Dances:

"By the foot prints in the butter," Josh said.

"You know how to tell if your house has mice?" he asked next.

"Which one do you want?" Sara Stern's mother asked Ally.

"Could I have the one with the all red jelly beans? Thanks," Ally said.

"Careful some of those are cinnamon," Mrs. Stern said as she put the cupcake on his plate.

"Your elephant is afraid to come inside. I want that red one there. Know why elephants have round feet?" Josh said.

"You like the hot ones?" Matt asked.

"I'm not demanding, but you have to say either please or thank you," the mother said to Josh.

"So it can walk on lily pads," Leah said. "That's old."

"You can have my red one, Ally," Alex said, "but I want it back if it's cherry." Matt and Hannah gave Ally some red jelly beans too.

"Either please or thank you," Josh said and put his red jelly bean next to Ally's plate.

Mrs. Stern tried not to smile and asked, "How many elephants can you get in your car, Josh?"

"Thanks, they're good, but you gatta save some juice to be safe," Ally said.

"You want it back after Ally's chewed it!" Hannah said, "That's soo gross."

"Seven," Josh said, "Two in front, three in the middle and two in back, I got a minivan. Why did the elephant paint his toe nails red?"

Alex said, "I was only kidding."

"To hide in the cherry tree," Hannah said. "Can I have that pink one?

"Now you're doing real old ones, Josh. Change subjec'," Leah said

"Say please, Hannah." Mrs. Stern said.

"Please," Hannah said and whispered, "Hannah," hoping the mother couldn't hear her and the kids could.

Josh said, "'K, this isn't an elephant joke. What's gray, has a trunk, is real big and likes peanuts?"

Hannah, Alex, Matt and Ally answered Josh by a staring at him. Leah said, "You call that not an elephant joke?"

"It's not. It's a beech tree with a squirrel in it joke," Josh said.

Hannah was holding a little red and white bear, and it jumped across the table to attack the bear by Josh's plate.

Matt said, "Come on, Ally, let's have a bear fight too."

"No! Mine's a nice bear," Ally said.

"Gaa," Alex said, "you're such a girl."

Matt said, "Mine'll fight yours, Alex."

"Nah," Alex said, "mine's a nice bear too."

OK — Confused yet? We really did jump into the middle this time; maybe I should explain the ground situation a little. This is Ally's class's Valentine's Day party, and they are all in the lunch room working on their sugar buzzes as fast as they can. The little bears were gifts from Mr. McGee to all the kids in his class. They had been holding a piece of candy, but the candy is long gone, and the bears are starting to get restless.

The other fourth grade classes are also in the lunchroom at their usual lunch tables. The fifth graders are having their party at the other end of the room, where the sixth graders usually sit during second lunch. (The sixth graders don't get a Valentine's party because they are going to have their first official real dance today after school — even though it's going to end at six-thirty, they think that makes them real hot shots — and all the little kids have to have their parties in their classrooms.) Still, there are a lot of kids in the room, and most of them are talking at any given time. The main way they can tell this is a party, and not a class or assembly, is because they don't have to take turns talking, and I don't have the heart to make them be orderly. Soon, however, they will cut out the chatter and get down to the serious fun.

"Hey," Ally said, "know what I saw in the newspaper? Scientist found out that dinosaurs use' to have races 'gainst each other."

"How could they find that out?" Matt asked.

"Yeah, that's dumb, Ally." said Leah.

Ally said, "Na-uh, they found dinosaur tracks, so they must a had races on them."

Hannah, Leah, Josh, Alex and Matt all groaned. The three closest red and white little bears, including Alex's who was supposed to be nice, became enraged and tried to attack Ally's bear. Ally, however, was fast enough to save her.

Leah said, "I'm gonna ask Mr McGee to move you from next to Josh, Ally. The class doesn't need two of him."

Alex asked, "Hey, who gave you that little box of chocolates, Ally?"

"I don't know; didn't have a name on it," Ally said.

"Boy, someone has a crush on you!" Leah said.

Josh said in a squeaky falsetto, "Ally has a secret girl-friend. Ally has a secret girl-friend." And they all giggled because, even if he was often a pain, Josh was never mean.

Ryan, who was at the far end of the next table, said, "Hah, probably a boy-friend if it's Ally." David and Michael laughed extra loud.

Leah said, "Just i'nore 'em, Ally. They're jerks anyway." Ally already was ignoring them. The only thing that bothered him was that David had laughed; he was Ally's bus buddy on field trips, and he was nice, and funny, until he got back together with Ryan and Michael.

Matt said, "Know that real big hill by that church with the big tower? Know what happened on that last snow day?"

Alex said, "It's a steeple not a tower, Matt."

"A steeple is like a tower," Hannah said in Matt's defense.

"You can't shoot arrows from a steeple," Josh put in.

"Could if you were skinny enough," Ally said.

"Whatever! I'm trying to tell a story here," Matt yelled.

"We were sledding on that hill, OK," Matt finally got to say, "and Alex's little brother hit a big stick going down. The sled jumps about twenty feet in the air (He kneels on the lunch room bench and raises his arm to stress the height of this feat.) and goes off this way; Alex's brother fell off, and he goes this way. He rolled about twenty feet and then slides about twenty more until he hits a tree. (Ally, who had just eaten three cinnamon jelly beans, took a big gulp of fruit punch at this point. It was poor timing.) Everybody is running to him and making plans for his funeral. Then her brother jumps up and yells, 'Put the stick back — I wanna try it again!' and her mom falls right over backwards."

Matt almost fell off the bench demonstrating, and all the kids started laughing extra hard. Red punch came out of Ally's nose, and the laughter got even louder. Everyone in his class and lots of other fourth graders looked over at their table. "Who gave you the bloody nose, Ally?" Josh yelled, which caused even more juice to escape through Ally's nostrils and everyone at all the nearby tables to join the laughter.

Mr. McGee strolled close to the table and, finally, Ally got a chance to swallow while Leah asked, "Did she really faint?"

"Nah, she was making snow angels when we got back to the top," Alex said, "but it was still real funny."

Hannah said, "Know what Josh and I did, we built a snow fort and...."

"Yeah, and we and Zack Dawson took on everybody on our street from other schools," Josh cut in.

As Josh and Hannah told different versions of the same snowball war, Ally looked around the room to see if anyone was still looking at him because of the punch snorting thing. One boy was: Joseph Edwards; his gray eyes stared intently at Ally from under his dark brown hair. Ally put his hand up by his shoulder and gave a very small, clandestine wave. Joseph quickly, and without any acknowledgement, turned away to look at the backs of the other kids at his own table.

That bothered Ally a little; when Joseph first got back to school, Ally had tried to talk to him a bunch of times, but Joseph had walked away and ignored Ally every time. Ally had had to talk to his mom about it. She had reminded him of the fox in "The Little Prince", and told him to just wait and be ready, because Joseph might be ready to be friends later. So Ally turned around to wait some more.

"That happened when they were in the fort," Hannah said.

"Oh, yeah,...but,..." Josh said.

"Hey!" Leah shouted, "Look what they're doing!"

Alex said, "What? Why can't we do that too?"

In one of the great injustices of the modern world, four TV screens and a whole bunch of pads for the dancing video game were being set up over by the fifth graders.

"That's not fair!" Ally said.

"Let's go talk to Mr. McGee," Josh said.

Josh, Leah, Ally and Alex instantly formed an ad hoc delegation and stormed over to where Mr. McGee was standing with some other grown-ups.

"Mr. McGee, how come they get to do that, and we don't?"

"It's unfair we can't too!"

"Why do only they get to?"

"Yeah, why not?"

Mr. McGee looked shocked, but then said, "Who says you can't? Who says you can't? Who says you can't? Who says you can't?"

The committee passed quickly from indignation to embarrassment to giggles. The fifth graders were going to get to go first, but they could go to the front of the line once the older kids had all had one turn. There were lots of other things to do while they waited, Mr. McGee told them. Regular dancing for the brave would take place on the stage, tables were set up for a tournament for the people who had brought their collectable card decks (no keepsies allowed), and some other games and contests were being set up too.

"And," Mr. McGee added, "three of the room mothers have brought stuff to do face painting. I know some of you guys are way too sophisticated for that, but they brought special colors, and I hope at least you four will let them paint you anyway."

I don't know about Alex, but Leah and Ally didn't think they were too sophisticated to do that, and Josh probably couldn't have thought of anything he was too sophisticated for. They were, however, happy to have an excuse not to have to pretend to be, even if it was as lame a one as being nice to a grown-up.

"But first, you have to clean up your table. That's not the lunchroom ladies job," Mr. McGee said.

Alex and Josh ran, and Leah and Ally skipped back to their class. After they told all the tables the news, Hannah said, "Wow, this is sooo much cooler then the parties we had when we were little kids." Then quickly stuffed the last of her cupcake in her mouth and asked, "Who's done it before? What's your longest combo?"

Most had done it and had combos of six or seven steps. Ally said, "I got a ten once but that was just lucky; my brother gets fifteens all the time."

Ryan came over from the other table and said, "Figures you would play girl video games too. Why don't you come to the card tournament, Ally? I'll kick you butt; I set up my deck last night and it is unbeatable."

Ally said, "I don't even have any of those cards. I do other things."

"Yeah," Hannah said, "Not everyone cares about that stupid game, Ryan."

"It's not stupid," Ryan answered, "you're just too dumb to figure it out. Too bad they don't have a doll corner. Ally probably would a' liked that."

Matt said, "Just go away, Ryan."

"Yeah, buzz off," Ally said.

"Well — look he even got a pink cupcake. I bet he's got dolls; he always reads Appleby doll books durin' quiet readin'," Ryan said.

"So what?" Leah said, "They're good. You should try one if you ever get up to reading chapter books."

"I read chapter books now!" Ryan said.

Mr. McGee came over to check the tables and sent Ryan off to get a sponge. Matt had wiped their table already, and Ally's group was ready to go. All six of them entered that Kid-at-a-Carnival space that we seem to lose the key to at puberty; their one and only task in life was to have fun, and they meant to do just that to the best of their ability and as fast as possible.

Josh, Alex, Leah and Ally rushed over to get their faces painted (Since Mr. McGee had given them that duty.). Alex got a Cupid painted on one cheek, and Leah got really neat looking roses painted on both hers. Ally asked for a red heart right where his third eye would have been. The lady added a pink outline and a pink arrow, and then she gave Ally a pink nose and red cat whiskers too. Josh got his face painted like a dog, complete with floppy ears; the lady put a heart shaped pink spot on one ear to make it valentinesy.

Josh went to the card tables after that; Ally, Alex and Leah went up on the stage to laugh at Matt and Hannah who were dancing. Soon the three of them were in a circle, moving to something like the rhythm; between songs a mother told them they were all good dancers and should go find partners; all three screamed and ran off the stage like she had yelled "Fire!"

They ran all the way to the mat where people had to put their hands and feet on different colored dots so that they got all twisted together. The girls almost didn't get to do it because they were wearing skirts, but Leah had shorts on under her skirt and lifted it up to prove it, so she could play. Alex wasn't, so she didn't and couldn't, but she didn't mind watching.

Ally's hair kept getting into his face at first, so Alex took off her hair band and gave it to him. It was a special one for today, white with red and pink hearts all over it. Ally started to put it on like a sweat band, but Leah stopped him before he messed up the heart on his forehead, and he put it across the top of his head and under the hair in back. After three rounds of the game, all of which ended in a massive heap with no clear winner, Alex noticed that some of the fourth-graders were doing the dancing video game, and they charged off to get in line.

Josh, David and Michael got in line right behind Ally and the girls. David and Michael had had their faces painted too: David had a tiger face, but with red stripes instead of black; Michael hadn't given in to the ladies, and his whole face was covered in dark green and olive drab camouflage. Ally, Alex and Leah gave each other knowing smiles; there were lots of heart shapes hidden in the camouflage, and they suspected Michael didn't know that.

The first song at the dancing game didn't go very well for any of them; with six people using each screen, it was necessary to watch different colors to tell how you were doing, and that was confusing. On the second song they all did better; Ally, Leah and Josh all got combos of four, but Alex and David got the highest scores out of the six.

After their second turn, Ryan came over, and David asked about his card game. Ryan mumbled something about not having enough energy in the middle of the deck, so Ally said something about fixing it and doing better next time. Ryan told Ally to mind his own business and got David and Michael to leave with him.

During the next round the kids were doing real well until the machine threw four doubles in a row at them; first a vertical, then two horizontals, then a vertical again. Alex got physically befuddled and fell down right across Josh's pad, and he fell on top of her. Several mothers jumped up, but no one was hurt, and everyone was laughing too hard to be mad, even though the spill had caused lots of people to miss a bunch of steps.

After that turn Josh saw Matt over at the free throw hoop and decide to go give him some advice, and Leah realized she needed to go to the restroom. She grabbed Ally's and Alex's hands to make them come with her. While walking down the corridor, Leah reenacted Alex's spill and sprawled on the floor. As she got up she said, "You should have just done a complete spin in the air instead."

Alex decided to try it even though it hadn't been serious advice. As she spun in the air, her skirt flared out enough to offend Leah's sense of modesty, so she wrapped her arms around Alex's legs to smooth the skirt down and both of them went sprawling across the floor yet again. By now all three were locked in a giggle fit. Alex looked up and down the hall to make sure it was safe and then tried to see just how high she could get her skirt to go. Leah decided she could do that too, in spite of her modesty, because she had shorts on under her skirt. Ally then started to twirl, but no matter what, he couldn't get his pants to flare out.

Just as they started to get dizzy, all the giggling turned Leah's need into an urgency; she grabbed the others’ hands again and pulled them to the girls' room door at a run. As he was pulled through the door, Ally yelled, "Aaarrghh," and Leah finally let him go as their laughter got even louder. Ally did one more spin then skipped through the next door and towards the fixtures on the back wall.

"Hey, girls don't belong in here."

Ryan, David and Michael were sitting on the sinks. Ally took a deep breath and continued towards the back.

"People with ribbons in their hair aren't 'lowed, Ally. Do ya' gotta' be so weird?" David said.

While Ally took care of business, Michael said, "He's got a pussy on his face, probably has one in his pants too. Must be pretending. Girls can't pee that way."

"Yeah, you need a wiener to do that, Ally," Ryan said through his laughter. "Do you have on panties too? With sweet little hearts on 'em?"

Ally finished and turned around. He said, "Ha, Ha," and decided this was a good time to break the rule about washing hands.

"Ha, Ha!" Ryan squeaked. "You're way too smart for us, aren't you? Always talking about how smart you are. Even know how to play our 'dumb games' better than we do. Just like a girl."

"Ashley told us you got a dumb little dolly you took to Leah's house," Michael said as he moved in front of Ally. "So prove you ain't wearing panties like your bow."

"I'm not; so just let me go."

"Prove it, and let me try on your ribbon and see if someone gives me a box of candy," Ryan said and got right in front of the door.

Ally gritted his teeth, then lifted his shirt and showed the top of his underwear. "Boxers. OK? Now get out of the way."

David said, "Let him go, Guys; we're gonna get in huge trouble."

"OK," Ryan said, "but from now on, girls gotta bring a box of candy anytime they come into the boy's bathroom, Ally."

"Yeah, like you make the rules, Ryan," Ally said.

"He's gonna go tell, Ryan. Jus' let him go," David said.

"Look, I'm tired of them making fun of me, so he can start doing something for me, and he better not tell," Ryan said, "or I'll give him a real bloody nose, and no one'll think it's cute and funny this time. Now give me the ribbon."

"Get out of the way, Jerk," Ally said.

Ryan grabbed the hair band and yanked Ally's head forward. Ally put his arms up and knocked Ryan back into the door handle. Ryan swung at Ally but completely missed him. "Watch it, Freak," Ryan said and grabbed Ally's neck. He pulled the hair band off and tried to push Ally to the floor. Ally was crying as he grabbed the hair band and tugged on it. Michael wrapped his arms around Ally's chest and began tugging on him.

David grabbed Ally's and Ryan's wrists and tried to pull them apart; he yelled, "Stop!!"

Ryan stomped on Ally's foot and kicked his shin. Ally kicked back hard at Ryan's knee and tried to kick Michael with his heel. "He even kicks like a little girl," Ryan said.

The restroom door opened, and Joseph Edwards hollered, "Hey! Leave Ally alone!"

Michael said, "Ooh, the cry-baby sissy has come to save the uber-sissy."

Ryan turned around; without letting go of the head band, he said. "What ya' gonna' do? Cry on us, Edwards?"

Joseph yelled, "Don't call me that! Get out or else!"

Ryan mocked, "Gweet out or telse. Wa Wa Wa."

Joseph lunged at Ryan, knocking him into the others. David was pushed backwards into the latch of one of the stalls, opening a gash on his back, and he cried out. The hair band ripped, and Ryan let it go. Ally fell into Michael; his head smacked into Michael's nose, and Michael's head smacked into the wall. Michael grabbed Ally's necklace (the gift from Rocky) as he hit Ally in the mouth with the other hand. The necklace broke, strewing beads all over the floor, and Ally's lip bled. Ally flew at Michael, fist flailing at Michael's face until Michael buried his head in his arms crying.

Ryan had grabbed Joseph and then kicked his feet from under him. Ryan tried to pin him to the floor, but Joseph had twisted away and pulled Ryan to the floor. Now bawling, Joseph knelt over Ryan, swinging wildly at the back of the also bawling Ryan's head, while David tried to pull Joseph away.

The door opened again, and Mr. McGee came in.

Storms:

–FLASH–

One...Two...Three...Four...Five...Six...Seven...Eig -

–BOORRMB–

It was a dark and stormy night. Ally was lying in bed and counting his heartbeats: eight heartbeats — just over five seconds — over a mile. The lightning was hitting almost half way to the grocery store or just inside the big park, depending on the direction. A few years ago, back when lightning had scared him, his father had told Ally how to figure out how far away it was (or at least sort of just about), and he knew how far it was to those places because his father told him when they rode their bikes there, and he liked knowing stuff like that.

Ions, atoms with extra electrons, little tiny bits that carried electricity, or sort of did, got into big groups in the clouds and then decided to move to the ground where there weren't enough of them; or just the electrons did; or the other way round; or something like that. He'd have to ask someone to explain it — again. He always understood it for a little while after it was explained. He liked knowing stuff like that too, but he kept forgetting it. He didn't think he was very smart.

Why did Ryan think he acted like he was?

It was all his fault. He had messed up real bad.

–FLASH–

One...Two...Three...Four...F -

–BRRROOM–

You couldn't do what you wanted because people would always hurt you because of it. You had to hide some things you like. You even had to hide how smart you were lots of times. T.K. had told him this in the car.

The rain was going to melt his snowman, but that was OK; he was already looking yucky and didn't have a head anymore. It would also get rid of all the piles of snow by the streets, and that was all hard and real dirty. If Ally had thought of the meteorology unit in Earth Science, he would have remembered that thunder storms in February were unusual, but he lived far enough south that they did happen. They happened about as often around here as February snow storms, and that had happened this year too.

His lip tasted funny from where it had been bleeding.

–CLAAARK–

He hadn't seen the flash. Had his eyes been closed?

Jim didn't think T.K. was right about that, and sometimes you had to be careful, but it was OK to be what you were. But T.K. said even math (T.K.'s favorite thing in the world — except maybe the guitar) was all made up and you couldn't prove things with it, you just had to act like it all fit together, so nothing was fair or made sense in the world. Ally didn't follow that at all; what did arithmetic have to do with fights? And Jim had said that T.K. was sad because he had just read a book on math that had upset his entire world, and because T.K. had a crush on someone and wouldn't even tell anyone who it was.

–FLASH–FLASH–

One...Two...Th -

–CRAAOORRooomBroorrr–

Yikes!

T.K. said Jim should shut up and that wasn't true.

Ally wasn't afraid of thunder and lightning any more, of course. He was almost ten and a half after all. He had slept through lots of storms and didn't see why this one was being different.

He wanted to give something a hug, but Bucephalus was piled in a pile on the floor with lots of other stuff. He would never be able to chase after Darius III again. Now he couldn't get back in time to beat the Persians anymore.

His special Valentine's present was in the pile too. He had said he wanted it a lot, but he hadn't been happy about it, and he had to tell everyone what he had decided during dinner instead of waiting, and would never ever get to use it.

A tear rolled down Ally's cheek.

The present was supposed to have been brought by the Easter Bunny and laid with his eggs. Not that Ally believed in the Easter Bunny, or even Santa Clause, anymore, but it had used to be fun to pretend. But his mom had given it to him early to cheer him up, and it had made him even sadder.

He liked Easter; everybody wore really pretty clothes and was happy on that day. Of course, he didn't. He always wore just a blue shirt, dress-up pants, hard shoes and a yellow tie. But some people got to wear pretty stuff.

It wasn't fair — why did it matter —

–FLASH–

Why couldn't he wear just a hair band even? Why were people mean? He hated them, hated them....

–BOOooRrrm–

Oops, he had forgotten to count.

His daddy was disappointed in him. Hate didn't do any good. Love meant wanting the other person to be happy before you could feel happy, so hate meant wanting the other person to be sad before you could be happy. He didn't really want that, he guessed, and that wasn't real happiness at all. It wasn't good to hate, but he couldn't help it.

Fishermen sometimes wore spikes on their shoes. T.K. had read about it in a science-fiction book. When the boats sank, they would stand on their friends and put spike marks on them, trying to reach the air. That was OK if you were drowning, but not in a dining room. Teasing was like that — they were afraid, so they tried to push others down to feel bigger.

Then why didn't they pick on big people?

He was a freak. Why couldn't he be like everybody else?

Why? — He had to be, had to be, had to be.

His daddy didn't have a Porsche because of the seven day rule that Ally had never heard about before.

–FLASH–

One...Two...Three...Four...Five...S —

–BooAomb–

His mom invoked it about once a year and made his daddy wait when he wanted to buy a new car; that was why he and his brothers had to go to a private school. So he had to wait a whole week before he could get a burr haircut or paint his room brown, even though those were really his choices to make.

But he wasn't going to change his mind. He couldn't.

Jim was real mad at him. When he was going back to the table, Jim had walked past and just stared at him meanly. He was sorry, but he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to get hit anymore.

Two tears rolled down Ally's cheek.

It wasn't just kids that tried to get bigger by standing on top of people. There was someone that had written books saying that was the right way to act. Jim had had to read one of them. People had a duty to take what ever they could, even if it meant hurting others, and giving people help was bad.

But his daddy said that even cavemen knew they had responsibilities to their groups, and warlords in the Middle Ages knew they had to take care of the people who worked for them and helped them. His mom said the lady that said that was really very, very sad too. She had taken most of her ideas from other people, then mangled them, and then told everyone how much smarter she was than the people she stole from. And the people that were best at following her philosophy were the people that that lady had hated most; they just used different words. So that at least her followers told you they were liars and cheaters, so maybe that was better.

The whole idea of people thinking that had made Ally shiver. And why did grown-ups always go off the subject and have discussions like that. It didn't help at all. Ally didn't know yet that his family was incredibly bad about that kind of thing.

–FLASH–

Ally guessed he should feel sorry for people who thought like that too, even grown ups, because it was just an excuse for feeling scared too.

–Booorrmm–

How was it possible to feel sorry for people who teased all the time and pushed people around all the time and tried to make everyone be like them and do what they wanted? Even if they were just trying to build them selves up, and they were just scared? You really should feel sorry for them, not hate them, but that was real, real hard. But don't tell them you did because they really, really didn't like that. It was a secret revenge. That was a funny idea to T.K. and his daddy.

–FLASH–

One...Two...Three...Four...Five...

–KRaabooomoom--i

Josh had a big floppy dog that stayed on his bed all the time; Matt had three bears, but he kept them on a shelf. Maybe it would be alright to just keep Bucephalus?? No No No.

Boys could, but he couldn't. People would find out. Leah had told Ashley about Angie. But she wasn't mean at all and liked Ally. You just couldn't keep secrets. Can't keep that kind of secret at all, ever. So he couldn't do those things anymore.

He couldn't fix Angie's hair any more or dress her. Couldn't change or feed his Benny, or like babies at all. He couldn't wear ponytails, even to bed. Couldn't wear his beads, even though they were really boy beads, and stupid Michael had broke Rocky's. Couldn't wear Danni's locket. Couldn't look pretty, or even want to. Couldn't like pretty things, like flowers and butterflies. Couldn't like yellow anymore; or ever, ever wear pink or purple. Or teal or turquoise or.... Couldn't even know the names of those colors. Couldn't skip, or twirl, or spin, or giggle or laugh, except in just the right way. Couldn't like puppies or kittens. Couldn't call things cute or sweet. Couldn't cry...cry...not ever, not ever, no matter what, ever again.

He wasn't going to be weird anymore!

More tears rolled down each of Ally's cheeks.

–FLASH–

One...Two...Three...Four....

Maybe when he was visiting his grama and Rocky, he could do those things? Cynthia and Lisa had liked him. They didn't know he was a freak; maybe he could do things he liked there. But no — no, not even then; he might forget. He had to stop being strange, a freak, everywhere.

–BBRrooomm–

Besides, it made everyone one mad and unhappy, not just him.

–FLASH–

His mom had been yelling in the dining room while he was washing his face during dinner. Yelling about making decisions and this, maybe, being the start....

–CARaaaboom–

...and being a little kid longer not being an easy answer, unless you were absolutely sure it was right; but if it was right, then that is what would happen, but later; the decision did not have to be final yet.

Ally had waited in the hall, because he wasn't sure who was getting yelled at or what it was about. He hoped it wasn't about him, because he sure didn't want to be a little kid any longer at all.

She had said happiness was as important as air and water, but safety was even more important, and babies fighting was nothing like what could happen later — so the argument wasn't about him — and things were better for people in Jim's school because the other kids were older and the school encouraged tolerance, but they still had troubles with some students, just not openly, and Jim didn't know about it, and also they had to go places with people not in his school and might be scared in those places.

At least it was Jim that was getting yelled at, and that was good — because it wasn't his daddy, but it was still real, real bad.

He wasn't supposed to put his tongue on the sore on his lip.

Then his daddy had told Jim to spare them his great and vast eightteen-year-old's wisdom, and Jim had left the room and stared at Ally as he went past in the hall. And he didn't know why Jim was mad at him too. And he didn't know why his parents were mad at Jim, but thought he should help Jim, but couldn't because he didn't want his parents mad at him. He thought a real boy would have gone in and fought for Jim, but he just couldn't right then.

Jim hadn't even come back for dessert, even though it was a special Valentine's Day one.

Why did Valentine's Day have to get ruined? It was supposed to be about love, but now, forever, he would remember it as about hate and fighting and being a boy and being weird.

–FLASH–FLASH–

His daddy had told him he could still play with what he wanted at home and no one would hurt him; that was when he told them he didn't want to be a freak anymore anywhere. That made his mom and daddy and T.K. very sad and quiet, and he got to go upstairs and go to bed.

–BBbbooooormBrooorrrm–

Why couldn't this stupid lightning go away and let him go to sleep? He didn't want to think about this stuff anymore.

Why, why, why? Why wouldn't they leave him alone? Why was he like this? A weird freak.

He had to do the right things from now on. He couldn't hold hands ever; if he put his arm around someone, he had to make it into a head lock, and he had to make it look like that was fun. He couldn't lean up next to people; now he had to push and shove and wrestle and be rough. He had to start playing shooting and chasing video games and talk about them all the time. He had to get some of those stupid, collectable battle cards and learn all about them. He had to learn to slide tackle, even if it was illegal in his league and on the playground. He had to stand right, with his arms crossed all the time or in his pockets, and his shoulders up; he couldn't cross his legs when standing around, because when boys did that it meant they had to pee real bad. He had to do more ninja kicks and jumps; he could do those now, but from now on he couldn't laugh when he did them; he had to look mean. He couldn't look happy ever actually; he had to look cool and tough and serious, except when something was funny or someone else was embarrassed. He would have to act dumb in class and make fun of the lessons, but show off too. And he had to be cross and bossy a lot. He had to make sure he didn't look cute — Ever!

Of course not all boys were like that....

–FLASH–

Josh was always laughing and happy, and he was real good at history and spelling too, and he was sweet. Matt was a real good scientist and always tried to help people, and he was real nice, Ally thought. And Joseph Edwards was cute too.

–KkRraabooormb–

But Ally didn't think he could be like that; it was too close to what he was now. He wanted everybody to know he wasn't weird any more. He wanted to be the toughest of all. He wanted to — had to — go from being uber-sissy to being uber-boy.

He wanted to be really gigantic so he would never have to be scared. He wanted to be really, really strong. He wanted to not be Ally anymore. He wanted to scare everyone. He wanted to be left alone, forever. He wanted to run away — and not be weird. He wanted to shrink down in to something no one could see. He wanted to shrink down and just disappear. He wanted to not be anymore.

–FLASH–

–The power went out. It had seemed dark before, but there had been light coming through the window from a street light, and Ally's clock-radio had had lighted numbers, so it was much darker now. Also the sounds of the house, like that of the air being forced through ducts by the furnace and that from the bathroom space heater that someone had left on, which hadn't been really heard before, now were silent and were missed.

–Crraaaccckoom–

Of course, being almost ten and a half, Ally wasn't afraid of the dark, even this very dark that surrounded him now, especially now that he was going to act totally like a boy. Yet, still he thought about the flashlight on the shelf across the room. If it wasn't for all his girly stuff stacked up in the middle of the room, it would have been easy to get, even in the dark. As it was, he would have to walk carefully around the edges of the room to get to it.

But was that allowed for a boy? He knew boys were allowed to own flashlights, some had lots of them, but were they allowed to use them when they weren't doing something? Just because it was dark?

Why did boys have to have all these stupid rules? Girls didn't have them; they could just do what they wanted and no one teased them for it. They could wear pretty stuff or yucky stuff. They could dance and giggle and skip and sing and hug and act just as they wanted, but boys always had to worry about what others would think. It was like they had to always be putting on a show. How was he going to learn all these rules?

Jim and T.K. would make fun of him or try to talk him out of it; plus they were old and might have forgotten things. More so with his daddy. Josh would just get real silly about it, and Matt, he thought, would try to help but wouldn't understand the question. Joseph Edwards?

–FLASH–

Joseph and he had had to sit together for a long time on the infamous green couch in the office. That was where you waited for Ms. Yunger when you were in bad trouble, and everyone could see you and knew why you where there. Ally had never sat on it before, and to him sitting there had been a punishment in itself. Joseph hadn't seemed to mind though. He talked and talked to Ally; he told Ally about his stepfather leaving and about changing his name to his mom's old name and about his real father and half-brother being in a plane crash. He acted like Ally was a long lost friend all of a sudden after ignoring him for all that time. That was the one good thing about the day, because Ally thought of Joseph as a long lost friend too.

Ally hadn't said much back to Joseph, and he hoped Joseph wouldn't stop being friendly because of that.

It was Ms. Chen that finally called them into the office instead of Ms. Yunger, and she had called Joseph Jody. Ally wondered if that was part of the name change that Joseph had talked about. He hoped it was, because Jody was a much better name for a tamed fox than Joseph. Ally thought of Jody as a tame fox because of the story that his mom had reminded him of, and because it seemed he had finally come all the way over to Ally. When Ally thought of Jody that way, for the first time in a very, very long time, he smiled.

–Boobbrroom–

Finally! — An active verb! That's the first motion that has taken place in this scene, unless you count thinking, rolling tears and rolling thunder. That verb turned out to be 'smiled' too; who would have thought it? I was becoming afraid Ally might never do that action again.

We've also almost made it through a whole chapter without a single set of quotation marks, and that's pretty unusual for a character driven story too. After the last chapter, where we started in the middle of a crowd scene dialogue and followed it with a litany of party activities, I thought I'd — well, abuse you in the opposite way this time. Sort of even things out a little — uh; maybe not. Anyway, I'll probably have to lose this whole scene when I write the screenplay.

I know some might feel that Ally's thoughts should have been marked off as quotes, but it really wasn't like that. All these thoughts raced through his brain quickly. He didn't have to think in details to recall the events; he didn't have to paraphrase each discussion to remember its import. Nor were all of his thoughts fully formed. So this was really a combination of exposition of antecedent action and dialogue, extrapolations from associations and emotional reactions, with only a few implicit thoughts. Trying to distinguish one from the other would not make Ally's feelings and ideas any clearer.

Now Ally is about to start doing things the way a protagonist should in his own story. Who knows, he might even have a coherent thought or two as well.

Ally decided that it would be OK to keep the flashlight in his bed as long as he didn't turn it on. He walked around the perimeter of the room, touching the walls and bookshelves as he went, and the only thing he stepped on was his Degas poster with the corner he'd ripped that afternoon. When he reached the flashlight, he thought of a good boy excuse for needing it and decided to head to the bathroom.

We always tell children to appreciate the small things in life, but surely some things should be such givens that they don't need that kind of appreciation. Never the less, Ally did appreciate the fact that he didn't have to be careful walking into this bathroom. In this house, at least, they were safe.

The little room was very warm because the space heater had been left on so long, and it felt really nice to Ally. He set the flashlight on the counter, and noticed in the mirror how red his eyes were. After putting some water on them, he looked at his eyebrows. Before, he had always liked his eyebrows; they reminded him of his mom's. She didn't have real dark, hard looking ones like some ladies, but kept them just a little dark, like Ally's, and soft. He had still liked touching them sometimes when she held him, but now that couldn't happen anymore. He supposed he needed to start wanting thick, bushy, gray eyebrows like his daddy.

Ally looked in the mirror some more and practiced scowling, or looking tough or cool, but didn't think he could get it right at all, so he turned off the light in frustration. Probably because of the warmth, in here the darkness felt very comforting rather than eerie.

He crossed the room and felt for the edge of the toilet. Then he aimed by sound as he urinated. I mention that only so you won't mistakenly read a Freud-Erikson scatological creativity metaphor into the shift that Ally makes as he emerges from this small, warm, safe, dark room.

Ally waited till he had opened the door to turn on the light. As he did, he actually kicked the wall and thought, "To heck with it. I just don't care." By which he meant, of course, that he cared a whole, whole lot, but that he had realized it would be as hard, and scary, to hide from those cares as to face them.

It took him three skips to reach his bedroom door. In spite of the flashlight in one hand, he had his nightshirt off before he got all the way inside; then he pulled off his boxers too and kicked them into a corner. He gave Bucephalus an extra tight hug by way of apology. He set Angie's bed up, gave her a kiss and tucked her in deciding that she could wait until tomorrow to wear her new nightgown. He put Benny, Andre, Frosty and the other important creatures on his bed.

Then he opened the box and took out his beautiful, brand new, antique nightie that looked just like Johanna Appleby's. He gave it a hug too, before he slipped into it. The buttons were on the front of this one, and he did them all the way up, then he tied the pretty, yellow, satiny ribbon at the collar into the very best bow he could. There was no way for him to tie the ribbons on the cuffs, but that didn't matter.

He found his big, yellow, cloth covered scrunchie, and put his hair into a ponytail just a little bit higher than he ever had before. He thought he would wear it to school tomorrow — but maybe not. But he would wear his bright yellow pullover — and his pink knit shirt too. And he would skip and spin around while he was in line! Even though that would make Mr. McGee cross. And he would look right at Ryan while he did it, and he’d grin.

"I'll be happy," he thought, "That'll show 'em."

Ally slept.

Ally dreamed.