CHAPTER 44
I didn’t notice, but Barry had fumbled his mobile out of his stab vest pocket.

“Yeah. Barry, Traffic, Yeah. Can you get up the greasy? I think one of yours needs taking home”

He then just sat and held me till Sammy was there, with Blake and Candice, and I wondered what had bloody happened to ‘Police, Professional’ as the team blonde walked me into the ladies’.

“This getting to be a habit, girl. No. No shame, is it? We’ve just had a shitty case, and you’ve now been through it twice, so sit, breathe, come back to us. When you’re ready, talk, yes?”

I could feel my whole body trembling in waves, like the dry sobs of a six-year-old after a tantrum, and if I could feel it, she certainly could.

“When you are ready, girl. Not before. All the time you need. Breathe, and then we’ll get you back to our place. Among friends, yeah?”

I pulled the shakes into me, away from my body by pure bloody-mindedness, and when I was able to stand alone she led me by the hand to our little world, a place without burning cars, dead babies and girls shoved off bridges.

Dear god, what state must she have been in? How many vehicles?

No. Not now. If it had poleaxed Adam. I didn’t need to know the details

Tea was in my hands, an arm around my shoulders, concern in the faces I trusted so well, and Candice asked me, softly, if I wanted to talk.

“Sorry, mates. Just had some shitty news, and on top, yeah? Just took my balance away”

Sammy was there. Gentler than ever.

“Yeah, Barry gave us the gen. You cared for that lad, didn’t you?”

The tears were back. “Fuck, aye! Decent bloke, decent copper, and he just kept getting hammered! I was at one of the really bad ones, yeah? Dead baby, mam screaming and sobbing at the same time, and then he’s in hospital, more shit. Why is it always the good ones, Sammy?”

He sighed. “Because the bad ones, the lazy ones, the bastards like the two we locked up, they’re always able to find something else to do that keeps them out of the way, keeps them safe. I remember Adam, and he was never like that. Nor are you. Trouble is, it leaves scars, and they need time to heal. You haven’t had that, have you? You missed half the bloody trial, for starters! Now, drink your tea, leave your computer off and your desk alone. Blake will take you home, and you come back here only when he’s happy”

I started to protest, and he just put a finger to my lips.

“We all know about you two, and the trial’s over, so fuck’em. You go home, you take the time you need, and you bring DC Owens back to her mates with a clear head and no shame in her. Got me? Blake?”

“Yeah?”

“Slap me if I’m cheeky, but I think she needs to go HOME home, not to a flat. Could you give her parents a shout, just so they know to expect her? And you, you come back only when you know she’s OK. Call it special leave with pay for short-term care of a family member”

“But I’m not…”

“Oh, piss off, lad, and stop arguing. You two are just about family, so you’re both signed off until as and when. Got me?”

He turned back to me, his voice soft again.

“And as for family, this here, this team, we are all family. No embarrassment in families, no shame, no apologies for being human, for caring, for being an honourable, real police officer. Go home. Wash, breathe, whatever you need, and come back to us with a smile. Got me? Right. Get rid of her, Blake”

My gentle man left me in silence for the first ten minutes of the drive, but it was me that had to break it.

“Sorry, love”

“No apologies. We agreed”

“No, I meant about Adam. I should have mentioned him”

He smiled, in one of those lightning-quick glances he gave so rarely when driving.

“From what I gather, you didn’t even go out together, so what’s to tell?”

“I nearly asked him out once”

“So?”

“He was already looking to get over to England, get married? I would have looked really stupid”

“Don’t think so, love. If he was sound enough for you to like him that much, he’d have understood”

“Yeah, but I should have told you!”

“Diane Owens, I know all that I need to know about you, all I need to love you, and I do, heart and soul, aye? Anything more is a bonus, something for the future, for us together, aye?”

He pulled sharply into a lay-by, and killed the engine, turning in his seat to face me.

“Whatever we have, we’ll share. Whatever’s to find out, discover, we’ll discover together. I know who you are, and that is all I need. So think about what Sammy said, and we will move on. Now, should we stop at the supermarket on the way in? Pick up some beers, and more bloody hot chocolate? What started that kick off, anyway?”

“Talk while we drive?”

And give me a chance to pull some of my emotions back, before I dragged him out of the car and, well, stuff.

I knew, right then, as I had never known before, that I had the right man there with me, teasing, gentle, mine.

We did the rounds of the massive place off Stirling Road, and picked up the drinks plus a beef joint for a family meal, along with the bits and pieces to go with it, and he laughed as he made sure he had enough toiletries for himself, as well as a pair of pyjamas.

“I wasn’t exactly expecting to do this, was I?”

“Well, you’ll need something for Venice, isn’t it? Hell, I’ll need a passport!”

“Details, details. We can pop round the Post Office, get a form while we’re off, aye?”

“Yes, master!”

He kissed me, just then, and I found my smile again.

Mam was in when we arrived, and just took me in her arms for a while before doing the same with Blake.

“What’s with all the bags?”

“Di insisted on a shopping spree, Dot. Typical woman”

“Well, get it into the fridge. Kettle’s on”

She turned to me.

“And you, no silliness with running back to work. We sit tonight, we talk through what we do now. Door is closing on all that nastiness, so we see what we can find for the future. Dad and me, we’ve got a few classes planned. Basic Eye-tie, isn’t it? And Dad, typical man, so one up to the girls, Blake, and your ‘typical woman’ rubbish. Dad’s been buying bloody guidebooks!”

From one family to another. Dad brought in fish and chips (and we buttered some bread, of course), we had a couple of beers each, and Blake talked them through the trial with relish and no little humour. I found myself wishing I had been in the right state of mind not just to see Janice Jeffries’ starring performance, but actually to have said thank you properly. Blake was almost telepathic.

“I’ll run you out to see her one day, love”

Dad looked hard at Blake when he had finished his account.

“Not wanting to ask, am I? But this isn’t finished, is it? No, say nothing, son. I don’t want to put you in an awkward position, so I will say what I think, and you can answer how you like”

Both of us nodded, and Dad continued.

“What happened was slick. That bastard wasn’t just doing something for the first time, he had it down pat. He’d done it before, and I will bet he did it again. You don’t have to say. But this is what I believe, and it’s that there are more victims in the pipeline waiting their turn to piss on him like he pissed on my little girl. So you two take your time, catch your breath, whatever you need. This home is your home. Always been hers, son, so it’s yours now”

Blake was blushing, so I mentioned the new pyjamas, and Mam asked me if my boy knew where the laundry basket lived. Mood broken, but not forgotten, never forgotten. I would have to remember to ring Deb to apologise and let her know how it had all gone, so that we could do as Dad had guessed. I started to laugh at the thought of Charlie confronting Evans, and in doing so I realised she was no different to me. I had smiled and nodded to Pritchard as his eyes widened.

Not the same little girl now, am I? Neither was Charlie.

“Di?”

“Oh! Sorry, Dad! I was miles away”

“You all right?”

“Yeah. Yes, definitely. I was just thinking about what you said”

“Ah. I will look forward to when you can tell us, then. Now, I got this map of the lagoon from…”

Mam was right. Men, books and maps. Two of us cleared away the wrappings and condiments, and then we settled down in front of the telly, which ended up tuned to some fly-on-the-wall documentary about Customs, largely filmed in Gatwick, before Mam stuck in a DVD of one of the Harry Potter films.

Lightweight, comfortable, comforting, and exactly what I needed.

Something was niggling at me, though, something in the back of my mind.

‘Woodruff’, Barry had said. The woman who had stirred up the local force. Not the commonest of names, and I had heard it somewhere else, recently…

The character Dad insisted on calling ‘Hermy-wan’, or on really bad and silly occasions, ‘Hermy-wan Kenobe’, was lecturing the ginger one on some magic trick or other, and it came back to me. A very refreshed Inspector Powell, talking about her sister, and it was there.

The ‘girl like her’, used to play rugby against their cousin. Something Woodruff. Could it be? I needed to talk to Barry first, then Elaine. If Elaine knew her, she might be able to find out how Adam was doing.

Oh. I had missed the end of the film, and my parents were getting up ready to hit the sack. Leave it till tomorrow to think about, DC Owens. I kissed them goodnight, did the same to Blake, and settled down in bed after all the necessary washing and brushing that I might occasionally ‘forget’ when in my flat but didn’t dare at home. Light off, I could still see the faces. Pritchard, starting to sweat as he realised who I was, and Ashley Evans, who was simply having difficulty remembering which one I was. Elaine, flushed, slumped and talking with a soppy smile about her sister.

I didn’t see Blake’s face, though, because it was dark when I slipped into his room at two o’clock in the morning and stood by his bed, not knowing what to do.

He did, though, and pulled down the cover as he slid across to the other side.

He was warm, and gentle, and simply held me till I slept.