A young boy enters a reality world, and finds that he can be anyone.
I suppose I can be honest and tell you that I was not a normal 11-year old. I was different than other boys. I didn’t really like sports. I liked swimming though. I did not like action films. I liked romantic movies. I didn’t like rock music, as I loved ballads. I even wanted to do ballet, but Dad wouldn’t let me. He said it was only for sissies and gays. Being so naíve, I believed him. Years later, I was so sad that I believed him, as it could have been my dream.
My best friend was Ellen, she lived next door. Our bedroom windows faced each other. We used to communicate with each other through a sign language that we invented. Sometimes when we wanted to say something that was a bit too complicated for our sign language, we would send text messages to each other. It was obvious for everyone that Ellen was my best friend. She knew I was different. We couldn’t say how I was different but we both just knew and accepted it.
One of the favourite things I liked was watching her do her hair when looking through her window. Don’t worry she knew I was staring. I was no stalker! She didn’t mind me watch her do her hair. She would spend a long time brushing her hair. She had this rule that every strand of hair had to be brushed 20 times. Maybe that made her hair the nicest and softest hair that I ever seen. After she brushed her hair, she would put some lovely hair elastic things in her hair. Some were so beautiful. Some were flowers and some were butterflies. Then she would come to the window and show the finished product. I smiled as I seen it, and gave her a thumbs up. That made her smile, a smile that warmed my heart. After we would pull down our blinds, as we knew that it was time to get ready for bed. Then I would look in my mirror. My hair went to my shoulders and had a problem of curling at the end. Some mean people at school said I looked like Shirley Temple. After I found out who she was, I took that as an insult. But it nagged me all the time; did my hair look like girls hair? I would brush my hair as much as Ellen did, and I would have loved to have the decorations that she put in her hair. I think they would make my hair look prettier; I used to dream that Ellen would give me some of her decorations, her hair bands and elastics to me. But that was just dreaming.
In fact, I had problems with my hair. One day Dad threatened me with the worse thing possible:
“You hair is getting too long.” Dad said
“No its not. It’s the way it should look”
“I don’t know if I am talking with a boy or girl.”
“That’s mean. A lot of boys have hair like mine.”
“I would like to see a boy with hair like yours that is not a sissy or gay”
“I am not gay!”
“No, because you are getting your hair cut tomorrow.”
I looked at him, and gave him the worse face that I could. No way was I going to have short hair. I would look totally wrong with short hair and it wouldn’t suit my personality. But Dad wouldn’t care about that. He wanted me to be a normal boy. Maybe he thought that I would be teased. Maybe he thought I would end up some sex frustrated man that was alone in the world with strange desires. He didn’t understand that at 11, I thought that everything to do with sex was disgusting and I never thought about it. The fact that I didn’t like traditional boy’s things and preferred alternative things doesn’t mean that I should be punished. At an early stage in my life, I knew that I was not like other boys, and screw the people that didn’t like it or wanted to change me. This included my Dad.
The next day I went to Ellen’s house. She was all excited.
“I got a new game,” she said
“Great, but why are you jumping up and down about it?”
“It’s a virtual game.”
“What is that?”
“Ok, listen. You see this thing? You put it on your head over your eyes. Then you lay on the bed. Then you are in this imaginary world where it really feels like you are there. It’s so cool.”
“What do you mean it really feels like you am there?”
“Well, you know when you dream, it’s like you are there, but you really are in bed. Well when I am in avatar town, it’s more like I am really there. Avatar town is nearly like a real world. You meet other people that are on line. You can buy things and meet so many different people over the world.”
“How is it real?”
“Well, let’s say if someone hits you in Avatar town, then you feel pain. If you fall, you feel pain. If you walk around with no clothes, then you feel cold. If it rains there, then you feel wet. All this and more, even though you’re real body is laying on the bed”
“It must have been an expensive game. And did you say you walked around with no clothes? How gross!”
“I did not. I was changing clothes. Do you want to try?”
“No thanks, maybe another time. “
I could see that Ellen wanted to be left alone. I went home. I knew that she would spend most of the day on Avatar. That meant that I would be alone.
That night, I couldn’t sleep. I kept on thinking about her new game. What if I was stuck in there? It was like the matrix. At the end, you become so addicted to it, that you don’t know the real world from the imaginary world. I was wise not to do it. We only have one world and that should be the world that we should try to live in. The more I talked to myself, the less tired I was. I hated when I couldn’t sleep. It was Ellen’s fault because she asked me to enter her secret world. I could feel my heart beating harder as I thought what it would be like trapped there. Not being able to come back. I mean, would this be dangerous? I doubted it, unless there were lions.
I decided that I would try it the next time she asked.
The next day Ellen did ask. She was surprised when I said yes. She told me that she had two headsets. I was then to lie on the bed. When I was comfortable, she put the head set on me. She pressed the button at the end. There were all different colours as I could feel myself spinning in the air. I felt so dizzy. I just kept on spinning and spinning, until a world slowly starting materializing. Wow! It looked like a real world with real buildings and streets and people. I thought they would be some computer-animated people, but they looked like real people. I landed in the middle of the town square. I could see that other people were appearing and I didn’t know any of them. I felt alone. So many people and I didn’t know where to go or do.
I walked around the square. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. It was Ellen. I smiled. I was not alone anymore.
“Isn’t this great?” she asked
“It looks so real. When you told me it was real, I didn’t think that it was so real.”
“What should we do?”
“I don’t know. It’s up to you. Avatar is your game.”
“I think we should buy you new clothes, to use when you come here.”
“What’s the matter with the clothes I have.”
“Nothing, well you’ll see.”
We walked down the street, and Ellen said that we could buy clothes in a shop called Anastasias. I said OK. A shop is a shop.
But when I saw Anastasia, I was a bit surprised. It was a woman’s shop. I stood in the middle of it thinking, what am I doing here? Then Ellen pulled this pink skirt off the rack and held it up against me. She mumbled to herself that this would do. The pink skirt was put on a table.
Then a white blouse, with lace at the end of the sleeves and around the neck…
Then with some white panties with cartoons on them
Then with tights and ankle socks
A petticoat dress
Butterflies and Roses for hair
Ellen took the clothes and paid for them. Then she handed me three bags and told me that I should try these clothes on. I yelled that these were girl clothes. I wanted to end this game now. I kept on telling her to let me back to my real body. Ellen looked worried as if she hurt my feelings. I didn’t care. I wanted to go home, and now. Ellen led me to the town square where I pushed a box. I was back on the bed in Ellen’s bedroom.
I ran home. Mum asked me why I was so mad. I just said that Ellen and I had a fight. I ran up to my room and started crying. Why did she tease me by buying girl clothes? Did she not know that people teased me because I had a body and of course hair that looked like girls? Ellen is supposed to be my best friend. I kept on asking myself why she tried to embarrass me like that.
Later that night, I saw that Ellen was on her bed with her head in the pillow. It looked like she was crying too. Suddenly I felt better. She obviously knew what she did was wrong. She wrote a text to me. It said Sorry. I wrote back that I was no longer mad. After all she was nearly my friend. I needed her. I needed someone who knew me and accepted me for what I am. I was once again happy that we were friends.
The next day, I went over to Ellen’s, Her Dad sighed and said that she was in her bedroom. I walked up and seen her lying on her bed. She was really addicted to Avatar. Maybe she had a secret boyfriend in there.
I decided that I would surprise her.
I put on the headgear. I pushed the button and within seconds I was swirling around and around in the midst of different rainbow colours. I landed in the town square. There were so many people here! How was I going to find Ellen? I walked over to a huge map. It showed where different people were. I typed in Ellen99, Ellen’s username in Avatar. It showed a circle and said Ellen was at her house. I walked through the town center to the suburb. It wasn’t hard finding the house. When I got there, Ellen wasn’t there. I looked around her house. It was so pretty. She had a white sofa, and pink carpet. She had flowers everywhere. In her bedroom she had a huge white bed, with pink floors. There was a lovely lamp. She also had two pictures; one was a picture of her family and the other was a picture of me. She left the three bags: I looked at them. It was like the bags were enticing me and seducing me to open them
I did. I took out the panties that could have been panties for an eight year old. I felt how soft they were. They were like my briefs, but there was something about them that made my heart beat faster. I looked around to see if anyone was here, and shouted Ellen’s name a few times. Then I quickly stripped and put the panties on. They were so soft against my skin. I couldn’t believe the difference.
I decided to try the tights on. It was like small puffs of breezes were hitting my skin. I slowly put them on, as I didn’t want them to tear. I thought they made my skin look like white silk. I did a little dance around the room in my new tights and panties. I felt like a ballerina dancing on soft clouds.
I then took the long summer dress she bought. It was white and light green. It looked like a summer dress form the 50s. Maybe they are in style again. Again, it felt like I was in heaven that I had the dress on. I could feel the dress going up my legs. I felt like that famous picture of Marilyn Monroe, where she was letting wind go up her skirt. I packed my boy things and decided that I would wear these clothes all day. I started dancing around once again.
I stopped in my tracks and seen Ellen standing there.
“You look so pretty.” She said.
“I’m sorry. The clothes were just here and I don’t know why but I tried them on”
“I think you have some girl hormones.”
“What do you mean?”
“Part of you wants to be like a girl and try girl things. If I was to be mean, you are a sissy. But you’re not really. You’re just girly”
“Deep down I always knew that. I was just afraid to tell anyone, including you. For once in my life, I feel happy what I am wearing. I know it makes me weird. But I feel myself now with these clothes on”
“Let’s go out. First I have to fix your hair.”
My heart was going faster when she told me that I was going out. I could have screamed. Was I going out as a girl? People would know that I was a boy in a dress. While I was thinking all this, I saw that Ellen was putting flowers and butterflies in my hair. My old dream was coming true. I looked in the mirror and felt and looked exactly like a girl.
Ellen took my hand and we walked out the door. We walked down to the park where Ellen introduced me as her little cousin. They all thought I was about 9, because they said “aww”. The afternoon was fun chatting about boys and how each other’s clothes looked, and what was now modern, and then the talks went back to boys again. The funny thing was that nobody recognized me as a boy.
It was time to go home. When we landed on the bed, Ellen asked did I like my girl time. I said yes.
“It would be so difficult for you to wear girl clothes in the real world” She observed
“Yes I know. School mates will tease and my family would never understand.”
“Then I think you should be a girl in Avatar”
So my previous experiences of being a girl were in a virtual world. A few times a week I would escape this world and become Ellen’s little cousin in Avatar town. After a while I had lots of girl’s clothes, and I was so happy when I escaped to Avatar.
Years later, after I became 18, I became a total cross dresser. There were consequences. My Dad would not speak with me. My mother felt sorry for me. But I was happy. The most important thing is that I didn’t need avatar to be happy.
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