"Oh, no. This is BULLCRAP!!!"

Bet you thought I was about to use the S in BS didn't you? Well, My Pa did not abide a girl using profanity, and since I was now a girl, I guess I'd have to watch what I said.

First thing I did, well better say the next thing, is look at my feet, cause ya know, they felt weird, and not just weird.

So, it's like you were wearing gloves all your life and suddenly you decide for no reason to take your gloves off? Only the gloves were on your feet. And the gloves were calluses.

So, yeah, my feet were SENSITIVE. You know how weird that is? And they were kind of cute too.

It was only after a minute or two that I realized that my toenails were painted.

What the. . .crap.

See, I'm not swearing, honest. Pa would be so proud.

"Who painted my toenails while I was asleep?"

"What are you talking about?" Dani had just walked into the room, and she gasped. Then she giggled. Then she was rolling on the floor laughing.

"Oh my word, that's just too funny?"

"What?"

"Look in the mirror."

For the first time since I'd awoken. . .awakened. . .woke up? . .anyway, since I opened my eyes I saw a full length mirror.

I looked into it. . .and I saw the door. Angle issues. Ok, so I moved as if to stand up, and Dani was there to ease me up.

Yeah, first step and all.

So, there I am standing in one of them stupid paper gowns, looking at the woman in the mirror, and I can't help it.

I began to laugh. A big deep, high pitched, belly laugh.

I looked like some prostitute clown, or maybe Tammy Faye. Yeah, my pa gave me a classical education.

Or maybe like one of them French mimics or whatever. . .

In an instant I was in whiteface, with the black lips and Diamonds on my eyes.

As if my life wasn't hard enough. I have chameleon makeup.

I looked at Dani, examining what makeup she was wearing, and thought it looked nice, so I focused on that look.

Then I turned to look at the mirror again. . .ewww.

I noticed the subtle dissonance in color between my face and Dani's makeup and almost threw up. Ok, a darker shade for the lips, maybe a bit more orange. . .no yellow. . .no. . .um. . .okay I have no idea what you call the color I finally used for blush, but it worked. Lighten the eye shadow, and there we have it. Perfect

I wanted blue nails. . .and before I knew it my entire hand was blue.

Ok, more focus. . .lighten the shade a bit. Perfect. Metallic blue. Same as Pa's truck.

And his nail polish, but he don't know I found his stash of makeup once.

Pink, maybe, for the toes? No. My toes went through a kaleidoscope of color before I finally settled on a hue. No, I'm not going to tell you. A girl has to keep some secrets, like the color of her panties.

Black thong by the way.

So, I got my makeup situated and realize that Dani hasn't said a word the entire time I was applying it and I turned to look at her.

"Honey, you know that flies and spiders love open mouths, right?"

She closed her mouth with a snap, and I begin to realize that this might not be so bad. You know, this body? At least I'll look better in a dress now.

And no it was just the one time. My Pa was drunk off his. . .keister, and thought it would be funny for me to dress in one of his sun dresses.

I definitely didn't have the body for it, and luckily Pa had forgotten he'd told me his little secret by the next morning. I made sure he never got that drunk again.

But now?

Ok, I was tall. I mean tall. And I was what I'd once heard described as willowy, but until that moment I had no idea what the phrase meant. That was me. A little light in the bust, and no caboose to speak of, but all in all not bad. Especially with the makeup.

I didn't like the mousy brown hair thought. It would be so much better if it were, black?

I think it was at that moment that I realized I was a chromatopath.

So, I didn't have a name for it at the time, all I thought was, 'This is. . .freaking awesome. I can change colors.'

So, I started playing with my hair, and finally settled on a sort of rainbow of regular hair color. I ran red into blonde into brown into black. Locks of each patterned randomly over my head. I adjusted some of the blending, and had an effect I could live with. I spent a moment memorizing the look, in case I had to repeat it later.

"Now if only you could do that for other people you could just about put the salon out of business."

"There's a salon?!"

I squealed. I put my hand over my mouth and blushed. and then my entire body turned red. I mean really red, which embarrassed me even more. No one was supposed to know I'd always wondered what happened in that estrogen zone called a salon.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and all of my makeup and hair styling had gone out the window. All of me from my eyes to my hair down to the nails on my feet was a brilliant red.

I would need to keep random thoughts about my color to a minimum.

I closed my eyes and focused on the image of myself just before I got embarrassed at the sound I'd made.

I opened my eyes, and it was all back. Ok, so if I could just keep that focused, then I'd never have to worry about touching up my makeup.

"That is so cool."

So, she handed me some clothing, sweats and stuff, and we went off. I wondered how quickly I could change my color, and so I began trying to match my hand to the color of the wall passing behind it. Without much success I might add.

It's not that I couldn't match the color, just that I couldn't match it that fast.

For a minute or two I'd had images of walking seemingly invisible down the hallway. . .well, I'd have to be naked, but it would have been cool.

Nah, nothing like that. It took me about a half second to change color fully.

I began to get mesmerized by the effect.

Have you ever dropped dye into a jar of water. You know, a single drop. How if slowly spreads from that one point until it begins to take over the entire water?

Well the way my skin changed was nothing like that, but it's still a cool image.

My skin just seemed to. . fade. . .from one color to the next. I watched as it went through all the hues between the first and second colors.

I began testing a bit seeing if I could change it faster by trying closer hues, and ran right into a wall.

A mobile wall, sure, but a wall none the less.

"Watch where you're going. . .meathead." See, right there? I changed it into something less crass.

The guy I'd run into was about as opposite me as you could get. He was broader than he was tall, and built. I mean really built. I felt parts of me I never wanted or dreamed I would have begin to react to his manliness, but I stomped down on them.

Figuratively speaking, of course. I think it's anatomically possible to really stomp on those parts of my own body, even with gams like mine.

Like I said. Classical education. My Pa was the greatest.

He helped me to my feet, at which I blushed. Full body red time. My arms looked like they'd been dipped in red paint.

I closed my eyes and focused on my self-image with the makeup again.

"Dani, am I presentable again?"

She snickered. "Yes, you're presentable."

"Thanks!"

So, we continued on down a hall that was rapidly filling with other kids my age, and figured that it was time I began to pay attention to my surroundings.

There were kids with all colors or hair and eyes, and even one or two with exotic skin colors. I'd never really thought about it before, but it might be kinda cool to experiment with. . .the air was knocked out of me when we reached our destination.

Yeah, I completely lost my train of thought at that moment.

"Welcome to Wardrobe."

It was. . .amazing to say the least. Racks and shelves and lots and lots of clothing. Blazers and shirts and bottoms and jeans. But they were all girl's clothing.

I was still getting over my shock when she brought something to me that could only be a girl's school uniform.

I took one look at it and said what any red blooded American male in his right mind would say.

"Oh, HE. . ."