Lions, Tigers, and Doctors: Oh My!

Tuesday evening, I went and did something else for the first time: I shaved my legs. The fact that most of the hair that I had below the waist was very fine and blonde helped, but I still wanted to get rid of it before I went and saw Dr. Francis the next day. I wanted to look my best, as any girl would when she met someone important for the first time.

#
Tuesday night, I laid there and tossed and turned pretty much all night. I was worried about the appointment that afternoon. I swatted at the alarm clock that had just started making it's obnoxious noise. As I connected with the alarm clock, I managed to knock it off the table. I sat up and reached for the clock, made sure that it wasn't going to make its noise again and sat it back on the table. I looked around my room and decided that I might as well get up and get a shower. I hit a key on my MacBook to wake it up so that it would go check email as I went to take a shower. I grabbed my robe and headed for the bathroom. After I had shut the door and hung my robe on the hook that was next to the door. I took off my nightgown and panties, and tossed them in the hamper. I started the shower and got in, letting the warm water wake me up. There was a knock on the door and then I heard it open.

"Zoe?" Mom's voice came from the general direction of the door way.

"Yeah." I replied, pulling my head out from under the water.

"You ok, I heard a thud come from your room."

"Yeah. I knocked my alarm clock off the table." I hoped that my voice didn't give away my current state of tiredness.

"Ok. I will be at school at noon to get you so that you have time to get ready before we go see Dr. Francis. Your dad will be home tonight. He had to stay longer than planned in Dallas. He will be flying in around ten and then going right to work. He will be home around his normal time, and then we are all going to go out to dinner. He's looking forward to meeting his other daughter." I smiled. I shut the water off and listened as Mom closed the door. I drew the shower curtain back and looked at them mirror on the back of the door. I grabbed a pink towel and dried off, and then put the towel back on the towel rod. I slipped on my robe and headed for my room. As I exited the bathroom, Heather was coming out of hers.

"Morning Zoe." Heather said. "Did you leave hot water for me?"

"A little bit. Maybe enough to get wet..." I said, disappearing into my room and shutting the door.

#
I walked into the office and looked at Mrs. Chattfield. She was the head secretary for the school.

"Morning, Allen. What can I do for you?"

"My mom will be coming in around noon. I have a doctors appointment at one thirty."

"Ok, Thanks for letting me know."

"You're welcome." I said, and then headed off for homeroom. As school started for the day I had a feeling that today was going to drag on.

#
By the time lunch rolled around, It felt like I had been at school for ten hours. Mom would be at the school in fifteen minutes, so actually eating lunch at the school would be pointless. I went to the office rather than toward the cafeteria. I walked in and looked at Mrs. Chattfield.

"Yes, Allen?" She asked. I knew mom hadn't come to the school yet.

"May I get a pass to go get my homework for the classes I'm going to miss?" I asked. She smiled and nodded, filling out a pass. She handed it to me. "If mom shows up while I'm gone, tell her I'll be right back." I left the office and headed for the classes that I would be missing. Five minutes later I returned to the office, homework in hand. I had just slipped it into my backpack when mom walked through the door to the office. She had on a skirt suit, so I assumed that she had been in some meetings that morning.

"You ready?" She asked. I nodded and slipped my backpack on and watched as mom signed me out. Mrs. Chattfield looked at the clipboard and then up at mom.

"Zoe?" She asked, and looked at me. I looked at mom in horror. I hadn't expected her to make that kind of a slip up...

"Whoops." Mom said, taking the clipboard back and scratching out what she had just written. She signed me out again, this time using the name that the school had on file for me. Mrs. Chattfield looked at me and gave me a wink. I think she put two and two together and came up with four. She stood and walked around to where I was standing.

"Don't worry," She said. "It's safe with me." Mom looked at her.

"Thank you." Mom said. "I think you know what the doctors appointment is about now."

"I do, and I won't say a thing." Mrs. Chattfield said. I added her to my ally list. "I'm here if you need to talk."

"Thanks." I said. Mom and I walked out and got in her car. She looked over at me and smiled.

"I think you have a supporter." Mom said. "Did you eat?"

"No, it would have been pointless. By the time I would have gotten my lunch, you would have been at the office signing me out. Also, way to out me, mom..." I said with a smile.

"For some reason I had your name on my mind and because I was signing you out, I just wrote the name that was the person I was looking at. You're Zoe, through and through. I'm not sure that you were ever an Allen..." she chuckled as we pulled into a McDonald's drive through.

#
Mom backed the car into the garage and we both got out, and headed for the door into the house. I had eaten my burger and fries in the car on the way to the house, so all I had to do was toss the bag in the trash. Mom looked at the clock and looked at me.

"Go change. We want to be there at about a quarter after." The clock behind mom's head read that it was quarter till one. I went upstairs and pulled out the blue and black plaid skirt and a royal blue blouse. I put them on and then dug out the loafers. I hadn't practiced walking in them yet, but slipped them on my feet anyway. I walked around the room, until I felt comfortable with the shoes and then headed for the stairs. Walking on a solid flat surface in shoes you've never worn before, is easy to do, but stairs are a different issue... I slowly walked down the steps and into the kitchen. Mom looked at me.

"The blue brings out your eyes, Zoe." She said and then looked me up and down. "You look very pretty." I looked at mom and smiled.

"Thank you." I said, curtsying. Mom's eyebrows shot up.

"Where di-" She stopped herself. "No, I don't want to know." I giggled.

"I learned it from watching Heather when she took ballet a few years ago. I never really practiced it either..."

"Well, you did a decent job..." Mom said, picking up her purse. "Let's go, missy." We went back out to the car so that we could leave the house... I hadn't realized how cool it was outside until I felt the cool air on my legs. The temperature was still well above freezing but it wouldn't' be for long. After I had shut the door, mom got in the car and started it. Her car hand't lost most of the heat that was in the engine, so when she started it my cold legs were hit with a blast of warm air. Mom looked at me. "Go in the house and grab the coat you wore to the mall on Saturday." I nodded and got out of the car, walked into the house and grabbed the coat. By the time that I had gotten back out to the garage, Mom had pulled the car out of the garage and was sitting in the driveway with her foot on the brake and her finger on the button to close the garage door once I was clear of the sensors that would reopen it if something was blocking the path of the door on the way down. I went over and got back in the car, buckling my seat belt. Mom watched the garage door close and then pulled out into the street. That was when I noticed our neighbor, Mrs. Wilson looking at me strangely.

"Mom, I think Mrs. Wilson saw me." Mom bit her lip as she turned onto the road that would take us to the highway.

"Oh well, nothing we can do about it now. Let's just hope that she doesn't know exactly what she saw or we might have issues." Mom said, passing a slower moving car.

"Yeah. I know." I looked out the window as we headed toward the center of the city. Mrs. Wilson had been the nosey neighbor and the neighborhood gossip. She had once spread a rumor around the neighborhood that Heather was a lesbian. Heather's response was something to the effect of 'so what?' "Nothing she can say is going to change who I am."

"I agree, but she can still cause problems..." Mom called dad on her phone. "Hey, We might have an issue. Cheryl saw Zoe leaving the house dressed when we left for the appointment." Mom paused for a second. Dad was probably talking. "I don't know. She didn't have a chance to say any thing and we had the windows up so that Zoe stays warm." Another pause as dad talked. "Ok. We're getting close to her offices so I'll let you go. I'll give you a call when we're on our way home." Mom dropped her phone back in her purse and then looked at me. "He thinks that we shouldn't worry about her... You are going to run into people that don't accept you. We're going to have to deal with them as the come."

#
Mom backed the car into the a parking spot. She looked at me and then patted my left leg. "You ready?" I looked at her.

"Not really..." I said. I had been dreading this appointment in a way from the time that mom had scheduled it. "But I also know that it's required for me to become me. Dad said that she's the best from what he's heard?"

"Yep." Mom replied opening the door. "The best of the best." I got out and felt the cold air causing goose bumps to appear on my legs. I walked around to the front of the car and waited on mom. She walked around the front of the car and we walked next to each other toward the building that housed the office of Dr. Emily Francis. We walked into the lobby of the building and over to the elevator. Mom pushed the button and we waited for the elevator to appear. A few moments later, it appeared and I looked inside and then at mom. I shook my head. I had never liked elevators, never would as far as I could tell. I could think of no specific event that caused this fear and neither could mom or dad. I didn't know if it was because something had happened to me in an elevator, or what, but I was glad that mom and dad understood and would take the stairs. "We are going to the third floor."

#
Mom and I walked through the doorway onto the the third floor. The area that we ended up in was a lobby of sorts with some fake trees. There was a hallway that ran the length of the building and it had doors on one side and windows that looked out on the skyline of the city. Mom walked over to a board that was mounted on the wall.

"Suite 305. That way." Mom said pointing down the hallway. I followed her toward the office. When we got there Mom opened the door. On the other side of the door was a small waiting area. There were only a few chairs and a small table in the corner. The walls were painted a mauve color. Mom walked up to the little window and pushed the button on the wall that would make a bell sound somewhere in the office. I couldn't see anyone on the other side of the window. "Have a seat, Zoe." Mom said. I sat in a chair as someone walked up to the window and opened it. Her and mom spoke quietly for a few moments, and then she handed mom a clipboard with a fair amount of paper on it. Mom walked over and sat next to me. "Paperwork... Fun." Mom didn't sound like it would be that much fun. Mom had just started on the paperwork when the door opened to the left of the window opened.

"All-" the brown eyed brunette stopped when she looked at me. "Zoe. Dr. Francis will see you now." I presumed that this person was Dr. Francis' assistant, Chelsea. I stood up and mom stood as well, tucking the clipboard under her arm. Mom and I walked back through the door and followed the woman back to an office. The person we followed back to the office knocked on the door and then from inside we heard a faint 'Come'. The door was opened and we walked inside. "Doctor, I have Zoe Franks and her mother Katherine for your one thirty."

"Thank you, Chelsea." Doctor Francis said, standing. "Zoe, Katherine, please, have a seat." She nodded toward the couch and chair that sat in the corner of the room next to a window. Mom and I walked over and sat, and I noticed that Dr. Francis was watching me and seemed to be taking notes in her head as I sat and smoothed my skirt out. "Zoe, Katherine, I'm Doctor Emily Francis." She held out her hand to me first which I shook. There was that look of more notes in her head. She shook mom's hand after ward and gave both of us a smile. "So, I don't normally see adolescent patients, but I am seeing you, Zoe as a favor to your dad." I looked at Dr. Francis.

"Thank you, Doctor." I said quietly. She smiled.

"Zoe. You can call me Emily." Emily said. "From what your mom said on the phone with Chelsea on Saturday, you think that you were born in the wrong body, right?"

"Yes," I replied looking at the floor and feeling my face warm as I blushed. I saw a hand come in below my chin, it gently hit my chin and brought my eyes to look into the green eyes that Emily had. I briefly wondered if the color was natural or contacts...

"Zoe." Emily said with a disarming smile. "There is no reason to hide anything from me. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on."

"Yes, Ma'am." I said softly. Emily smiled again.

"How long have you felt this way?" I glanced at mom, who looked like she was curious to know the answer.

"For about three years." I said quietly.

"And why didn't you say anything before now?" This question caught me off guard. I paused to formulate my answer.

"Because I wasn't sure of how my mom and dad would respond. I know what dad does, but I presume it's different when you are talking about your own child." I paused again. "I didn't want them to think any less of me or think that they had failed as parents in some way."

"I see." Emily said, making a few notes on the pad of paper she had brought over from her desk. I glanced around the oak paneled office, there were various paintings around the room that were bathed in spotlights. "When was the first time that you wore an article of girls clothing?" I looked Emily right in the eyes, feeling pretty sure that she wouldn't believe this answer.

"Last Friday." I watched her closely, she looked shocked, blinked and then covered her reaction. "I had often dreamt about it, but had never actually done it. It was a black long sleeved top and a black and pink plaid skirt. My sister Heather had worn it on Thursday, and I figured that since it was in the hamper, no one would know. I did know and the guilt led me to come clean about everything on Saturday morning." There was a jotting of notes again.

"I see." She paused, "Who picked out the clothes that you have on right now?"

"I did." I replied. There was more scribbling of notes. "Mom said that Chelsea said for me to dress the most comfortable way for me to present. All I know for sure is that I haven't been comfortable wearing Allen's clothes to school; everything just feels wrong. When I looked at Zoe for the first time, her eyes were sparkling. Allen's eyes have looked lost and sad for quite some time." More scribbling, I had a feeling that when we were done, I could publish a book with the notes that would be collected.

"Does Zoe have a middle name?"

"Yes." I said, my chin high. "Her middle name is Elizabeth." Emily nodded.

"Who picked her name out?"

"I did. It just came to me when I saw my self in the mirror." Emily nodded again.

"Have you been out dressed as Zoe?"

"Yes. After I told mom, she suggested that we go get breakfast. She went into my sisters room and got a long denim skirt and pink sweater for me to wear. After I put them on and opened the door, she looked at me and told me I was beautiful." More notes from this statement. "That made my day. I'm already small for a guy and I don't think that I am going to grow any more. I have soft skin like my mom and sister. I am a girl with the wrong plumbing."

"What kind of reactions did you get while you were you were out?"

"Nothing remarkable, except when mom was on the phone with dad and she said that she was out with Allen. This older woman sitting across from us looked at me, and then said to her husband that I was not a boy... That was when I realized that the world saw me as a girl." Emily nodded.

"How do you feel about that?" I looked at Emily, putting my thoughts together.

"If the world sees me as a girl, and I feel like a girl, then I should present as a girl. Actually, just me feeling like a girl inside and having the outside match the inside makes me happier than I've ever been." Emily looked at me.

"Ok. You didn't answer the question though. How do you feel about that?"

"I feel alive, like I've found my self after all this time. Allen has been just going though the motions, Zoe is ready to take on the world."

"Who would you rather go to school tomorrow as: Allen or Zoe?"

"Zoe, hands down." I looked at her. "Allen has always done well in school, but I think Zoe will take what Allen has done and improve on it. In some ways I worry about the response that Zoe will receive when she goes to school, but at the same time, all I want to do is be me. I'm not harming anyone by it, even if it is different from the norm."

"Will you give up on being Zoe if people hassle you about it?" I thought long and hard about this question.

"No. Every time you hear of a major struggle that someone has for what is right, there are hardships along the way. I know I'm going to face them. More than likely when I least expect it. I have a decent support system at home, between mom, dad and Heather. I feel confident that I can get though just about anything that comes my way." There were more notes that were jotted down.

"What would you do if the school said that you couldn't attend as Zoe even if you had all of the proper paperwork do do so." Mom spoke up on this one.

"Sue them." She smiled. "With all of the proper documentation, to refuse to allow Zoe into school is discrimination based on gender. There have been precedents set on this issue in other states, and every one I've read about the court has ruled in favor of the defendant." Emily looked at mom.

"This is true." Emily said. "Zoe, could you attend school as Allen until a lawsuit were resolved?" I nodded.

"I've gone to school as Allen for the first seven years of my schooling. Finishing out the eighth year could be done. I wouldn't necessarily like it, but if I had to, I could." Emily nodded and looked from mom to me.

"Zoe, can you wait out in the hall while I talk to your mom?" I nodded and then exited the office. At the end of the hallway, there were some seats with a window that overlooked the river that ran through the city. I didn't know how long I sat there, watching a few boats go down the river, and watching traffic on the highway on the other side of the river before Emily opened the door to her office. Her and mom stepped out into the hallway and looked at me. I had curled up in the chair I was sitting in and had my feet tucked under me. My shoes sat in front of the chair. Emily and mom looked at me and smiled.

"Zoe," Mom said. "Can you come back in here with us?" I nodded, and slipped my feet back into my shoes and they both watched me walk toward them. They let me walk into the office first and then followed me in. I sat where I had been sitting before I had been asked to wait in the hallway.

"Ok, I'm going to cut right to the chase. Zoe, you meet the diagnostic criteria for someone who has gender identity disorder. Essentially, this means that your mental sex does not match that of your physical sex. I've given your mom all of the paperwork that she will need for you to start attending school as Zoe." I smiled. Emily handed me a business card. "Your mom tells me that you have a cell phone. On that card is the number to here as well as my cell phone. I want you to put me in your phone and if you ever have a situation where you are being refused something based on the fact that you are transgender, call me. Your mom also has my numbers. As far as I know, the school district where you live has not had a transgender student. This means that you are going to be the first. I will be meeting you and you mom at the school tomorrow morning." I looked on in disbelief.

"You mean I get to go to school as Zoe?" I looked at her and then at mom.

"Yes." Emily said. "I have a feeling that this is not going to be easy, but you have a support system in place." She looked at Mom. "Seven thirty at Memorial Middle School?" Mom nodded. "Ok. Make sure that Chelsea gets the address, and set an appointment up for two weeks from now, and it can be evening. I'll make exceptions for Zoe, I want her to do well in school." I looked at her.

"Thank you, Doctor." Mom said standing. I stood as well, feeling my skirt tickle the back of my legs.

"Thank you, Doctor. My life is whole now, and I don't have to hide the real me."

"Don't thank me yet, we still have a lot of stuff that we are going need to cover. It's going to take some time." I looked at her.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Well, we need to have a few one one sessions, there is a lot more that we need to discuss." Emily said.

"That makes senses. May I give you a hug?" She nodded and opened her arms. I walked over and gave her a hug. Between her and my family, I had support for what ever life would through my way in the next few weeks. After the hug ended, Mom and I headed for the little counter that was before the door that we had entered.

"What can I do for you, Mrs. Franks?" Chelsea asked.

"Dr. Francis has asked us to schedule an appointment two weeks from now and give you the address to the school that Zoe attends so that she can meet us there tomorrow morning."