Off to Seek a Wizard -14- Neat, Sweet, Petite

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Off to Seek a Wizard...
-14-
Neat, Sweet, Petite

by Erin Halfelven

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Wearing damp undies seemed to be the least of my troubles but they were a bit uncomfortable, especially since the slight padding held more than a little water. Amazingly, the mud and dirt had washed right out of them in the pond and off of my own skin as well. I worried about my hair since there didn't seem to be any hope of finding shampoo. What did animals use to clean their fur? Spit? Ick.

I didn't need the ice cream stick I'd found to scrape myself off after all, so I stuck it point down between two rocks for safekeeping.

Next problem.

"Ken," I said. "Don't turn around just yet," I was wringing out my bra, "but do you have more clothing in that cave of yours?"

"Sure," he said, in that tantalizingly almost familiar voice. Who did he sound like? Someone famous?

"Do you think you could find me something to wear?" I asked. Ihad more to worry about than whose voice he reminded me of.

He nodded, still with his back turned. "Most of it is Barbie stuff but there are some outfits for Skipper, too, since you're -- uh, petite. I'll go take a look." He hurried toward the burrow, still carrying the fake speargun, and Chuck followed, muttering something again about helping.

Petite? If I'm really a couple inches shorter than a Ken doll, I'm not petite, I'm downright tiny. How could this happen?

Now, since I'm a magician it maybe should be obvious to me that it's magic. But because I am a magician, I know that magic is all about illusion. And I just could not see anyway to maintain an illusion that I was only ten inches tall through everything that had happened. Running through the forest, falling in a pond that I now realized was smaller than a lot of bathroom sinks; that is, if Ken really was a twelve-inch tall plastic avatar of sanitized masculinity.

I had to suppress another giggle just then.

And what about Chuck and Maggie? Chuck was some kind of magnified rodent and he talked. Maggie was a two-tone crow bigger than a condor, in comparison to me. And she talked too, though she sounded rather more like a bird might actually sound than like the very human voices of Ken and Chuck.

Was I dreaming? Hallucinating? Just plain crazy? Those were all more acceptable than the idea that I might be experiencing real -- uh, call it sorcery to avoid the M-word.

I didn't think I was dreaming in the usual sense because it has been my experience that once you realize or even think that you are dreaming -- you wake up. And I couldn't seem to wake myself up.

But I could be in a hospital bed somewhere tripping out on some nice legal drugs, safe between two white sheets with Mom and Dad hovering over me. Horrid as that thought might be, it had a certain amount of comfort in it. I sniffed a bit, imagining my parents all worried. This, so far, seemed my most likely explanation.

I didn't think I'd gone crazy, going crazy is a way to deal with terrible stress and honest, the stress in my life was really modest. Worrying about tests, getting beat up, catching a plane, going to see the Wizard....

...going to see the Wizard...?

Oh, come on now!

I'm flying Emerald Air, to Kansas, to see a man known as The Wizard, how obvious could it be? I meet a talking animal, a semi-mechanical humanoid, and, and.... Where was the scarecrow?

At just that moment, Maggie flew down and landed nearby in the same mess of wind and feathers she had left in. "Boo!" she said. "Did I scare you?"

Those must be some drugs they're giving me in that hospital.

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Comments

Oh, my...

So much setup for that gag? Not that I'm complaining, I really did laugh. Short but sweet, keep up the great work!

The Scare .... Crow ....

*Wipes metaphorical egg off of my face and flops on bed in stunned disbelief*

Kim

Kimmie, you go and summon the guard...

I'll man the turrets. It looks like it's going to be world war 3 on our sanity here in another chapter or two. *snicker* Great story Erin, and I can't wait for the next one!

--SEPARATOR--

Peace be with you and Blessed be

Peace be with you and Blessed be

Drugs

We must be talking about the really good stuff given the quality of the puns! LOl!
Hugs
Grover

It's fun to read the day away...

Andrea Lena's picture

...in a place that's called TOP SHELF!


Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

Scarecrow?

terrynaut's picture

But I thought Maggie was a magpie. I'm so confused! This story made perfect sense, it did, up until the end of this chapter. I was really getting into it and wham! Now I feel like I'm in Kansas, which is a really neat trick because I've never been there.

Oh, just please keep up the good work. Don't mind me.

Thanks and kudos.

- Terry

looked it up

Magpies are members of the crow family.

Kim

Crows

Yup. There are two sorts of magpie in the States, as far as I know. Just be grateful she isn't an Ozzy magpie, an Artamidae species rather than a Corvidae one. Ozzy maggies are seriously scary.

they're not giant animals

she just shrank. Oh yeah...where can I get those drugs?

Oh My

Rodents
and
Mechas
and
Crows....OH, MY!

Follow the yellow brick road!

Jemima Tychonaut's picture

Keep looking for that yellow brick road back to sanity would be my advice. :-)

 


"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life."



"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

or perhaps even better ...

... the ruby slippers then she could just click and say 'There's no place like home.' and her nightmare would be over. Not so much fun for us, though :)

Robi

Off to Seek a Wizard -14- Neat, Sweet, Petite

Wonder if she is under the Wizards Spell or dreaming? She could be dreaming this just before she lands safe and sound

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

"Those must be some drugs "

for the author too, I think. Oh well, as long as this crazy story continues.

Dorothycolleen, member of Bailey's Angels

DogSig.png

I like where this is going

I was half expecting she'd discover while bathing that size wasn't all that had changed. Nice to know you're not going that way.

Neat, Sweet, Petite?

I think I must of taken the wrong drugs. The sub-title implies the Addams Family but I haven't seen any unattached hands or seven foot tall butlers lurching around.

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The Addams Family.
Their house is a museum
Where people come to see 'em
They really are a scream
The Addams Family.
(Neat)
(Sweet)
(Petite)
So get a witches shawl on
A broomstick you can crawl on
We're gonna pay a call on
The Addams Family

Michelle B

That's it

erin's picture

Just so it isn't all about Oz. :)

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

They are short, but very

They are short, but very sweet and lovely to read, I hope you haven't decided not to write these anymore Erin, they are so wonderful a story, *Hugs* Thanks for sharing your stories with us


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Have a mew of a day!

Back to Oz

Daphne Xu's picture

Okay, we're back to a certain representation of Oz, now. Maggie's a crow, not a dove or a magpie -- a crow who tried to scare Steph. Ken must be the Tin Woodman, and Chuck the Cowardly Lion. Of course, we had the Wizard and the Emerald City. The fall from the plane must have been the tornado.

The pool?

Okay we're in "The Wizard of Oz" meets "Alice in Wonderland".

-- Daphne Xu

-- Try saying freefloating three times rapidly.