shirt while cupping myself.

Dad shot coffee out his nose. There’s a few sputtering relatives. It still got some laughs and a few. “Not fairs.” from some of my less endowed cousins.

I spend the rest of the day being lazy but not being lazy. I clean my trailer, like totally clean it and even use the power washer from the garage to get the crap out of the canvas. I even try out some of that Sunlight deep cleaning laundry soap in a bucket with water and stuff and lathered it first and let it sit. Between that and the febreeze the canvas got pretty clean that cleaning the other trailers got on the job board.

Me…I’m just doing mine. I actually bike into town while things are drying and buy some things. I have the measurements for the floor in the trailer and at twenty some years old it needs some TLC. I by a box of hardwood click flooring because it’s cool and I get the cheapest stuff on sale it all looks good enough for the trailer. Then some glue and some of the underlay stuff too along with a few cans of that canvas weather proofing and some car polish and some odds and bobs like screws and some fasteners that I need or might need and a six plug power bar and then head back. The bags I brought with me and are those cloth grocery bags it’s a bit of a trip with the bags on the handle bars and the box of flooring taped to the front of the mountain bike but it just turned out to be a good hard work out.

It was actually still early enough and I took enough town streets instead of the main streets that I don’t really see much of the assholes that might have gave me a problem.

I even push myself and took a few of the streets with hills. I am pushing myself with that stuff because I’ll need to be faster and stronger than before. There’ll be people who won’t want me on the team. I know it. Well eff them, this might be a big change but not that big a change that I’m going to quit hockey and stuff. Heck I’m actually pretty good at baseball too and soccer I might try out for those too.

I get back and go and raid the garage and stiff for tools and then I start. Some of the others just watch and some of the guy cousins are still kind of nervous about working with me but Jax comes over and we both get into it as long as I help him with his car later.

I’m not putting the weather proofing canvas spray on until sat but we strip out the floor and need some plywood for a couple of rotten spots and I’m doing that while Adam one of my youngest cousins is underneath with goggles and a wire brush scraping the crap off like dirt, rust and mildew. I pay him a twenty when I’ve checked his work and then I use some of that spray rubber to seal everything and then Tremclad over all of that.

Hill stops by to check out the progress. “Aren’t you man-upping a bit much? Dylan are you over compensating?”

I lean outside and sort of upside down from the trailer as I was gluing down the soft plastic under layer for the flooring. I smile reach for her Mountain Dew and take a drink when she passes it to me. “Fuck you, I’m nesting.” Jax chokes on his Dr. Pepper and gives me the finger too as he’s trying to clean the burn out of his nose from the fizz.

Hillary just laughs and we hug and she actually asks. “Anything I can do?”

“Make some lunch?”


“Actually yeah, please. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

“We…..haven’t eaten.” Jax adds in. “C’mon Hill you’re a good cook and we’ll do up your jeep along with the car.”

“Okay, okay I’ll be right back with lunch, and my jeep.”

Hill’s a good cook but indifferent. She can make some really great stuff when she feels like it. And some weird stuff too.

She made hot dogs. That wasn’t the weird stuff what was weird was there were chopped beet pickles on some instead of relish and others had chopped hot peppers mixed with mustard beans. Those I liked, not really big on beets at anytime, Hill will eat meat but she really likes all her veggies too. Okay I’ll admit her thing with the cooked spinach with some butter and dill on a burger with like blue cheese is killer. She also got me in to just how good a really good veggie pizza or a white pizza can be.

I stop to eat and move myself off to the beach with my lawn chair and call Kaylee. It rings a few times. “Hello?” it’s warm and happy, like she saw it was me on her phone. It feels nice.

“Hello…so did you sleep well?”

“Oh…” Her breath caught.


“Uhm…yes…I really, slept good…” It’s so weird but kind of cool I feel so connected to this girl that I can almost see her chewing her lower lip pacing with her phone in a bikini top and beach capris or something all cute and nervous.

“That’s good…I slept…god I never slept like that in my life once I did get asleep, it took awhile because I was thinking about our date and how it was the best date in my life.”

“Really!…uhm…yeah it was a really wonderful night I mean, I…I was thinking of you too.”

She was? Cool…what if she was…I’m making myself blush…but there’s the thinking about that too and her and it’s definitely making my nipples hard.”

“Mmm…uhm..(she coughs)…Oh…Uhm…so Dylan?”


“You busy tonight?”

“Nope, you wanna go out again?”

“Uhm…Yeah…” God it was sheepish and shy and cute and trying to turn me on…I can just tell.

“So what do you want to do?”

“Just wanna walk around and play tourist? Catch some people watching or something?”

“’Kay that sounds good.”


“Seven’s better.”

“I’ll pick you up?”

“Okay, in a cab?”

“Yeah, I get us a cab.”





“I…I got to go Kaylee Jax and Hill need help with their rides.”


She hangs up and I can’t help but just sit there holding my phone to myself and sort of hugging myself until my nipples get themselves under control and the same for the boner I’m sporting.

Then I get up and head off to get stuff finished. It actually looks good and clean and even the outside metal stuff is washed and car polished and then we do my sibs rides. It’s mostly interior shampooing and febreeze then we change the oil and brake and transmission fluids and with us all doing it we get things done pretty fast and a wash then a polish and some armor-all in the right places both of them look pretty good.

I have just enough time to get my wash in and make the bed and then head off to get ready for my casual date with Kaylee.

Wow…I laugh a bit as I’m shampooing my hair.

“I’m actually wondering just what to wear to a date?”

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