I’d Do Anything for Love…But I won’t do That.

I can’t help but stare at the sight of the forty odd people kneeling before me with golden eyes flashing in the lodge’s firelight and all had lengthened canines.

I really, really should be freaking out right about now…

I turn on my heel and run back down the hallway and push Dom hard out of my way and his impact cracks the wood paneling. I race back into the bedroom I woke up in and I make a bee-line for the bathroom and hurl my guts up. About five times. Before my nerves give and then my legs and I slide down to the tile floor in a way I’d never be able to before. I’m hugging it and just trying to keep my mind from exploding from the sheer shock of everything that had happened.

Dom comes in and he tries to help me up and out of the bathroom. My sheet has dropped and I can feel his hands on me. Dom, Fucking smug assed Dom. “It’ll be okay Stevie, I will help you through this. We‘ll be okay.”
“What if I don’t want it Dom? What the hell are you thinking, Yeah Kat…(My throat closes up painfully)….Katya, was my lover, my friend , my mate, she chose me!, me! To be her mate! Not you!”
He rounds on me getting in my face, His eyes are so, so green it’s like light through an emerald. His skin seems to be darker, He smells angry, and I can almost smell it coming off of him like steam.
“You took her oath Stevie (He says Stevie with this fucking Euro trash contempt in his voice), I was there! You accepted her gifts, the place, and the power! You and I are betrothed by Ancient Laws and Majiks and it’s too fucking bad if you don’t like it!”

I snarl and it happens, there’s this painful full body cramp as my muscles contract then rapidly expand. The pain makes the anger spike and I grow, silvery white fur tinged with grays erupt over me and My nails lengthen into claws as calcium invades the keratin my skull feels like all my anger exploded out of me in a burst of pain and I’m jumping him and snapping at his throat. It’s not what you’d call actually being a wolf but like this half-way in between form.

I’m so pissed off I want his throat; I want to bite him and rend him and shake him and pound him into the ground. I’m in mid leap when he sort of explodes too in this burst of raw power and savagery as he shifts so fast I’m caught by a claw by this midnight black were-wolfs claw by my throat and getting hurled at what felt like seventy miles an hour into the log wall of the lodge.

I could go into details of the fight but suffice it to say I was really violent and cut him to ribbons about…twenty times. I sprayed the walls with his blood and he kept coming, his wounds closing at a rate that’d make Wolverine (X-Men) jealous. I bit him a few times and I honestly lost track of my blows, the punches and knee strikes and stuff. Dom. Beat the hell out of me, for all his anger he’s been doing this for god knows how long and I don’t heal as fast as him. In the end it was him…pinning me to the floor, trying to do his Alpha domination thing. And then he did it. He slid into me. Like the wolves that we are me on the bottom pinned face down, The literal Alpha male on top of me. Was it rape? I’m still not sure, it was being taken, but there was this…feral thing to it that made sense at the time to three quarters of my brain. My claws digging furrows into the hardwood floor and my tail lashing back and forth…His teeth of that massive wolf head of his gripping the back of my neck.

I howled when he took me. I howled when the fucking knot came into me. I howled at the sheer invasive size of his very large organ as it pushed into me, over and over animal thoughts, instincts and growing lust began taking over. It was a bit of a fight and a bit of a struggle still for those first few moments before something popped in my brain. And I relaxed into it, relaxed mentally too as I literally couldn’t help but to submit to him. His pounding strokes became rhythmic, his brutality became nuzzling, my pain at some point melted into pleasure and it became good…better than good.

I had only ever had sex, made love with Katya, and now Dom…Dom went from taming my rage, and ask any guy who’s not one of the super-thug-athletic-preppy elites that there’s a lot of pain and anger at not being up there on the food chain…all of that rage in me that I’d been storing up kind of fizzled out. That sort of breaking of my wilfulness seemed to come with this kind of psychic backfeed too. I gave; I literally gave and became Dom’s bitch. But there was this knowledge, this deep inside of me instinct that he would do everything in his power to defend me, to protect me, to clothe me and to feed me…It was this deep down thing that the wild animal female feels when that covenant is formed in nature.

When you really deep, deep down know when your partner has you. Has your back like that’s an absolute truth it is such a powerful thing.

I cried for the raw beauty of it. I’ve never felt so protected; I’ve never felt so good in my life. I make/made the sounds that Katya made. I love every second of it and Dom makes love to me all the way back to my humanity. Even then it was for hours, sweaty, covered in smears of each others blood and other juices. We even eventually made it from the floor to the bed in time. I get how Katya might have felt. With my blood up it’s like what being in heat must be like. I more than loved everything he did to me. I couldn’t help it, there was this something else that wasn’t me that was involved and it kind of really pushed home all the changes and my no longer being human in a way.

Exhausted I drifted off for awhile, maybe like three hours mostly. See despite the blood and despite the scents from all the sex the scent that was literally infused into the place was Katya’s. I woke up crying just hurting and heartsick. I started sobbing over losing Kat.

Dom was still there and he quietly rolled over and gently rubbed my back for awhile and then slipped an arm around me and hugged me.
“I miss her Dom.”
“I know, I miss her too.”
“I loved her, hell I’ve been in love with Katya for years.”
“I know, I know because it used to drive me nuts.”
“It did?”
“Yes, I am Dominic Fenris, Prince and soon to be called on as King of the Fenry Pack…My kind has ruled Budapest for hundreds of years. And here is this pup of a newly risen alpha taking a human over me….I just couldn’t get what the hell Steven Parker had that I was apparently lacking.”
“Oh gee, I don’t know, humility.”
“I am humble.”
“Oh so sorry your highness.”
“That’s alright we do not know each other.”
I roll my eyes and sniffle, but I really can’t help but smile. “Maybe she wasn’t into Euro-Trash”
“What?”
Dom rolls me over quickly to face him and he glowers at me. “Such words will only bring you punishment.” Then he began to tickle me. He even did this thing with his tongue that was kind of like getting licked by a canine. I squirmed and couldn’t help but laugh and giggle.

Me giggling, yeah that was weird for me.

The more we carried on the better it kind of felt. I wasn’t bawling my eyes out anymore but it still hurt, it still really hurt. But this was a different side of this guy. I mean laying there looking at him I’ll admit he’s hot if you’re into tall, muscular, dark haired and dusky skin and eyes that are so green…I felt something so different now that I’m not all freaked out and feral…this warmth building inside of myself and the tightening of nipples and this ache, but not an ache a want.

Then there was the scent thing again…when I’m more aware and not consumed with the rage I was under. It’s so different. I can smell myself as my very new and apparently very female brain is responding to the sight of Dom’s dusky muscular, lean body… I‘m so convinced your sexuality gay, straight really isn‘t a choice now, Steven wasn‘t gay and apparently Stevie isn‘t either…He’s scenting me and in response he’s his scent is changing, becoming this….I have no way to describe it but it’s good, it’s better than good it seems to reach into my body and light my arousal with something akin to gas hitting a pilot light.

But there was more. There was that instinctual promise that he’d always be there for me. It was Dom, not treating me like the others had. He was a decent guy to Steve, he didn’t really flaunt himself. Him rubbing my back just now, the trying to make me laugh when my heart was breaking and it all mixed with the moment. The I’m scared don’t reject me…boy in the man looking at me and dammit I know that look. That staring at my body in this way that I know he wants me. Not my body, he wants me. I reach up to those wavy raven locks of his and lower him down to a kiss.

He kisses me and I really enjoy it, I like everything about it but the tenderness is so off the charts to my brain. I’ve always wanted to have a girl to treasure and to make love to. That had been Kat. But as much as I’ve wanted a girl like her to kiss me back softly, there’s this new experience for me now. Getting kissed like I’m treasured, like I’m delicate and loved. It…It makes me feel like I’m important to his soul.
This is really something that touches something in all of us but it’s something that only a woman gets to feel. If you have that part of you in your soul, that’s connected with this…this…whatever it is that I can’t put into words…I can get why there are men out there with a female soul. And as Dom’s I’m guessing very experienced hands roam over my body, my breasts driving me into this beautiful state of on the edge of something bliss a canid whine mixes with my human one of sexual gratification….I realize there could have really been a reason I couldn’t see before why I wasn’t happy, why I wasn’t me….not the me I was now.

There’s no way that…I’d feel these things if I wasn’t meant for this. How the hell would I not be going out of my mind being a woman now if I had really been a guy…right? The long hair, all the stuff I did not to fit in but desperately wanting to at the same time.
But If I loved Kat wouldn’t that have made me a male…lesbian???
Or was it that I wanted to be a girl but I was straight in body? I mean there are transvestites and stuff who need to identify with women. But are otherwise straight men.
It all become kind of a moot musing in my head as Dom’s mouth meets my sexy and he’s efforts and experience has me crying out and winding my fingers through his hair as my eyes roll back in my head.
The rest was even better.
Sex as a female too me has some very distinct differences that really bring home that I was really a woman in my heart. The first is getting filled, when I’m that aroused there’s a hollow ache that needs something I can’t describe, even after sex it’s this nagging incompleteness. Having Dom inside of me was like completing a circiut and my heart and my soul started firing in a way that could be only described as right. Then there isn’t that burst, and explosion that you have as a man. Instead you implode like all the nerves in your body pour together and achieve this critical mass. It’s the same but completely different.
I love everything about it. And there’s no way that I could if I wasn’t meant to.

Dom’s shakes as we make love, He’s crying on me several times during this as we make love…? I kiss and wipe his tears away. I can hear these thoughts in his head, or his heart.

*I’m a normal…and as much as he’s ever wanted to have been he never was…he had sought love for so long without the agendas, without the power plays and the few that he had opened his heart to had freaked out and turned on him….or they were killed.*

I’m something new, an equal, one of them but not part of all the bullshit. I can feel all of his desperation for me to not push him away. I feel the loneliness of decades. In him…I can feel it and I can’t help but pull him closer to me, kiss him tenderly and wrap him in my long legs. “I won’t Dom, I can’t promise much Dom, but I won’t betray you. I won’t throw you away. I will promise you that. It’s fucking crazy but I think I’m falling for you. I…I’d do anything for love…but I won’t do that…I won’t do that.”