(The Story Thus Far: Born out of wedlock in 1929, Merritt Lane McGraw has spent nearly all of his first five years with his mother while she worked as a live-in maid and nanny for a wealthy young widow and her two daughters. Merritt’s mother, Evelyn, found herself in a torrid love affair with Viola Buckner, her employer, while the women’s daughters loved to treat Merritt as a little girl. Merritt was becoming more and more like a girl. To escape the demanding sexual encounters with her employer (which Evelyn feels is sinful) and to take her son away from the feminine atmosphere of the estate, Evelyn left the Buckners and returned home to live with her parents. She soon married Bob Casey, the library clerk and former high school classmate, and they have moved into a second floor apartment above a craft and sewing supply store. Merritt’s days of enjoying “girl time” appear to have ended now that there’s a man in the house.

(Merritt’s stepfather has gone off to war, and was killed in the terrible battle of Tarawa in November, 1943, posthumously being awarded the Navy Cross. Merritt’s mother meantime has taken a job in a war plant making parachutes, and Merritt takes over her dress-making business, which he finds to be a natural fit. Now a high school student, he finds comfort only in being a girl, but still seeks to fit in as a boy.

(Merritt has ventured out as a girl, and his natural femininity attracts the eyes of high school boys as well as a high school girl, with whom he goes to bed. Their innocence — typical for youth of that period — makes for limited sexual experiences, but with much passion, girl-to-girl. His joy in being a girl seems limitless. Must it still be nothing but a dream? )

Chapter 17: The Shopping Trip

The following day was a Saturday, and Merritt awoke, suddenly reliving the excitement he felt the previous night by the attention from Jim, the boy from Lincoln High. He wondered about being held in the arms of such a handsome, strong boy, and pondered about what it would be like to kiss him. Both Billy and now Jim found him so attractive and tempting a girl, he knew. And, his friends Donna Mae and Edith were jealous of him, calling him “prettier” than most girls; and now Dolores Graham wanted him to help her become prettier and more attractive to boys. As if he was an expert at feminine beauty.

Merritt lay on his side, his left arm folded under his pillow. He was wearing a lavender nightie, and there was a sweet, but faint, scent of lilac in the room, a result of his continuing to use a scented soap and lotions. His right hand began to fondle his left upper arm, relishing in the soft, smooth flesh of the slender bicep. He had long wondered why other boys had such muscular arms, while his were so obviously weak, even girlish in appearance. Sometimes, he envied the strong boys, and wished he could do some of their athletics; yet, he knew his limitations, and shied away from such activities, finding solace in feminine ways.

“I love being Marilyn,” he said to himself. “I’m a girl, I’m a girl, I’m a girl.”

His musings were interrupted by his mother, who yelled from the kitchen. “Marilyn, you’ve got a phone call.”

He was so involved in his musings he didn’t hear the phone ring, and he looked over to the ticking alarm clock on the nightstand. “Oh my, it’s nine o’clock already,” he said bolting out of bed. He ran to the kitchen, running his fingers through his hair in a futile attempt to look more presentable.

“It Dolores from the other night, dear,” his mother said, her hand cupping the phone and smiling. “She asked for Marilyn.”

Merritt looked at his mother, somewhat upset at seeing a mischievous glint in her eye.

“Beth said she’d take me downtown to shop today,” Dolores said once the introductions had finished. “I hope you can join us, Marilyn.”

“Let me check with mother,” he said.

His mother said it was OK as long as he was up-to-date on the sewing he had to finish for Swenson’s.

“I can,” he told Dolores, “But it’ll have to be after lunch, since I have some work here first.”

“It’s a deal, Marilyn. I can hardly wait and I love you so much, Marilyn.”

“And I enjoyed you, too,” Merritt said.

They agreed that Beth would drive to Merritt’s apartment and pick him up at 1:30 p.m.

*****
“Oh, darn. This traffic is terrible. I forgot there’d be sales on this day all over town,” Beth said as she drove into the downtown area, stopping in traffic at each light, having to be careful because of the string of street car operating on the tracks in the middle of the street.

Merritt was squeezed into the middle of the front seat, between Beth and Dolores. He smelled the sweet perfume that emanated from Beth, and smiled at the light fragrance. He wondered about Beth, who had been partnered at the New Years Eve party with such a masculine young woman, while she herself remained rather soft and feminine. He began to understand that his own mother’s attraction to Viola went beyond mere friendship; the same seemed to have been true for Beth and her girl friend. In fact, every woman at the party seemed to be teamed up, almost like husband and wife, and Merritt soon realized that all of these women liked other woman. The thought puzzled him a bit, since he was aware of men loving men and he knew they were called “queers” or “homosexuals.” It dawned on him that women could have the same trait, too.

Yet, many of the women at the party had borne children; they must have been with a man at least once. His mother bore him and now she was in love with Viola. What does it all mean?

“A penny for your thoughts,” Dolores said, poking him in the arm.

Merritt was jarred out of his stupor, as Beth found a parking lot to deposit the car. “We’re just a block from Gimbels,” she announced, referring to the largest department store in town.

“Oh, I was thinking about something, that’s all,” he said.

“I hope it was just a little about me,” Dolores said with a mischievous grin.

“Yes, a little about you, too,” he said, realizing that his musings involved his own sexual awakenings and his own attraction to this rather plain girl. It puzzled him greatly.

Dolores grabbed his hand, which felt small inside her firm grasp as she squeezed it.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Beth said, aware of the obvious attraction between Merritt and Dolores. She pulled the car to a stop in front of the parking lot shack to await the attendant.

“We just like each other,” Dolores volunteered.

Merritt merely nodded.

*****
Even in the cold weather, Beth and her two friends wore skirts, along with knee length socks to protect their skin against freezing. All three wore wool coats, which mainly ended just at mid thigh, or so, and protected their heads with wool scarves, Merritt’s being a plain navy blue with both Dolores and Beth wearing plaid.

It was easy to mistake the three as high school girls, since Beth’s cherubic face belied her mid-20s age. Yet, Beth was clearly the leader of the group; she led the girls into the huge department store, just teaming with shoppers amid the Holiday decorations, still prominent from the now-ending Christmas season.

“Come on, little sister,” she addressed Merritt, “Let’s lead Dolores into some nice fashions.”

“Little sister?” Dolores questioned.

“Yes,” Beth explained as they approached the revolving door entrance. “You know, Merry and her mother lived with us for several years and she became like my little sister.”

“Really?” Dolores asked, looking at Merritt. “And you called her, ‘Merry?’”

“She was always smiling, particularly when she played with my dolls. Weren’t you, Merry?”

He smiled, but began to worry where this conversation was headed.

“And she still likes dolls, don’t you dear?”

Now he blushed completely, and Dolores sensing it, quickly changed the subject. “Where are we going?” she asked.

“To the teen department on the third floor,” Beth replied, beginning a charge through the shoppers who clogged the aisles, until they reached the elevators.

*****
It was a mob scene in the teen department, and girls were picking dresses, skirts and blouses off the racks, holding them up and giggling.

“Let’s start with skirts,” Merritt suggested.

Eventually, they settled on two plain wool skirts, both with pleats that went to knee length. Merritt suggested that the skirts should be longer. Dolores had stocky, athletic legs, which detracted from her potential femininity, but both Beth and Dolores had wanted a short dress, typical of the wartime tendency to have short skirts on the pretense to save material for the uniforms of the troops. Beth also suggested some brighter, paisley print cotton skirts, but Merritt again felt the plainer style fit Dolores’s personality better and would tend to draw attention from the girl’s legs. In addition, he had plans for his friend’s new wardrobe, and felt that more colorful blouses might accentuate her truly attractive face and her sparkling blue eyes.

The knee-length, plain wool skirts became a compromise and Merritt could tell his friend was pleased with the choice. While no one mentioned Dolores’s legs, it was apparent the girl was self-conscious about her body, particularly her legs.

They settled on three colorful blouses, including a low-cut peasant top with busy purplish and red and black swirls, a plain silky teal blue top with a high neck and long, full sleeves and a knit brown and pink top with a scooped neck and long sleeves.

“And now I want to get my little sister a gift,” Beth announced when they had finished outfitting Dolores.

“Oh,” Merritt protested. “You don’t need to do that, Beth.”

“Why not? I missed you at Christmas.”

She led the pair to the jewelry counter, and announced, “I want to get my Merry as nice bracelet. And Merry I want you to pick out something you like now.”

“Oh I couldn’t, Beth,” he said. “This is all the expensive stuff. I’ll be happy with some costume jewelry.”

“No honey, this is my gift.”

“May I help you young ladies?” a clerk, middle-aged and graying but still well-coiffured and dressed like she might be headed to a fancy cocktail party soon.

“I want my pretty friend her to have a nice bracelet,” Beth said, nodding in Merritt’s direction.

“Pull up your sleeve, honey,” the clerk said to Merritt. He took off his heavy coat, handing it to Dolores, and then pulled up the left sleeve of his turtle neck sweater, holding his hand out to the clerk.

“Such a lovely arm and hand,” the clerk said. “She should have only the best.”

“That’s what I think,” Beth said.

“I think this is what you need to add some sparkle here,” the clerk said, reaching from the rear into the glass display case. She handed a silver chain bracelet, with dainty star-shaped designs in jade, handing it to Beth who affixed it to Merritt’s arm.

It looked lovely, and Merritt fell in love with the bracelet immediately. It added so much to his femininity, he felt.

“But it’s $24,” he said, looking at the price tag. He knew that was equal to more than half of his mother’s weekly wage at the hosiery works. “It’s too expensive.”

“Nonsense,” Beth said. “We can afford it.”

“Yes, she can,” echoed Dolores. “You know the Buckner fortune.”

Reluctantly, Merritt accepted the gift, giving Beth a sisterly kiss.

“I’m famished,” Beth said, when they had completed the transaction. “Let’s get something at the cafeteria here. They have great sundaes and desserts.”

It was a ritual for women of the era to finish off their shopping with desserts at cafeterias of large department stores; nearly all were renowned for their food and generally reasonable prices.

When they finally found three seats together at the lunch counter, Merritt found himself in the midst of the two girls.

“I want to thank you both for taking me shopping and helping out,” Dolores said.

“We enjoyed it as much as you, dear,” Beth said.

“I’m so happy with what you selected for me,” Dolores said. “I could tell that Marilyn here really knew her fashions.”

“That’s why I wanted her with us,” Beth said. “She’s always better at clothes than I am.”

They both simultaneously kissed Merritt, as the waitress appeared before them. “What’ll it be, girls?”

“A hot fudge sundae,” Beth said quickly, followed by orders for a chocolate malt from Merritt and a strawberry sundae for Dolores.

“I wish I was young again,” a woman sitting to their left. “If I ordered one of those sundaes, I’d put on ten pounds.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Merritt said, not sure what he was sorry about.

“Oh, no worry, dear. I just enjoy seeing three young ladies enjoying themselves.”

“Thank you,” Beth said, turning away from the woman.

“You’re really so lovely, Marilyn,” Dolores said, suddenly.

“Oh,” he said, taken aback.

“Yes, she’s always been so dainty and cute, even when she was small,” Beth added.

“Did you call her Merry before,” Dolores asked.

“Yes, that’s what I called her when she was small. But her mother didn’t like it. She wanted me to . . .

“Call me ‘Marilyn,’” Merritt interrupted, fearing that she might be headed to telling Dolores that his mother wanted him called by his boy’s name.

“But Merry’s kind of nice,” Dolores said.

“And it fits her, doesn’t it?” Beth said.

“Yes,” Dolores agreed.

Merritt smiled. It was so nice to be a girl among girls.

*****
Dolores was insistent. “Marilyn, you have to spend the night with me,” she said as the three were driving home.

Beth had suggested that the three return to the Buckner estate for dinner and to play records; she said that her friend Billie would be there, too. “We can have such fun,” she said. “Billie liked meeting you both, and besides maybe Marilyn will provide us with some fashion advice. Goodness knows, we all need it.”

“Yes, Marilyn, we all need you,” giggled Dolores. “You just have to come tonight.”

“I should get home,” he said. “Mother will wonder about me.”

“No, no, no,” pleaded Dolores. “It’s our last free weekend before school starts again. I love you.”

With that Dolores reached over and kissed Meredith on the mouth.

“But Marilyn’s a girl. She’s not a boy,” Beth said, trying to concentrate on her driving.

Merritt looked toward Beth, who merely winked at him. What was the older girl doing? Did she want Merritt to find his manhood while embracing this strong, plain girl? Or, more likely, was she encouraging a romance between two females, a woman-to-woman romance as she was obviously practicing with her friend, Billie?

“I know I’m supposed to like boys,” Dolores said. “Is this so wrong?”

“Not if we like each other,” Merritt said.

“Oh we do, Marilyn,” Dolores continued. “You’re the first real girl friend I’ve ever had.”

Dolores took his hand in hers now, almost crushing it in her firm grasp. Her hand moved up slightly encircling his slender wrist, one finger moving under the cuff of Merritt’s coat and sweater, gently caressing the soft underside of his forearm. Merritt grew excited by his own powerlessness, feeling so weak in the hold of Dolores’ hand.

“OK, I'll go with you,” Merritt finally said. “We better call mother.”

*****
Billie Orton, Beth’s friend, had close cropped dark hair and wore slacks and a jacket with a white shirt and oversized tie, which enhanced her masculine looks. Yet, she had a pretty face and an open, gregarious disposition. It was easy to why Beth had such affection for her friend.

“Does Billie know about me?” Merritt asked Beth when they were alone.

“No, she thinks you’re all girl. I don’t know how she could ever mistake you for a boy.”

“I didn’t think so,” Merritt answered, smiling. “I like her, Beth.”

“Don’t you dare lead her on, Marilyn,” Beth said, her voice a bit stern. “She really likes sweet tender girls like you, dear, and she’s mine, all mine.”

“Oh Beth, I wouldn’t do that. I just said I liked her.”

“Ok darling, but you’re so pretty, you seem to attract all sorts of attention.”

Merritt blushed, pleased with the compliments.

“So hands off, dear,” Beth said, but the warning was accompanied by a smile.

The evening was spent playing charades, and Merritt found his impersonation of Gypsy Rose Lee, a famous stripper of the day, to be the hit of the night. Gypsy Rose’s tantalizing show was marked by the fact that she never too it all off, and used her considerable acting talents to arouse her audience with the unfulfilled expectation of seeing everything. Merritt that night stripped down to his bra and panties, careful to hide the stuffing in the bra and the tucked penis. His slender, white, smooth body could only be seen as that of a girl, he felt certain; neither Billie nor Dolores thought otherwise.

After his performance, Billie hooted and hollered, beckoning Merritt to sit on her lap, playing the role of a love-struck middle-aged man at a Burlesque show.

Merritt feared he’d be forced to sit on her lap, where the mannish woman’s hands might eventually locate his diminished manhood, exposing his own charade as Marilyn. He was pleased when he saw Beth give Billie and angry jab in the ribs, and he danced out of the room, to put his clothes back on.

*****
“What else do girls do when they have sex?” Dolores asked, as they were in bed together, both in nighties.

It was so naive, Merritt felt, but it was something he seemed to like about this girl -- her open honesty and frankness. Did Dolores feel, he wondered, if the girl in her arms was vastly experienced in these areas? The idea made him want to blush; the truth was: he was pretty much in the dark about women, like what his mother and Viola and the others did in private. He really was in the dark about how it worked between a man and a woman.

“I don't know,” he said, echoing her honesty.

“I thought you might,” she volunteered. “You seem to know so much about how a girl should dress and present herself.”

“I guess we'll find out someday,” he replied. “Maybe it'll come naturally.”

“You're so sweet,” Dolores said, gathering his fragile body in her strong arms, kissing him almost to suffocation, as his tiny penis swelled in pain.

How he loved being held by this girl. He loved her athleticism, feeling the smooth, trim muscles of her arms and the hardness of her husky thighs. As the two hugged, kissed and caressed, the excitement in both grew to a frenzy; the bed rocked in the rhythm of their passion. Both of their bodies grew wet with perspiration, and Merritt's penis grew amazingly hard and the pain intensified. He licked the salty sweat from Dolores' right armpit, burying his head tightly against her body.

Suddenly, almost in unison, a flow of juices filled between the legs of both of them, their passion giving mutual satisfaction.

Merritt weakened when he finished, but Dolores seemed to continue to hold him firmly.

“You too,” Dolores said, giving out with a slight laugh.

“Yes, and we did it together.”

He collapsed in her arms. Never before had he been so happy.