The Letter

Printer-friendly version
The Letter
by Jengrrl

Tracey came in the door after a long day at school and picked up the pile of mail that the Postman dropped through the slot. Normally all they got was just the usual bills and sales circulars but her heart skipped a beat when she saw the envelop from the law firm of Cooper, Jones and MaGuire, her deceased father's law firm. Her parents had been divorced for three years and she had rarely seen him since the night he had come home and found Tracey wearing her mother's favorite dress complete with high heels and full makeup. Her father was what was known as a man's man and did not approve of anything he thought of as Sissy behavior, especially in his then, thirteen year old son. He had grabbed Tracey by the arm and flung her across the room and punched her in the face. The commotion was interrupted by an angry scream from her mother who had just arrived home from work. She demanded that her husband pack his things and get out of the house. He turned around and started to say something. After seeing the rage in his wife's face, he then saw the cell phone flipped open as she was asking for the police to come to their assistance. Tracey remembered that her mother had told him that he was not getting away with doing that to their child and had meant it. He was arrested for First Degree Assault and a restraining order was issued that barred him from any contact with his wife and family.

He moved to Seattle and his kids never heard from him for three years. The only acknowledgment that he had kids was his regular child support payments and his purchase of Health Insurance for them. Tracey thought back three months ago when a police officer had come the door with the news that he had been killed in a car crash. The police said that it was a chain reaction crash caused by a Semi going too fast for the foggy road conditions. He was brought back here and buried in the local cemetery. Despite what he had done, Tracey and her younger sister Jessica still loved him. Her mother even openly expressed her own grief. She was still angry over what he had done, but still loved him for giving her two wonderful kids. After the divorce was final, she found a counselor for the three of them and after a few sessions, came to realize that she was not the mother of a daughter and son, but two daughters. The incident that resulted in her husband's fit of rage was not an isolated one. She had known Tracey was borrowing her clothes for some time, but just thought it was a phase he would grow out of.

After the diagnosis was made official, she did contact her ex through his attorney and told him that he was going to help Tracey become who she wanted to be as atonement for what he had done. Tracey had not known they had been in contact with each other and was curious about the letter addressed to her that she now held in her hand. She opened it and began to read.....

Dearest Tracey,

"Words cannot express my guilt and shame over what I did to you. It was wrong and I wish I could turn back time and change it. Your mother was absolutely right to do what she did in kicking me out. I am ashamed that I let things get out of hand and hurt you so much. After the divorce, I went to Seattle and found a therapist to help me with my anger issues. I know that is no excuse, but I am about to tell you something that may come a huge shock to you. From the time I was about five years old, I felt different. I tried to go on and pretend that I was a perfectly normal boy. Inside, I realized that I was really a girl. I was scared and confused and couldn't figure out why I had these feelings. Back then, being the good Catholic family we were, we went to Mass every Sunday. Your grandparents are very traditional as you know. They had clearly defined expectations for me, Aunt Marilyn and Aunt Rose. We went to St.Luke's School and wore the traditional uniform which for me was a white shirt, tie and Navy trousers. Your aunts both wore the traditional white blouse, pleated skirt and knee socks. I was so jealous! During the rare occasions I was alone, I found myself drawn to their clothing like a moth to a flame. After I would change back into my regular clothes, I felt shame and guilt and vowed to never do it again. Father Quinn told everyone often enough that God looks down on any behavior that deviated from his plan and we would go to Hell for having these kinds of thoughts. I was scared so badly that I didn't dare try on another stitch of female clothing. The feelings were always there and constantly reminded me how cruel my existence was. I sucked it up and went on to marry your mother and then we had you and Jessica".

"I have always been so proud of you both, even though my actions might have you believe otherwise. The night I saw you, I let my old anger and resentment over my own situation boil over and took it out on you. When I was in jail, I cried like I hadn't cried in years and I made a decision that I didn't deserve a family like ours and I deserved exactly what I got. I didn't even contest anything in the divorce thinking that your mother and you two could just get on with your lives and find a husband and father who wasn't such a freak. Your mother told me that you really are my daughter and so I went and purchased life insurance policies that will provide you the money you need to complete your transition. This is my gift to you my darling! I set up a will and explained what I wanted done. I enclosed this letter to you and if you are reading it, It means that I am no longer here on this Earth. Know that I will always be with you and I love you with all my heart. Be strong my daughter and follow whatever dreams you may have. Your mother and Jessica will each receive their letters separately as part of the settlement of my estate. I will be looking down and smiling wishing I could be there for the important moments of your life. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. One day, when you have kids of your own, give them a kiss for me".

Love Always,

Dad

Tracey was sitting on the couch holding the letter when her mother and Jessica got home from Ballet practice. As the tears were streaming down her face, she showed them the letter and then they were holding on to each other in a group hug. They got themselves together and took a ride to the cemetery where they spoke words of forgiveness and place a bouquet of roses on his grave.

up
41 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

Nice story.

Lovely story, very touching. Tale of hurt, rage, love all in one. I loved it.
Take Care

Kittien69 ^_^s2046020module10160663photo_1214347070anime3.jpg

Take Care

Kittien69 ^_^s2046020module10160663photo_1214347070anime3.jpg

So Very Much Like

One of Andre's wonderful stories of love and forgiveness. Thank you.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Very Nice

littlerocksilver's picture

Sweet story: I wonder how often this is a mirror of reality. Portia

Portia

His son

ALISON

'was what he himself always wanted to be but instead of
offering support and acceptance he bashed the child!!Doesn't really make sense to me but the fathers explanation seems like a bit of a 'cop out 'to justify his action.Still,Mum and her two
daughters should live happily ever after and thats all that matters.Alison

ALISON

At the Risk of Stating the Obvious...

It seems clear to me from the letter that the "car crash" was suicidal -- driving the car off an embankment or into a freeway overpass support or such. The wording of the note makes it seem evident that the father expected it to reach Tracey before much time had passed. Not sure what it says about the guy that he decides the way to make it up to his daughter is with an insurance company's money rather than his own. It'd be something of a pity if the insurance company's fraud department steps in and denies the payment.

(My first thought was that he should have sent the apology and explanation while still alive, even if the money wasn't there, but I guess the restraining order would have prevented that.)

Eric

I Should Have Explained It Better

jengrl's picture

I should have explained it better about his death. It wasn't suicide. It happened to just occur as just an accident. I should have explained that it was a chain reaction crash started by a Semi going too fast for the foggy road conditions .

PICT0013_1_0.jpg

Good Revision

That works a bit better now. On rereading, I also noticed the line about being brought back to the local cemetery, which I hadn't noticed before and don't know if it's new or just I'm a sloppy reader, but it answers an unasked question I had about the last paragraph.

I Added That Detail Too

jengrl's picture

I added that detail too because I realized that it might have been assumed that he was buried in Seattle and then at the end I mentioned going to the cemetery. It would have been a long ride LOL!

PICT0013_1_0.jpg

twice is nice

laika's picture

It was short enough that I could go back + read the revised version. With the original it had crossed my mind that Dad might've crashed his car on purpose, no proof but there was the insurance policy, and him so guilty that he had exiled himself from their lives. Either way it's a sad story, that he felt he had so little to offer and only risked the honesty and expressions of concern that might have salvaged his relationships after it was too late. There's a lot to regret here, the bond they could have had not just as parent and child but also of understanding between two transgendered people. Sigh ...... But the letter was something at least, those beautiful words "proud of you" amd "my daughter" and "love you with all my heart". Very moving!
~~~hugs, Laika

I read this earlier

but didn't have the time to comment at the time. Thanks so much for closing the loopholes :) I trip on those things all the time.

It's sad that Dad couldn't be reconciled with the family but families are often like that.

Hugs
Carla Ann

Loved this.

It said just enough and brought the "family" back together.

Hugs,
Trish-Ann
~There is no reality, only perception~

Hugs,
Trish Ann
~There is no reality, only perception~