Ode to a Dreamer

Dreaming, the most pure of actions. Is anything more natural?

Authors Note: This story is written from a first person perspective as a string of consciousness, meaning that there are very short sentences, some of which may make no sense in any context. Almost every line is a metaphor (it was painstaking). I tried to make this as realistic as possible, and in that respect I hope that I succeeded. I hope it provokes a strong emotional reaction from all of you (I know that it did from me). Enjoy.

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I love the morning. With tiny drops of dew shimmering on every blade of grass, it’s an amazing sight. The cool breeze serves as a constant reminder that I am still alive. A figure appears in the corner of my eye. A friend? I break into a dash in the opposite direction. I am afraid. The air blows harshly into my face slowing me down. I reach the top of a hill and stop. I am dreaming. As this realization comes over me I gain a feeling of weightlessness but at the same time discomfort and dread. While I can detect the presence of a dream I have no way of controlling them. I think this has to do with my thirst for the unknown and to experience fantasy but my reason gets in the way and whenever I try and take over my imagination and try to create fantastic things, like right now, my subconscious fights it and turns a once pleasant dream into a nightmare. “Jump” I order my body. It won’t listen to me, big surprise! I gain the feeling of falling; no images just falling, falling forever. I can hear a siren. It’s getting louder.

My eyes snap open and my heart beat is irregular. It’s such a strange feeling being awake, so foreign. My mom is hovering over me talking; I should really pay more attention to her. I think she said something about a babysitter. I don’t really care. A dark figure is sitting in the corner of my room and although I have never seen it before I know it’s a friend. The figure gets up and offers me a hand, I take it. This creature seems to offer me something that nothing else can; warmth, the feeling of being safe. The creature talks to me and I listen even if I only understand parts. It walks in such a powerful yet graceful way. It leads me down stairs to the kitchen where my mother is waiting. She tells me that she made eggs for us while seemingly ignoring my new friend. She’s never paid any attention to me. Why did I think, if even for a second, that she would care? The eggs taste good. I lead my new friend outside and show him my fort. I’ve had so many memories in this fort and none of them were real. I’ve been told many times that I have an overactive imagination, and their theories don’t surprise me because I know that I have an overactive imagination but I always know when something is fake, a gift I suppose.

I can hear the sound of a car starting. My mother’s car, she’s going to work. Such strange machines, they emit such an odor and give the passenger the sense of being trapped inside of a metal cube of death. I look over to my new friend to see if he feels the same, he nods his head. I am overjoyed having finally met someone who thinks in the same way that I do, finally someone else who is right. The grass feels odd, so sharp yet so majestic. I don’t understand anything about nature but I love it. My friend points to the sky, to a bird. It’s blue and beautiful. I don’t understand why people can’t be like birds. It must be so great to fly. I always try in my dreams but my doubt, my common sense always gets in my way. I can’t stand it. My friend tells me that people can fly. They use big metal birds and fit hundreds of people into them in order to get from place to place. I can’t even picture hundreds of people and just the thought of that many helpless creatures packed into a speeding cone of death scares me. I’ve been called a “scaredey cat” by my peers for my reluctance to try out new dangerous things. I don’t understand where their sense of immortality comes from but I don’t think that it’s healthy. I hear a car move into my driveway. My friend tells me that he has to go. A woman steps out of the car, presumably that babysitter that my mother was talking about. As soon as she sees me she smiles and waves at me. Her smile annoys me. How could someone be so happy going to a random house just to see a random person? I can see her walking over to me and I don’t know what to do. She gets to me and asks my name. I choose not to respond. Doesn’t she have anything better to do then to see me? And unlike my friend she doesn’t make me feel safe and she does not seem warm even though she is smiling. I hate this person.

A ball is hurtling towards me. I don’t understand people and their fascination with throwing balls around, it seems so impractical to me. I catch the ball and throw it back. Although I don’t understand the act does not mean that I can’t enjoy it. This girl, Jessica seems to be having fun playing with me. Why can’t she just leave me alone? What did I ever do to hurt her? Why is she so happy? These questions fill me with rage. I ask her why she’s here, but to no avail; it seems that my body won’t listen to my mind, a common event for me even when I’m awake. It usually does not last more then a few seconds though. I try and ask Jessica why she’s here again. But she just responds with a “you know, I mean right?” I don’t understand people and their ways. Pain. My head is in pain. I can feel the grass beneath me. I can hear a panicked voice talking to me. I feel hands beneath me. My bed. I’m in my bed now. I can hear crying.

The door slams. I can hear yelling. Someone is running. My mother is next to me and she seems angry. I really do try to listen to my mother but there is something about her that makes me just want to ignore the words that come out of her mouth. I tell her that I’m alright but her tone tells me that she does not care. I think that’s why I can’t bring myself to listen to her; she does not listen to me so I can’t listen to her. An eye for an eye, a word for a word. I try and get up but my mother prevents me saying that I need to rest and that I’ve been through a lot. I know that I feel fine. How would she know how I feel? I mean it’s my body and I think I know more about it then my mother does. But I also know that there is no reasoning with her so reluctantly I give up and stay in bed. I hate the sense of uneasiness as I enter my most vulnerable state, almost as much as I hate the dreams that I have.

It’s morning. I’m in a field with hundreds of pieces of grass swaying in the breeze. The tiny drops of dew resting on each and every strand of grass mystify me. I am dreaming. A bird chirps overhead. I see a dark figure out of the corner of my eye. The figure looks vaguely familiar. I am scared. I feel weightless as out of the corner of my eye the figure approaches me. I tell my body to “run” but it won’t listen. I am consumed with fear. I feel wet. I open my eyes but can’t see. My vision is restored as I look behind me and see a big white puff. A cloud. The feeling of flight is so great and the sky seems endless. I see a flock of birds in the distance. I am happy. I can hear a noise and it’s loud and unnatural. A figure appears in the distance. It’s approaching me and I’m approaching it. It’s majestic, a gigantic metal cone heading right towards me. It’s beautiful. Pain. I feel nothing. I see nothing. I hear nothing. I am nothing.

My eyes are open. I peed myself. My friend is sitting next to me. He helps me up. I walk down stairs after my friend says that he will clean up my bed for me. I see my mother; she’s sitting at the table drinking something, crying. I sit next to her. She looks up and the tears stop. She offers me food. She tells me that she needs to go to work and that I’m going to be seeing the babysitter again. I nod. I can hear my friend coming down the stairs just as my mother leaves. We go outside together. I ask him what work is and he tells me. He’s a good friend; he talks to me. I see a car pull into my driveway. My friend says that he has to go. I see that women again, Jessica step out of the car. She smiles and waves to me. I smile and wave back. She walks over to me and asks if I want to play with the ball. I nod. She throws the ball to me. I throw the ball back. She throws the ball to me. I throw the ball back. She throws the ball to me. The ball is behind me. I run to grab the ball.

I love the wind. It blows on my hair and makes me feel so good. My feet are hot. Sand feels weird. It’s just thousands of tiny rocks all against my feet. It feels so strange. The ocean is beautiful, such a mysterious place. And it’s so relaxing, so calm. I want to stay here forever. I love the taste of the salt in the air, although I don’t understand how the salt gets into the air in the first place. Birds are flying over my head. I don’t understand how they can fly and I can’t. I walk down the beach alone and happy.

I see some one. Another person? A friend? I walk closer to the figure. It looks and acts like a human but I can’t see its face. Such a strange creature. It says something to me. I can’t understand. It reaches its hand out in an inviting way. I run. The wind is blowing against my face. It hurts. My entire body is in pain. I stop running and lift up my shirt. My skin is bruised. I’m scared. I don’t understand how I could suddenly become bruised everywhere. I lie down on the sand. I hate the sand. It gets everywhere and is really rough. My whole body is screaming to me in pain. The pain is gone. I don’t understand what is going on at all. One second I’m in the most pain of my life and the next second I feel fine. I’m so confused. I get up and begin walking down the beach again. I’m not wearing any shoes! I always wear shoes. Something is not right but I know I’m not dreaming. I’m so confused. I see a person in the distance. They look vaguely familiar. It’s the thing, the same thing that tried to take my hand earlier. I’m scared. I can hear a beeping sound. It’s getting louder.

Everything is black. I can’t see anything. But I can feel everything. I can feel all of the pain. My body is screaming in pain. I can see. Everything is blurry but I can see a white ceiling. I can hear something beeping. I look to the right and I see my friend sitting there.

Numbness overtakes me and my senses fail to function. I hear something about someone being awake. Everything’s a haze.

I can see a girl. She is beautiful. Her amber hair is blowing in the wind. Her long legs planted in the water. She’s looking at me. I can’t keep my eyes off of her. As she approaches, I can hear a laugh, an angelic laugh. It’s coming from her. Her hand is outstretched, beckoning. I take her hand. It’s the softest thing that I’ve ever touched. The girl embraces me.

“Doctor, doctor, she’s awake!”

There are footsteps. A door slides open.

“Do you know who I am?”

I nod.

“I’m pleased to say that the surgery was a complete success, congratulations.”

The dark figure stands. “Did you hear that? It worked, Jessica it’s marvelous. After all this time, you’re a woman now Jessica.”

Crying; I smile at my father.

Authors Note: Damn muse waking me up in the middle of the night and forcing me to write this. Bad muse, bad.

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