Wuthering Dormice (aka Bike) Part 787 by Angharad

“What would happen if we put a photo in front of their camera?” I asked.

“Photo of what?”

“One of roughly the same view as it would see.”

“If it fooled them at all, it wouldn’t after dark, would it?”

“I suppose not.” I walked about despondently, “It practically makes me a prisoner.”

“Once they know we’re on to them, they’ll be off and we’ll never catch them.”

“Did you tell the police about this?”

“Of course. I even sent them photos of the camera.”

“Isn’t this illegal?”

“I should think so.”

“So why aren’t they doing anything about it?”

“They are, allowing me to monitor the stalkers on the understanding that we call them in when someone comes to retrieve the camera.”

“By the time they get here, the camera collector will be in the next county.”

“Not quite.”

“You’ve got something up your sleeve other than your arm, haven’t you?”

“Wait and see.”

“There’s a van pulled up outside, Simon.”

“Ah yes, Bill and his covert surveillance team.”

“Team? I thought they were just going to plant some cameras while pretending to repaint the wall?”

“Yes, but they are also checking for signals from the camera opposite. Inside that van, is a pile of electronic equipment.”

“Like a CD player?”

“You know damn well what I mean, they’ve got some sort of tracking device which they hope will reveal where our stalker is hiding with his laptop.”

“And?”

“Well, the plan is if they can’t detect him, they’ll set up a trap for when he collects the camera.”

“He might not show for days.”

“They’ll wait, they’re a patient lot.”

“Are you paying for this?”

“Shall we say, the bank takes good care of its employees.”

“So Henry is paying for it?”

“His grandchildren are here.”

“Not to mention his heirs.”

“That as well, but given that they were frequently sent to join the army and get themselves killed on some foreign field, the family doesn’t have a particularly good record on heirs.”

“Well Henry did tell me he didn’t pay much attention to heirs and graces.” I smirked and Simon glared at me.

“It’s puns like that that lost us the empire – and the Gaumont, the Tivoli...”

“Simon, that was worse than mine.”

“Just trying to keep you in the pictures.”

“Oh God, that was dreadful,” I pretended to retch.

“What do you expect from a public school education?”

“I don’t know, a better class of sodomy?”

“Bugger that,” he snapped back.

“Can’t, don’t have the equipment.” I decided two could play at silly bu...on second thoughts, I’ll rephrase that.

The door bell rang, and Bill entered at Simon’s invitation. “Your Lordship, Ma’am.”

“Please, we don’t dwell on ceremony here, I’m Cathy, and he’s Simon, when I’m not calling him something worse.”

Bill smiled at my joke but his expression was to Simon, checking out if what I said was okay. Simon nodded and Bill smiled and accepted my informal introductions. “I’m Bill,” he said looking a little uncomfortable. “We’ve started repointing and have placed three cameras in the walls.”

“Three?” I queried.

“Yes ma’am – I mean Cathy, one watching our target and the others facing in each direction.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Will you be recording this?”

“It’s on motion or temperature control.”

“What you mean it doesn’t work if it’s cold.”

“No it’s activated by body temperatures near the target site.”

“Oh, I see – that’s clever. I’ll have to get some information from you as we could use it for dormouse detection.”

“Dunno if it’s sensitive enough for dormices, will show up a fox though. ‘Ow big is a dormice?”

“A dormouse is a couple of inches long plus a couple more for tail.”

“Nah, you’d need something more powerful than our stuff, but then we ain’t tryin’ to catch mices.”

“Quite, rats perhaps,” I suggested.

He gave me a lovely smile showing higgledy-piggledy teeth which were real Persil white.

“D’you do much of this sort of thing?”

“We do in the firm.”

“Which firm is that, Bill?” I asked.

“Cathy, a moment please.” Simon grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out of earshot. “He’s not allowed to tell you for whom he works.”

“That’s a bit strange isn’t it?”

“No, his firm doesn’t exist officially.”

“Is that to do with the tax man?”

“Tax evasion? No, it doesn’t exist for other reasons.”

“Other reasons?” I gave him one of my curious glances.

He shook his head, “Look you silly cow, what’s so difficult about something not existing?”

“It doesn’t make sense – that’s what – and don’t call me a silly cow.” I narrowed my eyes at him, “Anyone would think you were on about MI5.”

“I am, you silly cow.”

“Oh! How did you get them? I thought they dealt with terrorists and serious crime?”

“They do, and because we both work for a bank and Dad is fairly important, they got involved.”

“I see, so where’s James Bond?”

“That’s MI6, you nit and he’s a fictional character.”

“Goodness, is he?” I gasped.

“Cathy stop taking the piss...”