A Glass Half-Full (Chapter 1)

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(Removed to make Glass available via Kindle Unlimited)

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Soaking up Words

terrynaut's picture

My brain is a word sponge. I'm soaking up this story. :)

I'm remembering it all too well but it's still fun.

Once again, I'm enjoying the way magic works in your universe. I also recognize the greaser at the end. Grrrrrrr

Thanks and please keep posting.

- Terry

Edit: I'm going back and voting for all of these splendid chapters. I voted for them before but it's been so long (hint hint) that I'm able to vote again. :)

Okay, first issue is the song

Okay, first issue is the song in the beginning. I'm not sure how American fair use laws work, but you might want to consider shorten the excerpt of the song to avoid legal trouble if you plan to really publish this.

The switch between characters is a bit confusing in the beginning. Maybe you should add a line at the beginning of the chapter to indicate that you switched the character, or maybe I'm just too used to gender changes in TG fiction that I just assumed the character in chapter one was the same one from the prologue.

I like the way you introduce into the character though. And her brosis :D Nah... Brian can't be a girl, can he? Awesome! The only danger is to overdo it on the TG content, but IIRC Brian and David are the only TG characters in this story.

The scene with the shaman girl and her boyfriend felt a bit confusing. I missed that he'd apparently fumbled around with her when she didn't want it the first time I read it. I missed the reason why she hit him and it read as if the agression was from the girl. Maybe it was just my fault, but I figured it would be worth to remark on.

There is also the question wether they just decided to get the abilities by getting involved with somekind of magic-religion, or if the magic abilities are natural and make them chosen ones. I'm not really sure what it was.

The manlyness contest... not sure what I feel about this, considering I think displays like that are rather stupid, but it's probably in character. That Luke comes off as pretty stupid though. I guess there are girls that are just that big assholes, who'd enjoyed to see him bully Jason, but it's never a smart idea to involve yourself in a civil situation like that. He's obviously lacking brains.

Martial arts abilities are a bit overused in TG fiction. Every second character has some self defense in their past. If you need some serious martial arts training in the future, I'd use this. Alternatively, some self-defense tricks taught by granpa might also do the trick. That's only my opinion though.

I'm not sure how to feel about the foreshadowing in the last paragraph. It feels like a good idea in a serial story, but maybe it's not so great for a book. It's sort of a break in narration. You use first person all the time and then you suddenly tell something out of the perspective of the omniescent narrator. Maybe you could find a way to include this otherwise.

I rather liked this chapter, it was a good way to introduce the characters.

I hope my remarks were of some use, thank you for writing,

Beyogi

Self defense

Martial arts may be 'overused' in TG fiction, but they're hardly any less common in urban fantasy, epic fantasy, or sci-fi. And to be fair, far more people with a pagan background have martial arts training of some sort than you might realize. The main reasoning here is that most martial arts also involve a certain level of mental discipline, focus, and an awareness of subtle energy flows within and without the body. These things are absolutely critical for the serious pursuit of the esoteric, so there's a pretty high demographic overlap there. Additionally, as with GLBT folks, there's a certain amount of understanding that, as a pagan, you can and will be subject to defend yourself against bigots at some point or another. You can either go into said defense unprepared and willing to take a beating... hopefully only verbal, but unfortunately not always limited just to that; or you can go into ready to ensure your rear end isn't burnt at the stake along with the rest of your beliefs. Thus, combat training.

Not everyone who does the SCA / faire circuit is a pagan... but it's not very hard to find people who share your beliefs if you attend those events.

The Hazards of Being Male

Aljan Darkmoon's picture

The two girls met up again at lunchtime, the only part of their schedule that matched up. Diane saw the guy who'd almost hit her new friend approaching, but when he saw Diane he looked frustrated and went off to stand in line.
 
"What's his problem, anyway?" she asked as they headed for a table.

Uhm… Maybe he doesn’t appreciate having no recourse when someone slugs him in the face? Maybe he doesn’t appreciate someone who feels free to clobber him because she knows that, in real practical terms, he’s defenseless?

"Oh, Jack. He's sort of an ex-boyfriend... except that he was never really my boyfriend. We had lunch together once which was really supposed to be a meeting for a class project. And I went to a movie with him last week.

Both which, no doubt, he felt obligated to pay for? Maybe he felt he was led on under false pretenses, milked for a meal and a show, when the whole time she wasn’t really interested in him? Of course, that never happens in Real Life™, does it? Poor guy, he doesn’t yet know there’s no equity when it comes to that sort of thing, nor recourse for bad faith. In the dating and mating game, a guy must learn to calculate the risk, and decide when not to put out. And that’s what’s behind a good many of us M2F TGs: when it comes to sexual selection, it is much nicer to be the choosy sex than the competitive one.

Thank you, Herb Goldberg! The Hazards of Being Male was the first book to really open my eyes and my understanding to some of the sources of all that pain. His first chapter, called In Harness: The Male Condition, sooooo speaks to me.

That's one take on it

But you miss the part where the reason she slaps him is because he was groping her in the hallway. Even if he HAD purchased lunch and paid for the movie, that doesn't 'earn' him the right to touch her sexually. Especially in public, but really anywhere. There is no 'in story' description of the way the date went, but the 'meta' details go something like this:

They are expected to work together in teacher assigned groups on projects that require the students to meet outside of class. The three students on this project agree to meet at the mall's food court for a planning session. Two of them got food (on their own, paying for it themselves), the third (another guy who you do not see at all) did not. He stayed just long enough to have 'been there' before claiming prior arrangements and taking off, leaving the two alone to finish planning. At first she is worried that he's treating this too much like a date but they actually do get a lot accomplished and the project is coming together. So, when he DOES ask her out to a movie; she has no real reason to say no. But, being smart/safe about it; she agrees to meet him at the theater instead of having him pick her up.

The date at the theater is more traditional and yes, he does pay for the tickets. However, she buys her own drink. The date, unfortunately, goes badly. It's clear the guy has the wrong idea about movie dates... especially as a first date. The warning signs are there when he tried to get her to sit in the back. She heads that off by asking to sit down in the middle near other people, including a couple older people, with kids. Even still, she ends up having to fight off wandering hands through most of the movie. Afterwards, she thanks him for the evening and lets him know that his advances, especially on a first date, were inappropriate and unwanted. And leaves.

So, no... the slap is deserved. As is her opinion of him in general. However, you will notice that when she casts something to give him a little instant karma later on in the cafeteria... that things do not go as expected. Also 'meta' information that doesn't show up in the story... the boy is allergic to the dye in all that jello he is about to eat. It is the cause of his erratic behavior and ADHD like actions... and because of the way the teachers pull him aside and observe his emotional state; they discover both this problem and that he is simply acting the way his father acts around women. He is then put on a diet that avoids the dyes and other substances, works with a Big Brother style mentor, and puts his life back on track. He'll be encountered again, in book three... as one of the good guys.

Thank you for more of the background

Aljan Darkmoon's picture

behind this story, which helps to make much more clear what was going on in chapter 1.

He is then put on a diet that avoids the dyes and other substances, works with a Big Brother style mentor, and puts his life back on track.

The development you describe in this paragraph gives me some ideas of my own, probably the closest I have ever come to cooking up a character sheet. :) Were I writing him, I would use the doctor visits, the detoxifying from synthetic food additives and the Big Brother experience to put him into a context of self-examination–possibly having him visit a competent therapist as a focus for his inner work, or perhaps having him find an insightful friend with whom he can really open up. Once the poisons are purged from his body and his behavior stabilizes, he would then discover in himself strong feelings of envy and confusion: he sees girls as his love interest and, at the same time, would love to be female, himself. Bitter in his envy and suffering from his confusion, and seeing no way to be him (or her) self in his family, his father becomes his model for how to cope with the pain. Here, then, begins the journey where s/he becomes the person s/he needs to be, instead of being the angry son of an angry father.

More stories are being written about M2F TGs who love girls, these days, but I can recall only one (and vaguely, at that), which even mentioned the painful confusion of wanting to be with a particularly attractive girl and, at the same time, wanting to be her. I haven’t read any that really explore the feelings of deprivation and envy, of wanting to have and manifest that attractiveness rather than just being left to admire (and even worship) it…usually from afar…and the further confusion of wanting to attract girls with it.

Anyway, this is not even a suggestion for Glass, just me using this space to air some thoughts. But if you see anything here that appeals to you, please feel free to help yourself. :)