The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1340 by Angharad Copyright © 2011 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

The next day after the fawn’s burial, we discovered something had been digging about in the area of the grave. Billie discovered it when she went to put some flowers on its grave. It was probably fox–I personally wouldn’t want to eat anything that had been dead and buried–but foxes don’t have the same preferences–anything that smells like food and is small enough to swallow–will be swallowed.

This is one of the reasons why I’d like to bring in a tax for wrappings on fast food–it might stop the arseholes who dump the bags of waste after a drive through takeaway–from buying the crap in the first place, or fund jobs with local councils to clean up the mess afterwards. As you will gather, I find litter offensive and I’d happily bring back flogging for those who do it. Once you’ve seen a couple of scavenging animals or birds, or marine creatures who’ve died in agony from man’s stupidity, it tends to make you wish the perpetrators should suffer as well.

Fast food is generally fried crap–pity it isn’t literally, ‘cos that would be a way to get rid of some human waste and make a profit–so only morons and teenagers eat it–the problem is it takes too long to kill ‘em–maybe we should add arsenic or some other magical ingredient to help the process?

Yeah, I was having a downer of a day and it was only breakfast time. We laid some hefty stones on the grave and decided that would probably do the job. After cleaning up, I had a lovely day in prospect–buying summer uniforms for growing children.

I left the babies with Jenny, and let Danny go and see his friend on the understanding he would meet us in town. I gave him the bus fare and told him not to spend it on McRubbish. He didn’t. He had a Mars bar for his lunch, or so I found out later.

Meanwhile, I had four girls to get summer dresses for–Billie had none, seeing as this was her first summer in school; Trish, Livvie and Mima all needed two new ones. I bought nine dresses and left Simon’s card feeling quite a bit thinner–he offered to buy them–don’t think he realised how expensive they can be, and only two shops sell them.

Then it was sandals all round, and finally lunch. Of course they all wanted to go into a burger bar–I nearly blew a gasket–so they agreed to have a baguette roll from another franchised place. It was fine and dry and we ate them outside in a small paved area, and washed them down with bottled water. We saved there, we recycled the bottles and filled them at home with tap water–everyone carried their own.

Replete from my tuna salad granary roll, we pushed on to refill the undies drawer, where I bought knickers and socks for everyone. The panties were about the only things they had any choice over and even there it was limited. Regulation knickers for sports, we’d already got.

By the time we caught up with Danny, who needed some more trousers and shirts for school, each of the girls were carrying a number of bags. I gave them the chance to go back to the car and dump it, but they whinged so much about the walk to the car, I changed my mind and made them carry it while we shopped for Danny. His was straightforward and M&S had trousers and shirts in his size, then it was a new pair of shoes.

The only sandals boys will wear are trainer type and they’re not permitted to wear them to school, nor shorts–so they suffer. They are allowed to leave their blazers behind, in my day we had to wear them, so with those and thick trousers we sweltered in hot weather. How I envied the girls in their light summer frocks–mind you they used to complain about them–so we’re never happy, and in cold weather they got cold legs–at least they were allowed to wear boots–in my mum’s day, they were allowed wellingtons but only to wear to and from school–boots were unheard of for children. Nowadays, they can wear trousers in cold weather and seeing some of the clothes kids wear to state schools–they look like scruffy rag bags. Thank goodness, the uniform code at the girl’s school is strict until the sixth form, then they can wear a different uniform.

Back at home the kids disembarked the car to put away their shopping and Danny came back out with me to do the supermarket run. It was unlike him to volunteer, then I discovered he fancied one of the girls–a schoolgirl–who worked part time there. He was too shy to ask her out himself, but hoped if he kept accidentally meeting her she’d get the message. I had to smile, young love is so difficult–I’d hate to revisit my adolescence–assuming I’ve actually outgrown it now.

She was working on the delicatessen counter, so I created the chance for him to speak with her. “Can you get me a pound of back bacon, two pounds of low fat sausages, a pound of Cheddar and two things of Brie, I also want a pound of the sliced honey roast ham and some sliced turkey breast.”

“I can’t, Mum.”

“Why not?”

“I like, can’t, alright?” he blushed scarlet.

“Okay, I’ll get it and while I’m at it I’ll ask her if she wants to go out with you, okay?”

“Muuum, you can’t,” he was now scarlet heading for crimson.

“Why? If you want to go out with her, ask her–or I’ll do it for you.”

I wasn’t–but he didn’t know that–okay, he should have been able to work out that I wouldn’t, because no girl is going to go out with a boy who’s still attached to his mother’s apron strings or lacks the bottle to ask himself.

“So what’s it to be?”

“Alright, I'll get your shopping.”

“Here’s the list–I’ll leave the trolley here for you, I’m off to get some bread.”

I hid behind the aisle and watched him. He was still blushing but she did serve him and after he’d got all my deli stuff, he was still talking to her–oh good. I arrived back with an armful of loaves of different sorts and a bag of bread rolls and dumped them in the trolley.

“Did you get everything, Dan?” I asked sweetly.

“Yesss Mummmm, go away Mum.”

“Oh yes you wanted some dates–didn’t you–I’ll be over on the greengrocer.” I smiled at his discomfort and pretended to walk on unaware of it all.

He caught up with me ten minutes later–“Well, did she bite?”

“No she doesn’t bite, Mum, she’s nice.”

“I meant did she give you her number or a date?”

He blushed–“She did after your unsubtle hint–how could you?”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“Yes–thankfully, she thought you were funny. I told her you batty as a dormouse.”

“They’re different orders–bats are Chiroptera and dormice Rodentia.”

“I didn’t like mean it, literally.”

“Oh okay, I don’t mind being referred to metaphorically as a crazy dormouse. In fact if that means I’m loveable and cute–I’m quite happy with the analogy.”

He shook his head and blushed some more. “Want to stop for a cuppa?”

“Yeah okay.”

“Do you want to watch the trolley or choose what we have?”

“I’ll get it, you have a sit down with the trolley.”

I gave him a twenty pound note and he came back with a pack of sandwiches, a plate of chips and a cake with his carton of Coke and my tea.

“Not hungry then?” I quipped.

“I didn’t have time for lunch.”

“Who’s fault is that?”

“Alright, don’t like keep on about it.”

“Danny, it’s important that you eat properly. I hope as well that you’ll be able to eat your dinner after this lot–because if you don’t, I shall take a dim view of it.”

“I will–what is it?”

“Cottage pie.”

“With chips?”

“It already has potato in it, you don’t need chips as well–besides which you’ve just shovelled a plateful down you. No, if it isn’t enough, you’ll have to have bread with it.”

“Yeah, alright.” The next minute his mobile rang and he was texting like mad–no wonder they get problems with their thumbs–his would be worn out by fifteen at the rate they were moving.

I watched his face and he was grinning to himself–I presume the object of his affection had just called him–young love–altogether now–awwww.