There was a Point …
Once upon a time, a little girl fell under the spell of an evil man. We don’t need to record the details, but suffice it to say he broke her, until she no longer acted, or even thought and felt for herself, but just did what she was told.
Then one day, by luck, the evil man went away, and she was free, but there was a problem. She hadn’t acted or thought or felt for herself in so long, she no longer knew how.
So she would attach herself to a group, and just do whatever the group did, resulting in changes in behavior so wild as to make others disbelieve that it was the same person doing them.
Then one day, she got some help, and finally was ready to act and think and feel on her own. This took a long time, because even she was no longer sure just who she was, much less what she wanted to do, or think, or feel.
So now she is embarking on her own path, but she remains fragile and uncertain, ready to change directions at any sign of disapproval from the people she cares about.
There was a point to this story, but it has disappeared from the writer’s mind.
Comments
There was a point ...
May the young lady find who she truly is.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Support comes from odd places
Just remember, you have friends in far away places.
Some might judge, but if they are friends you will never know it.
There has never been enough happiness in the world.
Try to be happy, and try to help others be happy. It's hard, but always worth it.
This from someone who stays depressed, but remembers better times.
I hope someday, you can get back to better times
Hugs, and thanks for commenting.
Dorothycolleen
Fragile and uncertain...you bring me to tears...
....it simply amazes me how brave and candid you are about your own journey. The abuse that formed the fears and doubts still plague so many of us, but we can derive strength from the example of your journey, which is growing ever closer to that place to which you were always meant to dwell. I am so proud of you for this highly personal and truly moving prose. Thank you, Dorothy, for making me a better person.
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
And I love this story because Drea does!
Still working on that whole "being myself" thing, myself.
When I was in boy scouts this psycho kid in my "patrol" threw our family's cat,
who I dearly loved, over the wall to the neighbor's dog, and he just barely survived
after what would be thousands of dollars in todays money worth of veternarian bills.
And I helped cover for the evil POS kid who did it, gee, dunno what happened.
so needing to belong. This not telling the whole bunch of them
to get bent sickens me now. We grow, but goddamn...
~~hugs, Veronica
And remember...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifLqzLEB3E0
I've been there too, Veronica
this desperate need to belong, makes us do some crazy stuff. Hugs, and thanks for commenting.
Dorothycolleen
High praise indeed, 'Drea
especially for a piece that woke me up at 6 AM this morning, and took about 5 minutes to write. Thanks so much, for the comment, and all the love and support since I first wondered into this site.
Dorothycolleen
Stockholm Syndrome?
When a "captor" is all pervasive in everything the "victim" does then one tends to grow too reliant on that evil person and forgets independent thought.
Even when freed from the influence of the jailer their oppressive conditioning remains within the mind. There are no first aid plasters/bandages to help heal mental scars but only time.
So few words Dorothy but your tale hits the spot once again.
I hope time has been a great healer for all who have suffered in their own way :)
time heals?
not by itself, or at least that's what I've found. But slowly, ever so slowly, I'm getting better.
Thanks for the comment, Deb.
Dorothycolleen
Sounds familiar
Eh, now look at that. The story of my life summed up in a few words. Except for that 'willingly change directions' part that would be. - I guess it's like they say: Live long enough and you'll see everything...
------------
"Die Gedanken sind frei / Sie fliegen vorbei
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen / Kein Jäger sie schießen
Mit Kugeln und Blei / Die Gedanken sind frei"
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"Die Gedanken sind frei / Sie fliegen vorbei
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen / Kein Jäger sie schießen
Mit Kugeln und Blei / Die Gedanken sind frei"
story of your life?
hugs, sweetie.
Dorothycolleen
I Relate to This
I don't consider this aspect of my life a problem and I'm not complaining. It's an Asperger's thing, I think.
I never really "got it"; I couldn't tell how to act or even how to be. I suppose there are unwritten rules of conduct in society, but I couldn't detect them. Instead, looking back, I'm pretty sure I copied each of my partners as much as possible. Abbie, the 1st ex, was quite opposite to me, so I couldn't copy her very much. I did, however, find that I had copied her style of arguing and being selfish/putting my needs first. She did it then I did it.
It was similar with Susan for almost a year, and with Kim.
About disapproval from people....I tried making friends and joining groups in the 90's. I'm pretty sure that I act and communicate somewhat oddly around people I'm not completely comfortable with and if I get nervous/anxious I get worse. After trying for some years, I felt not accepted by three groups and quit. I was more depressed for a while around 2001 and 2002. I decided that people would hurt my feelings, mostly without meaning to, so I stopped trying to be social.
Sorry, I guess I did turn this into complaining. In general, however, I've always been happy that I transitioned and I'm comforted every time I think about or feel my replacement genitals!
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Ready for work, 1992.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
being happy as yourself
for me, that's a work in progress. Thanks for commenting.
Dorothycolleen
Your openness is humbling.
Dorothy, one quick scan of the comments attached to this wonderful piece of writing proves one thing. There's no doubt that this time you've found a good group to attach yourself to.
giggle, I think so
best bunch of crazies I've ever met. Thanks for commenting, hon.
Dorothycolleen
Walking Wounded
I think most people are hurting one way or another. It is almost a function of how old you are, but that isn't the only thing that leaves invisible scars.
I tend to think of myself as pretty messed up, but I have a good mask. I've spent a lifetime crafting it, so most people don't know. Places like this, mostly here nowdays, is where I peek out from behind. People here know things about me my own Mom didn't know.
all we need a place to be ourselves
or we'd go nuts (sometimes I think I already is ...)
Thanks for commenting.
Dorothycolleen