“I’m sorry Cici … but in the real world you can’t be the little girl you want to be. Yes … you can put your hair up in pig tails and carry Kiwi around and colour till your heart’s content, but we both know that you’ll never wake up and truly be the little girl in body that you are in soul. Just as in the real world … I can never be your Mom … David can never be your Dad and the girls can’t be your sisters. It’s impossible.”

by Maggie the Kitten

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When Cierra finishing fracturing the last note … no cloud of pink smoke enveloped her, eventually dissipating and leaving in its place a little red-haired imp that jumped into their laps and signalled a happily ever after was soon to follow. No … this wasn’t one of her feel good stories with that kind of magic, but when she opened her eyes … it was obvious something “magical” had happened.

Cierra’s blue eyes surpassed the brilliance of blue they had been earlier. They were sparkling sapphires which made Terry covet them all the more.

The fullness of her eyes and the look on her face said that Cierra was awake and then again … not so much. She slowly panned the room … almost as if she’d never seen it before.

“Cici?” Terry called to her … hoping if the child was there she’d answer, but Cierra stayed silent.

After doing a 360 she stopped and turned her inspection inward. Her left arm rose from her side and her hand moved toward her chest … stopping inches from her heart and then cautiously … gently … she tapped it. A smile turned at the corners of her mouth as she finally broke silence.

“Me” She said softly in a voice that was childlike in its in delivery if not truly in tone.

“Me” She repeated with more assurance as she tapped herself again.

“Me” She stated louder and with a broader smile.

The hand lifted off her chest and reached upward until it made contact with a pig tail. It closed round the hair and gently tugged it.

The smile spread yet again as she repeated. “Me”

The hand released the hair and slowly moved downward. Her eyes followed it as it came into view. Eventually her hand rested on her skirt. Her fingers played with the pleats and followed one until its conclusion at the hem and her second word came.

“Mine”

She grabbed hold of the skirt and tugged it. “Mine!”

“Me and mine?” Terry broke the moment as she tried again to get her friend’s attention. “Well Cici … you certainly sound like a kid.”

This time she made contact. Cierra turned to face Terry … tilting her head slightly to the right … almost like a dog hearing a whistle. Cautiously she took a wobbly step in Terry’s direction and then extended her arm toward her … her hand flattened and her fingers stretched to within a few inches of Terry’s chest, but would come no closer.

Terry searched her eyes and saw only those of a tentative child looking back at her. Treating her as one … whether she truly was or not … Terry’s voice was soft and non-threatening.

She smiled and almost sang, “Cici?”

She knew she’d made contact at Cici as her friend’s eyes flashed in recognition of her name.

“Cici”, Terry repeated and found the same reaction.

Terry raised her hand slowly … extending her fingers “Ciciward” and stopping just short of Cierra’s. She wanted Cierra to make the next move … to make contact herself. She thought that was a good idea, but honestly … she had no idea …and like Star Trek … she was going where she’d never been before … maybe where no one had ever been before.

Cierra’s fingers inched forward and then gently touched Terry’s. Terry smiled offering silent encouragement which Cierra took as her fingers intertwined with Terry’s.

It was then Cierra dropped her third word … and like the first two it started with an M and also like the first two it was very much in a child’s repertoire.

“Mom”

It was said without doubt … without fear … and with loads of love. It was followed by a “Cici-launch” and another 140 pound landing in Terry’s lap. It was not however followed by a string of 37 repeats like it was the first time. Once spoken … straight from the heart and without interference seemed to suffice as she held onto Terry tightly and rocked quietly in her arms.

David watched the action unfold silently and for the moment kept his distance. He wasn’t exactly sure who or what had opened her eyes when Cierra finished her song. Perhaps she had reached the inner child or perhaps she’d pushed herself over the edge. Either way he would stay back for now giving his friend the chance she’d asked for, and while he never considered Cierra a danger to anyone other than possibly herself … should she show any indication to the contrary … he would put a stop to this … whatever it was … immediately.
 
 
David’s lack of participation was short-lived however as Cierra’s pounce and hug with Terry seemed to energize her and give her courage she hadn’t had in her previous outing. This time when she bounced off Terry’s lap she pounced into Jeff’s without so much as a by your leave.

“What the …” David cried as he tried to brace himself for the incoming hug missile. Cierra was spot on. The spot being the centre of David’s lap. This new Cici while starting out timid at first … came on ferocious in a hurry and had no trouble saying the one word to David that Cierra or Cici Classic couldn’t.

“Dad”

Like with Mom … she said it only once, but it echoed through her every action.

She smiled and sighed as she hugged him tight enough to restrict blood flow to his extremities. She held the hug as David held her and then seconds later she was up again and exploring her surroundings.

David kept a watchful eye on Cierra as her attention turned toward the living room door. She immediately crouched into a defensive posture and then stalked the front entrance. David leaned toward his beloved and whispered. “Is … is she for real? I mean … has she…”

He took a finger and twirled it round by his ear; making the universal sign for insanity. “You know … has she lost it?”

Terry too was maintaining a parental vigilance on her friend who continued to inch ever closer to the door. “I … honestly don’t know. I don’t think so … well then again … maybe she has …or maybe she really has put the adult to sleep for a little while.”

“You mean like she’s totally gone into another personality? Like … like Sybil or something?”

Terry shrugged her shoulders. “Don’t know … but the way she moves … the way she looks at things … the few words she said … you have to admit … it is eerily childlike.”

David shook his head and shivered. “I think it’s weird like … like if she’s not play acting … then maybe we need to call someone or take her somewhere. It’s one thing to indulge her inner child, but this is … is … I don’t know what it is, but if the kids come home …”

“Outside!” Cierra shouted as she touched the door, stepping back like she’d been burned by fire.

Cierra shook her head and took another step back. “Outside … no me!”

A passing car came by and its lights flashed in the window drawing her attention there. She pointed to the glass, shaking her head and repeating. “Outside … no me!”

She immediately moved to the centre of the room which seemed to be a safe place as her body language relaxed and the smile returned. Her attention was then drawn to a picture on a shelf and she moved over to investigate.

David motioned toward the door and then the window. “What the hell was that all about?”

Terry was already pondering David’s question before he’d asked it. She continued to watch Cierra focus on the framed picture while she gave her best answer. “I think … and mind you I’m only guessing … but Cierra was always saying how … how she felt like she was on the outside of our home … our family … looking in … always wanting to be inside where we were … well … now she is … and I’d say that things like doors and windows lead to a very scary place that she doesn’t want to go back to: outside … outside looking in.”

David scratched his goatee. “Okay … I think I get it … it’s all kind of crazy and yet I guess it makes sense. This little girl … was trapped inside Cierra’s body and always looking outside, but now that she is outside … she wants to stay inside with us because she doesn’t want to go back outside to look in?”

Terry smiled at her smart guy and gave her best posh Brit, “By Jove, I believe he’s got it!”

David rubbed his forehead and groaned. “No … what I got is a five minute headache that’s lasted for nearly an hour. Now look Babe, Cierra’s our friend … and I don’t mind allowing her to … to be herself … or the self she believes herself to be … but I think this is getting out of hand … and I think we should pull the plug before this goes any further.”

Terry raised a hand stopping David before he could throw a butterfly net over Cierra.

“Okay … I admit … this is weird … but I don’t think she’s gone crazy and I don’t think she’s in danger and I’m sure we aren’t. Why not let her run just a little bit more … let’s just see what happens and if she really gets out of control or something we’ll stop it.”

David watched Cierra staring almost hypnotically at the pictures on the shelf.

“I … don’t know. I just don’t know.”

Terry begged her love with a smile. “Please … for me … for Cierra … just give her the rest of her time. It might be the only chance she ever has to be free.”

“Well …” a smile turned at David’s lips admitting defeat to the woman he could never refuse anything.

“Me!” Cierra shouted as she crashed the moment and thrust a picture between the two soul mates.

“Me” She repeated as she handed it to Terry who cradled it in her hands. The picture was a portrait of the three daughters when they were little. It was always one of Cierra’s favourites when she came to visit and by the way this version had taken to it, it was one of hers as well.

Cierra gently placed her finger on Rose.

“Roze”

She moved to Donna and struggled more to find the word.

“Dunna”

And then to Victoria

“Viggy” was the closest she could get to Vicky; the nickname of Terry’s youngest.

Finally she pointed to what seemed to be nothing more than the left hand corner of the picture … but to her … was obviously everything.

“Me … me … me”

David squinted to see who she was pointing at; only to see there was no one to see.

“I don’t get it … what’s she pointing at … and why is she saying me?”

This one Terry knew without doubt. Terry tapped the place Cierra had touched seconds ago. “She’s pointing to where she would be … if she could be … right in line … just after Victoria.”

Cierra nodded which signalled she was perfectly able to receive and understand communication … even if her powers of sending seemed almost undeveloped.

Cierra picked the picture up and held it to her chest. She closed her eyes and rocked before she slowly walked it back to the shelf.

“I wonder … why it she’s having difficulty speaking.” Terry thought out loud. “It’s like she really struggling … almost fighting to get the word out and when she does … it’s distorted.”

David reached over, gently laying his arm on his love’s shoulder. “Beats me … but it does remind me of what you said about Donna when she was little … you know … that really bad speech problem she had?”

Terry lit up and rewarded her brave and brilliant knight with a kiss. “Yes … of course … just like Donna … that makes perfect sense.”

“Okay” David smiled dreamily savouring the taste of her lips. “So explain it to me.”

Terry kept her Mom monitor on Cierra who had moved from in front of the shelf and was now standing at the bottom of the stairway and looking at the landing.

“Poor little Donna had no problem hearing or understanding … but her speech skills were severely underdeveloped and she really struggled to communicate. She used to get so frustrated when no one could understand her.”

“I get that … I do, but … how does that apply to Cici.”

“Well mind you … it’s just a theory but … think about it … she’s been inside all her life … a spiritual entity if you will … and for forty years unable to do anything else other than listen and see and think. The physical world has been outside her reach … so things like speech skills would be … almost non-existent … she’s barely more than mute. And that would explain why she needed to touch herself and me. Again … that’s all part of the physical world … the world outside and until she actually touched herself and us … she had no proof any of this was real.

“My pace!” Cici proudly proclaimed; drawing Terry and David’s attention to the stairway. Cierra had climbed the stairs to the landing and was pointing at the carpeted base.

She brought her finger to within a few inches of the carpet and then looked to her mom like any child would for permission. Terry nodded; giving it and Cierra plopped herself down on the landing. She smiled as she ran her hand across the carpet and then up to the railing to trace her fingers along the posts.

Terry watched her Cici continue to explore the outside world while continuing to share her thoughts with David. “It always was her place … that’s where she always ended up … petting Duchess and peeking through the railings watching the rest of us play video games … remember?”

“Yeah … she always did like that spot … sort of like a perch where she could sit and see all the action … but not be a part of it.”

Whether Cierra heard and understood David’s remarks or just picked that moment to make her move … she made it. She was down the stairs in a flash and over to her back pack that she’d left centre of the floor. David and Terry watched as she dumped the contents out. Books, crayons, small toys, candy and a stuffed koala spilled out. Grabbing “Kiwi” and some dishware she returned to the landing and began placing everything appropriately.

David watched with a puzzled stare. “Now what the heck is she doing?”

“A tea party”, Terry knew instantly as soon as she saw Cierra put the kettle centre of the landing. “Of course … it’s making sense now.”

“So you want to enlighten me?”

Terry watched as Cierra carefully sat four settings and leaned Kiwi against the railing.

“Don’t you see … this Cici is here to do … every other time she’s been here … she’s talked and she’s watched but like she said … she doesn’t want to sit on the sidelines any longer … she wants in the game.”

Terry stood up and took David’s hand. “And so do I.”

“Care to join us for tea love?” she polished her best Brit again.

David remained firmly seated and firm in his stance of non attendance at imaginary tea parties … especially when the hostess is a fifty year old woman currently completely off her rocker.

“Uh … no I don’t do tea … imaginary or otherwise … and I’m not trying to rain on her tea party but do you really think we should encourage this any further. I mean c’mon Babe … aren’t you worried about Cici?”

Terry glanced over as Cierra continued setting the places. “Sure … I’m worried, but I’ve been worried about Cici long before this meltdown.”

“Yeah … I know … but there’s one of two things going on here. One, she’s just play acting all this and if she is … she deserves an Academy Award for her performance … or … she’s broke on through to the other side and I’m thinking maybe we better start pulling her back over before she goes so far she never comes back.

David started to get up but Terry sat him down again gently with a look and 135 pounds of weight in his lap. His bum eased onto the sofa. Terry’s soft bum in his lap raised other issues, but not the one Terry was currently prepared to address.

“No … she’s not faking this or playing this. This is Cici … this is that little girl she’s been trying so desperately to get us to see and no … I don’t think she totally lost it … because she understands us … at least as well as a child her age … whatever that is … would. I think … and it’s only a guess … that she got her wish … the adult is still there … only sleeping or at least quietly sitting back and watching the action ... giving her a chance to play. I think … at least for now … we should encourage her because when the adult comes back … maybe the memories she makes here … assuming she remembers any of this … will be ones that get her through those long days and scary nights of being a little girl trapped in a big girl’s body and alone in a big girl’s world.”

David mulled Terry’s theory as he shifted his lap to accommodate his love. “Okay … say I buy that, but what if our Cierra … the adult version … doesn’t come back when we tell her that her times up? What if she just stays this way?”

Terry laid her head on David’s shoulder. “Vicky gets a roommate and we get an extra tax deduction?”

The king was not amused. “I’m serious Babe.”

Terry searched those gorgeous green eyes and knew he was. “Look, I don’t really think she’ll stay that way. I think I know how to bring her back … at least I’m pretty sure I can … but if I can’t … then I guess will go with plan B.”

“Plan B?”

Terry giggled. “B for Butterfly net. You catch her in the net and I’ll call the guys with the little white coats to pick her up, but … in the meantime … for just a few minutes more … let’s indulge her … let’s give her a chance to do what she’s spent her whole life wanting to do. And besides if she’s totally gone … then a few more minutes won’t make any difference any way.”

“I don’t know … I’m just not comfortable.”

While David squirmed under the pressure of Terry’s request and the soft derriere resting in his lap, Cierra finished setting service and showed up sofa side. She smiled and reached out a hand to each.

“Come …pay ….”

Cierra took their hands and then pulled them toward her.

“Come …pay wiff me … peas.”

The amount of effort it took for her to organize that sentence weakened her and her knees nearly buckled. When Terry added a please of her own … David’s heart gave before Cierra’s knees could.

He motioned for Terry to get up and then quickly joined her. “I can’t believe I’m going to an imaginary tea party hosted by a fifty year old five year old.”

Terry giggled and smiled sympathetically as she kissed his cheek. “Poor David … look on the bright side … at least you don’t have to play Mum”

“Do what?” He barked as Cierra pulled him and Terry over to the landing.

Terry had been correct. Cierra played “Mum” as she served tea and imaginary biscuits to her three guests. Conversation was a little light, but fun and joy were two lumps heavy for Cici. She was having the time of her life … a life in the outside world measured now by minutes … possibly seconds and she wasn’t wasting a single one.

The tea party never gave the tea a chance to get cold as it was over in barely more than a minute as Cierra showing signs of attention deficit disorder dropped her cup and dashed back to her book bag to find a new plaything.

That extra minute that Terry and David had promised Cierra was quickly becoming half an hour and Cici sans any adult interference was living it to the fullest. She was on hyper drive now and moved from activity and toy like a HD-AD kid who had missed a medicine dose. Terry was quite familiar with this behaviour as two of her daughter’s suffered the same condition.
 
 
David and Terry watched as Cierra bounced about finally doing the things that in the past she’d only dreamed and written of. One by one, she marked her other rightful places in the house. She sat at the dining room table and bounced in the chair she silently proclaimed to be her personal princess throne.

She walked into the living room and tossed down her colouring book centre of the floor. She dumped out her 64 Crayola pack next to it and then joined them as she spent the next five minutes on her belly colouring inside and outside the lines. Once she’d put the final touches on Belle’s ball gown … she was up and in front of Terry showing her the fruits of her labour. Both Terry and David complimented her on her work which made her glow with pride, but Cici wasn’t satisfied until her work was bestowed the highest honour possible. Pulling Terry from her comfy spot on the sofa, she led her to the kitchen and pointed at the Childers-Stone Art Gallery … also known as the refrigerator. Cierra beamed when Terry used a magnet to hang her work in the ultimate place of honour.

From artist to musician … she begged them to turn on the television and hook up Guitar Hero. Last Christmas … she’d sat on the landing and watched her spirit sisters take turns testing their skills as video musicians. On her birthday she joined the band as she went from groupie to rock star and attacked both guitar and drums with enthusiasm and effort. Skill however … was lacking and her point total made her a distant third to David and Terry, but it didn’t matter. She was doing … and she was having fun … and that’s what mattered.

From the television to the radio she bounced … and more bouncing followed as she coaxed her Mom centre of the floor and coaxed a few dance moves from her. David tried to stay back, but Cici wasn’t having that as she even managed to draw him in for a little bootie shaking hustle.

The dancing seemed to take the wind out of Cierra’s sails, so while she charged her batteries … she coerced David into reading her one of the storybooks she’d brought along. She snuggled next to Terry while David walked Little Red Riding Hood through the forest to her Grandma’s house. Cici got her second wind shortly before the Wolf’s big mouth could eat Red, and she was up and on the move again before the Woodsman could save the day. Terry watched Cierra sift through the contents of her backpack. Picking up and discarding items … searching for just the right thing to fill the next moment. The smile on her face said she was having the time of her life.

Time … Terry didn’t know if Cici was aware of time or not. Was she rushing because she knew the seconds were ticking and she was trying to grab and do everything she could get her little hands on … or was she behaving the same as any other little girl who’d been grounded for forty years and was finally getting the chance to come out and play? What she did know was that Cici was doing and Cici was happy and that was all that really mattered.
 
 
Cierra eventually found the treasure she was searching for and then scampered over to David with it. She handed him a small ball and then took several steps back from him. She cupped her hands together and waited for him to toss it.

Both Terry and David realized straight away this was Cierra’s best effort at being a sports oriented tomboy for the father who didn’t have a boy. David was visibly touched by her heartfelt desire to please him … to spend precious minutes trying to give him something … during the borrowed time she’d been given to collect as much life for herself as she could grab.

David gently tossed her the ball. His aim was true as it hit her dead centre of the cradle her hands had made, but in Cierra’s hurry to catch and return she failed to secure the ball and it tumbled from her hands and onto the carpet. She dropped her head when she dropped the ball. She braced herself for the storm that was sure to come as a result of her failure.

Precious seconds passed in silence before she had the courage to raise her head and meet her quarterback and father’s gaze. Much to her relief and surprise she was met by a smile and words of encouragement and instruction from her coach. Picking up the ball she wobbled a toss close enough to David for him to catch and he gave her a second chance. The second toss was as true as the first, but the outcome was different as she followed her father’s advice and pulled the ball into her when it hit her hands. Once realizing, she’d actually caught it … she did a touchdown dance worthy of the Super bowl.

The game of pitch and catch went on until one of Cierra’s return throws eluded David’s outstretched reach and nearly took out Terry’s favourite vase. The game was then called due to Mother’s insistence and Cierra was off again grabbing more life as the second hand chased her.
 
 
After the game ended, she grabbed her backpack and headed for the kitchen. She stopped at the door … waved bye to her parents and then disappeared through it. David stood up … prepared to give chase … fearing Cierra might be heading out to the nearby playground to take this show on the road.

He didn’t have time to grab his jacket as she returned almost as soon as she left. She waved again as she entered the room. She tossed her backpack on the dining room table and then went to the living room where she flopped centre of the floor and stared at the television. When David shook his head and looked to his beloved for translation. Terry’s best guess was that Cierra had compressed an eight hour day at school into about eight seconds as her return to the castle mirrored that of the other princesses.

Her most daring undertaking however was setting up Terry and David’s wedding. The actual event was still several months away and Cierra the adult and co-worker would be in attendance, but Cierra the daughter of the house wanted a certain part in the play and used a few more magic minutes to make sure she got it.

First she positioned David at the bottom of the stairs and then led Terry to the top. Waiting for the wedding march only she could hear she started down the steps tossing jelly beans in lieu of rose petals. Terry chuckled as she watched Cici spread candies on the carpet. Her friend had desperately wanted to be the flower girl for their wedding, but it was a request she couldn’t possibly grant the adult. As she took her first step down, she carefully avoided a “green flower” and smiled … happy the child was going where the adult could not. When Terry reached the bottom of the stairs, David didn’t wait on Kiwi to pronounce them man and wife. He kissed his bride immediately. Cierra missed the lip lock; however, as once again she was off to her back pack and in search of more adventure.

What she found in her seemingly bottomless backpack was a copy of the Little Mermaid which she immediately took to Terry and David and begged them to watch it with her. Time was the enemy for the little princess and it was pounding at the door of her castle. Terry knew there really wasn’t time for a movie … but the want in Cierra’s blue eyes was enough to buy her at least a few minutes of movie magic.

Terry put the movie in and returned to the sofa. Cierra wiggled into the space between her mom and dad and then laid her head in Terry’s lap. She was all quiet smiles once the movie started … raising her head only once and that was to beg Terry to sing along with Ariel when the Little Mermaid sang Part of Your World. Rose had always asked for that … so Terry being a firm believer in “you can’t do for one child what you won’t do for all” … gave into Cierra’s final request. The music and Terry’s voice combined to make sandman magic as by the time she’d sang the final note, Cierra was fast asleep in her lap.
 
 
Terry brushed her hair gently and smiled as Cici’s exit from the waking world had been true to form for most small children. She’d played until she’d literally dropped.

David watched Cierra sleep and spoke in a respectful whisper. “So … is it over? Is she ….is umm … our fifty year old going to be back when she wakes or is Cici going to have a third puberty?”

Terry sighed as she played with a pigtail. “I think the adult will be back … but if not … I still think I know how to bring her back … at least I hope so.”

David looked at the living room clock. “Well … whatever magic you have up your sleeve I think you need to use it. I know you don’t want to wake ‘Sleeping Beauty’, but her five minutes are pushing two hours and if we’re still going to Acapulco Joe’s we need to get this show on the road.”

“I know … I know and … Rose will be bringing Victoria home in less than an hour.”

Wishing she could let Cici sleep the sleep of the innocent, but knowing she couldn’t … she gently woke her.

“Cici … Cierra Marie … you have to wake up honey.”

When she received no response she shook her gently. “Cici … time to get up.” “

Exercising a mom’s right to cheat. She didn’t play fair. She played the taco card. “Cici …we’re going to Acapulco Joe’s!”

Blue eyes fluttered open and made contact with Terry’s.

She smiled and tried to deliver a sour line with as much sweet as she could. “Cici … I’m sorry … but it’s time to go.”

Cierra shook her head and fear filled her eyes. Tears were on the verge of following. “No … no … stay … peas stay.”

The little princess was still holding court although it was hard to tell as goodbye’s reduced Cici to child level whenever she had to deal with them.

“Home” She wiggled off the couch and stood her ground in front of Terry.

“Me … home” She waved her hands round the room.

“Me … stay … peas.” She smiled and nodded through her tears hoping Terry would return both and allow her to stay.

When she saw neither, she dropped to her knees and looked from parent to parent. “Stay … home … peas …”

Summoning up all her energy she focused her thoughts on speech. “Pleeeeeeeze … me …I be good … home stay home … no go back.”

David looked away and tears welled in Terry’s eyes as she had to be the bad guy. She patted the cushion next to her and Cierra took her place there. Terry looked at the tear stained face of a shivering fifty year old woman who was really just a little girl … at least in every way that truly defines a person. She was being who she was … and yet could never be.

Terry took her trembling hands and steadied them with her own. It was time … she had to do what must be done. She would do it gently if she could … but she had to do it. She hoped she could find the best words as she knew in her heart there truly were no magic ones.

“Cici … this is very important and I need you … ALL of you … and that means your … your other half … your adult umm … your big sister. Can we call her your big sister?”

Terry searched Cierra’s eye for a sign of understanding and acceptance. Cierra nodded; silently acknowledging that all of her was listening.

“You always want me to treat you as if you were one of my daughters … telling you the same things I’d tell them whenever you’d come to me with a problem … and many times I have. Well … there aren’t many of your wishes that I can make come true for you … but that one I can. I will talk to you like I would one of the girls. That means while I do love you … and Cici I do love you … both of you … big girl and little … I’m going to tell you the cold hard truth and without any beautiful little lies. I’m going to give it to you the way I see it and some of it is going to hurt … hurt a lot … but it’s the truth and anything else less … well … isn’t. Now all I ask from you is to listen … and just think about what I’m saying. I can’t make you accept it or believe it or … or take any of the advice I give you. Just like your “Gilmore Girl” spirit sisters … it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with it. Okay?

Cierra nodded. Terry’s touch had stopped her trembling and tears, but now she was rocking gently. Terry knew that was one of her comfort mechanisms and allowed her that knowing the amount of comfort Cici was about to get from her words probably wouldn’t be much.

Terry looked deep into her friend’s eyes, hoping she really was reaching a 100% share of the Cierra-Cici listening audience. “Honestly … I’m not really sure what to tell you that I haven’t told you a hundred times already, but … I’m going to try again and hope that since I seem to have a direct pipeline to the little princess at the moment …”

Terry smiled and winked when she said “little princess” which immediately got her the desired effect by coaxing a return smile from the Cici.

“Perhaps maybe this time … the words will sink into that hard head of yours … Little Miss Stubbornbutt”

A giggle escaped Cierra’s lips and her rocking ceased. Terry had relaxed the audience as much as she could. Now it was time for the truth.

“Cierra I know you love me and David and the girls very much and more than anything in the whole world you wish you were our daughter. Trust me child … WE KNOW … but … except in your stories … your dreams … your five magic minutes on your birthday and in that big heart of yours.” Terry lightly tapped the centre of Cici’s blouse. “That wish of yours can never come true.”

Never was never a good word for Cierra … and Terry lost the smile and dry eyes when she dropped it.

“Hey … hey” She tapped Cierra on her nose and gave her playful scowl. “No tears … I mean it … no tears … dry ‘em up Chief Cries-a lot”

Cierra sniffled and Terry continued with the bad medicine. “I’m sorry Cici … but in the real world you can’t be the little girl you want to be. Yes … you can put your hair up in pig tails and carry Kiwi around and colour till your heart’s content, but we both know that you’ll never wake up and truly be the little girl in body that you are in soul. Just as in the real world … I can never be your Mom … David can never be your Dad and the girls can’t be your sisters. It’s impossible.”

Tears welled again and this time Terry let them fall without reprimand, granting her a moment to mourn the loss of a lifelong dream.

“But …” She squeezed Cierra’s hand, trying to follow the bitter pill with a spoonful of sugar. “If I could …if …”

She turned to David, her eyes asking a question that he understood and answered with a smile and a nod. “If we could … I swear to you … I’d pull a magic wand out of my butt or sprinkle moon dust in your hair and give you your dream.”

David growled. “Uh … it’s going to have to be the moon dust for me … because there aren’t going to be any magic wands anywhere near my butt.”

Terry rolled her eyes and Cierra had a much needed giggle.

Terry reached up and tugged a dangling pig tail. “I mean that … no beautiful lies … witch's honour!”

She raised two fingers to just below her nose to make the magical V sign that Bewitched’s Samantha had made famous and Cici had often used in her stories.

“I would do it in a heartbeat Cici and we’d adopt you and we’d promise to starve, beat, and generally mistreat you every bit as much as I do your sisters and I’m sure your loving sisters could be counted on to do the same for you. Yes Cici … we’d do it … and … yes Cici you were right. We wouldn’t do it because we wanted another crumb snatcher or needed another reason to overdraw the checking account for school clothes or … or … because we want a little more “whine” with the evening meal … no … we’d do it because we love you! Trust me, we must love you because you are the only child we’d ever let slip through that door that I thought was permanently sealed after Victoria. And … I agree with your therapist Maggie … if it was really possible to make you a real … live … little girl … I think it would fix you. I think it would finally make you happy and honestly … I don’t think anything else ever will.”

Confirmation from both Terry and Cierra’s therapist Maggie was the ultimate vote of confidence. Cici was beaming.

“Now … I think you’ve got David and I totally overrated as parents … but we’d take the job and not just because you love us and need us but because after all you’ve been through we’re not trusting your second childhood to anyone else. Of course there is also the fact we’ve got quite a bit of time and effort invested in you already. Look child, there’s no way we’re letting anyone else get credit for your future success.

Her eyes twinkled with a mischievous smile. “Besides … even if we did decide not to keep you and dropped you at the front door of the convent … I’m sure the Nun’s would track us down within in a few days and bring you back mumbling something about you being Rosemary’s Baby or the Anti-Christ in pigtails, so … we might as well keep you and save a lot of explaining in the afterlife.”

Cierra was giggling and even the David couldn’t suppress a chuckle or two. Terry was glad to see the joy in Cici’s eyes. “And yes … I suppose you would be a “trying” kid in every sense of the word but a good one too … good at spending our hard earned money … good at driving us nuts … good at fighting with your sisters … good at creating dirty dishes and dirty laundry and great at avoiding washing either. Oh yeah Cici … you’d be every bit as good as your sisters, but ...”

She sighed heavily before delivering the next dose of bad medicine. “The truth is … there are no magic wands or moon dust or heartfelt lifelong wishes that will ever make that happen and I’m sorry but that’s the cold … hard … totally unfair reality and I know reality has been pretty unfair to you. You were born in the wrong body … born during the wrong time and probably born to the wrong parents. I know that … I wish it hadn’t happen to you and I thank my lucky stars that it didn’t happen to me or my girls. My heart goes out to you … but there’s nothing I can do to change those things and neither can you … all you can do … is what I’d tell my girls to do and that’s to make the most of what you got. Reach for you want and never accept you can’t do something until you’ve tried, but … if you find something you just can’t do or can’t have then you have to accept it and move on. That’s what I wish you could do Cici … accept some things that you can’t have or can’t change and move on. Does that make any sense to you at all?

Cierra hesitated as if it Terry’s words were working their way deep down to where the adult was. A few seconds passed and she nodded. Terry rewarded her with a smile and a hug.

“Now … do you want to know something that will make you smile?”

Cierra nodded and flashed the promised smile. “I do believe in you Cici and it doesn’t matter what your true percentage is or how much of you is really sugar and spice or fantasy and illness because you are real … real beyond the physical and ... I … see … you. I’ve been seeing you for a very long time, not always so much physically.” She poked Cici lightly on her nose pushing the smile button.

“But I’ve seen you peek out of Cierra … sometimes in her smile or her eyes or a giggle or in one of the stories you collaborate on with your big sister, but I’ve seen you. I see you every day. Remember … I’m the one who said you made up 87% of the partnership. Now do you believe that?”

Cierra nodded. “Good … then … you don’t need to keep trying to get my attention 24-7 do you? I … know … you … are … there. You don’t have to convince me by bouncing all over the factory and my office screaming … look at me! … look at me! … or getting all pouty puss when I don’t pay attention to you … so chill child … okay?

Cierra nodded again. “And you know I love you … and I know you love to hear it … but I never gave constant attention and reinforcement to your sisters and I won’t do it with you. Don’t expect me to say I love you a hundred times a day or you’re going to be one disappointed little girl. I love you Cici and I love your big sister too, and that love I give freely … so … while I appreciate all the yummy yogurt, granola bars and chocolate you keep bringing and I keep eating … you don’t need to do it … because you can’t buy more love from me. I’m already giving you all that I can. Just remember … bringing me Take 5 bars won’t make your place in my heart bigger … it will just make my butt bigger … so ease up okay?”

Cierra acknowledged with a giggle and David’s sexy smile said he approved of big butts.

“And little Miss Copy Kitten … I know you want to grow up to be just like me … but I want you to grow up to be just like you … so please don’t try so hard to do everything I do … or like everything I like … or always agree with everything I say. There is only room in this world for one Terry Lynn Childers-Stone and my big butt is parked in that space … so you need to get a life all your own. So please … just be the friend and little girl who makes me laugh … just be Cici … because you’re the best person for the job. Got it?”

Cierra’s solemn nod said she did.

“Now … during one of your drama princess rambles you were talking about how we don’t invite you here and all the reasons why … well … some of what you said was true … you do make us feel uncomfortable sometimes and the kids can’t understand why you get so emotional and cry and I can’t always explain it to them because I don’t always understand … but the main reason we hesitate on inviting you is not the effect coming here has on us … but the after effect it seems to have on you. You go to pieces when it’s time to say goodbye and then you go home and cry and rock for days and drive yourself crazy. We worry about you Cici and no matter how much you say you love being here … I’m almost afraid to invite you because sooner or later we have to take you back and I hate seeing you go through all that. And honestly … I don’t know what to do about that problem.”

“So see Cici … I’m not all knowing … all powerful. I can’t make it all better … and I can’t be there for you on those long and lonely weekends or at three in the morning when you wake up scared … and for as much as I love you and we love you … we can’t always watch over you and always be there for you … hell we can’t even do that for MY girls … but … there is someone … someone who loves you very much ... who has always been there for you and always will.”

Cierra gave Terry a puzzled stare.

“You’re other half … the owner of the 13% … your big sister!”

Cierra frowned and sighed sadly.

“Yeah … yeah I know … maybe you don’t think so much of her, but you should. Considering she only has 13% to work with … I think she’s a pretty amazing woman. Think about it … she hobbles in here and goes to work every day just to keep you in crayons and stuffed animals. She sits at the keys for hours and hours typing your story. She turned her bedroom into a play place just for you. Nearly everything you have in this life is courtesy of her. She takes you everywhere she goes and encourages you and gives you loads of attention. She loves you with all her heart and hurts because you hurt. Her whole life revolves around you and … she’d die just so you could live in this world … because if you ever got that wish and became a true flesh and blood little girl … what do you think happens to her? I’ll tell you what … she goes poof disappear forever. Now if you ask me … I think that makes her a pretty special big sister and maybe … you ought to try and show her a little more love and maybe you ought to cut her some slack sometimes. You’re awful hard on her I think. It’s not her fault you’re stuck in here and if she could I know she would pop you out but she can’t … so quit kicking her in the ribs all the time. Give her a break. Maybe … just maybe … you might let her enjoy her 13% once in awhile. You think you can try and let the big girl enjoy being a big girl now and then? She’s always putting you first and trying to give you your time centre stage. She just gave you five of the most magic minutes ever. How about you give her a few of her own? I would be very proud of you if you did and I’d be very happy too because I love my big girl friend and I haven’t seen much of her in a really long time. So … you going to quit pestering your big sister and let her have a night out now and then?

Cierra smiled. “Oh … kay.”

“Good girl … now,” Terry looked deep into Cierra’s eyes. “I’m talking to you Miss 13% adult … Cici and I have reached an agreement … and now you and I need to. Girlfriend … you need to get out more than your inner child does. I’m serious … your fifty years young not old. I think you need to extend your life beyond Cici, the four walls of your English tea cottage, the factory and visits to this castle. I just wish you get out there in the world and give it a chance … of course heaven forbid that you might actually find something in the adult world that you might like, because then … then you’d be untrue to the impossible dream wouldn’t you? It would be like cheating on the 87% wouldn’t it? Well … I’m a mother of three and I have dedicated most of my life, most of my energy and about all of my money to my kids, but I always found time for “me time”. It may not have been much. It may have just been a soak in the tub whilst they all slept … or a snuggle with a sexy man.”

She winked at the handsome hubby to be. “But the point is … every mom needs time off to just be a woman … and every big sister needs a break from watching her little one … so for heaven’s sake girl … take a break now and then … do something for yourself? Okay?

The little girl didn’t nod or say she’d understood but the look in her eyes told Terry the message had been received.

“And … this is for both of you. I don’t know what the future holds for you. Maybe … it’s as bad as you fear. Maybe … we’ll lose touch once one of us leaves here and our only contact will be greeting cards and the occasional letter. I don’t know. And maybe … you’ll never connect to anyone else and you’ll spend the rest of your life … hobbling around a factory somewhere until you can’t do it anymore and then you’ll spend your remaining days alone in your cottage. I don’t know … I hope not. I hope your sickness … your sadness and your obsession don’t totally consume you. I hope you have other people in your life because I hate to see you alone, but … if that happens … then the only advice I have for you is to cling to each other … and hold onto the good memories ... and remember when it comes to memories ... fantasy and reality are equal.

Terry’s last remark drew a wide-eyed stare from Cierra and David stepped in to rescue the perplexed princess.

“What I think Terry’s saying is that when you experience something ... at that very moment ... it might be fantasy ... it might be a dream ... or it might be reality ... and those are all very different, but ... once that moment moves into the past … it becomes a memory. And memories are equal ... it doesn’t matter if they come from real events or fantasy ones ... the feelings, the emotions, the pictures in your mind that make up that memory are all just as real ... and just as valid.”

Terry squeezed Cierra’s hand. “That’s right honey and that’s really important, because honestly I don’t know what’s happened here today ... how much of this is reality and how much is fantasy but it doesn’t matter, because once it becomes a memory ... and oh my Lord I do hope you can remember this ... the joy, the love, the games, all of it ... will be just as real in your heart and in your mind as they would be for any other little girl spending a day at home with her parents.”

The mention of “home” seemed to trigger something deep inside Cierra and she leaned against Terry hugging her tight. “Home … home.”

Terry rubbed Cici’s back and then gently lifted her chin to meet her gaze. “Can I tell you what home is for me?”

Cierra nodded as she cuddled. “Home is … any place that I’m loved and accepted for who I am and not just the place where I live. So … if you can believe that ... then ... in that way ... this can be your home too … because everyone here loves you and accepts you for who you are Cici.”

Cierra raised her head and her eyes lit up. “My … home?”

Terry smiled lovingly. “Yes Cici … this is your home and …” she took Cierra’s hand and placed it over her own heart. “And you’ll always have a home in there with me … wherever I go … because I’ll have a place for you in my heart.”

“Umm … speaking of going?” David had to interrupt as he pointed toward the clock.

Terry nodded as she fixed one of Cici’s fallen pigtails. “Now … my little Messypottamus” that’s enough chatter. I need you to clean up this warzone you created and get everything into your backpack. Understand?”

Cierra stood up and nodded. Terry gave her a wink and then a light swat when she turned. “Now scoot!”

Terry moved over to snuggle close to David while Cierra carried her backpack like an Easter basket filling it with all the playthings she’d drug out.

David put a strong arm round his love. “So … umm … is McGann and Associates going to get their factory worker back or do we have to enroll her in day-care?”

Terry glanced over to see Cierra collecting jelly beans. “I still think I can help her find her way back … at least I hope so.”

David kissed his beloved on the cheek. She turned and smiled. “What was that for?”

“For Cierra … for being so good with kids … in all shapes and sizes … and … because I love you. Is that good enough or do you want some more reasons?”

“That’s enough reasons … how about more kisses?”

The two pressed soft lips a few more times before Cierra returned with full back pack in hand and broke the moment and the lip lock.

David groaned. “Kids … always kids.”

Terry stood up and looked Cierra in the eye. There was no easy way to say it … so it just needed to be said straight out.

“Cici … it’s time to go now … your five minutes are up.”

Cierra nodded … she was trying to be brave … but tears and trembling started again. Terry pulled her into a cuddle … hoping she could calm her and bring Cierra back home. Terry’s voice was soft and love-filled as she finished the song Cierra had started.
 
 

"There is a lady all in white,  Holds me and sings a lullaby,  She's nice to see and she's soft to touch,  She says "Cici, I love you very much."      I know a place where no one's lost,  I know a place where no one cries,  Crying at all is not allowed,  Not in my castle on a cloud.

 
 
Terry finished the last note and when she did Cici’s crying subsided enough so that she could speak clearly.

“I love you Mom.”

Terry answered without hesitation and without a beautiful lie. “I love you too Cici.”
 
 
When she broke the embrace and searched Cierra’s eyes. She knew her friend had returned. How much she remembered of her over extended five minutes … might be discussed over dinner, but more likely over tea and after hours in Terry’s office at work.

A reassuring nod from Terry in David’s direction ... made him breathe a sigh of relief. He really hadn’t wanted to fetch a butterfly net.

Cierra looked at each of them timidly. Her question proved she had at least partial memory. “Umm ... do we have to go to the mental hospital now?”

Terry looked to David who hesitated before shaking his head and answering dryly. “No … I don’t think so. The enchiladas and tacos are better at Acapulco Joe’s and I’m starvapating.”

David gave his girls a wink and then headed toward the kitchen and the garage beyond. Terry and Cierra giggled and followed behind him. Cierra’s hand brushed Terry’s as they walked ... and she started to pull it back, fearing she’d crossed a boundary. Terry reached out and took it, squeezing it lovingly ... letting her know that as far as hand holding was concerned ... Cierra’s five minutes could run into overtime.
 
 
Two minutes later they were on the road to Acapulco Joe’s and the scene in the car was very much the same as it was before they’d arrived at David and Terry’s. The two adults were in the front chatting away and half singing to the radio. Cierra was holding Kiwi and staring out the window.

Her thoughts were rushing ahead to the night’s conclusion. She was going to cry when David and Terry dropped her at her flat. Nothing would change that ... but when she walked in to that empty room ... she wouldn’t be walking in alone. She would have love in her heart from two very special people who gave her a chance and a home, and she would have the memories in her mind of five magic minutes where she stepped outside her shell and lived.
 

*          *          *
 
She didn’t know if it would be enough to silence the dark voice ... to make peace with the past or to comfort her during the long lonely nights to follow. She didn’t know if she really understood all that had happened or how it had happened and she wasn’t sure if she remembered all the advice Terry had given her, but one thing she did know for sure: For five minutes ... the little girl lived ... loved and died ... and all 100% of her was going to hold onto that memory for the rest of her life.
 
 

 
 
 

 
*Special thanks to Sephrena for posting and making it look pretty.

**Castle on a Cloud is from Les Miserable.