The Toilet Seat

by Danielle Leigh-Anne O'Bryan

A mini drabble of misunderstandings and consequences.

Exerpts from Life

-Shirley sat down on toilet in dark bathroom, bites her lip to keep from screaming as her hot tush meets cold marble.

-At the University the next morning Shirley meets friend Veronica at local Coffee shop. Veronica sees Shirley's split lip. Shirley starts with explanation, 'David.........' Interrupted by passing fire truck. Both girls realize they are going to be late for class, kiss and go seperate ways.

-Veronica, who is senior, works in University Labs for course credit and funding. She is pissed off at David, who she thinks is hitting Shirley. She steals latest experimental Nanite that has been pre-programmed for gender change. Security spots her theft, they put her under scrutiny.

-Shirley meets Veronica at cafeteria for lunch. Veronica gives Shirley bag of powder to put into David's morning juice. At Shirley's confused look Veronica touches Shirley on lip, 'For David's problem' she smiles, kisses Shirley and leaves. Security makes note of Nanites being exchanged. Since funded by Government Homeland Security is apprised of situation.

-Next morning Shirley, thinking it practical joke, spikes David's orange juice with powder. Wonders what it will do, laughs and goes to class. Security has been notified what has transpired.

-Next morning David is very sick, has quite the fever. Makes appointment to see doctor. Hours later, ensconsed at favorite table in Coffee Shop, David mulls over what doctor has discovered. David is almost completely changed into Girl. Sitting there with incipent tears threatening to fall, shadow comes over table. David looks up to see Ms. Thomas, Dean of Women at University looking at him with sympathy. Ms. Thomas, who is high priestess of local Coven, sees what has happened to David and feels justice should prevail. Using her formidible magic she locates bag of powder Shirley had thrown in garbage, notes from lab re: Nanites, apports both into small gold box she has created and passes proof to David.

-Before leaving David she sees future event. Reaching into purse she brings out magic ring. Gives the ring to David with a smile. She doesn't explain anything just smiles and pats David on cheek. David smiles absently up at her still engrosed in information from gold box.

-Shirley is with newest boyfriend 'Brad' and is talking about apartment and moving. Brad is more interested in taking Shirley to bed than to what she is saying so misunderstands and thinks Shirley is offering for him to move into her Apartment. They agree to meet later that day at apartment and return to classes.

-David comes home to find Shirley with a very snoopy Brad checking out the apartment. David throws gold box in front of Shirley and demands to know the why of it! Shirley hardly recognizes David as he is now a she. Naturaly she is confused. Meanwhile Brad has opened David's door and is about to go into his/her room. David jumps up and demands to know just what the Fu*k he is doing. Brad mumbles something about moving in. Last straw for David. He pulls Brad out to kitchen where Shirley is reading information about Nanites she had given David. She is overcome with guilt and tries to apologize to David. Too late. David, who is fuming, slaps Shirley across face, new ring he is wearing scratches Shirley. David is yelling that this is His Apartment, He decides who will move in or out. Yells at Shirley to be out by end of week. Bradley apologizes for misunderstanding. 'A day late and a dollar short' David yells. Shirley is in tears. Brad takes her to bedroom to 'Calm' her down. (Right!)

-David sits at table looking at proof of Shirley's dastardly deed.

-Scream comes from Shirley's bedroom and a partialy clad Brad comes tearing out and runs from apartment.

-David goes to Shirley's bedroom, looks in to see a naked girl who is staring at new part of her? anatomy. Shirley is sporting a penis that is bigger than David's used to be. Shirley is almost catatonic. "Serves you right, Bitch!" David says.

-Veronica comes through open apartment door. Smirks at 'David' and says, "Serves you right for hitting a woman. Now you are one!" Laughs. Stops at sight of Shirley at her bedroom door.

-"You did this! Why?" Shirley asks Veronica while tears are streaming down her face.

-"Because he hit you." Veronica answered.

-"David never hit me, David is the nicest, most kind, and understanding man on campus."

-"Your lip?" Veronica starts.

-"I bit it when I sat on toilet with it's lid up. That cold marble is quite a shock!"

-Suddenly apartment is full of security. Veronica is arrested. Shirley is arrested. Gold box with proof is taken. David is taken to Homeland Security's Labs where he is checked out, released, and promised that reparations would be made.

-One of the security team takes David home. He is Foster, son of Dean of Women. Coincidence? I think not. Foster is smitten by the new beautiful 'David'. Asks for date. Both are surprised when 'David' accepts. Plans made. Across campus Mother smiles. Finally her son gets involved. She may yet have grandchildren. She starts process to change 'David' to Diane with appropriate documentation. Diane's change will not affect her impending Master's degree in Nano-technology.

-Dean of Women calls local women's shops and orders complete wardrobe for soon to be Daughter in law. By the time 'David/Diane' returns to apartment after 'Coffee Date' it has all been delivered and put away in 'her' newly refitted Apartment.

-Shirley is later released. Pressure by security gets her kicked out of University. She gets job at Gay Bar/Club as a shemale hostess. Makes good living.

-Veronica goes to jail for twenty years. (Turns out she 'was' mole!)

-Brad discovers he is gay.

-Brad meets Shirley at club. Relationship forms. They are very happy together.

-Diane graduates top of her class. Her Masters Degree get her job in Homeland Security Labs doing research on nano- technology. (Nanites specificately)

-Foster has proposed to Diane and she has accepted. Huge marriage ceremony. Diane inducted into 'Coven'. Mother over moon with happiness when she finds out Diane is pregnant. Holds big baby shower! Foster and Diane live happily ever after.

Moral:

Ladies. You have eyes. You have hands. Put your own toliet seat down!