I drove despite Tom’s protests, he asked me what had happened to Simon. “I didn’t actually see it, I was ahead of him up a hill and waiting for him, and he didn’t arrive. I got cold waiting so went back to see where he was. I spotted his bike alongside the door to a pub and assumed he’d got fed up and went for a drink. I was so angry, I didn’t think he’d come off.”

“You do seem to be on a short fuse these days.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I try to control it while Mima is around, but at times it just evades all my efforts.”

“I’ve noticed that you tend not to be so volatile when Mima is around.”

“I so desperately want her to stay with us.”

“I think you’ve done a good job so far, and I think the judge tended to agree with me.”

“Yes, but it will be decided on points of law, not the well being of Mima.”

“Maybe, he struck me as a shrewd old bird.”

“I suspect my transgenderism will count against us.”

“Why, he seemed to think it was unimportant, or relatively.”

“Yeah, but when he gets back to his chambers and has a think, he’ll go with the majority prejudice and decide I’m some sort of freak or pervert.”

“I don’t agree, Cathy. I think your counsel dealt with it brilliantly and he seemed to agree with it. Didn’t he say something like, ‘You seemed to have made the right decision.’ I thought he was quite impressed with you.”

“I don’t know what he thinks, but I shall in a few weeks, if I can stay sane.”

“Just enjoy having her while it lasts. Even if he let you keep her, her mother could turn up at any moment and take her back.”

“I know, that worries me too.”

“She isn’t yours, Cathy, you only have her for a limited time–enjoy it.”

“I know, and what you say makes such sense, but she has really got under my skin, I think I love her–as much as if she were my own.”

“She’s certainly quite a character, is this the pub?”

“Gosh, yes,” I’d nearly missed it, and just managed to turn into the car park. I pulled in as close to the bike as I could. “Ah good, it’s still there.”

We entered the pub and the landlord waved us through to the kitchen. Simon was sitting drinking coffee with the landlady. “Hi, babes, Tom. June, this is Tom Agnew, professor of biology at the uni, my lovely woman, you’ve already met.” We all nodded at each other.

“How’s the patient?” I asked Mrs Wiggins.

“He’ll live, but his knee is quite swollen.”

“I think it might be worth going home via casualty.”

“I think it might be too, Lady Catherine.”

“Please, everyone calls me Cathy, including Tom’s spaniel.”

“Thanks, would you like a drink?”

“No thanks, I’m driving and I never mix the two.”

“Yes, of course. Good policy.”

“I hope he hasn’t had anything either, in case they need to do anything to his leg.”

“Only a cuppa.”

I knew that could compromise things too, but I didn’t say anything. “Come on, tiger, let’s see if you can weight bear.”

Simon stood up and with difficulty moved to the door of the kitchen. I let him put his arm over my shoulder and I supported him out to the car, he sort of hopped as much as anything. He was also grunting and groaning, and sweating–it was hurting.

Tom had removed the wheels from the bike and stashed it in the boot of the car, then he came to help me with Simon. “Are we going to the hospital?”

“I’ll be all right,” Simon volunteered.

“Yes, we are. I want them to X-ray the knee make sure nothing has torn or broken in there.”

“They won’t know anyway,” said Simon, “Just take me home.”

“Get in the car, hop-along,” I exhorted, as I helped him slide across the back seat, he squeaked a bit again. I knew for certain he needed to see a doctor, and he was going to whether he liked it or not.

“Hey, this isn’t the way home,” Simon complained as we entered the hospital complex. I drove to A&E, and then went to find a wheel chair, Tom and I manhandled him into it, and I gave the keys to Tom to park the car while I pushed our reluctant patient into the waiting area.

It was quite quiet and we were seen within about ten minutes, at least to take details.

“You were knocked off your bike by a white van, sir?”

“Yes, the mirror caught me.”

“Did he stop?”

“No, he drove off rapidly.”

“Did you get the number?”

“No I was lying in the road under my bike.”

“Do you think he did it deliberately?”

“I don’t know, Sister.”

“Any witnesses?”

“Some bloke crossing the road helped me into the pub to wait for Cathy.

“Who’s Cathy?”

“I am,” I replied.

“You didn’t see anything?”

“No, I was further ahead.”

“Are you a relative?”

“Yes, she’s my wife,” said Simon, very quickly.

“Okay, you can wait with the patient. We have to inform the police as you were involved in a road traffic accident and have been hurt. The driver is now guilty of an offence.”

“I get the impression, it won’t worry him or her,” said Simon, then groaned as she touched his leg.

“Sorry, I’m going to have to cut your pants, you have a hole in them anyway.” She snipped away and Simon grunted, once because her scissors were cold. I stood and held his hand, he was being brave–well, almost.

A doctor came in took one look, tore off the plaster which had Simon squeal and jump, “Sorry about that,” said the doctor, “X-rays please, Sister, we’ll need antibiotics too, Fluclox two fifties. Is your tetanus up to date?”

“I think so, I think they gave me one when I got shot.”

“You’ve been shot?” asked the doctor, his eyebrows nearly disappearing into his hair line.

“Yes, we were out checking on dormice, her fault,” he pointed with his thumb at me, “some poachers, thought we were deer and fired at me.”

“I thought dormice were protected?” said the doctor.

“They are, sadly field biologists aren’t.” I said and squeezed his hand.

“You’re biologists?” asked the doctor.

“She is, I’m in banking.”

“You are?” asked the doctor to me directly, ”fascinating, and you study dormice?”

“She’s one of the leading experts in Europe.”

“You don’t happen to know the girl on youtube, do you, the one where the dormouse goes down her blouse, that is so funn…oh, sorry, I didn’t recognise you.” I felt my colour rise like a rocket, and within milliseconds was blushing like a red balloon. Why do they always know that clip?

A porter arrived and I walked with Simon as we were taken down to Diagnostic Imaging. Tom waved to us from the A&E waiting room. We waited while they found the duty radiographer, she was having her evening meal in the staff restaurant.

She arrived some ten minutes later and I waited while Simon was irradiated, or his knee was. They can’t have used enough, because he neither glowed in the dark nor had changed into Spiderman. I think I was more relieved than disappointed. Someone who glowed in the dark would be hell to sleep with–he’s bad enough now, snoring and snorting and releasing his flatulence.

The porter came again, and I was given the films to carry back to A&E. We waited with Tom, who was trying to drink the most revolting cup of coffee I had ever seen. In the end he dumped it in the bin. Half an hour later, we were called again and I went with our patient to see the doctor.

He had the film on a light box and showed it to us. “I can’t see anything broken, but it looks badly sprained, so you might have torn a ligament or the cartilage. Make an appointment with orthopaedics outpatients for Monday, I’ll give you antibiotics and some painkillers. Anything you can’t take?

“Not to happy with lager, too gassy…” Simon was pulling his leg.

“I meant with the tablets.”

“No, doc, I can take anything as far as I know.”

“Okay, these are quite strong painkillers, so no alcohol, okay?”

“I’ll see he doesn’t,” I volunteered.

“Thank you Mrs Dormouse, where’s the best place to see them in this part of the world? My kids would love to.”

“The university, give me a ring on this number,” I wrote down my mobile number, “and I’ll try to arrange sometime that’s mutually convenient.”

“Hey, that’s really good, thanks in advance.”

“Most of them are hibernating, but I might have one who’s awake.”

“Spike?” said Simon.

I nodded.

“Isn’t that the dog in Tom and Jerry?” asked the doctor.

“She is something of a dorweiler,” I said trying to keep a straight face.

“She’s not the one who jumped down your…”

“She is, she also savaged one of our technicians.”

“Wow, I thought they were harmless little things.”

“I thought the same about her,” said Simon nodding at me, “look at me, twisted knee, been shot and I’m broke–all since I met her.”

“You forgot celibate,” I said as I strode out of the treatment room, the doctor snorting behind me.