Stories of The Relic: The Book of Keilari - Part 2 - The Gift of a name

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Stories of The Relic: The Book of Keilari - Part 2 - The Gift of a name

Christopher Kagawa aka Chris Tome is a 23 year old Award winning best selling novelist with a problem, he has lost his passion for his craft. He lives a lonely and reclusive existence with a growing disdain for the outside world and humanity in general. Magically dropped into his lap is a Keliari, a seemingly female vampire who is now bonded to him via a curse.

By Alexander Kung

San Francisco 2010

Chris rubbed his eyes as turned off his computer. It was a long night but he got a lot done, two full chapters of his new book. It just might be his best one yet, it might be a series but as it was, it was turning out to be good enough to stand on its own.

Looking over his shoulder, he gazed at the strange girl sleeping quite soundly on the couch. He still couldn’t believe all of what happened. Seriously who could? A beautiful yet dirty and grimy half naked vampire girl that just magically appeared in the middle of your living room? Yeah, that’s a common occurrence.

If there was still any doubt about it, he only had to look at his wrist for conformation. Burned into his wrist was ‘masters mark’ as she called it. To be honest he’d be happier if she’d would just go way but unless he could find away to undo the contract he was stuck with her, much to both of their displeasure. However there was unusual up side.

Though he wasn’t much for owning slaves, the situation presented a unique opportunity. How often could you pick a vap….er…a Keilari’s brain for information. Might as well take advantage of the situation until he could break the contract.

“Yeah but how?”
he thought as she slicked his hair back in frustration

Looking at the floor he noticed the book she came from. Tentatively he picked it up, even after everything that happened it seemed like a harmless old book. Still the treated it with a bit of apprehension, not knowing what else it was capable of.

“Hey, I already got a girl vampire slave against my will” he thought as he opened the book “What else could possibly happen?”

Turning to the first page he noticed that the symbols, glyphs and gibberish start to glow softly, forming into letters of the English alphabet. Before long everything on the page was completely readable. Picking up a can of energy drink, he took a sip as he started to read, soaking in every word. Maybe this book might shed a bit more light on his unusual house guest.

~O~

Venica, Italy 1491

It was her favorite time of year, Carnival. The only time of year when the boundaries between the social classes disappeared. A time to break free of the silly rules that came with being nobility and just revel in the excitement of the moment.

Dressed in her finest gown and clad with a beautiful golden mask, she fully wanted to take advantage of this wonderful night of fun.She licked her fangs in pure excitement as Carnival held such a magical hold over her. The anonymous nature of the masquerade and the hint of sexual tension in the air appealed to her curious and mischievous nature. This was going to be a night she would remember for a long time.

It was a beautiful night of decadence as the streets were full of men and women in masks dressed in their very best. Venica, while always a beautiful city, during Carnival it was like nowhere else in the known world. Fireworks shot into the sky as wonderful music played in the background. This night made Venica all that much beautiful.

“I think it’s time for a nice hunt!” she thought with a fanged grin as she sniffed the air "And i know just what i want!"

She was a Keliari, pure born Vampire nobility. Her family had came to this place long ago and became one of the more influential families in Italy. Of course, she like the rest of her family had to hide her Keilari nature from the humans. It was as if she had to wear a mask, during her whole existence. But tonight it didn’t matter, that was the good thing about Carnival, tonight she could just be herself.

Catching the right scent she raced over the bridge in search of her prey. He wasn’t hard to find, he was right by the canal, watching the fireworks. She slowly sneaked up behind him, her fangs showing as she drew closer.

“You can’t sneak up on me, Gianetta” said the young man not even turning around to look at her

"How did you know it was me?" she asked sweetly

“A blind man could sense such a beautiful woman as you a mile away” he said looking at her with a charming smile

“You spoil me with your kind words, Niccolo” she said wrapping her arms around his neck, giving him a deep kiss

He was an artist’s apprentice from Florence, far below her station but she didn’t care, she was smitten with him. He was everything she desired in a man. She may have been promised to the son of a noble as was custom but she wanted this common boy. He was exciting, charming and such a wonderful romantic. She was so addicted to his wonderful personality as well as his passionate kisses. He was the only one who she trusted to share her deepest secrets to.

Holding hands, they enjoyed the night away, taking in the sights and even sharing a romantic waltz as the festivities started to wind down.
She couldn’t be happier, being with someone she was madly in love with instead of who she was told she should love.

“Gianetta?” said Niccolo smoothly “Would you think less of me if I asked to make love you tonight? There is no one I would rather be with then you ”

“I…..um…Really?” said Gianetta taken aback “I don’t know…I mean I want to but…”

“Do you not love me?” asked Niccolo

“I do but…” she started

“Then there is nothing left to discuss” said Niccolo taking her by the hand and leading down a dark ally toward his place

Her heart thumped in anticipation as she followed his lead. A boy, a human one at that, wanted her and accepted her. She smiled as she imagined her first time making love with him. Sadly her smile would not last...

Rounding the corner, they ran into a gang of the scariest looking men she had ever seen. She looked to Niccolo for help but she was in for a disturbing shock. Gone was that warm smile of his, replaced with a sinister sneer.

“It took you long enough” said the leader of the gang “Were you having too much fun?”

“Niccolo ,what going on?” asked Gianetta in a pained voice

“What’s going on is, that you are a member of a noble family” said the gang leader tossing Niccolo a pouch of coins“ and they’d pay well to get you back in one piece”

“I thought you loved me!” she screamed at him

“As if I could love a nasty little finocchio like you” he said wiping his mouth and spitting in disgust. “I did this for the money”

“Well, you’ll have plenty of time to count it in hell” she said as her eyes turned bright red in anger and she bared her fangs

With lightning fast speed she made short work of the gang, starting by viciously ripping the leaders arm off and beating him to death with it. The others found similar fates, ripping out their throats, crushing their heads, and tearing off body parts. By the time she was done the gang was a unrecognizable mess, parts of them sticking to the walls of the ally. All but one that is, and she made sure to save him for last

Turning her attention to Niccolo, she growled like a wild animal as she walked toward him. She was a hellish looking sight as her beautiful white gown was torn and stained red with fresh blood. Her face twisted in a mixture of hurt and anger as she locked eyes with him. Cowering on the ground in fear and his trousers wet with urine, Niccolo did what anyone with out options would do, he started to beg.

“Gianetta, please? I'll give you anything you want, just don’t kill me. I'll leave Venica forever, you'll never see me again” he begged tossing her the pouch "Here take the money, it's yours!"

Catching the pouch, she leisurely chucked it over her shoulder. Did he truly think that a pouch of a few measly coins would truly save him? No amount of money was going to buy off her wrath. She didn't know what hurt worse, the fact that he betrayed her or that he had blatantly called her a finocchio in disgust. She had trusted him, confided in him and loved him and she had thought that he was different, that he could have accepted her and loved her too. It was all just a cruel lie

As Tears streamed down her cheeks, she snarled she lifted him off his feet by his throat. No amount of begging was going to save him tonight. She would see to that.

“You said you loved me and like a fool I believed it” she said sadly, obviously hurt

“This was just a misunderstanding I swear” he begged with an obvious lie "I do love you, They....they forced me to bring you here. I...I had no choice"

“I‘m beyond believing your lies. I could tell you how your words and actions made me feel but..." she said, pausing as a cruel smile appeared on her face "But i think it's better to show you"

He watched helplessly as her nails on her free hand grew into razor sharp claws. Plunging her hand into his chest, she brutally ripped out his heart. Forcing him to watch as the life drained from his body, she dropped it to the ground and stomped on it, crushing it with a nasty sounding squish.

Tossing his limp dead body aside, she dropped to her knees sadly, sick and guilt ridden that at all this had to happen this way. As she wallowed in sadness, a heavy black sack was quickly draped over her head as two unnaturally strong arms lifted her up off her feet and whisked her away down the dark ally.

~O~

San Francisco 2010

The girl on the couch yawned and stretched out as she woke from her slumber. It was nice to be able to rest and sleep, her new master was the very first to allow her to do so. Still despite that face she didn’t trust him.

Looking around she saw him at fast asleep at his desk surrounded by a couple of strange glowing squares (lcd monitors). Next to him, under his arm was the book, opened about half way. Could it be he was reading it? None of her other masters ever did, they only used to show it to her to remind her who was in charge and who was the master. She was positive that once he realized what he has, he would be no different.

But now that was the least of her problems at the moment, she needed to go and go badly. Looking under the piece of furniture she was on, she noticed there was no chamber pot. She knew that the master would be very upset if she relieved herself on the furniture. In the dungeons she didn’t need to worry as much because she could let go anywhere. Disgusting? Yes but over the years she had gotten used it.

Doing the potty dance she scanned the room looking for anything that even remotely looked like a chamber pot, finally finding one next to the masters desk.

“Ew, why would he have it so close there?” she thought as she grabbed it “and why is it full of paper?”

Chris woke up to an odd sound. It started with a rustling of paper then it sounded like a stream water hitting something with such a strange tapping noise.

“I swear to god if that is another leak in the roof, I’m going to have someone’s ass” he grumbled opening his eyes."And what the fuck smells like ammonia"

His jaw dropped as he saw his uninvited house guest sitting on his porcelain waste basket and pissing in it like it was the most natural thing in the world to do...in the living room

“What the hell are you doing!?” asked Chris in disbelief

“What does it look like stupid!”
she thought as she kept on going

"You have got to be kidding me?" said Chris not exactly knowing what to do

With a swift motion he lifted both her and the waste basket up in one swoop. She gasped at his unexpected action but did not fight him. He noticed that she was remarkably light as he took her to the bathroom. Hitting the light switch and looking to the right, he noticed the first myth of vampires was soundly busted, because he could see her quite clearly reflected in the mirror.

“Okay” he said setting her down and pointing to strange device “That is a toilet, now whenever you need to go, you sit on it and go. When you are done, you press this little lever and it goes away, okay?"

He hit the lever and she jumped back at the noise, not liking the flushing sound. Surely he was joking. That thing was a chamber pot?

“You’ll get used to it” said Chris turning on the water to the bathtub “Now, water won’t hurt a Keilari will it?"

She shook her head no as she looked in complete fascination as the water came from the faucet. It was strange to her, she never saw water come out of the wall before.

“Well since I have to deal with you for the time being” said Chris “ I want you to take a bath because you’re covered filth and no offense you stink.”

She glared at him as she felt truly insulted. Looking in the mirror, the first time in many year,s she almost started to cry as she realized how pathetic and horrible she looked. She looked like a complete mess

“Wait here, i have to get a few thing and do something with this” said Chris as he left the bathroom with the waste basket "ugh that shit is foul!"

Going out on the back porch he dumped out the offending waste basked and set it upside down to dry. He then returned quickly with her diving slate, some soap and some clothing. Her heart jumped into her throat as she saw something else.. pair of shears. Screaming loudly in fear, she huddled in the corner sitting on her fingers. She knew he couldn’t be trusted. He just wanted to hurt her just like everyone else did.

“Hey hey hey” said Chris gently confused by her reaction “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise”

“I dont believe you! Why do you have a pair of shears then?” she wrote with a shaky hand

“Oh, these?” he said holding up the heavy shears “Well I noticed you have that leather underwear on, I thought it would be a bit comfortable for you if we got it off before you took your bath”

“It is a chastity belt” she wrote "It has a lock and it wont come off!"

“I think I know how to get around that. Look, I promise I won’t hurt you” said Chris “If you're embarrassed, I promise won’t look either but we need to get it off. All that metal on that leather will mess up the bathtub. Now hold still and let me get that off.”

Her eyes slowly followed him as he walked toward her, she didn't trust him but the curse forced her to obey him. He was surprisingly gentle as he helped her to her feet and raised her arms above her head. He had to admit she had a very nice body, though it was too bad he was so terrible around women.

The chastity belt was indeed locked as she said it was but it was a crappy design that was easily circumvented by sniping it in two places. When he grabbed his shears, she held her breath fearfully, the shears were so close and worse what if he found out? The last master cut off her thumbs, she truly feared what this new one would do...

He made the two cuts and tried to slide it down but it wouldn't move the leather away. He had no idea how long she had this thing on but it had to have been a bit as was stuck to her. If he couldn't slide it of maybe he could peal it off. Pulling gently but forceful it started to give.

“What the hell?” said Chris as she whimpered in slight pain “What sick fucking shit invented this?”

On the inside of the chastity belt were hundreds of razor sharp spikes that dug into deep into her skin. Poor thing, those former masters of hers were real bastards. What the hell were they doing to her? What could she have possibly done to deserve getting this put on her? No doubt about it now, it has to come off of her. Leaving it on would be too cruel.

“Now this is going to hurt a bit but we have to get this off okay?” said Chris gently "okay, on three. 1…2..

With a quick tug he pulled both pieces apart as she yelped in pain. To his surprise, the many small wounds healed up almost instantaneously. Though he promised not to look, curiosity got the better of him and he sneaked a small peak which tuned into a large wide eyed peak.

"Whoa!" said Chris not exactly knowing what else to say

Between her legs was a small 4 inch penis and a vagina. But it didn’t seem out of place on her fully feminine body, in fact as strange as it sounded it looked pretty feminine. Fully embarrassed, she turned bright red as she quickly covered herself giving him an icy glare. She was upset but not at all surprised that he didn't keep his word. He was human after all. Know that he knew it was all going to change now, she was certain of it.

“Um here you go” he said regaining his composure and handing her a bar of soap “Make sure you wash up good and get behind the ears”

She said nothing except giving him a colder glare while taking the soap from him. Taking the obvious hint, he spun around and got out of the bathroom

As he left and shut the door, she hopped into the tub. The warm water felt heavenly as she scrubbed herself . She thought about her new master, he really was strange. Her last master put her in the belt because he hated looking at her thing, he said it was disgusting. But Her new one seemed shocked but not exactly repulsed by it. She wondered why...

~O~

Hearing the splashing coming from the bathroom he couldn’t help but smile a bit. She was turning into quite the water bug. Another vampire myth busted it seems because she was having a ball in the bath tub.

“Well that was… an interesting discovery” thought Chris as he rummaged through the kitchen cupboards “I wonder if all Keliari are intersexual like that?”

He was very confused when reading the book because Niccolo called Gianetta an finocchio, the Italian epithet word for fag. Is it possible that she the really the girl described in the book?

If what he read was true she was around since 15th century, which explained her certain child like behaviors. Being thrust in the 21st century it must have been an extreme culture shock for her. But he believe that she would adapt, she seemed pretty smart.

“What the hell would a Keilairi eat?”
thought Chris “Ugh, She’s a vampire you dumbass! What the hell do you think she eats? Now how the hell am I going to get any sort of blood at this hour? Wait a minute….”

Grabbing to the yellow pages, he hoped it fit her palette because it was going to be expensive.

“Oh I hope they’re still in business” he thought as he dialed the number to a Vietnamese hole in the wall restaurant. The hole in the walls were the best as they let the good food speak volumes rather than a mass adverting blitz

“Thank for you calling A Dong Restaurant, will you be dining in or having um, like take out?” said the the girl on the other end in a surfer girl voice

“Gotta love San Francisco.”
snickered Chris as he placed an order “ It will be to go, one order of beef noodle soup and 2 orders of tiết canh”

Um dude… we don’t like sell tiết canh” said the girl on the other line “ You know,Health regulations and all that shit”

“I know you guys make it, come on don't bullshit me!” said Chris “Look, since you guys can’t officially sell it, how about you give it to me for free and I pay you the gas and delivery charge for your trouble”

“How much?” asked the girl

“How does $250 sound?” said Chris

He heard a rapid exchange of Vietnamese in the back ground and a few seconds later the girl came back on the other end

“It’ll be there in about 15 minutes, three orders of beef noodle soup”

“Wait a minute I ordered ….

“You ordered 3…beef ..noodle ..soup.” said the girl “Got it?”

“Yep” said Chris finally getting it

“Thank you for your business, dude!" said the girl" And remember, when you want something good and warm in your mouth, think of A Dong”

Chris nearly dropped the phone from laughing so hard

~0~

The water was starting to get cold as the girl stepped out. For the first time in a long time she felt like a noble rather than an object. Drying her body off with a towel she put on the strange clothing left for her by her master. Normally a noble women wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of top and trousers (soft wool pajamas) but they felt so good and soft.

Walking out of the bathroom she peered around the corner as he was at the door exchanging pieces of paper for two bags. Her eyes narrowed as she wondered what was in the bags.

“Probably something bad” she thought as he walked into the kitchen

Her stomach growled as she silently followed him into the kitchen. Looking at the floor she spied a bowl of food. Her heart dropped as she saw it, knowing that he was indeed no different than all the others. He saw her as nothing more than an animal. Dropping to all fours she crawled toward the small bowl sadly.

“What are you doing?” asked Chris “That’s the cats food!”

“Of course it was!” she thought “All the masters beasts eat better than me”

“Get off the damn floor” he said pulling her off the floor and setting her at the table "You just took a bath and you don't need to get dirty again"

She glared at him as she just knew he would just eat in front of her while her stomach growled. She felt so weak as she needed to feed. It hurt so bad.

Putting a bowl into a strange black box (microwave) and pressing a few buttons, is wasn't long before she noticed a very familiar aroma that filling the air. Her pain started to grow worse as the smell got stronger. The bastard was toying with her! Pulling the bowl out she saw the steam rising from it. He blew on it just a bit as he brought it to the table.

If it wasn't for the curse she would have beaten him within an inch of his life with the chair she was sitting on and took the bowl from him. She wasn't expecting what he would do next....

“I didn’t know what Keilari ate so I made a guess and ordered something special for you” said Chris sliding the bowl to her with a spoon “I hope you like it because it was very expensive”

Looking at the bowl and then at him incredulously, she wondered what his game was.

"It's okay! Go on eat" Chris chided

Not needing to be told twice, she dug in with gusto. Forgoing all basic noble manners, she grabbed the bowl by the sides and drank with a loud slurp. It it was as good as it smelled, a very strong fowl like flavor.

“It’s called tiết canh” said Chris as if reading her mind “Raw duck blood soup”

Chris looked on while eating his soup. She was something else, in just the past few hours, she soundly busted quite a few of the set in stone vampire rules. Mirror rule- Busted, Water Rule- Busted, Undead Rule, well considering she could breathe and piss that might be busted too. Obviously the invite rule is shot to hell as well.

Watching her feed was sort of interesting though. While not the over dramatic and highly sexualized depictions you'd see in the movies whenever a girl vampire would feed, he had to admit there was something very erotic about how she ate. It didn't hurt that when cleaned up she was quite the looker, very exotic looking and even in a pair pj's he could tell she had a nice body.

As she finished off the bowl, she was found herself quite full and satisfied. The blood soup really hit the spot. She grabbed her dive slate and began writing..

“Thank you master” she wrote “I really needed that, I was so hungry”

“It was nothing” scoffed Chris “And my name isn’t master, its Christopher or Chris for short”

“But you are my master!” she wrote “ I cannot call my master by their given name”

“Says who?” said Chris crossing his arms "What kind of stupid rule is that?"

“All the other masters had the rule” she wrote

“Well, I'm not them. So from here on out...” said Chris “I would prefer if you call me Chris”

“As you wish” she wrote “Chris”

“Now what do I call you? According to the book, there’s someone by the name of Gianetta. Is that you?”

She looked down at her feet and nodded her head. It had been a long time since she had been called that name.

“Well then how about I call you that or Gia for short then?” said Chris “It sounds a lot better than ‘hey you’“

“Gia is fine” she wrote

“Okay well,now that you're clean and fed why don't you go back to bed, it’s still late” said Chris yawning while looking at the clock “ Damn it's 3 in the morning? Hey before you go i got a question,how often do you need to feed on blood?”

Sitting on the couch she got comfortable and covered up. Grabbing the dive slate, she started scribbling

“Once a fortnight” she wrote

“Good to know” he said as went to his bedroom before shutting off the light “Get some sleep, we have a long day tomorrow and i'm sure to have more questions”

She yawned as she settled back to sleep. She still didn’t know what to think about the new master, Christopher. He was so confusing and strange so unlike any of the other masters. Still he was human and who know what cruelty lied underneath the thin veil of his so called kindness. Humans could change at the drop of a hat and it was only a matter of time before he would show his true colors.

*clink*

Another small crack appeared in her collar as her eyes turned blood red again. An evil sinister smile appeared on her face as got up from the couch. Feeding was not just a way to sate her hunger but it also allowed her to use her vampiric powers. Turning into a mist she floated her way to his room, slipping under the locked door.

While still under the curse of the book, she couldn’t bring any harm to him yet. Still, It was important to know her enemy. Forming back into her normal voluptuous body at the foot of his bed, she found him fast asleep.

“Well, Christopher” she thought ”Let’s see what type of disgusting person you really are”

Taking a slender finger, she touched his forehead and disappeared entering his mind…..

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Comments

Just found

this one. It is really interesting! I like the characters and it has a lot of really nice details. Some of the scenes where she is being abuse is more than a little raw, but it gives great contrast to Chris's kindness. I'm really looking forward to more!

Hugs!

Grover

Question is can she separate fact from fiction?

In reading his minnd will she know what is *the creative process* and what is his basic nature?

She is justifiably outraged at how she was abused in Venice and after so she assumes all humans a depraved and deserving of death.

But who captured her in the end and who cursed her? That he is reading it and learning Gia's history can they break the curse and give her true freedom?

Will he survive it? Will she be free but die in the attempt? Are any of her race alive tooday and what will they think of her?

Well done, Wish you could post more often but the quality shows in this.. A top notch effort.

John in Wauwatosa

P.S. so these vampires are esentially normal but both sexes at once. Are there male dominant's in her race just as she is primairilly female AKA female dominant?

I assume the going out in the sum is not a problem or most of the other movie vampire lore. And they can breed with humans, thus the bit aabuout vampire nobility and pure bloods.

John in Wauwatosa

more questions :) most i

more questions :) most i wont be able to answer due to spoiling.

As for the Venice question. I don't think it was then she came to that conclusion, though it was the start. by the time the book made it to Christopher's hands, It had been hundreds of years of torture and abuse. By then she is justifiably jaded and mistrusting.

as for the ps question

No, Gia is different from all other Keilari,saying anymore would be spoiling

thanks for reading

Alexander

She's going to be surprised

The horrors that are the mind of modern fiction writer, the horror! ^_^

Let's see, what can be there? A picture or two of Hell(o) Kitty, a boatload of loathing for humanity, an overly perky dominatrix next door, and the usual sights like the 20th century as a whole and WW II in particular.

She is soooooo going to regret it! :)

Faraway


On rights of free advertisement:
Big Closet Top Shelf

Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!

Faraway


On rights of free advertisement:
Big Closet Top Shelf

Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!

I admit I skimmed a bit on

I admit I skimmed a bit on chapter 1 of this story but you've really grabbed my interest with this chapter. Chris is a well-drawn curmudgeon. He seems to be in his fifties or sixties, not his early twenties. Hopefully the mystery of Gia will not only wake his muse but revitalize his life, that is, if he survives the experience.

Nice Job!

Hrist

There Are Always Exceptions

terrynaut's picture

I know she's been betrayed and severely abused but Gia should know there are always exceptions. Not all humans are bad!

Poor girl. She'll find out the truth about Chris. Then I expect the fun to really begin. I can't wait.

Thanks very much for the story. It's very well-written and it's got me hooked.

- Terry

if i got you hooked i'm doing something right :)

Glad your enjoying the story.

when you've been exposed to cruelty and brutality for as long as she has (500+ years) it kind of cements your view of things, however twisted. Chris has to earn her trust and despite his kindness so far, in her experience humans are cruel heartless creatures. Chris without really realizing it, is being a representative of humanity. The funny thing is Chis doesn't care much for humanity either

-Alexander

Excellent story

Jemima Tychonaut's picture

This is building well from a strong start and it will be interesting to see how the relationship between Christopher and Gia develops. I'm guessing that Christopher has a time limit before she's free from the collars restraint which adds an extra layer to the story.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter!



"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

The wait.

Oh the pain... hang on here, the wait made reading this second chapter all the better, really! I've always liked vampire tales and this one is truly intriguing with its little twists and differences.

Chris is a good hearted soul, as shown in the previous chapter, but one who has been hurt too often to trust other people easily. Possibly Gia will pick that up when she enters his mind, though with all the fiction he writes, that should be an interesting visit.

I'm looking forward to more of this one, and the wait is worth the quality of what you share with us.

Maggie

Never underestimate the power of a name

It makes a huge difference between acknowledging another being as a person instead of a stereotype or a mere category.

Recognition of that fact will help break down the idea in Gia's mind that their relationship is merely that of a master (sadist) and a slave.

Now, what will she see in a horror writer's mind? Well, I guess no worst then the twisted thoughts of a nerd while he figures out how to turn an XBox into a bread maker ;-).

Kim