All I Want For Christmas Is...


All I Want For Christmas Is...

by Barbara Lynn Terry

Chapter 1 - Meeting Mary Ellen.
She woke up, yawned and stretched. She swung her feet out from under the covers, and slid in to her slippers. Putting on her robe, she grabbed her bath caddy and headed off to the shower. When she was through, she patted down with a soft terry towel, and got in to her panties and bra. Wrapping the towel around her like she had seen her mother do, she went back in the bedroom to get dressed. She needed something special today because they were going to the town's civic center for the big Christmas bash and dinner dance.

She looked through her closet for a nice semi-formal dress, because the deal she had made with her parents was that she wear knee length dresses all the time to special functions. Well this was a special function, and she needed something light, pretty, and feminine. She thought back to the day this had all come to a head.

"Richard!!!" He heard his mother yell up the stairs. "Get down here right now, young lady!!!"

"What is it mom?"

"Don't you 'what is it mom' me, young lady. Get in the kitchen right now. Now missy! I am not playing with you. This time you have really done it!"

"Done what mom, and why did you call me a young lady?"

"Get in that kitchen missy, so help me!"

She grabbed him by shirt and almost threw him in to the kitchen. Then she told him to sit down. His father was sitting at one end with a pained expression on his face. Richard couldn't understand what they were so upset about. After he sat down, his mother went to another chair and held up a teal, knee length semi-formal dress that had wide, shirred shoulder straps, a plunge V neckline, and a chiffon lace overlay.

"Where did you get this dress from?"

"From Adelia. She said I could keep it here."

"Have you been wearing it?" His mother's voice was on the verge of cracking.

"Well, I tried it on."

"And how did it feel when you had it on?"

"You really want to know? Alright then, it felt wonderful and so right. The material in the body hugged me like a glove, and the skirt flowed when I walked. Did I like the sensations that came from wearing that dress. Yes, I certainly did."

"Son, when you were wearing this dress, did you play with your genitals?"

"Daddy! That is just sick. Where did you ever get such an idea from?"

His father was very silent, because he didn't want him to know that a couple of the guys at work had told him guys dress up in ladies clothes just to "beat off".

"Well, a person hears things. I was just wondering is all. Tell me son, do you plan to wear more dresses, even skirts?"

"Yes daddy, I do. I feel that I should have had been raised from little on as a girl. I feel like I should have been born a girl." The pained look on Richard's face, showed his parents he was very serious. "If you will let me, I will show you right now, how much of a girl I can really be. Mom, I will need the dress though, because it is the only one I have."

"Do you need any help?"

"No mother. You and daddy just sit down here and talk. I will go and get ready."

Richard took the dress and went straight to his room. He laid the dress on the bed, and got out of his "boy" clothes. He wrapped a towel around him and went and took a shower. His mother had a bar a of perfumed soap in a special soap dish, so he used that. He had washed his hair the night before, so it had to be protected by a shower cap.

After Richard was finished with his shower, he wrapped the towel around him again, and went to his bedroom. He went to his closet where he had hidden a full slip with three layers of crinolines, a bra, and the breast forms that Adelia had given him. He laid down, and glued the breast forms to his chest, and immediately after sitting up, put on the bra right away. He took some makeup and placed it around the edge of the breast forms so that they would look natural. He then cautiously lowered the slip over his head. This was tricky because of their crinolines, but he made it work.

Then he sat down to put on his makeup. He first applied black eye liner, then a light brown eye shadow. Then he put on a dual foundation/face powder, and finished that off with black mascara and a light rose lipstick.

"Richard!!! Do you need any help?"

"No mother, I am almost finished."

Richard then stepped in to the teal dress, and since it was backless, it had no zipper, but did have a hidden elastic in the waist. This was also tricky because of the crinolines, but years of being a girl paid off. Finding the three inch heels Adelia had also given him, he put on his stockings, and stepped in to the pumps. He was ready to introduce Mary Ellen to his parents.

"Mom, daddy, I am coming down. Don't look please, until I tell you."

"Alright Richard, we won't."

Richard walked lightly down the stairs, almost floated even. When he got to the kitchen door, he told his parents to close their eyes. He peeked just enough to make sure they're eyes were closed, and he walked in the kitchen and stood by the sink, so they both could see him from head to toe. "Okay, you can look now."

When they opened their eyes, his mother gasped and held her hand to her mouth. His father just sat there stunned that a "boy" could look that good.

"Richard, I ..."

"Mom, daddy, I'd like you to meet Mary Ellen. And if it is all right with the two of you, I would like Mary Ellen to stay forever."

"You know so...Mary Ellen, we are going to have to talk about this very seriously. We will have to have you see some kind of a professional."

"I know daddy. But you know what though? I am ready for that. In fact, to make it more plain, I am ready to meet the world as Mary Ellen right now. This is how I want to live the rest of my life."

"Are you sure so...Mary Ellen. I mean you haven't graduated from high school yet, and you haven't experienced what being with a woman is all about. I think you should hold off until you have at least had sex with one woman to say you don't like it."

"Daddy, is that all you can think of is sex? Listen you two, and you especially mom should already know this. Being female has nothing to do with liking or not liking sex. Being female is a discipline, an attitude, a way of life. Being female is having these feelings deep inside for longer than just a couple of hours, or even a day. They are something that is deep inside of us. Daddy, I will be fifteen in two months, and all I want for my birthday is to be allowed to be this girl that is inside of me. Mom, please say that I can.

"Well, your father is right on one thing though. We are going to have to have you see a professional. We will see what this person says. If he or she says it is more beneficial for you to be female, then you can be our daughter. But if he or she says that this is just a way of getting attention, then you remain our son."

"Mom, daddy, look at me. Does this look like somebody who is only looking for attention? I did this makeup myself, these clothes are immaculately worn because I have practiced over and over, until I got it right. Can you tell where the breast forms end? Look closely. I can see by the surprised looks on your faces that you can't. Everything I have done, I have practiced at over the years.

"When I said I was spending the night at a friend's house, I wasn't lying because Adelia and my other girl friends are just that, friends. I have been going to their sleep overs ever since I was five, and you never knew it until now. Mary Ellen is screaming to be let out so she can breathe and live. Please let her stay."

"If we say yes, what about school. You can't go to school dressed like a girl."

"Daddy, I have been changing in the girls room at school, and taking my classes as a girl. Everybody at school thinks I am a girl anyway by now. Adelia and the other girls are making sure that I am not only supported but protected as well. Daddy, you don't seem to understand. Richard exists only in name and on paper. But there is no Richard living in this body, it is all Mary Ellen."

"What about your school records? You were registered as Richard, and you have boys PE."

"Daddy when are you going to learn, that all it takes is a few strokes on the keyboard to change all of that? Did you think I would let them call me Richard dressed like a girl? I don't think so. And it just so happens that I am in girls PE."

"Well, who changed your records then. You do know that is illegal. Right?"

"Whose going to tell? Certainly not me, and neither is the girls gym coach, and neither are the other girls. Even the principal says I am far prettier as a girl, than a geeky looking boy, and no daddy the principal didn't change the school records. Somebody else did even before Mrs. Danvers knew who I was. So you see, I have been accepted by everyone at school as a girl, and by my friends too. You are the last two I need support and acceptance from. So can Mary Ellen stay, like forever?"

His mother gave him a hug, but not so it would mess up his makeup.

"Here is what we will do then, if it is alright with your mother, of course. We will let you be Mary Ellen, but there is one hitch. You have to wear knee length, or above knee length dresses or skirts, and you will wear them full time. You may of course wear pants too but they are to be noticeably feminine in appearance. Besides I don't know of any boy your age that can put makeup on that good. So Mary Ellen can stay, if you agree to our terms."

That was a whole month ago. Since then she has accumulated a full wardrobe of dresses, skirts, tops, jeans, dress slacks, shoes, underthings, and has since had breast augmentation by special arrangement with a doctor who put down the patient's age as nineteen.

But today was the dinner, and she was going to be the epitome of femininity. She chose her light rose dress that zipped up only half way, and she made sure her makeup was flawless. She put her hair in a ponty tail, and then gave herself a cursory inspection. She was ready for the dance.

As she went down the stairs, her mother was at the bottom aiming a camera at her. She snapped several shots of Mary Ellen coming down the stairs, and then her father put the camera on a tripod, so that they could take a picture together. Then they all went out to the car. Mary Ellen and her mother had their purses, and daddy had the car keys. But getting serious for a moment. This is when Richard's parents are going to find out just how their child is treated and accepted as a girl.
Chapter 2 - The Christmas Bash and Dinner Dance.
The Christmas Bash and Dinner Dance was first organized over fifty years ago to bring children in the city a little Christmas cheer, and give them presents bought especially for them from the lists they wrote. Each child got two presents from their lists to Santa. These were children who came from poor families, who didn't have hardly anything, so this Christmas Bash was for them. Everybody who was anybody in town came and contributed something. This year, Mary Ellen's parents had two nine year old twin girls to buy for. They took the presents and set them under the tree, because none of the children were supposed to know who got them their presents; they were just from Santa Claus.

Mary Ellen looked around for Adelia and the other girls. She spotted them over on the other side of the room. They were talking to Mrs. Danvers. Mary Ellen decided to go over and join in. When Mrs. Danvers saw her coming, the whole group got very silent.

"Hello Mary Ellen, you look very pretty today."

"Thank you, Mrs. Danvers, and you don't look so bad either," the group just giggled. About that time, Richard's parents came over too.

"Mrs. Danvers, these are my parents."

"It is a pleasure to meet both of you. I see Mary Ellen has told you that she has been attending school as a girl. She is one of our brightest students, and she is taking classes that are traditionally feminine. Like she is taking home economics, child care, cooking, and sewing classes. They are making prom dresses and gowns in her sewing class right now. That was what the twenty five dollars was for. Mary Ellen has picked out a wonderful pattern, and if she were to buy this in a salon, it would cost at least two hundred dollars, if not more. Mary Ellen also tells me that you keep calling her Richard. She has to go through this one hundred per cent or not at all, and everybody around her has to cooperate. What we were talking about when you came over was asking you to join the varsity squad. They are one cheerleader short this year. Would you like to try out?

"Well, I guess. I mean if my parents have no objections. That would mean mom, daddy, that you would have to get me a girl's cheerleader outfit. Are you ready for that?"

"Well I guess I can cope with that if your mother can. What about it dear, do we allow our daughter to be a cheerleader?"

"I don't see why not. I cheered when I was in high school and in college. So why not give her the chance too."

"Wait! You cheered here in high school?"

"Why, yes I did."

"Rogers, Rogers, oh my gosh, you aren't Lydia Rogers?"

"Guilty again."

"Well this is an honor. Girls, this woman took us to the nationals her senior year, and because of a routine she thought up, we won. Girls Monday at class we will do that routine. Mrs. Rogers, it would be an honor if you would sit in and give us pointers of what we miss."

"I don't see that as a problem. What time is gym class?"

"The same time and place it was when you went to school here."

"Okay then, see you on Monday."

"Mom, daddy, I'm going to stay with my friends. You go and mingle with the upper crust."

"Now Rich...erm, Mary Ellen, is that any way to talk?"

"Mom, it's how we teenies talk today."

"Teenies??? I have been out of school too long." We all giggled.

Tom Edmonds was the son of the town's only banker, and he walked around like he owned the whole town. He walked up to me and told me to dance with him. I looked at my parents, and daddy spoke up.

"Do you have a problem with my daughter, young man?"

"Take a walk pops, this is between me and the faggot here."

"What is your name young man?"

"His name is Tom Edmonds, and that is his father over there in the grey suit by the door."

"Thank you, punkin. Let's go meet your father, young man." Daddy grabbed him by his shirt collar and walked him over to his father.

I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I saw Mr. Edmonds mouth say, "you mean she is a real girl?" Daddy nodded, and then said something else and came over by us.

"I was told that if you have any more problems with him, tell Mrs. Danvers, and she will take care of it."

"You bet I will, Mary Ellen is very well looked after in our school. And she always comes to school in a group, and leaves in a group. I think most of her friends live close by you, in fact."

"Mr. and Mrs. Rogers, we are the varsity cheerleading squad, and we live all around you. It would be nothing for us to pick up Mary Ellen and take her to school, and bring her home again."

"Thank you, young lady. What is your name, and where do you live?"

"I'm Adelia, sir, and I live in that brown corner house on Elm and Bricker."

"So you only live a couple of blocks away from us then. Good. Mary Ellen has told us about you, and the teal dress you gave her."

"Oh! That old thing. I didn't wear it any more so if somebody could use it then they should have it. Besides it is still a good dress for parties and proms and such."

"Yes, I saw that. Mary Ellen wears it well too. So, for the rest of the night girls, please keep an eye on Mary Ellen for us. We're going to mingle and dance a bit."

"No problem Mr. Rogers. We would do that anyway. Mrs. Rogers, may we talk to you for a bit after you have danced and mingled? There are some things we'd like to tell you about Mary Ellen."

"Am I included in that discussion, or should I make myself scarce?"

"Make yourself scarce, Mr. Rogers, because what we have to say is girl talk, and I don't think you would feel very comfortable in what we need to say."

"Alright. Come dear, let's dance a bit."

After her parents danced a few dances, they mingled with the town council and the mayor. Two hours later her mother joined the girls for a talk.

“Mrs. Rogers, we were talking and since Mary Ellen has shown you who she is, I think we should use her name all the time, and use the feminine pronouns as well. She is a Miss now and not a Mister. Mary Ellen has proved more than once how much of a real girl she really is.

“She has been staying at my house on my weekend sleepovers since she was five years old. She will be fifteen in just one month. What we want to do is give her a birthday party to remember. Mary Ellen will you please go and mingle with someone. We want to conspire behind your back.” Mary Ellen left, and when Adelia was satisfied she was out of hearing range, she continued.

“Mrs. Rogers, we all talked about this at length, and we decided that since we can all afford it, we would like Mary Ellen to have her surgeries to make her physically female on the outside. My mother knows a doctor that will be more than willing to put a false age on the consent forms. So anyway, we decided to chip in to make sure that Mary Ellen has her deepest wish come true. I know that she has prayed for this since she was five. Let’s make it real for her.”

“Well, she will have to see a therapist of some kind. But I do agree with you that she should have her wish come true as soon as we can. You know that with everybody chipping in, that we are all co-conspirators. Right?”

Everybody laughed because they were really conspiring to make Mary Ellen the happiest girl in town if not in the whole wide world. They all agreed too that Mary Ellen should know nothing about this, until the day of the operation. That way, she will be totally surprised, and it will be a Christmas gift worth getting.

The dancing stopped long enough to have dinner. This dinner could rival any state dinner thrown by the White House. When the dinner was over and the buzz died down, a man in a red and white suit walked in and sat on a throne like chair. He passed out the presents to the children by calling their names. After the last present was given, a woman came in with her son. The jolly old “elf” sat the boy on his knee and asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

“Santa, all I want for Christmas is to be a girl.”

“Santa” didn’t know how to answer him except to say “ho ho ho old Santa will see what he can do. You be sure to be good now, and say your prayers.”

“I will Santa and thank you so much.” The child gave the man a big hug, and while the child was getting off his lap, he smiled and nodded to the mother.

“Just remember ma’am, that old Santa works in very mysterious ways.”

After cleaning up, and Santa disappearing again, the Christmas bash and dinner dance was over. When they got home, Mary Ellen asked her parents if the child was going to get her wish.

“We don’t know sweetie, but we know the man who played Santa and I could see a small sparkle in his eyes. We will talk to him about the child and see what we can do. Now go and get changed.”
Chapter 3 - The psychotherapist.
Her name is Stacie, and she's a psychotherapist. She was young looking, and her perfectly made up face, complimented her cream colored, knee length dress. Her shoes were black, two inch pumps. She sat in a beautifully upholstered highback chair, with her legs crossed at the knees. This made the skirt of her dress slide up on her thigh slightly.

Richard sat on a two person settee and looked out of the window. She didn't want to even look at Stacie because of the way she was sitting.

"Is there something wrong, Richard?"

"Please call me Mary Ellen."

"I have to call you by your legal name until it is changed by a court of law. I can call you Rickie if that would be okay."

"Fine, anything but Richard."

"Now Rickie, your parents tell me that you have been dressing like a girl, even at school. Why do you do that?"

"Because Stacie," she turned to look right in to her eyes. "I have always felt I am a girl deep inside here," she pointed to her heart. "My friends have been helping me change in the girls lavatory when we got to school."

"I see. When you are dressed like a girl, Rickie, do you masturbate?"

"What is it with people and sex? Is that all anybody ever thinks about? The answer is no, I dress like a girl because I feel I am a girl in this stupid male body."

"I see. You have told me how you feel inside, but now I have to ask you this. Why do you feel that you are a girl inside?"

"Because I just do. I can't explain why I feel these emotions, I just know they are there."

"Okay then. Now, if you could right now this minute have the operation to make you physically female, would you want that?"

"Right away. This is a goal for me to complete. You see Stacie, my being female has nothing to do with pretending, or sex, or trying to see if I can pass as a girl. This all has to do with my living as me, Mary Ellen, forever and out in the open."

"I notice you use a lot hand and arm gestures when you talk. Is this something you have seen girls do when they talk?"

"No Stacie, it is something that just comes naturally to me. I don't know why, and I don't know why my hips swivel either, or why my voice can pass for a girl's. All I know is everything that I do, or have, is natural to me."

"Okay, fair enough. Tell me something Rickie. If I tell your parents to let you be Mary Ellen, are you going to go to school as Mary Ellen and not be afraid?"

"I am already going to school as Mary Ellen, and my school records say that I am Mary Ellen, a female, and I am taking classes that are traditionally feminine. I change at school in to my dress or skirt set, and then go to class."

"I see," she said with a slight frown. "Rickie, you have shown me nothing but feminine traits here. But one visit is not going to make me see Mary Ellen. Do you know when you are going to have your surgeries?"

"As soon as I can. I already have my breasts, and the next thing will be the orchidectomy. Stacie, I need to be living as Mary Ellen. I had heard that with the parents permission, a child can change their name in court. I just need you to say it is all right."

"I see that you are getting sad, and I think we should end this here, for today. Do you mind if I tell your parents what I have seen here?"

"No, go right ahead."

"Then call them in, and I want you here when I tell them." She called her parents in to Stacie's office, and when they had sat down, Stacie continued. "What I have seen here today is a beautiful but shy girl, who only wants to be herself. She has told me that she even attends school already as a girl and changes in the girls lavatory before her first class. Since her records are already changed at the school to reflect her as a female, and she attends classes as a female, I think it would be a very good part of her therapy program to allow her to go to school dressed as the girl she is. Also, I will be calling her Rickie, until a court changes her name to Mary Ellen. Until then I am required to call her by her legal name, and Rickie is what we agreed on, for now. Do any of you have any questions?"

"Will he have to ... erm she ... have to come back and see you again?"

"Yes Mrs. Rogers, she will. I am going to give you a letter to your doctor that did the breast augmentation, so he can prescribe the hormones. But Rickie, since you are now going to live full time as a girl, what is known as the real life test, I am going to caution you to be very careful. You will be seeing me once a week for a while, because you are now in transition, and an active therapist is required during the real life test part.

"During our next few visits, I will hopefully come to know Mary Ellen. You have shown me a girl, and now I need to get to know that girl, so when the real life test is over, I can recommend the surgeries to the doctor. You are going to need that recommendation anyway, because a surgeon will not perform your needed surgeries without it. So, how does once a week sound?"

"It sounds okay, I guess. It might even be good to be able to talk to somebody besides my friends and family about what I am feeling."

"Good point. Okay, make an appointment with Amber on the way out, and remember to sign our insurance forms, so we can bill your insurance. And don't worry about being embarrassed, many people see a therapist for a multitude of reasons."

After leaving the office and getting the appointment card, and her father signing the insurance papers, they left to get something to eat. Mary Ellen was dressed in a very nice, but ordinary grey, wool skirt, knee high, double knit socks, a really nice grey Angora, double knit sweater with a cowl neckline, and simple black penny loafers. Her coat came to the hem of the skirt, and it had a parka attached to it. But she didn't wear it, because she wanted everybody to see how she was made up, and the way her pony tail swung back and forth when she moved. She was having a really good time, and now especially felt free for the first time in her life.

When they got to the restaurant, they all decided to sit at a table instead of a booth. Mary Ellen actually made the suggestion and her parents agreed. The hostess seated them not far from a couple of boys, who were looking straight at her. She acknowledged their looks with a coy smile, and her father held her chair for her, her mother’s chair as well. When they were all seated, one of the boys came over, and introduced himself.

“Good afternoon, you’re Mary Ellen Rogers; right. I’m Jake Butler. I’ve seen you at school, but I could never get near you with your friends always around you. What I wanted to ask you is, do you think we could … erm … go … erm … like … erm …”

“Steady?” Mary Ellen spoke up.

“Yes, that was what I was trying to say while I was tripping over my tongue.” They both giggled a little.

“Jake these are my parents, and before I can go steady with any boy, they have to approve of that boy. I will tell you what we will do. Can you come over say, Saturday evening for dinner, and bring your parents?”

“Awww I was hoping we could go to a movie and get a burger and Coke afterwards. It would be my treat.”

“Yes Jake, but I can’t go anywhere, with any boy alone, unless my parents meet you and your parents, and we do that over dinner on Saturdays. Then for the first few times, or more, my dating is chaperoned just to make sure my virtue is intact after the date is over. Do you understand what I am saying?”

“Yes I understand. You’re saying no.”

“On the contrary Jake Butler. What I am saying is, my parents have to meet your parents, before they agree to letting me date. I am only going on fifteen, and they are very cautious and a lot of times over-protective of me. But I am a girl, and I have to make sure I don’t get a reputation at school for something I would never do. At least not for another six or seven years. How old are you Jake?”

“I will be sixteen in three weeks.”

“I will be fifteen in one month. So you are older by a little over a year, and being older you should know that a young girl even today has to have parents permission to go almost anywhere with anybody. If this was something the varsity cheerleaders asked there would be no problem. But you are a boy, I am a girl, and when boy meets girl, they both have to be very careful. Very careful.”

“Alright I will tell my parents that we are invited to dinner at an exceptionally beautiful castle where an exceptionally beautiful princess lives.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere Jake. We have strict rules when it comes to the girls in our family. Even my mother doesn’t go out after dark unless she is with daddy. Now here’s our order. Let us have a nice quiet dinner, and I will see you on Saturday evening at my castle, I mean house.

Jake went back over by his booth. I looked at mom and daddy, and they were just beaming.

“Where did you learn how to stall a boy like that?”

“From little on mother. I learned feminine traits with my friends as we grew. It is like I said, I am all Mary Ellen, and I know how to sharpen my claws when I need to.”

“Well I am very proud they way you handled him. Sharpen your claws, indeed. You are a girl aren’t you?”

“Yes mother, I do work at it you know.” I gave that mischievious smile, and started eating my salad.

“So then you were only pretending to be a boy named Richard.”

“Yes daddy. I am so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you never had a son, only a daughter.”

“I see. Well from what I just saw, no boy I know of would be able to stall a boy like you just stalled Jake. Would you like to go out with him?”

“I don’t know daddy, he is awfully brash, but cute, maybe.”

“Honey, it is all right with us if you say yes. Besides he seems gentlemanly enough.”

“Yes mother, but so was Jack The Ripper I am told. No mother, I need to ask around a bit first, just to make sure he isn’t setting me up for something tricky. He will be sixteen and I will only be fifteen. A whole year can make a difference in what a person learns.

“You sure know how to be a girl. Well, you go right ahead and ask. Maybe by Saturday, everything will be fine. And before I forget, invite your varsity squad too and their parents. If there is something tricky about this boy, I think he will shrink like a violet when he sees the other girls there too."

"All right mother, I will. I will be sure to make his advances known to Mrs. Danvers too. Maybe there is something she can tell me about him. But don't worry any, because every girl on the squad knows who all the jerks are. He does seem to have manners, but I just want to be sure."

"That's my girl. Anyway, are you and Adelia planning any more sleepovers?"

"Yes mother. Not this Saturday, but a week from this Saturday we are having another sleepover. I have loved every sleepover I have gone to. We taught each other so much over the years. They taught me how to be a girl, and I taught them that a body is not a barrier to being a girl. Besides I would rather be a girl than a mousy, geeky looking boy. I mean look at me. I am a whole five feet, three inches tall and I weigh one hundred and four pounds. I am not going to get much taller, maybe an inch if that, and I will never bulk out like boys do. No mom, daddy, I am a girl and I always have been. And you know, I love it. Especially when I can use feminine charms to make a boy trip over his tongue. And all I have to do is enter a room, or just sit down."

"Yes sweetie you have learned a lot. Mentally you are where you should be as a girl, and well even physically too to a point. I am glad that I have my daughter to fuss over. I think your father is a little envious though."

"Who? Me? Envious of what? I have a wonderful and beautiful wife, and a charming and beautiful daughter. What is there to be envious about?"

"Oh daddy," and mom and I just giggled.
Chapter 4 - Twas the night before Christmas.
After seeing Stacie for a few weeks, and she agreeing that I should be allowed to be female, she said that she was ready to issue her recommendation that I should have the surgeries. She said this was an especial case, because to hold it off until I was eighteen, would not be beneficial to my therapy. She made an appointment with the head of the psychatric department just across the waiting room. See this office had two parts, a psychotherapy unit, of which Stacie was the senior psychotherapist, and a psychiatric unit where Dr. Pell was in charge. Stacie told me that she wanted me to see Dr. Pell as soon as possible. So the appointment was for right after I had finished talking with Stacie.

I told Amber I was ready for my appointment with Dr. Pell, and she pressed a button on her phone. She said Dr. Pell would be right out. I sat there for about five minutes, and a lady in her forties came out and called my name. I went in and we sat down. She offered me a cup of cocoa and I said no, I was fine. But she said I should take it, because it would take the chill off of me because I was actually shaking. Now why am I doing that? I have never had the chills like this. I took the hot cocoa, and began to sip it. Dr. Pell watched me for a few seconds, then she turned to her desk and looked at the paper that Stacie had faxed over just a bit ago.

"Well Mary Ellen, I can see that by the way you sit, and sip your cocoa, that you do have feminine traits. I won't go into your reasons for wanting to be female, Stacie has already done that. I have just been asked by Stacie to observe your actions and demeanor. From where I sit I see a girl. Somewhat shy, somewhat demure, but definitely pretty. I see you will fifteen shortly. Do you smoke, or use illegal drugs?"

"No ma'am."

"Do you drink alcohol like wine, beer, whiskey, brandy, anything like that?"

"No ma'am."

"From what I have seen of the reports Stacie has filed, she is recommending you for surgery early, because it is an essential and very important part of your therapy. Tell me, have you ever considered committing suicide?"

"No ma'am. I just was thinking that if I can't be female physically to match who I am in my soul, I would just live alone and be a hermit. I mean, being physically female to me is not a want ma'am, but a desperate need. Stacie says that I can have my surgeries now, but only if it is decided that without these surgeries I would commit some rash act, like suicide. I can't say that I won't if I can't have my surgeries, and I won't say that I will. I'm just saying that if these thoughts can come up at anytime, and maybe I will act on them and maybe I won't. To be honest ma'am, I can't really say, not now anyway."

She smiled at me as she said, "don't worry honey, I will approve Stacie's recommendation. You're going to make a fine girl."

It really is true how time passes when you're having fun. The forty five minutes were up before I knew it, and she was telling me that my parents will get the recommendation letter in the mail. I thanked her nicely and set my cup on the coaster she provided, bending my knees as I did so. Mom was in the waiting room, and she looked at me questioningly.

"What did she say?"

"That you will get the recommendation letter in the mail, allowing me to have my surgeries early because it is a necessary part of my therapy and can be life threatening."

"What does that mean?" She asked me when we got to the car.

"It means mother, that if any thoughts of suicide were to all of a sudden get in my head, there is a definite chance I would act on those thoughts."

"You wouldn't, would you?"

"Like I told Dr. Pell, I can't say I won't and I won't say that I will. I will say that there may be a definite possibility.

She hugged me really tight, and I could feel her tremble. Then I heard her start to cry. "Mary Ellen Rogers, don't you ever, and I mean don't you ever, die on us like that. There isn't anything we can't handle as a family, and there isn't anything we can't fix as a family. Your birthday is Christmas day, and Adelia and the rest of the varsity squad as well as Mrs. Danvers, and your coach and a few others are going to give you a birthday party to remember for the rest of your life. Christmas is only a few days away."

She was cut off by Stacie running after us. "Phew! I'm glad I caught you before you left. Here is the letter of recommendation, completely signed by me and approved by our psychiatric head, Dr. Pell. Good luck young lady, and you won't have to see me again unless you want to.

"I want to. I'm sure I am going to have some emotions to work out, but with your help, my mother's help, and the squad's help, I will make it, I just know I will.

"Anyway dear, we should be going because we have a very special appointment at the hospital, and Dr. Moran will be there. We have something we would like you to do."

We got in the car, and I was so curious. Mom and daddy have something they want me to do. Like what?

"Uhm mother what is it you would like me to do?"

"Dr. Moran wants to run a few tests on you, and he promises it will only take two days at the most, but he wants you in the hospital for those couple of days so he can run the tests. The tests are going to be blood tests, an MRI, a CT scan, x-rays, and a hearing test. He said it would be better for you to be in the hospital instead of having to run around to a dozen clinics. He said you will definitely be able to open your Christmas presents on time."

"Isn't he the doctor that gave me my breasts?"

"Yes dear, he is. But now he wants to run these tests before any surgery is done."

"So when am I going in the hospital?"

"As soon as we get there."

"You mean, like right now? Today?"

"Yes ma'am. The sooner the better."

"Alright I guess. I mean I will do whatever the doctor says. By the way, I think he can rewrite that consent form and put my right age on it this time, because now we have the letter of recommendation."

"I think you're right dear. Anyway, you have already been admitted, we just need to get you registered and up to your room. And remember, Dr. Moran is going to be your doctor through all of this. He said that he has done several srs surgeries and everyone he has done them on has had no complaints. So, we will see just what all of these tests show. We're here, dear. Just be brave and stick it out, and it will all be over very soon."

I really didn't like it that they picked now for me to have these tests, but I guess Dr. Moran knows what he is doing. I hope. We went in the main doors of the hospital, and to the registration desk. There was no one else there, so mom told her who I was, and who the admitting doctor was, and she looked on the computer and said my room number was 321. She picked up the phone and called for a wheelchair. She said it was hospital policy. Mom had to fill out a few papers, but they were finished by the time a lady with a red and white striped apron came with a wheelchair. She told me to "hop aboard" and she got the file folder and the receptionist told the lady room 321, and we were off.

When we got to the third floor nurses station, a nurse that looked to be in her mid twenties took the folder, and then looked at me and smiled.

"Hello Mary Ellen, my name is Brenda and your PCA is Jen. That means personal care assistant. They help the patients with personal grooming and other personal needs. Let's get you settled in then." The lady in the striped apron pushed me to my room, and then when I sat on the bed, she took the wheelchair and left. "Now Mary Ellen, take off your clothes, except your panties, and put this gown on. It goes on like this with the back in front. When you are finished, press this button on the little console, and I will come and get you hooked up. Dr. Moran wants you to have an IV in your arm with a saline drip to keep you hydrated while you are here."

I looked at mother, and all of a sudden I wasn't so brave anymore. "Mom, will you stay here, please. I'm getting scared."

"Honey, there is nothing to be scared about. All the patients in the hospital have IV's in their arms. Even I had an IV in my arm too when you were born. They just want to make sure you don't get dehydrated. Now listen young lady, and listen good. There is nothing to be afraid of here. These nurses won't let anything bad happen to you. They are here to take care of you while you are here. That's their job, a very thankless one, but they do it anyway because they care. Dr. Moran will give the orders, and they carry them out. I sometimes wonder why a nurse and a doctor couldn't be the same person." We both giggled, and Brenda came back in.

"Alright now, I have to take your blood pressure, listen to your lungs, and feel your pulse and take your temperature. You will go through this at each shift change. Dr. Moran has left a standing order that if you have trouble sleeping, then you just tell us, and we will get you something to help you sleep. Also, you can order your own meals, and you can have a small snack if you get hungry. We have an assortment of fruits and juices that you can have. We don't have junk food here, unless a nurse brings it in for herself. Do you have any questions?"

"No ma'am."

"Call me Brenda," she said smiling at me. "How old are you dear?"

"I will be fifteen on Christmas day."

"You are a very lucky young lady. What you will go through while you are here, most have to wait until they are eighteen. But I also saw Stacie's report too. She is a very good therapist. In fact, she sends a lot of work our way." She giggled, and told me to get some rest. I'd just laid down, when a lady carrying a caddy like basket with tubes in it, came in.

"Good afternoon, I'm Sue and I need to draw some blood. Now this won't hurt, because I will use a butterfly needle, and I only need five tubes."

She took out a rubber thing she called a tournequet, and put it around my upper arm and tightened it. Then she started poking around on my arm, and then used a square piece of gauze she called an alcohol wipe, and wiped where she put the needle. I couldn't look at the blood oozing out of my arm. When she was finished she said I could look now, and see that wasn't so bad. She left.

"Mom, I...I...I thought...I..."

"It's all right dear. Everything is fine. I am going to stay here until they tell me I have to leave."

"Good afternoon, young lady. Do you remember me? I'm Dr. Charles Moran. I'm going to give you an examination, and I need to see how my handiwork healed anyway. When Stacie phoned me yesterday, I had no idea ..." He was interrupted by mom.

"Dr. May I see you out in the hall?" They both went out in the hallway where I couldn't hear what was being said. When they both came back in, Dr. Moran was smiling.

"Well, anyway I need to do a complete physical on you. So, let's close these curtains, and if you like your mother can be in here too."

"I want her here."

"That is fine. Now young lady, let me see, your vital signs are all normal. Open your mouth and go ahhhhhh." I did as he said, and he used a giant Popsicle stick and looked at my throat. "Now look straight ahead." He shined a light across both of my eyes, and I couldn't help but blink. Then he said he needed to test for hernias, and when he told me how he did that, I just looked at mom.

"Well dear, after this you won't have to worry about that ever again."

After he was done, he told me to pee in a small cup in the restroom. I had mom come with me, so she could push the IV thingy since it had wheels. She pushed it inside the restroom and told me to just open the door when I was finished because she would be waiting just outside. I did what Dr. Moran wanted, and then washed my hands very good, and even used the hand sanitizer that was on the wall. I opened the door, and then mom helped me back to the bed. I rang for the nurse and told her the pee thing was on the sink in the restroom. She smiled and said thank you, and then went to get it.

"Well that completes my examination. I see your breasts are being well taken care of. I'm going to look at these tests a little later on. They should be coming up to take you for x-rays shortly. Today and tomorrow will be very important to you, and these tests will help me in what I need to know about you. Then we can take care of the other thing."

"What other thing, doctor?"

"I can't say right now, but it will all work out, you'll see. I will be working overtime this year, but it will be worth it."

Just then a lady wearing hospital green came in with a wheelchair and asked me to get in. I don't know how she did it, but she pushed the wheelchair and held onto my IV stand. They need octopi working in hospitals, with all of the arms they actually need to do things. We got to the x-ray room, and she asked me if I could stand. I said yes, and she told me to put my chest against the plate, and put my arms around it. Well my arms wouldn't go around it, so she had me put them on top of the plate. She told me to take a deep breath and hold it. I heard a whirring sound and then she said breathe. She did the same with my back, and both sides. Then she said everything turned out just fine, and took me back to my room.

Mom was sitting in the chair by the bed fast asleep when I got back. I was quiet as a dormouse, and got into bed without waking her. She was really going to make sure I was safe. About an hour later Dr. Moran came back in my room. Mom woke up when he came in.

"Well young lady, you are luckier than I thought. Tell me something. How long have you been a girl inside?"

"Since I was very young, doctor. Why?"

"Mrs. Rogers, may I see you for a moment in the hallway?" They went out in the hallway and were there for at least ten minutes. Then they both came back in. "Young lady, your preliminary tests show that you have an abundance of latent estrogens in your body, and your chromosomes are XXY. This means you are actually intersexed, although you don't have a normal uterus. It looks to be very underdeveloped for a girl your age. Also you have what is called a cervix. This is what all females have. I am going to call your therapist and tell her my findings, if that is alright with you, young lady."

"Yes that would be okay."

Mom was smiling,and looked like she has just won the lotto. Well I guess this is good news, and something for a mother to be proud of. I was happy for one reason. This wasn't just something I was pretending to be, but I was actually a girl. Wait til the squad hears this. Dr. Moran said that I needed to have my surgeries as soon as possible, so that I can live my normal life. I don't know what he meant though when he said that maybe I could even have a monthly cycle. After he left, I asked mom what he meant.

"Well dear, your internal organs are there, but very underdeveloped. What he meant was that you could possibly have a period or maybe not. He said only time will tell. I have my daughter, and I am so very happy right now. Your father said he will be up as soon as he gets off of work. He is going to be happy too when he hears we have always had a real daughter. But you will need a few surgical things done to make sure that everything is as close to normal as possible. Dr. Moran also said that even though your internal organs are underdeveloped, they could become fully developed with time. We will see. Dr. Moran has scheduled you for a complete abdominal ultra-sound. This will tell him more. When you go for the ultra-sound, tell the technician you want to watch the screen with him or her. Then you will see what I just said. It is a beautiful thing dear. You just wait and see.

"This is another reason why you don't have any facial hair, or hair on your body either, except for your head, legs, underarms and pubic area. These are the places all females have actual hair. And you my dear daughter, are a female. This is also why you look a lot like me, and have a high voice." She leaned over and rubbed noses with me, and gave me a big hug.

"Do I get a hug too?" Daddy asked feigning a hurt look.

"Yes daddy, you do." We hugged, and mom told him what the doctor had found.

"No wonder you weren't interested in all those boys things. You're not a boy. I will tell you what punkin, you just relax, get some rest, and mom and I will be right back."

They left to go and do whatever, and I laid back. I turned on the television, but there was nothing good on with their limited channel selection. I closed my eyes and was fast asleep. When I woke up, I was holding the prettiest teddy bear I'd ever seen. It was pink with white paws, and a lighter pink ribbon tied in a bow around its neck. It was very soft too. I smiled at mom and daddy and said thank you.

Just then a lady came in a said her name was Karen, and she was here to take me for my ultra-sound. I got in the wheelchair, and she pushed the wheelchair, and dragged along my IV stand. I don't know how she does that. When we got to the room marked ultra-sound, she had me lay on a smaller version of my bed. I asked her if I could watch the screen with her, and she said yes. She turned the screen so we both could see it. Then she put some kind of gel on my chest and on this paddle thing she was holding. Then she took the paddle thing and moved around my chest just under my breasts. I could actually see my heart moving, and all the arteries. Then she wiped off that gel with a towel, and put more gel on my tummy. She put more gel on the paddle, and then moved the paddle around on my tummy. I asked her questions as she was looking at the monitor and pressing this button and that button. Then I saw something that interested me, and I asked her what that was.

"That is your uterus, dear. It looks underdeveloped though. But it is there. And you have a cervix? You are a female then? Your records show you as transgendered not intersexed. We're going to have to change that classification. Has your doctor spoken to you about this?"

"Yes, we talked for quite a while. I was told that my internal organs could become developed and I could start having periods."

"Oh sweetie, you don't want those, believe me you don't. You get moody, and you have hot flashes, and cramps, and everybody is your enemy until the period ends for that month. But I suppose if your organs became developed you would just be another female going through the motions. I must say though, you do have a pretty figure, and your voice is still high. How old are you,dear?"

"I will be fifteen on Christmas day."

"That is so appropriate. We celebrate the birth of Jesus on Christmas day, and it looks like we will celebrate the birth of another child too this Christmas. You."

"But I have always been me though."

"Not like this you haven't. You are going to make a very beautiful girl. Has your mother had the facts of life talk with you yet?"

"No, but I have no doubt that when I get home, that will the first thing we talk about. I guess the talk my father gave me doesn't really apply to me, and never has."

"Yes dear, that is true. The father/son talk doesn't apply to you because you're not a boy. But when your mother and you have that talk, pay close attention, because you will be using what she says for the rest of your life. Okay, let's get you cleaned up, and back to your room." She wiped the remaining gel off with a towel and put my gown over my upper body, and we left for my room.

When we got back to my room, Mom and daddy were still there talking. I could see daddy smiling as we came in. "Well punkin, how did it go?"

"It went well, I suppose. I saw things I didn't even know a human body had."

"Did you see the organs that Dr. Moran talked to you about?"

"Yes mother, and the technician and I had a very good talk too."

"That reminds me, young lady, when you get home, you and I need to have a mother/daughter talk."

"Yes mother."

My dinner tray was brought up, and mom and daddy said they had to and eat too, but they would be right back after. As they were going out Adelia and the rest of the squad came in. Adelia stood there with her hand on her hips.

"Listen girlfriend, if you think that we are going let you loaf around this boring old hospital for a whole month wile you get better, I got some good news for you. You have been accepted as a member of the squad. You start one week after you get home."

"A whole month! Dr. Moran and mom said it would only be a couple of days."

"Yes, for the tests. But you will see what we mean. Anyway have you had any tests yet?"

I told them about what tests I had, and what Dr. Moran said, and what the ultra-sound showed, and they squealed. I got hugs from all of them, and they just stood there looking at me.

"You see girlfriend, I knew you were a girl. Do you think you could have periods and children?"

"The doctor said maybe I could have periods if my internal organs developed. But he said time will tell."

"I think you need a second opinion."

"Adelia, what I saw on the ultra-sound today, I don't need a second opinion. What I need is my life. I am very thankful that I have you and the girls helping me right along, so I didn't miss out on early girlhood. You five are the best friends a girl ever had." I started crying and everybody was right there. The afternoon nurse Shelley came in and asked if anything was wrong. Adelia said no, that I was just so happy to have very close friends, and an accepting family.

"I saw the reports, Mary Ellen, it looks like you are going to be with us a little longer than expected."

"What do you mean, Shelley."

"Uhm Shelley may we speak to you in the hallway, please." They were out there for fifteen minutes, then they came back in the room.

"What I mean is, Dr. Moran wants to do more tests."

"So I will be here on Christmas day then."

"It looks that way, dear."

I laid back and closed my eyes. I was soon fast asleep. Mom and daddy had come back in but I was already asleep. They said they were there until the nurse told them visiting hours were over, and the patient needs her rest. So they left. But mom was back early the next morning.

"Merry Christmas, dear," she said beaming with a big smile. "In just a few moments someone is going to come in and shave you around your groin area, and then they are going to put you to sleep for a few hours. I will be right with you. You don't have to be scared about anything. Everything is going to work out beautifully."

Just then a lady with an electric razor, and a single blade Gillette razor, came in and said she needed to shave me. She pulled the curtain closed, and went to work. This took a whole five minutes, and then she lowered my gown, and said good luck. Brenda came in and said she was going to give me something to make me sleep for a while, and she was going to put it in through the IV. She no sooner put the medicine in the IV and I was out like a light.

When I woke up, ever so briefly, I didn't know where I was. I thought I saw a nurse standing over me, but I wasn't sure so I went back to sleep. I woke up some time later, and the nurse came over by me.

"Well sleepyhead, you're finally awake. My name is Sheila and you are in the recovery room. I'm not to say anything but you will find out when you get back to your room. Here is the volunteer now to take you back. Good luck Mary Ellen. I was sleeping by the time I got back to my room. Mom and daddy suspected as much. I slept right through the night without a problem. When I woke up the next morning my abdomen felt like it was on fire. I pressed the nurses button and she came to see what I needed, I told her I was in a lot of pain, and she went to get me a pain pill. Only it wasn't a pill, it was a syringe and she put the medicine in through my IV.

I had slept very well, and when I woke up my breakfast tray was waiting for me on my bed stand. Mom and daddy were there, and mom looked at me with pride.

"Good morning sweetie. Happy Birthday. Are you aware what happened yesterday?"

"Not really. I was sleeping mostly and I don't remember much. I do feel a lot of pain though."

"Yes dear, you will for a while, for about a month to be exact. You will heal on the outside faster than on the inside, and you are now physically female. Dr. Moran did the whole SRS surgery yesterday, and you were in surgery about five hours, because Dr. Moran did everything because he wanted you to be anatomically correct. So dear, not only did you get this for Christmas but for your birthday too. Welcome to womanhood Mary Ellen."

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