Santa's Dilemma

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Synopsis:

Santa doesn't know what to do to fix the situation

Santa's Dilemma

by Dru

Slightly re-edited - Thanks Pippa

A Holiday Story Contest Entry

Story:

Santa’s Dilemma

by Dru

It didn’t seem like a big thing at the time. Santa was sitting at his desk and going through the Christmas requests. You know the drill, he was checking his list to confirm who had been naughty and who had been nice. He was also trying to figure out how to fulfill the requests of many of the children. One in particular this season puzzled him. It was a simple request, the child wanted a dress up doll and several outfits for the doll. That wasn’t what caused his dilemma. It was the fact that the request was from six year old Peter Allen.

Santa knew that Peter had been a good boy all year. Peter was the youngest of five children. His father, David, worked for a large corporation and traveled quite a bit as part of his business. His mother, Patricia, had been a teacher, but when the children were born she decided to stay home. Since Peter had started school his mother helped out with his sisters’ Brownie troop and also was a substitute teacher. He had two older brothers. James or as he was known, Jim was fourteen. Randy the second oldest was twelve. There was a four year gap between Randy and his older sister Angela, who was eight. His other sister was his twin Paula. She was 28 minutes older than he was and she never let him forget it.

When he was younger his mother thought it was cute to dress his sister and him in similar clothes. She didn’t try to dress him as a girl, but since they were dressed similarly many people commented on how cute the girls were. When his mother took Angela out with Paula and him the problem was compounded. All three took after their mother. Also, Angela wanted sisters to play with not yucky brothers. As a result Angela often treated Peter as a younger sister.

When Patricia was pregnant with the twins she had hoped that she would have a baby girl. That way they would have two of each. The doctors were surprised when they discovered that she was having twins, even more so when they were born and were fraternal twins. Patricia loved both her twins and treated them the same. Peter was a quiet baby and his mother found him to be easier to deal with than his brothers had been at that age. He played well with his twin and didn’t tend to roughhouse like the other boys.

It became more complicated one day when Angela decided to dress Peter in one of Paula’s dresses and play house with Paula and Peter. Peter was four years old at the time and found the dress, shoes and petticoats fascinating. All of this combined to make Peter a confused boy, especially since the dress-up was repeated many times over the following years. Sometimes Peter would suggest to Angela and Paula that they play house. He enjoyed playing with his sisters and was close to them. He also often helped his mom in the kitchen and had fun doing that.

It probably would have helped if Peter were closer in age to his older brothers, but since they were more than six years older than him whenever they played with him he either got hurt and cried or his brothers called him a baby and stopped playing with him.

Now here it was Christmas time and instead of asking Santa for a sled or toy truck Peter had asked for a doll and doll clothes. Santa wasn’t sure what to do. By now the older brothers had stopped believing in Santa Claus, but Angela, Paula and Peter still believed. If Peter had been a couple years older Santa would have ignored the request, given Peter something he hadn’t asked for and the child would have started down the path of not believing that Santa was real. But, Peter was only six years old. Santa just didn’t know how he could do that to a six year old. Plus, you had Paula to consider and Peter was such a nice little boy he was supposed to get what he wanted.

Santa finally got up from his desk, he needed to talk with someone about this. He went in search of Mrs. Claus and Elmer the chief Elf. He found them and Esther, Elmer’s wife, packing up presents for children in England. Santa explained the situation to the three of them and the problem was tossed around. Initially it was suggested Peter be given a GI Joe or Ken doll as that would be a compromise. However, Santa pointed out that the letter specifically requested a girl doll and girl clothes. No one was sure what to do, but since Peter was such a good boy they agreed he should have what he wanted.

***

Christmas morning at the Allen’s was always a special time. The big tree was set up in the Great Room. There was Garland on the stair railings and the lights on the tree blinked and faded in and out at different times. In the corner the gas logs in the fireplace flickered. The stockings were hung on the mantle and nutcrackers guarded the hearth. Since Mrs. Allen didn’t work full time she had spent a lot of time decorating the tree and the home. Both Dave and Pat knew that this was probably the last year Angela would believe in Santa and after that Paula and Peter would also lose their childish innocence and belief in Santa. Angela was already starting to question the existence of Santa Claus and many of her friends had been told by their older siblings that Santa wasn’t real. They had decided to try and make this a special Christmas for their family. There were probably more presents under the tree than there should be, but they hoped their children would appreciate their gifts and experience the Christmas Spirit.

The family tradition was to have fresh baked nutbread for Christmas morning. As the children gathered around the tree the excitement was clear on their faces. Even the older boys were virtually jumping up and down in their seats. Where last night when they went to bed the space under the tree was empty, this morning presents were all around the tree and extended out several feet from the base of the tree. The children’s eyes sparkled as they waited anxiously for permission to open presents.

They all knew what was to happen. Each of them could get three presents from under the tree and put it in their spot. They then each opened one present at the same time and then took turns opening the other two presents. They also got to clean out their stockings at this time. After those presents were opened they would stop and have some fresh nutbread and milk or hot chocolate. After the snack the remainder of the presents would be opened. Mr. Allen was charged with manning the video camera and Mrs. Allen had her digital camera for the still shots.

The kids had their three presents and their stockings laid out in front of them ready to tear into them when their dad said “Go to it kids”. With that the paper flew and the stockings were dumped unceremoniously on the ground. Then the kids took turns with the remaining two presents. Peter received a baseball glove, a fire engine and a fire helmet. Paula got nurse’s cap, a play hospital and a pretty dress. If anyone had been watching carefully they would have seen the momentary disappointment in Peter’s eyes when he opened his presents and the flicker of longing when he saw the pretty dress that Paula received.

However, it was Christmas morning and everyone was shouting and laughing and Peter knew he would have fun playing with the fire engine, just not as much as a doll. Still as they gathered around the kitchen table for the warm nutbread with butter melting on it Peter was all smiles. As far as he was concerned this was the best part of Christmas. If he ate all his bread he could probably talk his mom into letting him have a sugar cookie with frosting.

He knew there was a special angel and a Santa that he had decorated all by himself, but he wasn’t going to eat those now. He had helped his mom bake the cookies and then she let him help decorate the cookies. But these two were his pride and joy. The angel had a pretty dress and lace around the neck. She had blond hair and blue eyes. She even had a halo of silver. The Santa was special with a big smile. Peter could imagine Santa smiling like that when he turned from placing the presents under the tree knowing he had given the children what they wanted.

When he finished his slice of nutbread he asked, “Mom, can I have a sugar cookie with icing”?

His mom looked at him, smiled and said, “I guess so, this a special day, but only one I don’t want you spoiling your breakfast.”

Peter jumped up from his chair and ran over to the kitchen counter and pulled down the Christmas tin that held the sugar cookies. He tried to get the top off but couldn’t manage it. Finally his dad said, “Hey champ, give me the tin and I will get it open and I think I’ll have a cookie myself” He handed the tin to his dad and the tin was opened in no time. Everyone reached for the cookies at the same time. Peter managed to grab a camel, but didn’t see his special cookies. He looked around to make sure that neither Jim or Randy grabbed them. His mother saw him looking around and bent down and whispered to him, “Don’t worry, I put your special ones away for you, I know how hard you worked on them”. Peter knew at that moment that he had the most special mom ever. He reached up a gave her a big hug.

After everyone finished their cookies it was back to the living room to open up the rest of the presents. Mr. Allen sorted out all the presents and placed them in front of the children as they sat scattered around the floor. As Mrs. Allen looked at her precious family and took a couple pictures she thought that maybe they had gotten a little carried away with all the presents. The tradition was for everyone to take turns opening their presents, but Jim and Randy seemed to open two to everyone else’s one. By the time they had theirs all opened everyone else still had several left to open. Jim and Randy grabbed the two new video games and headed off to the family room to see how many levels they could master. Mrs. Allen was not happy, but knew that her two older boys were a lot like her husband and had very little patience for things like opening presents as a family.

The two girls and Peter took their time opening up their presents and even took time to complement the others on the gifts they received. Mr. Allen had the video running and Mrs. Allen kept snapping pictures as the presents were opened or as one of the children held up what they had received. Finally everyone but Peter was done. He had two presents left. He picked up one and start to unwrap it. As he tore at the paper with his little hands he saw a pink box and some hair. As the paper came off he knew it was just what he had asked Santa to give him a dress up doll. As he went to open the box Paula flew across the room and tried to take the box away from him. She screamed, “It’s mine, it’s mine, the dolly is mine, Santa made a mistake”. Peter yelled back, “No he didn’t make a mistake, it’s mine, its what I asked him to bring me.” Neither parent knew what to make of this scene.

Both children kept claiming that the doll was theirs and finally Mr. and Mrs. Allen had to separate them. This was the first time Mrs. Allen could remember these two fighting, they always had gotten along well together. Even though the two were separated they continued to make a fuss. The two boys came out of the family room to find out what all the ruckus was about. When they heard that the two youngest children were fighting over a doll, they started to laugh and then taunt Peter and call him a sissy and a baby. That was it. Peter went running at Randy and tried to hit him. Randy pushed him away. Peter fell backwards and hit his back on the coffee table and knocked over the flower arrangement which was on the table. Peter then rolled up in a ball and started to cry.

Mr. Allen told the boys to go to their rooms and stay there until he dealt with them later. Angela was picking up the flower arrangement. Paula went to try and help her twin but he pushed her away. Mrs. Allen picked Peter up and held him. “Honey, everything will be all right. The boys didn’t mean anything by what they said. If you want a doll we can get you a doll, but boys don’t play with dolls.”

Peter didn’t say anything. Paula walked up and tried to hand the doll to Peter. He took it and threw it across the room. After he stopped crying he got off his mother’s lap and went to his room. Angela came in an asked him if he wanted to play house. “Boys don’t play house, I’m a boy so don’t ever ask me to play house again”. Peter continued to play quietly in his room. However, he spent a lot of time just staring out the window. Paula came into his room and sat down. “I’m sorry Peter, I know it was your present and I don’t know what came over me. It won’t happen again. Would you like to come into my room and play.?”

“You’re right it won’t happen again because I’m never going to play with girl’s things again. Since your room is all girl’s thing and boys don’t play with girl’s things I just stay here in my room. Goodbye.” Paula got up and walked slowly out of the room. She had never seen her brother like this and she just wanted to make it better, but she didn’t know how to fix it.

What had started out as a wonderful day in the Allen household had suddenly become a disaster. There was a dark feeling in the house and no matter what anyone tried to do the happiness of the morning was lost. Peter refused to come down for breakfast. Mrs. Allen took a plate up for him but he didn’t eat anything. He was required to sit with the rest of the family for Christmas dinner. He ate some ham and green beans but didn’t talk unless he was spoken to and then his answer was a one word answer. After dinner he returned to his room and stayed there the rest of the day.

Randy and Jim were grounded for Christmas vacation. This did not go over well with them but both Mr. and Mrs. Allen made it clear that hitting their brother or teasing him was not acceptable in their family.

Everyone assumed Peter would bounce back. He always did. Peter had always been a loving child who smiled constantly and brought joy to the family. After that day he seldom smiled. Every once in a while he would let his guard down and laugh at something but it would only last for a moment and then the stoic unhappy child would return. He did what he was asked but he refused to play with his sisters or brothers. He would sit and play by himself or read a book.

At school he would answer the teachers questions and do his assignments. At recess he would play by himself. He would often be seen swinging by himself. If he set on the teeter totter and someone else came along he would get up and leave. He was a very solemn and lonely boy.

Paula and Angela attempted to bring their brother out of his funk, but nothing they tried worked. A despair settled over the girls at the loss they had suffered with the withdrawal of their brother.

Peter was not small for his age, but one day a couple boys started to tease him about being a loner and suggested he should play with the other girls. Peter picked up a rock, threw it and struck one of the boys in the chest. He then chased the other boy until he knocked the boy down and climbed on top of him. He sat on top of the boy hitting him until a teacher bodily picked him up and removed him. He was sent home from school for the rest of the day.

The next day Peter and his parents were required to be at school in the morning to meet with the Principal, Mr. Sampson. It wasn’t clear if he would be able to return to school. The Principal asked, “Peter why did you throw the rock at John and hit Gary with your fists?” “I’m a boy and they called me a girl. I will fight anyone who calls me a girl”. “Peter, that is unacceptable behavior and if you do it again you will be suspended from the school.” “Mr Sampson, I will not start a fight, but if they pick on me or call me a girl I will fight them.”

Peter was allowed to return to class. Mr. and Mrs. Allen stayed to talk with Mr. Sampson. Mr. Sampson started the conversation. “What happened to Peter, he used to be a happy and fun child, he played with his classmates and participated in class? Since he came back from Christmas vacation he has been a different child. He is quiet, withdrawn and he now a loner. What happened”?

Mr. Allen thought for a moment and then spoke. “On Christmas morning we were opening presents and Peter and Paula got into a small fight about a toy. The two older boys called Peter a sissy and a cry baby. Peter tried to hit Randy and Randy knocked Peter into the coffee table. I told him he had to grow up and act like a boy. Since that time no matter what we do Peter is withdrawn, surly and generally non-communicative.”

“Well Mr. and Mrs. Allen if he doesn’t come out of it soon I think you need to consider professional counseling. He appears to be a troubled child. He is not the caring child he once was. I hope we can get him back”.

A few weeks later Mrs. Allen was sitting in the den going through the Christmas pictures on her computer to sort them out and file them away. She paused when she came to the picture where Peter was opening up the fire truck. The look that the camera had caught was one of disappointment. She hadn’t noticed that when she took the picture. She had thought he was happy with the truck. Especially since he now played with it whenever he was in the sandbox outside. A few pictures later she saw the look on his face as he removed the last wrapping paper from the doll. It was a look of utter joy and happiness. That was the last picture as immediately after that the fight had broken out. She remembered that the doll was now in Paula’s room but no one played with the doll. It was like everyone knew it was Peter’s but he would have nothing to do with it.

Just then she heard Peter screaming. “Get away from me I’m not going to play dress up or house with you. I’m a boy and boys don’t play with stupid dolls.” She looked out of the den in time to see Angela and Paula sitting on the floor with sad looks on their faces as Peter’s door to his room slammed shut. Angela looked up at her mom and asked, “Mom, why won’t Peter play with us anymore? He used to like to play house with us and dress the dolls and pretend with us. Now he won’t do anything with us.”

“I don’t know Angela, but I think it’s time I find out. You two go on up to the playroom and find something to do I want to talk to Peter.”

And talk she did, over the next several months she would spend hour after hour talking with her son. She tried to find out what was bothering him or what he wanted. He would talk with her but he never really answered her questions.

It was a difficult time for the Allen family. Peter did well in school. His teachers commented that he didn’t seem happy, but he did what he was asked without complaint but didn’t socialize with any of the other children.

It was especially difficult for Paula. She had always played with her brother. They did everything together, but now she was alone. Angela tried to help, but it wasn’t like being with her twin. She sometimes blamed herself. If she hadn’t fought over that stupid doll this would never have happened. One afternoon she decided to do something about it. Peter wouldn’t talk to her or play with her. He was outside playing on the swing set. She knew if she went out there he would come back inside. That was just the way it was now.

She picked up the doll that had caused all the problems and the clothes that had been in the last present, took them into Peter’s room and arranged them on his bed. She fluffed up his pillows and leaned the doll back against the pillows. The clothes were scattered on the bed. She partially closed Peter’s door as she left.

She went upstairs to watch TV in the playroom in the attic and lost track of time. Later she heard a pounding and went down stairs to investigate. As she went towards Peter’s room she could tell the noise was coming from his room. Her mother was a few steps in front of her. As her mother opened the door Paula looked into the room to see Peter banging the doll on the corner of his desk. One arm and one leg were missing and the head was smashed in. The doll clothes had been cut up and were strewn around the room. He looked past his mom glared at Paula and screamed, “I told you I am a boy and I don’t play with dolls”. With that he threw the doll in the wastebasket and slumped in the corner of the room. Paula started to cry, she was almost seven years old but she didn’t know what to do.

Patricia Allen didn’t know what to do either, her two babies were hurting and she didn’t know how to help either of them. She reached out for Peter but he pulled away. Paula ran to her mom and hugged her as they both cried. But Peter was a boy and he didn’t cry. He hadn’t cried since Christmas morning and he had promised himself that he would never cry again.

That night Pat and David decided that they needed to get professional help for Peter. The next day Patricia contacted an acquaintance of hers who was the leading child psychologist in the area, Anna Shafer. She made an appointment for Peter and Paula. The children didn’t want to go, each for their own reason. Paula was afraid that the Doctor would tell her it was all her fault. She already knew that and didn’t need a Doctor to tell her that. Peter didn’t want to go because he knew there was nothing wrong with him. Boys were tough and he didn’t need to go to any sissy doctor.

They both met with Dr. Shafer weekly over the next several months. Paula was responsive to the therapy and improved in her general outlook, but still had a sadness to her because of Peter’s resistance to any change. The doctor had spent hour upon hour of talking with Peter. He would open up about school, his feelings towards his parents and his siblings. However, whenever she attempted to discuss his personal thoughts, his dreams and desires a wall came up. He merely stated that he wanted to grow up to be a strong man. She attempted to get him to explain what that met to him. Again the wall came up and he would deflect her questions.

One day Dr. Shafer asked what Peter’s favorite flower was. Peter seemed to be caught off guard, he started to answer then the wall came back up and he merely said the boys don’t like flowers. After the session was completed, Dr. Shafer asked Patricia to call her as they needed to talk.

Later that week the two women sat down to talk. “Pat, I think I have an idea what we may be dealing with, but I’m not certain that we will be able to ever break through the wall that Peter has constructed. I think that Peter enjoyed playing house with his sisters. He was closer to them than his brothers and found the pretend to be fun. I think he really wanted that doll and wanted to play with the doll with his sisters. But, when the entire family reacted the way they did he found himself totally embarrassed and didn’t want to ever experience that again. He withdrew and has created his ideal of what being a boy is. In his mind there is no caring, no touching and no affection if he is a boy. If he doesn’t care he can’t get hurt again. The problem is he can go one of two ways and I’m not sure which way he will go. I can’t predict it. He will either get more and more withdrawn or his old personality will start to come back. If his old personality starts to reappear we have a chance. If he becomes more and more withdrawn we may eventually have to institutionalize him to protect him from himself and others from him.”

“Anna, how could this have happened from just one incident?”

“It is really hard to say, especially since Peter won’t talk to us about it. But, if I had to guess I’d say he was feeling that he liked being a girl, maybe even wanted to be a girl, and by asking for a doll he was hoping he could let you and Dave know that he was feeling that way. When things didn’t go the way he hoped he didn’t have an alternate plan. He just knew at that moment he couldn’t tell you and everyone was expecting him to be a boy so a boy is what he is going to be.”

“I would suggest that slowly the girls start playing quiet games in the area where Peter is. He has effectively isolated himself from the family and his friends. He won’t open up immediately, but if over time the girls are in the same room and he watches them play we may be able to get him moving in the right direction. The older boys could help by playing video games that might interest Peter while he is in the room. We need to try and reduce his isolation. But, it will be a very slow process.”

Over the summer months and into the fall the family attempted all different types of approaches. Very little seemed to help, but Peter didn’t seem to slip any further away. Patricia and Dave were getting to the end fo their rope. They kept trying but nothing seemed to work. Pat and Dave started meeting with Dr. Shafer to have her help them with their disappointment. Dr. Shafer did point out the progress that had been made with Peter and encouraged them to continue.

The worst time was on the twins seventh birthday, October 17th. Paula wanted to have a party but Peter didn’t want to do anything. Finally it was decided that the family would go to “Fun & Games” for pizza and games. Everything was going well until a couple of Paula’s friends came up and asked her to go with them. Her parents said it was okay and off went the girls. Everyone was laughing and talking, except Peter, he was just sitting there with a plastic knife sawing back and forth on his wrist. His dad finally noticed him and quietly took the knife from him and put his arm around his son. After a little bit they went home. After everyone else went to bed David Allen sat in the family room and wept. He cried for the loss of his child and his inability to do anything to help him. He felt Peter slipping further and further away and felt a part of his heart break apart.

Unknown to him a small figure stood in the door and watched his father cry. He didn’t understand how a grown man could be crying. Men don’t cry. Peter turned around and walked quietly back into his bedroom.

The next day was a Saturday and Peter silently watched his father. He noticed how he kissed his mother, hugged his sisters and even his brothers. He realized that a man could show affection and care about people and still be a man. That was a small turning point for Peter and he did seem to come out of his shell and would interact with his family on a limited basis.

***

As Christmas approached everyone in the Allen household remembered the previous Christmas and wondered what would happen this year. There was a feeling of foreboding that seemed to permeate the home. Pat spoke often with Dr. Shafer to try and figure out how to approach the Holidays and what to do with Peter. It was decided to try and have as normal a Christmas as possible. Even with that it seemed everyone was on eggshells around Peter.

If the Allen household was troubled there was a not so jolly man up at the North Pole who was even more concerned. Over the centuries Santa Claus had helped many a child and granted wishes way beyond the mere giving of toys. But never had he faced such a dilemma. He felt totally responsible for Peter’s condition and felt that he needed to make it up to Peter. He, Mrs. Claus, Elmer and Esther had discussed the problem over and over all year, but he still wasn’t certain what to do. He had contacted a few of his mystical friends who had given him some ideas but he was no closer to an answer than he was six months ago.

Peter never sent a letter to Santa this year. His mother had encouraged him but after last year there was not a way in the world that he was ever going to talk to Santa or write to him again. Paula on the other hand knew what she wanted for Christmas and sent her letter off to Santa.

Dear Santa,

I don’t want anything for me this Christmas. Well I guess I do, I
want my brother back. He use to be my bestest friend. He would
play dress up with me and we would pretend we were sisters,
I was Paula and he was Petra. We were so happy. I won’t ever
make him do that again, but could you please bring him back to us.

Love,

Paula Allen

When Santa Claus read the letter he still didn’t know what to do. There was no magic spell he could cast to make Peter happy. There wasn’t any toy that he could think of that could change Peter’s outlook. As Christmas got closer Santa Claus was running out of ideas and time.

On the afternoon of Christmas Eve Santa was again sitting at his desk still trying to solve his dilemma. Everything was ready for later that evening. The sleighs were loaded and positioned in strategic places around the world. But, he still hadn’t decided what if anything he could do for Peter.

He pulled out Peter’s previous letters. They started when he was three and ended when he was six. Not much, but it was all he had. The letter when Peter was three was a drawing of a Christmas tree and what looked like presents. It was signed with a “P”. His four year old card had printed on it “To Santa” in big letters. Underneath was one word “presents”. There was a drawing that looked like it was supposed to be a reindeer(maybe). He had signed it Peter.

The card when he was five years old was covered in gold and silver star stickers. He had asked for a doll for his sister Paula and a stroller for Paula’s doll. He asked for games for him. His signature was a jumble of letters. Santa knew it was from Peter but there looked like there was an a in the signature.

The six year old card was very nice. On the cover Peter had printed "To" and below it drew a very nice picture of Santa with a big smile on his face. On the inside cover was a picture of an angel. The angel had a pretty dress with lots of lace. She had blond hair and blue eyes and a halo of silver. You could almost feel a sense of peace while looking at the picture. On the other side was written:

Dear Santa,

I think I have been good this year. I don’t want much, but if
you could bring me a dress up doll and some clothes then I
could play with my sister and we could be real sisters.

Thank you,

Petra

As Santa looked at the card he started to smile like the Santa on the front of the card. His dilemma was solved, he knew what he was going to do.

That night the Allen family went to the candlelight service at church. As the Carols were being sung Peter stood alone at the end of the pew and looked up at the angel suspended from the ceiling proclaiming the coming of the Christ Child. As he did he started to cry silently to himself. Paula who was standing next to him looked at him reached out and took his hand. Peter turned to her and hugged her for the first time in a year. Patricia stood next to her two young children openly weeping, her child was coming back to her.

After the service they returned home and the twins were shuffled off to bed. Peter asked if Paula could sleep with him and his parents happily agreed, however, with an admonition that they had to go to sleep and could not stay up talking.

Angela had announced to her parents in early November, that like Jim and Randy she knew there was no Santa Claus, but she still wanted to be surprised. She went off to bed shortly after the twins. Dave and Pat stayed up and put the presents under the tree. Dave had to eat two of the sugar cookies and a peanut butter ball on the plate. The milk, however, was poured down the sink.

After everybody was settled in for the night Dave and Pat headed off to bed. As they laid there they talked about how Peter seemed to be getting better, but slowly and maybe next year their loving child would come back to them.

As they drifted off to sleep they did not hear the soft footsteps passing by their door on the way to Peter’s room. If they had, they might have seen the glow that soon appeared as Santa delivered his gift to Peter. Santa returned downstairs where he left his special presents for the twins and smiled a big smile as he turned from the tree and disappeared in a flash of light.

As Peter awoke the next morning he knew something was different. As he slowly came awake he was entwined with Paula in a way he wasn't sure was possible. He, he had been a he, but now she was a she. As she started to slowly untangle herself from Paula she realized that her silent dream had been answered. She was now truly who she wanted to be, Petra! As she was trying to sit up all of a sudden she was tackled from behind. "Petra, Petra you're finally here, screamed Paula"

Hey, slow down, I'm just trying to get used to this. Paula wrapped her up in a gigantic hug. As Petra was finally able to sit up she noticed a note on her nightstand. It read:

Petra,

You and Paula are the only ones who know that
the change took place. Everyone else will remember
that you were always a girl. I know you will
enjoy your present. Please enjoy your life.

Love always,

Santa

***

The next morning Dave and Pat awoke to the screams of their twin daughters. Paula and Petra were jumping up and down on their parents bed urging them to get out of bed. It was Christmas morning and there were presents to be opened. It didn’t make any difference that it was 6:30 in the morning. It was Christmas. Pat grabbed Paula and pulled her to her. Paula squealed and told her mom to let her go. Dave grabbed Petra, pulled her down and started to tickle her. Paula tried to come to the aid of her sister, but she was being tickled by her mom. Both girls squealed with delight. Dave pulled Petra into a hug and said, “I love you so much Princess” and Petra responded saying, “Daddy I love you whole bunches” and she began to giggle again.

The four happy people arm in arm went to wake up Angela, Randy and Jim. Soon the smell of baking nutbread filled the house and the seven walked into the Great Room to look at the presents under the tree.

There in front of the Christmas tree were four dolls. Two of the dolls were angels. They were dressed in beautiful dresses with lace trim. They had blond hair and blue eyes and silver halos. If you looked closely, one looked an awful lot like Paula and the other like Petra. The other two were Santa Dolls with big smiles on their faces. The smiles said it all I think you girls will like this special present that is just for the two of you.

And they did.

Merry Christmas. May your Holidays be Blessed.

(P.S. Petra and Paula never stopped believing in Santa Claus)

Dru

Notes:

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Comments

thanks

Teek's picture

thanks for writing and sharing such a sweet story with us.

Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek

Removal of Pain (Character Death)...It's true

That I have discovered Dru's wonderful stories a bit late (like almost exactly two years) but I have only been on this site a very short time.
I prefer to think of "Character Death" as the removal of the pain of living...
It isn't possible to remove that pain without making it all retroactive in a sense.
To forget it ever existed is the only way it may be removed.
After all, removal of the pain and continuation in new life is what we all want.
Simple transformation without removal of the past will still allow the pain to exist in memory and to play upon our present. Total removal of that pain necessitates the removal and replacement of time. Thus???

I love the story!!!

1955-12y5m.jpg (long ago... and, oh so far away)

God Bless You All...

Hm...

I just found this story via random story, and I have to say this leaves me with a bit of a splitted opinion.

On one hand I'm glad that it went well for Petra, and I'm a sucker for magical transformation stories...
On the other hand, I'm a bit dissappointed with the ending. It felt like like a deus ex machina cop out to enforce a happy ending. You did so well to build up the conflict and the problems and then you endet it with the transformation. Sure it was a happy ending, but I'd prefered a more mundane solution.

If something like this had happened to me I'd never stopped believing in Santa too :D

Thank you for writing,
Beyogi

Magic for Christmas...

From happy to dark, to a magical transformation to happiness again.

I liked the part where Peter saw his daddy crying, and then noticed his interaction with his other siblings, Merry Christmas Dru! May your miracle magic happen and happiness be forever.

Petra lives! Peter is gone, and happiness reigns once again. The miracles of Christmas continue, year after year!

Huggles
Angel

Be yourself, so easy to say, so hard to live.

"Be Your-Self, So Easy to Say, So Hard to Live!"

Very sweet

Thank you, Dru. This story, if I had my choice would win the Christmas story contest. This is so beautiful that I had to use several tissues to dab the tears away. First I was happy that Peter could play with his siters, and be happy. Then I cried when Paula started to fight with Peter over the doll Peter had asked for. I cried even more when Peter became withdrawn from his family and friends, and then I was happy, when Petra woke up the next Christmas, and was loved by the whole family.

You have really outdone yourself Dru, and thank you so much for sharing...Merry Christmas, and a very happy New Year.

With super love & big as the sky hugs
Barbara

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."

"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."

Love & hugs,
Barbara

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."

good story, but...

A good story, but I was a bit disappointed in how it ended. I understand that it is your story and it can end in any damn way you want it to end. However; the Santa part not withstanding, you brought forth some real life seriousness in Peter's struggles. What happened to Peter in the story happens all too often in real life to transgender children. The pressure to conform is all too prevalent in real life. I just wish your ending had gone in a more serious tone than magical transformation. The reason for my wish is that you went from a serious situation to a "wave the wand" solution. In real life, it isn't that easy. Perhaps you will use your talents and take this story line, with out the Santa part of course, to a different direction. I would love to read the results. Take care and I wish you a most happy holiday.

Character Death

The story was well-written, and plucked all the appropriate heart-strings. My only reservation is that Peter suddenly ceased to exist, as if he never had been. In his place is Petra. Yes, she's happy, and the whole family is joyful, but not for overcoming adversity, and no one remembers Peter or his trials and tribulations. It leaves a big emptiness in the story, a hole where a character you spent the whole story building simply disappeared into a crease left by a plot device. While one could argue the character wasn't killed off, just transformed, I'm more inclined to see it the other way around, as a replacement.

Character "death"

erin's picture

For some readers and writers this is a feature of the story that is very attractive and some times is the whole point of the story. It's a feature that in many ways is peculiar, as a plot device, to TG fiction though other types of transformational literature have it also, usually in less prominent position.

But the idea of starting completely over, without even the memory of the pain of not being as one wished, is part of TG fiction in the same way that stories with faster than light drives is part of science fiction. It's a central idea for a large number of stories, this sort of retroactive transformation.

Phrasing a complaint about it as character "death" or identity "death" is making a moral judgement on it, even if one does not intend it that way. Like calling FTL travel in a SF story "cheating Einstein". For some authors, it feels exactly like a personal attack.

I've kept quiet about this but at least one author has let me know she stopped posting stories since many of hers had this feature and someone always made a moral complaint about it. She felt that a complete transformation would of necessity involve retroactive time change and that such a complete change was the point of the stories where she included it. It wasn't that some people didn't like that feature but that they chose to make their complaint in moral terms that discouraged her.

Almost all TG fiction would probably be attacked on moral grounds by many mainstream readers and they wouldn't be shy about doint it. Mind control, coercion of various sorts and retroactive transformations are commonly used by various authors, appreciated by various readers and not to the taste of various others. But let's try to keep the moral judgements out of our comments, even if they are unintentional.

Sorry for picking out your comment about this to make mine, Pippa. I understand that you may have felt less than satisfied by this ending to the story. To other readers, though, the elimination of remembered pain may be the main attraction of the concept and the story would have been less satisfying to them without it, the transformation less complete and less miraculous.

Peter is gone because his essence became Petra's essence, his soul, Petra's soul; to say that he is dead is to insist on missing the point of how completely his wish was granted, that he is not himself because his sex has been changed and he doesn't remember being male. It's one view of the story but obviously not the author's view.

Saying the story would have been better from one viewpoint with a less complete change is one thing but saying that a character is dead is going outside the terms of the story to make a value judgement on the author's intent.

Would it have been a better story if Petra and the family remembered Peter and his pain? It would have been a different story and one without the central point this one had. If magic can't be used in a story to erase pain, then a lot of stories cannot be written.

For many people who have gone through the pain of a transgendered childhood, the idea of erasing their pain and the pain of their families is very attractive. It's a bright hope they may have had as children, they may well have prayed to God or written to Santa for just such a transformation. And yes, for some of them who could not forget the pain they may have chosen to die to escape the pain -- they may have committed suicide, ending their stories.

This though is a happy, cheerful ending with no death in it; complaining that it does contain a death is a distortion of what it is and why I think it was written and certainly of what it means to other people who enjoyed it for what it was intended to be.

Some people like their hard science fiction truly hard and object to stories with FTL drives, time travel or alternate worlds as being fantasy and not science fiction. That doesn't remove such stories from the SF category for readers who do enjoy taking greater liberties with physical laws.

Disliking transformational stories where retroactive time changes erase memories is okay. Liking different sorts of stories is why this is the BigCloset.

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Easy Now, Erin

I normally agree with you Erin, as you are a most agreeable person, but it seems you've gone a bit overboard in your aversion to "character death" aversion.

The older I get, the more it seems my "soul" is the total of what I've done as a person and its impact on those around me. When a "soul" is destroyed or replaced in a story, I feel as Pippa, a sense of remorse for that loss.

While I agree with you that "character death" is a valid plot device and does stand the light of day -- in that many people walk away totally from one life to start another -- I can't deny my feelings and don't feel that I should.

Perhaps stories that use this device should be labeled as such. Some would say that label would give away too much of the story, but don't all the other labels or attributes do that as well.

Okay, back to Erin Adulation Mode.

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Character Death

Pippa, Erin & Angela,

I accept the comments that Character Death where the transformed person has no recollection of her past is perhaps not the right approach. I will certainly take that into account in future muses. Remember, I never said Petra didn't remember being Peter I just stopped the story. It was supposed to be a Christmas Story with hope and a happy ending. It's just the ending I chose.

However, what would be worse, let Petra move forward with happy memories of having always been a girl; or have her come downstairs on Christmas morning to have her brothers see her for the first time as a girl knowing she went to bed a boy the night before and then after Christmas vacation go back to school as a girl? Just a question?

I agree with you that for older transformations the loss of memory of who you were is "killing the character", but with a young child I'm just not sure.

I remember a poll of readers a year or so ago where we were asked if we could transition would we want to remember who we had been before the transition. There were a lot of different responses to that question.

I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday Season.

As always,

Dru

As always,

Dru

Ultimately ...

... the question of character "death" (whether you believe in the concept or not) is based solely on what Petra remembers -- the memories of everyone else around her don't really matter. I believe we can't pronounce Peter "dead" since we don't know what Petra remembers or doesn't remember about her past life as Peter.

Personally, I considered her unbridled happiness at the end to come from her discovery that she isn't Peter anymore, but the Petra she always wanted to be -- a truly wonderful Christmas gift.

I'm good with that. *grins*

Randalynn

Exactly

I agree with Randalynn. That is exactly how I'd like to see the story, as well. However, for me, it would take a few additional words -- Petra looking north, winking and thanking Santa for her dream come true. Presto, character continuity, and a happy soggy box of kleenex.

My problem with the ending

Frank's picture

While generally agreeing with the others and why they didn't like the ending was that Peter/Petra never asked to be changed. He asked for the doll and dresses. He could be both a boy and play girl as he wanted. Santa should have given him a choice or something..

Just my 2 cents, and I like it very much until the ending..keep writing!! :)

Angel's Defender

Hugs

Frank

I don't think I went overboard

erin's picture

What I'm saying is the term "death" turns a criticism of a story device into a hidden moral judgement. People may not like the story device but find another term to critique it with. I don't like some of the ways people critique other story devices they don't like either but those don't have this, possibly unintentional, moral stance or if they do in like in coercion stories, it's not subtext, it's right out there.

I'm not asking anyone to ignore their feelings, I'm asking that the feelings of the writer be considered.

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Why I Used The Term

I apologize for using what you feel was a pejorative phrase. I didn't understand that it was or intend it that way. I had seen it used before and thought it was a standard phrase to describe the negation of a character in a story. I thought that by using it, everyone would know what I meant without having to go into great detail, or invent my own phrase. I clearly didn't realize its history or associated baggage. For that, I am deeply sorry.

Had I had the luxury of reading the responses to my post before I posted it, I wouldn't have. I would have simply said that I felt the story needed Petra to acknowledge (to the reader, somehow) her gift from Santa to establish character continuity and tie the story up in a pretty bow.

Thanks, Pippa

erin's picture

I didn't feel that you used the term with any intent to insult or injure, I just wanted to point out that it is a loaded phrase. My apologies if I seemed heavy-handed.

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Erin, is there a difference...

Frank's picture

Between characters "death" and saying the original character "ceased to exist?"

AD

Hugs

Frank

Alternate Ending

O.K. here is an alternate ending.

As they drifted off to sleep they did not hear the soft footsteps passing by their door on the way to Peter’s room. If they had, they might have seen the glow that soon appeared as Santa delivered his gift to Peter. Santa returned downstairs where he left his special presents for the twins and smiled a big smile as he turned from the tree and disappeared in a flash of light.

As Peter awoke the next morning he knew something was different. As he slowly came awake he was entwined with Paula in a way he wasn't sure was possible. He, he was a he, but she was a she. As she started to slowly untangle herself from Paula she realized that her silent dream had been answered. She was now truly who she wanted to be, Petra. As she was sitting up all of a sudden she was tackled from the rear. "Petra, Petra you're finally here, screamed Paula"

Hey, take it easy, I'm just trying to get used to this. Paula wrapped her up in a gigantic hug. As Petra was finally able to sit up she noticed a note on her nightstand. It read:

Petra,

You and Paula are the only ones who know that
the change took place. Everyone else will remember
that you were always a girl. I know you will
enjoy your present. Please enjoy your life.

Love always,

Santa

***

The next morning Dave and Pat awoke to the screams of their twin daughters. Paula and Petra were jumping up and down on their parents bed urging them to get out of bed. It was Christmas morning and there were presents to be opened. It didn’t make any difference that it was 6:30 in the morning. It was Christmas. Pat grabbed Paula and pulled her to her. Paula squealed and told her mom to let her go. Dave grabbed Petra, pulled her down and started to tickle her. Paula tried to come to the aid of her sister, but she was being tickled by her mom. Both girls squealed with delight. Dave pulled Petra into a hug and said, “I love you so much Princess” and Petra responded saying, “Daddy I love you whole bunches” and she began to giggle again.

The four happy people arm in arm went to wake up Angela, Randy and Jim. Soon the smell of baking nutbread filled the house and the seven walked into the Great Room to look at the presents under the tree.

There in front of the Christmas tree were four dolls. Two of the dolls were angels. They were dressed in beautiful dresses with lace trim. They had blond hair and blue eyes and silver halos. If you looked closely, one looked an awful lot like Paula and the other like Petra. The other two were Santa Dolls with big smiles on their faces. The smiles said it all I think you girls will like this special present that is just for the two of you.

And they did.

Merry Christmas. May your Holidays be Blessed.

Dru

Hope you like it.

As always,

Dru

Much More Satisfying

Frank's picture

Dru, I really like the new ending much better. It ties the story up much nicer than the original ending.

Again, I'm looking forward to reading more stories from you in the future!!

Angel's Defender

Hugs

Frank

I Like It

With that change, you do two things. One, you establish character continuity. And, two, you establish that Santa was acting with the permission of Peter, who was obviously grateful and delighted. (WARNING! The following statement is a joke. Do not be alarmed: Otherwise, dear Santa might be read as a little heavy-handed, getting rid of the problem he caused by "getting rid" of Peter.)

I think having the twin in on the deal is a nice touch. Obviously, having Petra in on the deal is essential, but having her sister in on it, too, shares the magic in a lovely way. It also fits in with the statement that soon the twins would no longer believe in Santa. Oh yes they will!

I apologize for badgering you into revisiting the ending. If you keep writing, and I sincerely hope you do, please feel free to ignore me in the future. But, I really think this ending accomplishes what you originally intended a little better.

Thank you, Dru!

Yes

erin's picture

There is a difference. Calling it "death" implies cruelty, and is not accurate. I'm not objecting to the objection to changing a character so much that the originas seems to have ceased to exist, I'm objecting to the "begging the question" rhetorical trick of calling it a death.

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

absolutely wonderful

I knew that you would write an wonderful Christmas story and you did! My first impression too, was Petra remembered Peter and got her dreams come true. The story was Santa's Dilemma and it was about how Santa felt responsible for Peter/Petra's problem and wanted to help. A child and family was in a lot pain, and Santa gave Petra the gift he thought would best make things right. This is a heartwarming Christmas story.

Dru you tugged on the heart-strings when you presented Peter/Petra and all too many of us reached out to that character, because WE'VE been there. Somehow most of us survived it in one way or another, but the battle and heartaches of doing so have marked us. I would not change what happened to me, because I would not be the person I am now without it. I understand character death, but if when I was a child and hurting so, I would've welcomed Santa's gift gladly. As an Adult no, but as a child yes. Logical it's not, but how it's how I feel.
Again a terrific Christmas Tale!
Hugs!
grover-

For a newbie author you did a wonderful job Dru!

As you know I sent you my comments in a private message.

I do wish to point out that YES, all of you old timers, the ones with many stories under your belts, we were all newbies once.

Sometimes we neglect to remember that fact when we leave comments, especially for the newbies that do well with their first efforts.

Try to remember that these people are a bit more sensitive to our comments, it is all new to them coming to it as a writer. I don't care what type of rationalization you want to use, but it is just wrong to criticize a newbie author using terms and skill factors reserved for the more experienced of us.

Remember, if in doubt, private message, giggle, giggle.

Huggles All
Angel

Be yourself, so easy to say, so hard to live.

You can find my stories by going to. http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/taxonomy/term/39

The ones I deleted from this site are here. (Well, most of them anyway.)

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/weblink/go

"Be Your-Self, So Easy to Say, So Hard to Live!"

Angel reminded me to say it

erin's picture

Good story, Dru. Well done.

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.