Wuthering Dormice (aka Bike) Part 965 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

“Julie, your dinner is getting cold–so please come now.” Simon called up the stairs from the landing below hers. He came back down and shrugged his shoulders. “You women and your silly feuds.”

“Thanks, Si, I really appreciate your total support.” I dished out portions of pie to all those who had decided to come to the table, which was everyone bar Julie.

“That smells delish, Babes,” Simon licked his lips.

“It does smell nice, Mummy,” agreed Livvie.

“Which can I smell, Mummy–Kate or pygmy?” Trish ’are you dissing me Watts, asked.

“That’s the snake,” teased Simon.

“Eewwch,” groaned Livvie, “it’s not really snake, is it?”

“Aye,” winked Tom, “it’s a wee bitty o’adder, tae help wi’ yer maths.”

“Oh it isn’t is it?” Livvie looked quite worried about it.

“Them is siwwy names, vat’s aww.” Meems sat with her arms folded on the table looking intently at the pie as if she was checking there was no snake or pygmy in it.

“It looks good to me, Lady C,” offered Leon, who accepted the large lump of the said pie I offered him on the plate. He helped himself to potatoes and vegetables, which were carrots and petite pois.

I saved some of the pie for Julie, who arrived at the table just when I was about to give her up. I said nothing, although I felt like slapping her.

“Sorry I’m late, Daddy, I had to sort my eye makeup–it got smeared.”

Simon grunted some sort of response which would probably have made more sense to a giant hedgehog than it did to any of us seated at the table. I passed Julie some pie and she took it without any word at all. That was impolite and discourteous, but I let it go this time.

“Say thank you to Mummy,” criticised Trish.

“Um–yeah, thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Julie, I hope you enjoy it.”

“This is pretty damn good, Cathy–you’ll have to teach me to cook, one of these days.”

“Och, she still canna mak’ a decent curry.” Tom voiced his opinion and Simon nearly choked.

“Madras or Vindaloo?” teased Simon.

“In the loo?---Eeeuch,” squealed Trish and all the kids giggled.

“That’s where he ends up after one,” I said and smiled at Tom, who was trying not to laugh and was blushing furiously. Even Julie smirked.

“Dis pie is good, Lady C,” said Leon, disappointed that there were no seconds.

“What’s for dessert, babes?”

“Homemade yoghurt and fresh fruit.”

“You make ya own yoghurt?” Leon was astonished–“I tought it just came in tubs from da supermarket.”

“That’s a perfectly acceptable form of the stuff, but we make our own in a large thermos flask. Danny made this last lot.”

“Arrgh!” squealed Billy pretending to be poisoned, though while he was playing possum, Danny sprinkled more pepper on his dinner. Everyone laughed when he discovered the difference, and especially when he sneezed all over Danny and sprayed him with a mouthful of food.

Simon made them both clean up the mess before they could have any dessert.

“Is it just desserts–or may I have some cheese and biccies?” Stella delivered this dreadful pun with a straight face.

“No they’re definitely unjust ones and yes you may. Trish, would you get some cheese and crackers for Auntie Stella?”

“On second thoughts, my trousers feel tight enough now, so I’ll pass on pudding.”

“Is that pudding or Puddin’ or both?” asked Simon.

“Both if someone will babysit for an hour.”

“I’ll do it, Auntie Stella,” offered Livvie. I looked twice to see if was one of the others throwing their voice.

“We’ll do it,” Trish added her support for her sister.

“It’s okay, we’ll do it,” volunteered Julie, “me an’ Leon, that is.”

Leon had just taken a mouthful of water and started to cough. Simon had to slap him on the back in the end. “We?” he managed to get out before coughing again, much to the amusement of the two boys.

“Yes, you an’ me–duh.” Julie rolled her eyes and I wondered why the offer was made.

“Why not just bring her down here, Stella, and we’ll all keep an eye on her.” I had just remembered there was a bed in Stella’s room.

“C’mon,” Julie rose from the table and half dragged Leon off his chair.

“Wossgoin’on?” he challenged before he actually fell off the chair.

“We’re goin’ for a walk,” announced Julie.

“Would you mind waiting until everyone has finished?” I asked her politely.

She threw herself back down in the chair and huffed for a minute or two.

“I dinna ken whit’s gang on here, but ye twa haed best sort it oot, an’quickly.”

“Nothing,” we both said together and then laughed. We high fived and then hugged and the row was over–until next time. They did go for a walk, and we did babysit Puddin’ while Stella went out for a couple of hours.

This of course gave time for the gossips in the family to practice the noble art of character assassination in her absence. The worst offender, someone who never gossips–her own brother.

“So do you reckon she’s got a bit of fluff, then?” teased Simon.

“I thocht, a piece o’ fluff, referred tae lassies?”

“Well maybe she’s um–a spinster gay, if you know what I mean,” Simon pointed at the three girls who were playing with dolls in front of him.

“Auntie Stella’s not gay, Daddy,” announced Trish and carried on playing with her doll as if nothing had happened.

Tom stifled a snigger and Simon’s eyebrows nearly shot off the top of his head.

“Wee piggies hae muckle lugs,” I said to Simon nodding at the girls. Tom laughed out loudly and Simon nodded and laughed as well.

Julie and Leon came back first and Simon took him home in the Mondeo. He came in fuming, accompanied by Julie, who was sniggering.

“What’s the problem?” I asked him. Julie had to look away.

“Bloody birds.”

I stared at him, “Yes? What about birds?”

“They crapped all over the bloody cars.”

“Precision pooing,” said Julie and cracked up laughing.

“Yeah, but you didn’t spend half the day washing the sodding things, did you?”

“No, I was washing my hands red raw on stupid womens heads.”

Simon stared at her for a moment before he worked out what she had said. She waved her still pink paws in front of him.

“Have you changed your nail polish?” I asked.

“Yes, why?”

“That’s why you took so long to come down for dinner, wasn’t it?”

“It mighta been,” she blushed.

“And there was me thinking you were trying to starve yourself...”

“Me? Starve? No fear–not while you’re like, doing the cooking, Mummy. That pie was pretty good.”

“Leon seemed to think so.”

“Yeah, well boys will eat anything as long as there’s lots of it.”

“The Jules giveth and the Jules taketh away,” I sighed.

Julie looked at me in puzzlement, then at Simon who was smirking.

“You told your mother how good a cook she was then implied Leon would eat anything.”

“Yeah–so?”

“Think about it.”

“Oh yeah,” she tittered, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I should hope not, or it’s bread and water for you from now on,” I teased.

“If it’s homemade bread, it’ll be like, okay–can I have sparkling water though?” With that she kissed me and then Simon and went up to her bed.