All too soon, I was back in town. As I got off the bus, my heart felt as if it had broken...   Love Hurts by Susan Brown

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Final Part

Love hurts, love scars,
Love wounds, and marks,
Any heart, not tough,
Or strong, enough
To take a lot of pain,
Take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts.


(Lyrics by Boudleaux Bryant and Felice Bryant)

Previously...
 

There was a note pad and pen on the dresser and I wrote a short note.
Michelle,

Sorry it didn’t work out. I hope that you can find some happiness now.
Karen.

I left the note on the table and went out.
Luckily, I didn’t meet Michelle on the way to the village and was glad, because I didn’t want to have a scene. As I reached the main road, I could see a bus coming. Running to the stop, I just managed to catch it. Soon I was going back to town and my dreary flat and the job that didn’t pay enough, with a supervisor who hated me. Outside I was calm but inside I was crying my eyes out.

And now, the conclusion…

All too soon, I was back in town. As I got off the bus, my heart felt as if it had broken. I know that I shouldn’t have got my hopes up, but after the wonderful time I had had with Michelle, I hoped deep in my heart that I’d finally found the love of my life. Funny thing was that I had found her, but Michelle had emotional baggage that she obviously had not been able to get over.

I let myself in to what I laughingly called my home. There were a few letters on the mat; mainly of the red variety. One looked hand written, so after plonking my case in the bedroom, I looked at it.

Dear Tenant,
I regret to inform you that I have to give you 21 days notice to vacate the premises.
I have sold the property to a housing association and they require vacant possession on the 30th of the month. As your tenancy was short term and due to the fact that you owe me two months’ rent, I expect you to vacate the premises by the above date. Failure to do so will mean that I will have to get a court order to remove you. If you leave by the due date, I will write off any monies owed to me.
Please confirm as soon as possible that you will be moving y the 30th of this month.
Yours faithfully,

Melinda Trimble.

I sat on the bed and wept. This was all I needed. Where would I be able to get somewhere to live that I could afford? Knowing that cow of a landlady, hell would freeze over before she would give me a reference. I would have to eat into my rapidly dwindling savings to scrape together a deposit for a new place. I was sick of everything. This week had started out so nice and hopeful and now it had gone so very badly wrong.

I unpacked my clothes and did a bit of washing. Then I had some lunch; a Pot Noodle that tasted of cardboard and a cup of tea. I had a quick nap on the bed and then, all too soon, it was time for work. I put on my uniform and brushed my hair, tied it back with a scrunchie and then after putting on my sensible, low heeled black shoes; I was ready for another shift at the Home.

I caught the bus outside and all too soon was outside the home. I keyed in the number on the entrance door and it clicked open. I wasn’t too sure if the security measures were to keep undesirables out or the inmates in!

I saw Paula, one of the other carers walk by as I approached the office, she smiled “hello” as I walked in.

Behind the desk was my supervisor. I had never seen her smile and her face looked like she wasn’t going to change that habit after she looked up and saw me.

‘You’re late.’

‘No I’m not, the clock’s running fast.’

‘Don’t argue with me, if I say you are late then you are. You are on the second floor today looking after rooms twenty to twenty-five. I won’t keep you.’

She began writing on her pad so I assumed, from her actions, that the interview was over. Although I found it very hard not to say something I might regret, I just left her without saying a word.

Rooms twenty to twenty-five were occupied by the most dependent residents in the home. The normal practice was that the carers were rotated on this duty, but I always seemed to get caught with it. So I looked forward to eight hours of high maintenance caring, involving changing, lifting, nappy and colostomy bag duties with people who were, in the main senile and not able to help themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I felt sorry for those men and women and I could cry at how they were sometimes, but eight hours with only sketchy support from other carers when it was absolutely necessary, was bit soul destroying.

It was several hours later that I was sitting in the staff room having a well-earned break. I hadn’t stopped thinking about Michelle and what had happened and I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. The staff room had been decorated with tinsel stuff and a rather pathetic plastic Christmas tree with obligatory winking lights. I can’t say it cheered up the room very much!

I was very tired from what I had been doing with Michelle the night before and the labour intensive work that I had been doing up to now. I must have closed my eyes for a few seconds when I was rudely awakened by a shout.

‘What the hell are you doing?’

My eyes snapped open and there was my supervisor standing in front of my looking rather angry. I glanced at the clock on the wall and noticed that my break should have finished about one minute ago.

‘Sorry.’ I said yawning and getting up.

‘Sorry isn’t enough. You are late on the job and that is a sackable offence.’

‘But, I’m only a minute late!’

‘I’ve just about had enough of you. I didn’t want you working here in the first place. You are disgusting, pretending to be a woman. How you can use the Ladies toilet and not feel ashamed, I’ll never know. I think that you are just a pervert that gets his jollies from dressing up as a woman…now go and get back to work!’

She shoved me from behind, making me bite my tongue.

I snapped; turning back, I just slapped her around the face. I instantly regretted it, but hours of pent up shame anger, hurt and suffering went into that slap.

‘I resign!’ I shouted.

‘No, you’re fired and I’ll prosecute you for hitting me you bastard! Now get out.’

I looked at her and the naked hatred on her face. There was no way back from this. I knew I shouldn’t have hit her, but I was provoked and, on reflection, I was pleased that I had wiped the sneer off of her face. I picked up my coat and bag and walked out.

‘Don’t bother to ask references,’ she sneered to me as I went, ‘just wait for the solicitors letter!’

I left the home with mixed feelings. It was a job, not much of one but still something that helped me pay my way. My tongue still felt a bit sore and I was pretty depressed.

As I walked down the road, tears in my eyes, I was dimly aware that it was now getting dark. I could have waited for a bus, but I needed to clear the cobwebs from my mind and as I passed the houses with their cheerful decorations, I felt very far from cheerful.

I walked through the shopping centre, still busy with late night shoppers getting the final presents for their loved ones. Christmas Eve; I used to love that as a child. The only thing that I never got from my Christmas list was my wish to be a girl and wear lovely girlie things. My mother always crossed those items out, saying that it wasn’t right for me to ask such Ungodly things. I can’t say that I was that unhappy though, as my parents loved me and my sister equally. I was just more than a bit jealous though of all the gorgeous girlish things my sister got for Christmas and I, of course, had to make do with more manly things like toy soldiers and footballs.

Coming back to the present reality, I had lost my home my job and most importantly the love of my life. They say troubles come in threes–what a three I had just experienced!

I crossed to the small park on the other side of the shopping centre and sat down on a bench. The park was well lit, as there were paths through it that led to several large car parks. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t really want to go back to the dismal flat. I must have sat there for a good hour. Gradually things got quieter and less people passed me by as the shops started shutting and the car parks emptied.

Eventually I got a bit chilly, so I got up and went to the Wimpy Bar, as I had to eat something. Perhaps it would help quieten the sick feeling that I had in my stomach. It was still open and serving, so I sat down and ordered a burger and fries from the bored waitress. I ate the rather bland burger and chips; the only good thing to say about it that it helped warm me up. I had some coffee after the meal and soon I was feeling rather full.

Looking at my watch, I saw it was nine pm and decided to make my way home and get some rest–I needed it. My mind was in a mess and I hoped that tomorrow would bring me a bit more clarity of thought.

It was about a twenty minute walk from the shopping centre to where I lived. At this time of night there were not many buses and, what with this being Christmas Eve, I was betting that the service was a bit restricted. So I decided to walk home. I saw a few people about, but it was getting a bit colder and so the streets were rather empty. Walking along, not paying much attention as to where I was going, I heard faintly in the distance the sound of a church organ and some singing. I walked towards the sound and as I turned the corner, I saw a church, floodlit and beautiful. Outside was a huge tree covered with lights. The sounds coming from the church sounded warm and inviting, so I decided almost without thinking to go in.

As I walked across the entrance I could hear the carol being sung–Hark The Herald Angels Sing. It gave me goose bumps and lifted my heart more than somewhat.

The church was packed with adults and children, all singing lustily and having a good time. I slipped into a pew at the back and picked up a hymn sheet. I was soon singing along and forgetting my troubles. Many carols I hadn’t sung since I was a young child and they brought back memories of times that were simpler and less heart breaking.

We were all quiet as a white clad choir boy sang Silent Night perfectly in tune. I am sure that I wasn’t the only one with tears in my eyes as I heard that angelic voice and it was with gusto that everyone joined in on the second chorus.

After that, we all sat down and the vicar said a few words.

He welcomed everyone to his church and said some things about Christmas and that the real meaning wasn’t about the presents and watching the TV. It was about the affirmation of life and the celebration of the birth of Jesus.

I was watching him as he spoke and then somehow, he seemed to be looking straight at me.

‘…it is also a time of togetherness, of families and forgiving others. A time for renewing friendships and strengthening ties. The Lord’s prayer says, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us.” So try in your heart to forgive those who have done you wrong and if you do that, you will feel and be a better person for it. A new year will soon be upon us and we all need to strive to be a better person and to help others whenever possible. Do not forget the sick and the elderly. Help wherever you can and do what you can to make this world a better place to live.’

There were a few more carols and I sang along with everyone else, but the vicar’s words touched me deeply and as I continued my way home, I realised that I had done the cowardly thing when I just left Michelle’s house without a word. I needed to finish things properly and not in the way I had done before. It was getting late, close to ten o’clock, but as I saw a taxi go by, without thinking, I hailed it and getting in, I asked him to take me to Michelle’s house. Perhaps she wasn’t there, but I had to try and try I would!

The village green looked quite pretty with lights in the trees and over the other side, the pub where Michelle and I had eaten looked warm and inviting. The lights shone on the village pond where the ducks were still splashing about and seemingly enjoying themselves. It was a peaceful and lovely place.

I was dropped off at the bottom of the drive. I could see through the trees that there was someone at home. I hoped that I would at least be given a chance to say my piece before I was turned away.

As I walked up the drive, it started to snow, just a few flakes at first that tickled my nose and made me want to sneeze. Then it got heavier all of a sudden and the ground around me started to blanket over with whiteness.

I reached the front door. My heart was pounding. Was this a good idea? Should I have just let go and leave things as they were? Then I remembered the vicar…’forgive us our trespasses’ and without further thought, I rang the bell.

A few seconds later the door opened and there was Michelle. Her mouth opened in shock. In an instant I could see that she had been crying and her eyes were red and sore looking.

Her face lit up and she said one word; ‘Karen,’ her voice breaking with emotion.

Grabbing my hand, she pulled me in and shut the door behind us.

Turning to me, she looked confused and just as she was about to say something I spoke.

‘Michelle, I shouldn’t have gone off like that. It was a cowardly thing to do so I had to come and explain…no don’t say anything, let me just tell you that I overheard you speaking to your wife and it was obvious that you still had something going with her. I was hurt and angry so I just decided to leave so that you and Catherine could patch things up…’

‘But…’

‘No, please let me finish. I know that I love you and that I wanted to be with you forever, but you would have hated me if I had come between you and Catherine. So I made the decision to leave before I got hurt any more…’

‘But…’

‘It was silly to think that you could really love someone like me. I have nothing going for me. I have no car… you didn’t know that, did you. I was so ashamed when I lied about that. Now I’ve been chucked out of my flat and I’ve lost my job because I hit that cow of a supervisor. So you’re lucky that you aren’t involved with me anymore. I bring bad luck to anyone and anything I touch. Anyway, I’ve said what I wanted to say. I do hope that you are happy with Catherine. You deserve a nice life and I hope that you can forgive…’

‘BE QUIET!’ she shouted and then continued more quietly, ‘please Karen, let me say something, but first can I take your coat. I think we both need a drink.’

‘I don’t know…’

‘Please, for me?’

‘All right, but I can’t stay long, I don’t know if I can get a bus, this late and I won’t get a taxi again…’

‘Karen, don’t worry about a taxi. Let’s have a drink.’

I sat opposite her, gin and tonic in my slightly shaking hand. Michelle took a long swig and then looked at me.

‘Michelle, I wish you had spoken to me before you rushed off…’
‘But…’

‘No. you’ve had your say, now please let me have mine. Catherine rang me this morning before I went out for a run. You heard one side of the conversation. She told me that she had met someone else and that she was marrying him. We spoke about how hard things had been between us towards the end and how much we regretted the harsh words. We agreed to meet up in order to sort out the change in circumstances and how it affected the divorce settlement, that’s all. When I came back from my run, I saw your note. I was devastated. I thought that you didn’t love me and you had changed your mind about us. I wanted us to be together and then I…I…saw your note…’
In moments I was in her arms and we held each other tightly. We cried a lot and laughed a bit and then after a while we kissed tenderly and then passionately.

After some time, we heard a rather loud cough from behind us.

‘If you two don’t stop, I’m getting a bucket of water. Nice to see you back, Karen, I told Michelle that this was just a lovers tiff but would she listen; nope. She’s been moping about crying and shouting ‘woe is me,’ all day. She wanted to send out search parties and possibly the Mounties and huskies…if they have such a thing in the UK, but she wouldn’t listen to her sister, oh no. I said that it was a storm in a tea cup and that you would come back.’

‘Rachel, please be quiet, we were having a private moment.’

‘Well pardon me for speaking. I’ll keep my mouth shut. Not another word. I know when I’m not wanted.’

‘You’re not wanted.’

‘Oh, I see. I’ll disappear then, shall I?’

‘Yes please.’

‘Right, if you say so. I’m not hurt really. I just wanted to share this moment…’

‘I give in; Karen, sorry, we’ll continue this when we have a bit more privacy.’

A few moments later, with fresh drinks in our hands, Rachel sat in the lounge with us as we discussed what had happened to me in more detail. They were very annoyed at the way I had left my job and the fact that I had been fired through no fault of my own except the small matter of slapping my supervisor around the face.

‘I doubt there’s much you can do about your flat–you were in arrears and anyway, it looks like you may get away with not paying what you owe if you go quietly.’

‘That doesn’t matter,’ said Michelle.

‘Why?’ I asked.

‘We’ll talk about that later.’

‘If I can continue–look, can you two stop making eyes at each other and pay attention to what I’m saying. My tutor’s red hot on discrimination and wrongful dismissal. What I do know is that they should have given you verbal and written warnings before giving you the sack.’

‘But I resigned.’

‘Under severe duress; they won’t know what hit them.’

I hit my supervisor.’

‘Only after she pushed you so it was self defence and her word against yours.’

‘Look,’ said Michelle, ‘it’s getting late. Let’s go to bed and we can talk more tomorrow.’

‘Can I call for a taxi?’

‘Why.’

‘Well I don’t want to be a bother and…’

‘Do you want to stay?’

‘Erm, yes, if that’s okay.’

‘You and I are going to have a serious, but nice talk tomorrow, but now that you’re here, I’m not letting you out of my sight. You look all done in; let’s get you to bed.’

‘I don’t have anything to wear.’

‘By the time I’ve finished with you, you won’t need anything…’

‘Oh, gross!’ exclaimed Rachel, ‘far too much information. I’m going to bed. See you two love birds tomorrow.’

Soon, we went up to bed. Michelle found me a nice long peach satin nightie that felt truly scrumptious. In the event, we didn’t do much in the way of gymnastics that night. We were both pretty worn out over the day’s events. We just lay in each other’s arms and fell asleep…

‘Happy Christmas!’

I woke with a jump. I was dimly aware that it was morning. I was still lying in the arms of Michelle, our legs entwined. The noise was coming from the doorway and I was aware that Rachel had arrived.

Michelle moaned next to me as we sort of unwound from each other and looked at Rachel, standing just inside the bedroom door wearing a red jumper and skirt and finished off with a red bobble hat on her head. She looked like Santa’s little helper and I wished that she would go help Santa and leave us alone to wake up more gradually.

‘What time is it?’ asked Michelle.

‘About seven thirty,’ came the sickeningly chirpy reply.

‘Go away.’

‘Look it’s Christmas day. You have to get up early, it’s obligatory. I read the rules somewhere.’

She was like a little kid. Her enthusiasm was infectious and all too soon we were thoroughly awake.

Then the worst thing happened; Rachel started singing.

‘We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Good tidings we bring to you and your kin;
Good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year.’

It was nothing like the sweet voices in the church last night. It was awful, slightly off key and…it made Michelle and I laugh until there were tears running down our faces.

Half an hour later, dressed in borrowed skirt and top, I was downstairs helping to cook the traditional, bacon and eggs. It wasn’t my tradition but I decided to go with the flow and enjoy myself.

I had a lovely day, one of the best Christmases I had ever had since I was a child. Michelle and Rachel had presents for each other and I enjoyed watching them being opened. They were both a bit sad that they hadn’t anything for me or I them, but we decided to go shopping on Boxing Day so we could remedy that. I think they just liked shopping. To be honest, so did I when I had the funds.

We had the usual turkey and full trimmings and, feeling rather stuffed, we sat and watched the Queen on the box followed by that old favourite–It’s A Wonderful Life. We were all crying our eyes out at the sad bits but felt all warm inside at the happy ending.

Rachel was meeting up with some college friends in the evening. What they were going to do, I didn’t know as most places were shut, but knowing Rachel, she would find something.

When Rachel had gone, it was a bit quieter and Michelle and I sat on the sofa, hands entwined and talked about things. Despite having a very happy day, in the back of my mind, were the concerns I had for the future.

Michelle looked at me and smiled.

‘Have you had a nice day?’

‘Mmm, it was lovely. I didn’t know I could be so happy after all that has happened to me lately.’

‘It’s been lovely, hasn’t it? Now that Rachel has left us in peace, do you feel up to talking about the future.’

‘Okay, It’s been on my mind today, quite a bit.’

‘Mine too. What do you want to do?’

‘About what?’
‘About the future.’

I looked at her and all the insecurities came back.

‘I just want to be happy.’

Are you happy with me?’

‘Very. I–I love you so much.’

‘I do too–I mean love you. Look I know that all this is a bit fast, but we have known each other for ages and though we only saw each other face to face a few days ago, I feel like I’ve known you for ever.’

‘What are you saying.’

‘I–I; oh I’m no good at this. Rachel would just come straight out with it and not beat about the bush.’

She got up and stood in front of me and then she got down on a bended knee and looked up, into my eyes.

‘Karen, will you marry me?’

I went all gooey inside. I looked at her lovely face with its worried frown. I saw a beautiful woman, who loved me for what I am. I knew then that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I never wanted to let her go. I saw in her eyes that she felt the same about me. How could I have doubted her yesterday morning? I had been so wrapped up in myself that I had just jumped to the wrong conclusions and nearly ruined everything.

‘Do you want me even though I’m an idiot, with no money and no job?’
‘Yes. I love you with all my heart and I need you and want you, so much. I was devastated yesterday, when you left without warning. I blamed myself totally as I thought that I had hurt you in some way and I didn’t know how to fix things. I emailed you several times and I tried to ring your mobile, but it was switched off. I didn’t know where you lived so I couldn’t come to you. I felt useless. And it was only Rachel that kept me sane. She somehow knew that you would come back. I should have listened to her. Anyway, you haven’t answered me. Will you marry me?’

It was no good; I couldn’t resist her, even if I wanted to.

‘Yes please.’

We were soon in each other’s arms and kissing deeply and passionately. It wasn’t long before we were in bed, cementing our already strong love for each other. Our lovemaking that night was wonderful, tender and sensual. We explored each other’s bodies and reached new heights of ecstasy.

Some hours later, after a joint shower that took longer than strictly necessary, we lay together and talked quietly of the future.

‘You know that it isn’t strictly marriage,’ said Michelle, with her head on my breast.

‘I know, but civil partnership is still nice and it’s a commitment. As far as I am concerned it’s marriage in all but name.’

‘Well I’m calling it marriage,’ said Michelle firmly, ‘when do you want to get married?’

‘As soon as possible. What do you think?’

‘Well, Sandra and Marion were in a hurry and they managed to put everything together and were able to tie the knot in fifteen days.’

I remembered Sandra and Marion from the chat room. They were nice people.
‘Sounds good to me.’ I said, ‘unless you want to wait for a while.’

‘No, I nearly lost you and if you are happy to go ahead as soon as possible then so am I.’

We kissed tenderly and didn’t say anything for a while, our mouths being too busy to talk.

After coming up for air we carried on discussing our future.

‘I want to work,’ I said, ‘but I don’t think care work is what I’m after.’

‘What would you really like to do if you had a chance?’

I hesitated.

‘Tell me, no secrets now we are engaged.’

I liked the sound of that–engaged!

‘Well, I loved my job as a computer systems designer and I think I was very good at it, but working for someone else means that they can sack me or do whatever they want and I have no control. I would like to start my own company and see how it goes. I know times are tough in IT at present, but there will always be a need for good work at affordable prices. Too many IT companies charge the earth for shoddy work and I want to give value for money. Only starting up a business isn’t easy and I don’t have any capital to speak of–just the money I have kept for the operation.’

‘Well money isn’t a concern now. I’m not poor; you may have noticed that this house isn’t exactly small. I own it and there’s no mortgage. I earn a lot of money doing what I do and you could say that any reasonable expense setting up a company wouldn’t break the bank.’

‘But it’s your money. I wouldn’t feel comfortable…’
‘Look honey, we’re getting married. What is mine is yours and what is yours is mine. I don’t believe in this pre-nuptial rubbish. It’s only money. If our relationship goes pear shaped, I can always make more. It won’t go wrong, I know it. It doesn’t mean we won’t have rows or get on each other’s tits occasionally, all marriages go through that but as long as we don’t go to sleep at night with an argument hanging over us, it will be okay. One thing though.’

‘What?’

‘If you agree, I want us to be equal partners in this marriage and we agree everything we do. None of this dominant/submissive stuff. If you don’t agree with what I say or want, just tell me and I’ll do the same with you.’

‘Okay, honey, if you say so.’

‘Don’t start!’ she said giggling as she started tickling me in a rather tender and embarrassing place!

Epilogue.

We had our civil partnership ceremony or marriage as we called it three weeks later. We both wore white wedding dresses and I think looked radiant. The ceremony took place at an old country house and the service was conducted by the vicar from the church that had the carol concert. Rachel walked us up the aisle as she decided that she was going to give us both away. We each had two bridesmaids Pat and Sharon and also Sandra and Marion who had been through all this before and had helped with the arrangements.

There were flowers everywhere and many friends from online and work colleagues from Michelle’s surgery were there. I even had a few people come from the care home that I had worked at…not my supervisor though. She had been fired because of her treatment of me and the fact that I had a big fat cheque coming for sexual harassment and wrongful dismissal was the icing on the wedding cake.

The service went off well and we both choked up a bit repeating our vows, but when we both lifted our veils and kissed each other on completion of the service, I knew that I had at last found happiness and the love of my life. Somehow, I could see into the future and knew with certainty that we would have a wonderful life together and live happily ever after.

FIN

Please leave comments...thanks

My thanks go to the brilliant and lovely Gabi for editing and pulling the story into shape.