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The mighty Eyshvac, conquorers of 40 star systems, stand poised to attack the Earth. All that stands between them and certain victory is a certain water park. The Eyshvak don't have a chance.
Bikini Beach: Invasion from Space
by Ellie Dauber (c) 2003
With the high-pitched hum of a transport beam, Zebrett Lusc, Grand High Marshal of the Eyshvac Empire's invasion fleet, appeared on the bridge of Imperial cruiser _Death's Head_, flagship of the fleet. The small crew of investigators snapped to attention as soon as they saw who had arrived.
"Have you found anything yet?" he demanded of their lead officer, a thin male in his third decade.
The officer, Mol Thrynsq, shook his head. "Our telepath has begin a probe of the one who identified herself as Over-Captain Rhulzor."
"Her?" Lusc said. "I've known Jas Rhulzor for over two decades, and he is as male as you or I."
"Perhaps he was," Mol said nervously, "but not anymore. Pray, look for yourself." He pointed to a male in the green robes of a high telepath, his fingers on the forehead of a female -- a young female barely old enough to be considered marriageable. Mol continued. "Retinal scan and fingerprints both confirm that the female is... was Over-Captain Rhulzor. We did the examinations three times, all with the same results."
"How can this be?" Lusc mentally reviewed what was known of the people of this planet. "Earth," they called it, and they called themselves "humans." The race was very similar to his own, the Prime Race of the Eyshvac Empire. That was part of what made their world so desirable; it would need no terraforming modifications. The main differences were that their skin hues were various shadings of brown, rather than the blues that had evolved on his own world. Also, they lacked the telepathic powers that had been part of his people for the last few generations.
Part of the power of the Empire came from that fact that all those of the Prime Race were at least empathic. Some had truly great abilities and could link hundreds, even thousands into a group mind of high efficiency. It was a tactic that had forged an empire that stretched across over forty star systems. How could this little world that had been foolish enough to all but repudiate the idea of manned flight into space been able to reduce an invasion armada into -- Lusc cringed to even think it -- into what it had become?
"As near as we can determine," Mol said, as if in answer, "it began when the two scouts in a port cities of their leading military power became curious about a recreational facility."
* * * * *
"Why are we stopping here?" Anzig Tor asked. "We have not yet finished our examination of the military bases that surround this city."
"Because I'm tired," Fel Harrop answered. "We've been working at this for three days. What does it matter. These beings lack space flight. There are a dozen ways that our vessels can stop their primitive missiles systems. What is the point of working any further?" He pulled their vehicle, a rented Chevy, into a space in the parking lot. "Besides, look at the prizes here. Which would you rather examine, one of their aircraft carriers or that?"
He pointed to a buxom young woman walking across the parking lot in a sky-blue beach robe. The robe was opened, and both beings saw that she was wearing a rather skimpy bikini of the same color underneath. The Prime Race of Eyshvac had evolved with the same secondary sexual features as humans. Except for skin color, these females could have been of the Prime Race, many of whose members had a skin color of almost an identical sky-blue color, including Anzig and Fel. It was almost like being home.
"Point taken," Anzig said. "The keen strategist knows when to hold his actions in reserve and to do no more than observe." It was a maxim of one of the founders of the Empire and often repeated by its soldiers and officers. The two beings got out of the car.
A small replicator in the trunk was programmed to produce a wide variety of suitable clothing and equipment. It had already flawlessly duplicated the cash the pair had used to rent the car. Fel opened the trunk and said the activating code in his native language, adding, "Swimwear and towels for Anzig and I." The machine hummed for a moment. When it stopped, Fel opened the compartment and took out two swimsuits wrapped in white terry towels. He handed one to Anzig and closed the trunk lid.
The female at the gate was young and attractive for a pinkskin, the derogatory term already adopted by males of the fleet. She looked up from the periodical she was reading and smiled. "Hi, I'm Anya. Welcome to Bikini Beach. I'm afraid that this is a private beach. We do sell passes, though."
Fel recognized the beginning of a bargaining ritual. "How much?"
"Depends on the length of the pass." She gave the costs of a one-day and weekend passes.
Fel reached for his money pouch... his _wallet_. 'Keep the terms right,' he though to himself. Aloud he said, "I think we'll get two weekend passes. By the way, I'm Phil Harris, and this is Andy Torrance." He handed the female a number of sheets of paper script.
"Nice to meet you, Phil... Andy. The Locker Room is over there. Please make sure you shower before you leave the Locker Room; it's a local health department rule." She handed him the passes.
The pair took the passes and headed to the Locker Room. "Not very large," Fel said, looking around.
"Perhaps, this place is more the habitat of female pinkskins than males," Anzig said as he unbuttoned his shirt. He smiled. "This would not be a bad thing."
"Indeed," Fel said. "It would be a very good thing... for us."
The two males put on their generic blue trunks. The replicator was efficient, but it lacked imagination. Then, like the good soldiers they were, they followed the regulation and stepped into the showers. The streams of liquid felt so pleasant that they never noticed the pink mist rising from it.
Both males felt odd as they stepped from the showers. "You... we are changing," Anzig said. It was true. They were growing smaller and thinner. The hair was disappearing from their bodies, and they seemed to be developing female secondary sexual characteristics: wider, childbearing hips and growing breasts.
All Eyshvac scouts maintained a subconscious telepathic link to their fleet in the case of sudden attack, a way of reporting the event when the scouts were disabled. That link was activated by the change and broadcast a signal of what they were experiencing to the telepaths among the fleet.
The nature of the change was beyond anything the telepaths had ever encountered, beyond anything the Empire has ever encountered. They did the only thing they knew to do in such a situation. Their minds had stretched out across the fleet, joining the mind of every sentient being on the ships as well as those of the other scouts on the planet below into a single group mind.
Back on the planet, Fel and Anzig had completed their changes. Fel was a tall, slender woman with a taut athletic body and red hair that flowed in waves to the small of his back. Anzig was a mass of feminine curves, including 40DD breasts, and a mass of blonde ringlets framing his heart-shaped face. "Now what are we to do?" Anzig asked. His voice was now a breathy soprano that sounded as if he had just had sex.
"For a start, you'll put these tops on," Anya said as she walked into the room. "My grandmother doesn't allow even partial nudity here." She held two satiny blue tops that matched the bikini briefs the scouts now wore.
The two transformed males took the tops and, without thinking, put them on. "Now what is to become of us?" Fel asked.
"Who are you, and what do you want to become of you?" Anya asked.
The pair blinked. Suddenly their minds were spinning, confused and uncertain. Then, a fog seemed to lift from their thoughts. "I'm Phyllis, and this... this is my... sister Andi." She said it as if she was only just aware of the relationship. "And we're..." she giggled, "we're looking for some cute guys."
The mental changes shot up the telepathic link. The basic transformation spell went with it, as if it were a radio carrier wave. The telepaths were hit full force with both. In the last seconds before they began to transform into silly female pinkskins, they broadcast it across the group mind.
Throughout the fleet, officers and men began to change by the tens, the hundred, the thousands. A few, fortunately, had the time to activate automatic controls before they lost the knowledge of how to operate their craft -- or the sense to _want_ to operate it and keep themselves and the rest from a variety of interesting and generally painful deaths.
The spell even traveled back to Earth.
From Tienanmen Square to the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, some seventeen score of Eyshvac scouts transformed into young, pretty women. As they did, their minds became too besotted by a high, feminine libido to even care about what they had become or where they where. And the sexual enthusiasm they displayed soon had any males nearby too distracted to question what they had just seen happen.
* * * * *
After three standard days without a response, the Imperial Admiralty sent a team of investigators to the fleet. Honor demanded that Grand High Marshal Lusc accompany them.
"I... I believe that I have found something," the telepath said. "There is some highly unusual node of information embedded within a communication from two of the scouts."
"Can you reach it, put us in link with it?" Mol asked.
"I do not believe that would be wise," the telepath said. "Whatever is within that node may be what caused all this, and it may still be active."
"You are not here to advise us," Lusc said stiffly, "only to provide us with information."
"But... but..." the telepath stammered. Lusc raised his marshal's staff and activated the "punishment" circuit within it. The telepath cringed. That staff was capable of causing any sensation from a mild muscle ache to wracking pain, even death. The telepath -- the class of telepaths had no names; this one was known solely as 124C41+ -- bowed his head meekly. "I mean only to suggest caution. If the marshal in his great wisdom would have me continue, then I will do so."
"The marshal orders that you do exactly that," Lusc said without a thought. And without lowering his staff.
The telepath nodded. He put his fingered to the temples of the young female who had been Over-Captain Rhulzor. His mind flowed into hers.
In his mind's eye, he seemed to be swimming in a great, green sea. Ahead of him, he saw a mass of pulsing yellow energy that seemed many times the size of the spacecraft he was truly inside. There seemed to be figures within the mass, as well as some portion of the Over-Captain's brain.
Slowly, cautiously, he swam towards it. The mass was a great, glowing wall that loomed far above him. His finger touched it. The wall quivered an instant before a small bit of energy flowed into him.
On the bridge of the cruiser, the telepath froze, his body glowing with yellow energy. As the spell touched his mind, it reached out instinctively, linking first with Mol, then Lusc and the rest of those on the bridge.
The males began to change in both mind and body. For some, the magic was too fast. In a show of strength -- orneriness, some might have said -- Lusc held out just long enough to send an order back to the Empire through a device on his staff. "This world, this system is too... too dangerous. Qua-quarantine it at lest it d-destroy us all. This is..." the rest was lost in a feminine giggle.
The crew of Lusc's own ship, the one he'd traveled on to reach the invasion fleet, turned it and fled into hyperspace before the spell could affect them.
* * * * *
Back on Earth, Anya changed the cold compress on her grandmother's head. The old woman lay on a cot in the workroom next to her office. Dani sat next to the Wizard, who was on a second cot. Powering the spells had been a great strain on them both. His magic had bound her spells to the Eyshvac's own telepathic link, sending it up that link and enabling it to transform the entire invasion fleet.
"It's over, Grandmother," Anya said. "That admiral or whatever he was sent out an order just before the spell's full effects hit him. They're leaving, and they don't want to come back."
"Don't we have to get all those women down before the spaceships head home?" Dani asked.
"N-no," Grandmother said weakly. "The change to human isn't normally part of the spell. It should reverse as they get farther and farther away from here."
"But the rest of the spell won't," the Wizard said. "I wonder if they already have the concept of bimbo on their home world." He chuckled. "Introducing a concept like that could be a violation of the Prime Directive."
"_You_ watch much too much television, old friend," Grandmother said.
"I'm just glad those two wandered in here," Anya said.
"Wandered," Grandmother said, trying to sit up. "We spent three days sending them the mental nudges that finally got them in here."
"It was an effort, but it was certainly worth it." The Wizard said. "Odd, isn't it, that this water park is the defensive weapon that saved the planet."
The old woman smiled. "It's not that unusual," Grandmother said. "Everyone knows that a BB is just the thing to take out an Eye-shvac."
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