Chapter 5

"Okay, batter, batter," Riley said from the pitcher's mound. "Swing batter, batter."

I swung as hard as I could. I missed, as usual.

"Steeriiiiikeee two!" yelled Josh Corben, the boy playing catcher.

"Wow, felt the breeze from here," yelled Lucas, Riley's brother, who was playing first base.

"Maybe I should pitch it to you underhanded," Riley said. "You swing like a girl!"

It made me really mad. I wanted to crush it.

And much to my embarrassment, Riley threw it underhanded.

I swung hard, but barely got a piece of it. It popped up maybe 10 feet in the air. Josh easily caught.

Laughter ensued. I wanted to find a rock to crawl under.

"He's not Jack, that's for sure," Riley said as I walked back to the dugout.

This afternoon with the boys was turning into a disaster. Instead of reaffirming my "manhood," it seemed to crush it.

Still, I carried on. I went biking with them, and then fishing. But they kept teasing me the entire time. I finally had enough and grabbed my rod and reel and decided to head back to my grandmother's. But just as as I started my journey up the gravel road away from the dock, I saw a solitary figure sitting on the picnic table.

It's was Mauve. She was wearing a ball cap and writing in what she told me was her journal.

"Wow, you've had a rough day," she said, joining me for the walk up the road.

"You don't know the half of it," I said.

But she did.

Rather than having a "girls day" with Meg and Lindsey, she admitted spying on me all day.

"You're my amigo," she said. "And I wanted to know why you weren't spending day with us."

I told her she really wouldn't understand, that she'd make fun of me if she knew.

She bugged me. And prodded me.

I sat down by a tree.

"I need to prove that I'm a boy," I said almost defiantly.

"And why do you need to do that?" she asked.

And then I told her.

"Because sometimes I wish I were a girl," I said. "There I said it. Now you're going to think I'm a freak!"

"Woa," Mauve said. "Heavy stuff!"

I got up, felt like I needed to run away.

"Can't blame you if you don't want to be my friend," I said as I took off running toward my grandmother's house.

"Hey! Come back!" Mauve yelled. She started running and caught up with me.

"Who said I didn't want to be your friend mi amigo?" Mauve said.

We sat down again. I fought back the tears.

"You really want to be a girl?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Sometimes I do. I like doing girls things. But sometimes I like doing boys things. But I can't do them right."

"Just because you can't hit a baseball doesn't mean you're not a boy," Mauve said. "I can hit a baseball. But I sure as heck don't want to be a stinkin' boy."

She stood up and helped me up.

"Meg and Lindsey are over our house," she said. "I think Meg was really worried about you because you didn't want to hang with us."

I told Mauve that Meg knew how I felt.

"Hey! Where have you two been?" Meg yelled as we walked up the hill to Mauve's house.

"Collin's been doin' boy stuff, and I've been spyin' on him!" Mauve said.

Lindsey and Meg were twirling batons in the front yard.

"We could join them if you'd like," Mauve said.

I remained silent.

"You know, some boys do twirl," Mauve said. "Just because you twirl a baton doesn't make you a girl."

"I know," I said.

"That is unless you want to be, girlfriend!" she said with a laugh. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean that in a bad way."

"That's okay," I said.

"You can call me girlfriend if you'd like," I said laughing in what I thought was a really girlie voice.

"Oh my god, you're so funny," Mauve said. "But let me tell ya something mi amiga, that voice just ain't you."

#####

I couldn't believe Meg pulled it off.

She talked my grandmother into letting us use our tree house built by our grandfather for a sleep over/night of camping with Lindsey and Meg.

My grandfather built us a tree house in an old oak tree with a roof and four walls. He ran wires and electric outlets to the tree where we could have a light and watch movies. There were enough plug-ins for a microwave and a mini-fridge.

We carried up our sleeping bags for a night of movies and ghost stories. We assured our grandmother we were not going to venture out from the tree house. Prince sat at the bottom of the tree to make sure no one bothered us.

"I'm sure grandma's going to stay up all night worried about us," Meg said. "The light's on in the living room."

Our grandmother made us sandwiches and supplied us with chips and crackers. The mini-fridge was stocked with sodas.

If we needed to go to the house to use the bathroom, we had to use the buddy system, which we did a couple of times. My buddy, of course, was Mauve.

We watched the "Last Song" and "Dear John" on the DVD player, along with a few of Meg's dance recitals.

And Meg and Lindsey enjoyed telling us ghost stories. Mauve and I pretended to be frightened, but weren't.

Meg pulled me in her lap and pulled out a hair brush.

"I really like that your mom lets your hair grow out," Meg said. "Mom would never let Jackson's hair grow out as long."

"And he really has beautiful hair for a boy," Lindsey said.

Mauve winked at me. I winked back.

"You really do, mi amiga," she whispered.

Lindsey grabbed Mauve in her lap.

"Meg, you know what?" Lindsey said. "Why don't we French braid their hair?"

"Good idea!" Meg said. "You are cool with that, aren't you Collin?"

I tried to act like I was a little reluctant, but nodded yes.

"Lindsey, pass my the finger nail clippers and the polish," Meg said.

"How 'bout some makeup," Lindsey said. "I believe Mauve and Collin could really use a makeover."

We played along. It was really fun.

"Oh my god! Look how pretty you are!" Mauve said when we looked in Lindsey's hand mirror.

"You do make a beautiful girl, Collin," Lindsey said.

Both Meg and Mauve gave me a strange look. And Lindsey noticed.

"What?" she asked.

"Mauve knows my secret," I said to Meg.

"What secret?" Lindsey asked.

"You can tell her, I don't really mind," I said.

And Meg told her how sometimes I wished I were a girl.

"That's really okay with me," Lindsey said, giving me a hug.

I told her, told all of them, I still had some very weird feelings.

"I mean, I don't know if I don't want to be a boy," I said. "I just don't know."

"Hey, that's okay with us," Meg said.

We didn't say much else about it and went back to our fun. We played a few board games that we told grandma a few days earlier were a little old fashion.

Then slowly, we all began to get a little sleepy watching movies. Pretty soon, I was the only one left awake.

I walked over to the window and looked out into the yard, which was well lit up. And I could see my grandmother sitting in a chair reading a book in her den.

Then a felt an arm drape around my shoulder. I looked up.

It was Meg.

"You know, you don't really have to decide anything," Meg said.

"I know," I said.

"Meg, I'm really going to miss you," I said.

"I'll miss you, too," she said. "Hard to believe our two weeks is almost up."

"I know," I said.

"We could go to the mall tomorrow and get grandma to drop us off," she said. "Just the two of us."

"That would be fun," I said.

"We could get our ears pierced if grandma will let us," Meg said. "Boys do get their ears pierced now days."

Then she suggested I could start wearing my hair in a ponytail.

"It's sure long enough," she said.

"And boys do wear ponytails now days," I said.