The Pilot

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The Pilot

 
By Melissa Tawn
 
A former male airline pilot chooses to become a female flight attendant.


 
CHAPTER I. MARYANNE
 
 
When doctors Mautner and Gold talked about their former patients who had undergone sexual reassignment, one of the topics which recurred had to do with the fact that those who were very successful in their male careers often chose, after their operation, to begin a new career at a definitely lower socioeconomic level which corresponded to the stereotypical image of a “woman’s job”. Former corporate executives chose to live out their lives as secretaries, former engineers became waitresses, and former professors taught kindergarten or elementary school.

Dr. Gold did not look on this phenomenon kindly. She thought that it was a result of the fact that post-op transsexuals often cannot really cope with being a woman, and so took refuge in the behavior that they thought society expected of them. In other words, they lived a stereotype. Dr. Mautner, on the other hand, said that the opposite was as likely to be true. Their male persona had been stereotypical behavior — doing what they figured society expected of a “man” — and that their surgery liberated them from the need to do something they really didn’t want to do and allowed them to take a job which fit their inclinations and personalities. (One should note that both Dr. Mautner and Dr. Gold were themselves post-op transsexuals who continued in their original careers — surgeon and clinical psychologist respectively — after their operations.) Whenever such a discussion began, one name inevitably cropped up: Maryanne Torre. It could not be otherwise.

Maryanne Torre was born Marvin. As with most transsexuals, Marvin suffered through a difficult childhood and adolescence with parents who either did not or would not understand his gender dysphoria and felt obliged to compensate for his yearnings to be a woman by trying to act as “manly” as possible. Since Marvin was short and thin, athletics were out of the question for him. But he did have good manual dexterity and excelled, as a boy, in building model airplanes (first from kits and later of his own design) — a hobby that his father encouraged. By his mid teens, he was making and flying radio-controlled models and even won several awards from model clubs. When he was 16, his father enrolled him in a flying club and, by the age of 18, he had obtained his light-plane pilot’s license. By the time he finished college, he had also obtained a commercial license and earned money on the side as a reserve pilot with a regional airline, flying jets on weekends when the company needed additional manpower. Two years later and after further training, he was a full-time pilot for United Airlines, qualified to fly Boeing 767 jets.

All of this activity helped disguise Marvin’s longing to be a girl, but of course did not change it. He dressed as a woman whenever he could, especially on overnight stops far away from home. He became very proficient at makeup and choosing clothes, and had no trouble “passing” as a woman when he went out to bars or clubs. Of course, he made sure that United knew nothing about this — deviant behavior of any sort was enough to revoke one’s pilot’s license.

But it was clear that occasional cross dressing was not enough. Marvin wanted to be a woman, totally. Finally, he made a big decision. After his father passed away and his mother moved to a retirement community in Florida, where she slowly but surely slipped into senility, he went to Dr. Mautner’s clinic and there, after several long interviews with Dr. Gold and her staff, was approved for sexual reassignment surgery. Marvin had entered the clinic, and Maryanne left it, with full papers and documentation and with a determination to lead a woman’s life from now on.

Maryanne had no desire to resume her work as a pilot. Instead, she enrolled in a course to become a flight attendant.

Being a flight attendant (formerly called “stewardess”) for a big airline is one of the most stereotypically-female jobs in modern society. Although many flight attendants are now male (and many of these are really security personnel in disguise), the job still has the image of tight skirts, wild nights in hotels around the world, and “coffee, tea or me”. Walking up and down and aisle in turbulent weather while wearing high heels, attending to screaming babies and drunken lechers, and forcing a smile no matter what the circumstances are not easy, but the job still has its attraction and glamour and Maryanne had always dreamed of it ever since she was little. When she built and flew models of commercial aircraft, she always envisioned herself not as the pilot but rather as one of the flight attendants making flying enjoyable for the passengers under her care. Now, her secret dream was about to become reality.
 
 
CHAPTER 2. THE CRISIS
 
 
Maryanne Torre worked as a flight attendant for American Airlines (she thought it was best to change employers, encountering her old colleagues at United could lead to problems she would just as soon not have) for three years. She was always cheerful, competent, and well-liked both by the passengers and the other members of the flight crew. Twice she was cited as “flight attendant of the month” once was even featured in a write-up in the inflight magazine given away to passengers. At first she worked regional routes, but gradually was assigned more often to transcontinental routes. She began taking French lessons in the hope of being assigned to transatlantic routes as well. Needless to say, nobody ever suspected she was a post-op transsexual.

Then, one day, it happened. Maryanne was working the Business Class section of a New-York-to-San-Francisco flight. The plane was only half full. As it turned out, Dr. Gold was one of the passengers — she was flying from a meeting in New York to a conference in Berkeley and was busy preparing the notes for her talk. When Maryanne showed her to her seat, she did recognize her and managed to give her hand an extra squeeze. Maryanne winked back at her and smiled. She looked very contented. Hopefully, thought Dr. Gold, they would have a chance to talk later in the flight.

The pilot on the flight was Capt. William Ahern, one of AA’s veterans. He had flown jet fighters during the Vietnam War and then moved into civil aviation. Now, he was just three years away from retirement. His copilot was Warren Wells, a freshly-accredited young pilot on his first regularly-scheduled flight. Ordinarily, in such circumstances, there would also be a third pilot onboard, just in case, but the intended “babysitter” had called in sick at the last moment and the New York dispatcher, unable to find a replacement, decided to let the flight go ahead without one. After all, Bill Ahern was a professional’s professional so there was nothing to worry about. Besides, the plane was urgently needed in San Francisco because another craft had to be pulled out of the rotation for unscheduled maintenance. Since the Boeing 767 was designed to be flown by a two-man crew, there was no flight engineer.

So the flight took off on schedule and proceeded smoothly through the skies. The weather was fine, the passengers were undemanding, and the female flight attendants had plenty of time to gossip and plan their evening in San Francisco. There were rumors of a big party at the Mark Hopkins. One hour into the flight, Maryanne went to the cockpit to bring the flight crew a snack. What she saw was a sight of utter chaos. Capt. Ahern was slumped over his controls, lifeless. He had apparently suffered a fatal heart attack. He had no pulse, and was by now clearly beyond saving. Warren Wells, himself, was in the copilot’s chair praying with all his might for Jesus to intervene and save him. He was not attending to the plane (which, fortunately, was on autopilot). Somebody had to take control of the situation, and that somebody had to be Maryanne.

A pilot learns (and an ex-pilot retains) the ability to prioritize instantly. Maryanne realized that the first thing that had to be done was to get the copilot back into a condition where he could fly the plane. She left the cockpit and, with her best “can I get you an extra pillow?” demeanor and smile, went up to Dr. Gold and asked her -- in a whisper -- to come, urgently, to the cockpit. Together, they removed Capt. Ahern’s lifeless body from the pilot’s seat and lay it out along the side. Then Maryanne sat down in his place and tried to familiarize herself anew with the 767’s controls which Marvin had known so well. Warren Wells didn’t say a word, nor did he move to help her. Oblivious to his surroundings, he just prayed to his Savior to save his own soul. Dr. Gold crouched next to him and began talking to him in a low voice, trying to get through to him. Meanwhile, Maryanne contacted the airline’s emergency control center.

Briefly, Maryanne outlined the situation to the controllers. She felt confident that she could keep the airliner on course but was unsure about landing it. She explained that she had a clinical psychologist talking to the copilot and, hopefully, he would come back to normal in a short time and be able to take over flying the plane. The emergency controllers notified air controllers all along the way and a wide path in the sky was cleared around for plane. Maryanne suggested that two sites be warned of a possible emergency landing — Lambert-St. Louis International Airport and Denver International Airport. Should Warren Wells be in a condition to land the plane, he would do so at one of these two. If not, the flight would proceed to Oakland International Airport, which is considered easier to land at than San Francisco International. The controllers did not know, of course, that Maryanne had, in her previous life, extensive experience landing 767’s at all of those sites, nor would they have believed her if she had told them (since her pilot’s experience was not on her CV). She was sure, in any case, that Dr. Gold would manage to bring Warren Wells around before it was time to land.

Only she couldn’t. Dr. Gold was Jewish and, even in the best of times, sometimes found it difficult to relate to evangelical Christians when it came to matters of belief. Under the present circumstances, it was essentially impossible. Warren Wells had worked himself into an ecstatic fit, praying with all his body and soul for salvation. He seemed incapable of communicating with her and she was not sure that he even heard what she said. For a while, he began “babbling in tongues”. It was hopeless. She too, realized the need to prioritize. Since the obvious overriding priority was to land the plane safely, she decided that she had best keep Maryanne on an even keel for the coming emergency landing.

Maryanne, though she kept her outward calm, was in fact tottering psychologically. It had been over three years since she last sat at the controls of an airplane, and when she had last done so, it was with a totally different identity which she had since rejected and tried to bury within her. When she had transitioned, she did not attempt to build a bridge of continuity between the past and the future. Rather, she had rejected her past totally and had been intent on creating a new future. Sitting at the controls brought back memories of Marvin, memories and associations which were, to say the least, highly undesirable and with which she could barely handle even at a normal time, let alone in a time of crisis. Maryanne did not want to be Marvin again, did not want to think like Marvin nor make use of Marvin’s skills; in fact was unsure she was able to do so. Her entire psychological makeup and outlook were now different.

When Dr. Gold turned to her and asked her how she was feeling, she said that she felt she was living one nightmare and, to cope with that, was afraid she would have to start reliving another. Dr. Gold told her to hold up her hand and look at it — slender fingers, with beautiful red nails, and two dainty gold rings. “That is not Marvin’s hand,” she said, “even if it is, for the moment controlling this airplane. Marvin has not returned, nor will he ever return. He doesn’t have to return. The ground control people will talk you down to the ground, just do what they say. Be exactly what you are — an intelligent and courageous member of the cabin crew whose coolness under pressure and steady hand have allowed her to take command and save the lives of the 150 or so people on board.” She then hugged Maryanne tightly. “Just remember, Marvin is not going to land this plane, Maryanne is going to do it by herself.”

While all of this was going on, the flight proceeded smoothly. Maryanne talked to the other flight attendants over the intercom and explained to them that there is some trouble and she would have to remain in the cockpit. However, they should do their best to give the impression of normality. The passengers need not get upset. She suggested that the meal be served a bit early.

Meanwhile, the plane had crossed the Mississippi so that the St. Louis option was now closed. Dr. Gold tried again to get through to the copilot, but to no avail. The emergency control center talked to Maryanne constantly, offering encouragement and having her read off the bearings and try out the controls. In fact, the plane was being tracked by a special satellite system in place for precisely such emergencies. When it was time to make a decision about landing at Denver, they decided to continue on to Oakland, since the Denver airport was very crowded and they could not clear the right runways in time. In the meantime, a flight instructor began giving Maryanne, in a calm and clear voice, instructions on landing the plane, having her first upload to the plane’s computer a special emergency landing program which was relayed to her via an internet link and would allow most of the landing procedure to be handled by controllers on the ground. All this time, Dr. Gold crouched by Maryanne’s side, holding her hand and doing her best to calm her down. Only at the last moment did she belt herself into the jump seat at the rear of the cockpit.

It worked. The landing in Oakland went essentially smoothly. The passengers were told that “due to problems at San Francisco International Airport” the flight had been diverted to Oakland. They had no inkling of the drama that was happening inside the cockpit. As the plane taxied to a standstill at the end of a runway far away from the terminal, Maryanne could finally let out a sign of relief — and then she fainted.
 
 
EPILOGUE
 
 
The airline rewarded Maryanne handsomely for her coolness and courage and offered her a promotion. Since she preferred not to fly again, she was appointed an instructor at the airline’s school for flight attendants, where she is working until this day.
 
 

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Comments

Good!

A new twist on post-SRS behavior, I think this may be a first! It was definately not what I expected when I clicked on it. Nice work!


I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.

your little vignettes...

kristina l s's picture

... are usually nicely done and this is no exception. I was I'll admit slightly surprised she had so much trouble bringing memories and skills of Marvin's life to the fore. He is a part of her after all, if a slightly sad and relegated part, but she did what she had to and saved the day. Nice one Maryanne, nice one Melissa.

Kristina

that is the point

My stories are intended, for the most part, to point out the pitfalls that a transsexual encounters or is likely to encounter. This one concentrated precisely on the desire of many t-women to erase their past and begin anew as a "tabula rasa". In the situation I created, knowledge and skills learned in the past are the key to saving many lives, including the person's own, and Maryanne is still not able to cope with it.

A full transition, including SRS, entails a major paradigm shift in life. The problem of coping with the past after this shift (and similarly the problem of preparing for the future before it -- as I tried to point out in my story "Fortysomething") is often not appreciated enough and not sufficiently emphasized during pre-op counselling.

Life does not necessarily follow art

To reply specifically to your story and your thesis, I do happen to know of two airline pilots who continue to fly after transition, though for different airlines than they worked for before. Ironically, one works for American, and resumed flying only after a complee psychological battery had confirmed her stability, and exhaustive training and demonstrated her capability. So much of your description of your character in terms of background is similar to her's, it almost sounds like you know her. She is not known outside the company HR and management as a post-op. However, flying was a joy for her she was willing to fight for and pass thrugh all the necessary hoops to regain after transition.

Life following art, there is a post-op airline flight attendent for another airline, though she was an attendant before transition as well. She had an article written about her.

Life following your thesis, I may well fit into your description of TS abandoning a career track after social transition, at least for a time. I was an archaeologist for nearly 40 years, was if you count student work time, and ceased working in the field for years after social transition. Basically, I had used the work as a major diversion, often working 14 hour days to exhaust myself so I would not think about being trans, and finally the depression made me feel "burned out". By then I was able to retire, though a year early, and took early retirement and transitioned as I had planned for the last 10 years of my working life. For three years after transition, I was unable to develop any enthusiasm for my former occupation, however, the interest and some participation has gradually returned and I am working and writing in the old field as myself, and I am known and accepted fairly well by colleagues. I also renewed my interest in an earlier degree subject, took courses in that subject again, and now am an educator once again splitting my time between the two fields of study as a part time researcher and instructor.

I also know a truck driver who is now post-op, and is still driving trucks (18 wheelers) primarily it seems because she needs the money and does not think she is knowlegable enough to do anything else. Except now, she team drives with her husband.

Two other friends transitioned on the job (engineers)and have continued in the original companies. One has continued her former responsibilities, but the company of the other seemed to think her IQ and abilities had decreased since surgery and after six months changed her job to one with different and lesser responsibilites. She remains the only female engineer in that company, so that might give you some insight as to the demotion. However, her pay has not changed, and the work is challenging, so she remains.

Others were fired for one reason or another before and after surgery, and have been unable to get work in their prior fields. Currently, two are "coasting", and one is taking courses in another field of endeavor that she has high hopes for.

The last has opened her own cottage industry (preparing meals for the week for busy professionals in other fields) and is taking classes to be a certified chef, something she has always wanted to do. Before transtion she had worked in sales and installation for a major electronics retailer, and was one of the people they "let go" during a downsizing move even before the economy went sour, and even though she had more years at the company and higher evals than others that were retained. I think she had the basis of a suit, as the ones retained were mainly younger than she, and not trans post-op. Her jobs got moved around a lot after surgery as well.

So maybe, a complete change in career is not always the result of being post op, since social factors we are all well aware of can have an effect as well. However I can see circumstances where a total break with the past would be desired by those wishing to go "stealth".

CaroL

CaroL

Agreed

... though I have been transitioned so long that I only face what any other normal woman struggles against in an engineering workplace where the typical percentage is around 15 percent. Currently my company has 2 female software engineers out of 9 total and that comes to about 22 percent. Point is I just think of myself as just another woman who has to be over-qualified to earn a place in a 'traditionally' male profession.

I think transwomen who think they have to stereotype themselves are doing themselves a disservice. To me, it has always been *me* who put together those circuit boards, wrote those assembly and C++ programs - in a moment of weakness took that COBOL course. My work does not define my essential self. To me, it is mostly to earn a living while providing enough challenge but not be obsessed over it.

Yes, there are extreme areas where it IS more stereotypically male but they are getting to be very few. The construction industry is one but I have heard stories of women who work in those areas and verily, surprise, surprise are still women *rolls eyes*.

Look, one's femininity is more defined about how one acts and serves up who they are to the outer world and most essentially when they are alone with themselves where they cannot lie to themselves. Most times alone, I really do not think about my gender and/or sex though I am a proud member of the female sex now. Be true to yourself first else the rest is pretty worthless.

I think the author should clarify from which position she is coming (eg is she Trans ? If so, TG, CD, TS etc ? ) from so we can better understand why she presented the story in such a fashion.

Kim

since you asked for clarification ...

Yes I am a ts. My own personal view is that one should not live a stereotype either before or after transition. Unfortunately, there are many t-girls out there who don't get the message. The reason I wrote this story is precisely because the issue is often avoided, when it should be confronted.

Actually, ...

... I have seen a number of post-op TS go to stereotypes because they are typecast by society. It's not that they would not want to continue their career, or use their skills as much as it is society not letting them. At least not without a fight.
Twenty years ago, no one would have batted an eyelid if they saw me fix a car, today, it draws comments. Then, people would take my claim to know about engines at face value, today they think up silly little "test questions" so I can prove it to them.

I still fix my own cars.

Melanie

Maryanne

Is the kind of woman that you'd want with during a crisis. Hopefully she can pass on that gift to others.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

A Good Story

joannebarbarella's picture

And I can believe in it. In the end it all comes down to the individual.

I ask myself what would I do and the answer is I simply don't know.

I doubt very much if I could continue in the job I do now, not necessarily because I wouldn't want to, but because I feel there would be too much prejudice.

I often think I would have liked a secretarial job, not for any reason of "downgrading" but because it would have been nice to keep someone's life in order and working smoothly, mothering a bit perhaps.

That could of course just be my fantasy,

Joanne

This story and the comments so far

Show that life both before and after transition is not clear-cut. Trans people do not fit a stereotype.

I am not as physically strong as I used to be, but that is rarely an issue. My work skills are still in demand but I determine whether or not I will use them. I am fortunate also to be able to pay someone to do house maintenance and other tasks that have never really appealed to me.

Some people wish to remain in the career and with the job, but some take the opportunity to make a change, perhaps to do something that they've always wanted to do. It would seem that Maryanne enjoyed the industry but not the job, despite having the skills required.

As always, Melissa, you've got us thinking and talking, and as usual, you've provided a great vehicle (no pun intended) on which we may do so.

Susie

stereotypes

Being a pilot is a stereotypical "guy" job; being a flight attendant is a stereotypical "girl" job. Who was trying to escape having to deal with the complexities of reality by living a stereotype -- Marvin or Maryanne?

Psychologically speaking

I did the manly things that were expected of me as I grew up and went to war. Now I enjoy the feminine things. There are times when an incident occurs that requires the manly "Can Do" attitude, but being in a dress or skirt and blouse certainly makes it easier to get one of those guys to do the job. I've had a flat tire recently and I know how to change a tire, but I was in a dress it was not something that one would change a tire in.
Three separate knights in shining pick up trucks came to my rescue. I came to believe then when in a skirt or dress one can accomplish changing a tire or fixing an engine problem by looking helpless.
Nice story, great response from Dr. Gold in who Maryanne was.

Jill Micayla
May you have a wonderful today and a better tomorrow

Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.

The Pilot...another fine short story

Another good story, and another that seemed too short. May I point out one editing glitch?
In the first chapter, it's established that Maryanne is post-op (I think) at the end of the first paragraph of chapter 2, she's identified as pre-op. Am I reading this correctly?
In any case, it's a good story...and I can see why she elected to stay on the ground at the end!

typo

Thanks for pointing out the typo -- that has been corrected.

Lovely story, although it

Lovely story, although it does tend to drift a bit at the start of Chapter 2. I think the viewpoints of both Drs. Mautner and Gold are valid. My view is that choosing our careers is completely unrelated to either our sex or our gender. To some extent, most of us choose to follow occupations that have been drilled into our collective consciousness as typical of each gender. But I see the lines blurring, which is a good thing. '

Where the story seems pat is in the presence of one of the Drs. on the flight and the timely advice/counselling she dishes out.

Otherwise, like almost everything else she writes, Melissa's language is a treat, and she does manage to be informative about so many things without losing her audience.

Thanks, Melissa