(aka Bike) Part 693 by Angharad |
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Unsurprisingly, Simon seemed reluctant to allow me near him in bed that night. However, I found pink hairs in his razor, so I suspect he was a wee bit bald down below. He had his pyjamas on when I got to bed, which was unusual, he’s usually last into bed, and he turned over when I got into bed. I took my MP3 player with me and while he was pretending to sleep, I said out loud, “God, this music always makes me feel randy.” I’m sure I felt him flinch.
When I ran my fingers across his bottom, he grumbled that he had a headache and I almost fell out of bed laughing. “Would you like me to get you an aspirin?” I asked innocently, while restraining the giggles that were almost threatening to escape.
“No thank you, I think a good night’s sleep will do the trick.”
“I know a good way to get to sleep, Simon, you nearly always go off immediately afterwards.”
“No thanks.”
I’m sure the bed was shaking with my repressed laughter. Poor Simon, that’ll maybe teach him not to smack my bum again. Of course in shaving off his pubes, in a day or two, he’ll be as itchy as hell as the stubble grows–I was post op, although the discomfort elsewhere tended to take my mind off it. If he was depilating, waxing would have been better. “Si, do you think I should get a Brazilian for the summer?”
“Oh shut up,” he snapped back.
“Well, I was just thinking about wearing a bikini, it’s alright for you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” he snapped turning back to face me.
“Well, your bathing shorts don’t show anything anyway, do they?”
“Are you implying I’m somewhat inadequate?”
“Not at all, what I’m saying is that men’s shorts or trunks don’t show everyone if they’re a real blonde or not–unlike ladies’ ones.”
“So you’re going to twist the knife all night are you? Not good enough that you marked me for life is it?”
“Marked you for life? Come off it, Simon, it would last days that’s all.”
“Well I didn’t think it was funny.”
“Neither was smacking my bum so hard that it left a mark the next morning.”
“You didn’t complain at the time–just like a bloody woman.”
“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?”
“Well you are, whingeing and whining after the event.”
“So what are you doing, then?”
“What d’you mean?”
“What is all this about, this whingeing and whining that you’re doing now?”
“I am not.”
“Aren’t you? Coulda fooled me.”
“You are the giddy limit.”
“Am I? Well maybe it’s because I care about you…”
“Care about me? Ha! You humiliated me after your assault.”
“So sue me, I’ll happily plead guilty and have my day in court. I think your smack is a greater assault.”
“That was a thing of the moment, yours was premeditated.”
“Prove it. How are you going to prove any of it happened?”
“I have proof.”
“Do you? I hope you put some talc on it.”
“On what?”
“The bit you shaved earlier, ‘cos it’s gonna itch tomorrow.”
“You bitch!”
“No, I said itch, there’s no ‘B’ in it as far as I know.”
“I suppose you think it’s really funny.”
“I do actually,” I stifled a snigger–now was not the time for a laugh, he was very angry.
“Yeah, well you wouldn’t if it happened to you. I spent all day worrying that someone would see it.”
“What? You stupid man, how would anyone see it, unless you showed it to them?”
“I could have had an accident.”
“I’m sure paramedics have seen worse than a few pink hairs.”
“It’s an affront to my dignity.”
“Don’t be such a pompous prig, the only one who would expect to see it, is me.”
“What about my doctor?”
“What about him? You’re not having an affair with him behind my back are you?”
“That’s right, belittle me at every opportunity.”
“Simon, please think before you reply. If that is what you honestly think, then we have little or no future together.”
“Oh that’s right, threaten to walk out on me again, typical bloody woman.”
“I don’t make threats, I act, as you well know, or you should. If you don’t, then you are more stupid than I gave you credit for. If I remember, it wasn’t me who tried to kill themselves after we last rowed.”
“Oh, you’re going to throw that in my face are you?”
“Simon, I love you very, very much. However, I have three children to care for…”
“So, I’m superfluous to needs, am I?”
“Please stop talking through your arse and think before you exhale–I’m trying to say how important you are to all of us, but I’m not prepared to trade insults or accusations with you. If you want out, feel free. I’m going in to sleep in the spare bed in Livvie’s room.”
“What’s wrong with this bed?” he asked angrily.
“Nothing, except my presence here seems to be setting you off.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“You are fit to blow, Simon, I can almost see the vein in your neck throbbing, and it’s dark.”
“Your exaggerations drive me crazy.”
“In which case, I’ll take them away and save your sanity, the little you seem to have left.” The snipe was unnecessary but he was beginning to annoy me and that isn’t a healthy thing to do, but he’ll never learn.
I started to get out of the bed. “Wait,” he exhorted.
“What for?”
“Can we call a truce?” he said quietly and I think he meant it. There were all sorts of put downs flying through my mind, but I resisted the urge to score points.
“Okay. It’s your call,” I handed him back the ball.
“Um, look I was really angry, I think your response was OTT.”
“I wasn’t too pleased when the girls saw a bruise on my bum, if they ask me, how do I tell them it got there? Say, ‘Daddy hit me?’ I don’t think so, do you?”
“I’m sorry, it wasn’t meant to happen, I couldn’t resist the temptation. I won’t do it again.”
“Si, I don’t particularly enjoy having my bottom slapped or smacked, but if you must occasionally do it, don’t mark me, alright?”
“I won’t, I promise.”
“And I won’t retaliate with the Pubic Wars–hey, didn’t Caesar write something about that? Oh I know, it was the Punic Wars, you know against Hannibal. Maybe Hannibal was better endowed? Now that would be the Pubic Wars.”
“What are you on about?”
“Nothing, why?”
“Well shut up then and kiss me.”
“My lord and master has spoken. I must obey,” I had my fingers crossed as I said this, and the sarcasm was spread inches thick.
“Yes and don’t you forget it, wench.”
“ ’Cos I’m so accommodating, does that make me an adjustable wench?” It was at this point he fell out of bed, laughing.
Comments
Finally!
I can't believe those two twits actually made it all the way through an argument to making up in one session and nobody moved out, good for them!
Maybe Si's realised...
...that Cathy's been taking lessons in wit, jibes and wind-ups from the undisputed queen of the genre - Stella.
After being putty in her hands for the past 20+ years, he's now acquired a new tormentor, who, although new to the 'scene', has much more opportunity to plan and inflict wind-ups than his sister.
Now the question is, how long will it take the Three Musketeers to start devising their own brand of wind-ups for Daddy? :)
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
I Am Beginning To Think Of This As
'The Honeymooners' --Brit Style! The Honeymooners was a great TV series with Jackie Gleason and Arte Carney. Looney tons dis a toon about the show, too. The only other from TV fame that matched Bike in any way is I Love Lucy.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
I Loved That Show !
Stan,
I used to sit up late at night with my grandpa watching old episodes of the Honeymooners. I loved the way that Alice kept Ralph in line even if he didn't realize it. He thought he was the King of the Castle, but Alice was the one who really ran things. I absolutely loved Art Carney as Ed Norton. He was a real hoot! Simon hasn't figured out that Cathy is the one in control there too.
Hope Simon
did'nt hurt himself falling out of bed ... Because he'll say its all Cathys fault for making him laugh so much that he fell out of bed...and then we'll end up with another daft argument!!!!
Kirri
Piffle
Men and their vanity. I swear, men claim women are bad about their vanity but Simon proves that is true for the goose may very well be thrice true for the gander ! Yes, I believe in threefold returns !
Kim
His Masculine Pride Was Insulted
Simon is like most men who have their Masculinity insulted. If he had a good attitude about it, he would have seen the humor in it. He is obviously insecure. Cathy does have a point about setting a good example for the girls. The welts on Cathy's bum were seen by the girls. They could misunderstand what happened and mention it to the wrong person and bring Social Services down on them. That bureaucratic witch was just looking for something to get the girls out of Cathy's custody during the hearing for Trish.
"Whingeing and Whining"
How do you pronounce those words in GB? Here in Northern North America, we have the second one which is pronounced to rhyme with 'dining'. But we don't have the first one. Is it a rhyme with 'binging'. i.e., drinking too much??
And, do they mean pretty much the same thing? Or does whingeing* mean something different?
Yours from the Great White North,
Jenny Grier (Mrs.)
* My spell checker, set for "English/Canada", doesn't like this spelling. It wants me to spell it "wingeing" which is still a word I don't know of.
x
Yours from the Great White North,
Jenny Grier (Mrs.)
Whingeing
Whinging / whingeing
Yes, it is pronounced win-jing. It's the present participle of whinge (pron: winj) - to complain or protest, especially in an annoying or persistent manner.
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/whingeing
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/whinge
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Seemed to me like the whole chapter can be summed up in
the line, “Can we call a truce?†he said quietly and I think he meant it. There were all sorts of put downs flying through my mind, but I resisted the urge to score points.
They settled an argument before going to sleep. Good practice.
So Simon has finally
So Simon has finally realized that Cathy is actually the one in charge. Only a man would be so dense to have taken so long. Glad they settled their disagreement by a little "lovey dovey" before they go to sleep. I was always told by my Mother to never go to bed angry or not having made up if you had gotten into a fight with your spouse. Good rule to live by for sure. J-Lynn
Naughty Angharad !
You had me getting really worried there, as their argument was building up. Naughty.
Have had two marriages fall to bits through silly arguments like that, and it isnt nice.
On another matter, IN ONE WEEK FROM NOW YOU WILL BE ON EPISODE 700. THIS MUST BE PUT IN THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS, or Murphey's if you prefer, begorrah!
Congratulations and a thousand thanks from the far north, Angaharad!
Briar
Briar
Worse than that...
in 9 days, I'll have been scribbling this for two years! Sad, innit?
Hugs,
Angharad
Angharad
Fell out of my chair
the Adjustable Wench, for one time my dear hubby called me his Wrench, he meant Wench but it has stuck we were out with friends at a theme restaurant Knights or the round table like, with serving wenches when he made his comment "I have a much lovelier serving wrench.... Um wench that is." So now 15 years after every time we are with any of those 6 couple I am the wrench and I love it.
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
They finally talked...
see, that wasn't so hard? Maybe it was, but it making up (or is that out?) made up for a lot I suspect.
I was worried, this started out
with the aid of production assistant Bonzi, who must have become bored, and left to be finished by Whizz.
Cathy and Simon had another childish argument, and stayed in the same bed ! This is a first !
Heck, Simon could brag about what his girl did to him.
Had a small surgery there once. The nurse gave me an option, shave myself with a Bic, or she would do it. I opted for her, that way I could shriek, and complain. I was told to be quiet, else she'd get the straight razor!
Cefin