The Crush: Rule No.12

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How many times are you going to watch that show?

The question was almost rhetorical. She didn’t fit the demographic at all. A twelve year old girl with one sister and a mom living in a small, two bedroom trailer on an acre of property in upstate New York.

She stared at the frozen image; a black and white segue between scenes, it was comforting. As things morphed back to animated color, she noticed the return of a character. One of several who stood between her and the handsome man she ‘crushed’ on enough to leave her in tears when each episode concluded. A rival? Nah... Just another former cast member returning from the dead or from far away via a repeat. And they weren’t really rivals other than for the attention of the man on the screen.

She knew he wasn’t real. At least not that real. But he was handsome and brave and … she couldn’t say it…. Another rule to keep?

What about the younger man…the younger men. They were nice, of course, and certainly more handsome than anyone in her seventh grade math class. Much more appealing than the boys she knew from her gaming circle. But not like him. She smiled and blinked back tears.

Would you just stop? You know how much (fill in the blank) hates that!

She didn’t blame her mother. If she was lonely, how much more for a woman with a go-nowhere job and an ex who went somewhere and never returned. So (fill in the blank) had his way. And the girl spent more time away when he was around. That meant less time with the man on the screen, but she made up for it when (fill in the blank) cheated one more time or just left like everyone else. Or when she binged on all-day episodes

She sighed, wondering what it would feel like to be held in the strong embrace of the kind man. She looked at the girl with the dark hair and tattoos and realized that girl was exactly who and where and when she wanted to be. To be held and kissed on the cheek and valued. Maybe as the child who was born in a hospital in Rochester, New York? Or maybe the boy who was finally reborn as a girl eleven months, one week, and four days ago in her therapist’s office in Henrietta?

Either way, the crush was never a crush to begin with. She might grow up wanting to marry a man just like the man on the television. That idea that even a transgender girl has the same hopes and dreams just like other twelve-year-old girls. To have a man in her life just like him? To have friends just like his. Even to follow all of his rules; spoken, written or otherwise implied.

But for now, for her and her sister, she hoped against hope that her mother would finally kick the once and future (fill in the blank) to the curb and bring home a father for them just like Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

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Comments

Thank you 'Drea,

The stuff that dreams are made of , written beautifully as always .

ALISON

If only ...

... Gibbs could finally get past his long-ago loss and retake the parts of his life he's walled off, he'd make the kind of terrific Dad your heroine is looking for.

Very, very good work, Drea! *smile, hug*

Well, she could have come up

Well, she could have come up with a better man for her mom that Gibbs. He is honorable, dedicated, smart, and from all I know treats women with lots of respect and values their opinions. Just ask Abby. :-)

Hello Janie,

Hello Janie,

Well, she could have come up with a better man for her mom that Gibbs.

Don't you mean "Well, she could NOT have come up with a better man for her mom than Gibs."?

Regards,

Dave.

Dunno how

Podracer's picture

Drea does it. But I'm glad she does.
I think my missus had less-than-daughterly feelings for Gibbs..

"Reach for the sun."

The Only Thing

joannebarbarella's picture

I've got against him is that dreadful hairstyle!

Uh Huh, But

How would you like to go through life with everyone saying, "He's a good actor, but he didn't win a Heisman"? And, he was No. 7.

Jill

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Whew!!!

Talk about bringing back bitter sweet memories!!!

In need of some dark chocolate...

Da Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrat

PKB_003b.jpg

I Never Watched NCIS

littlerocksilver's picture

Had to look it up. Great story, anyway. I was thinking of Jethro on the Beverly Hillbillies, another show that wasn't on my must watch list; although I did catch a glimpse now and then. Regardless, another excellent, thought provoking piece.

Portia

NCIS...

Sadarsa's picture

NCIS, while the show was pretty good. Some of the stuff they did,said, or explained was completely wrong to the point of comedy. It was fairly obvious the script writters didnt have the first clue of what they were writting about.

Like, omg, our systems are being hacked... why dont i just unplug this *one* terminal in the *network*... that'll put a stop to it!

~Your only Limitation is your Imagination~

Almost sounds like the mom really COULD use a "Gibbs,"

But more along the lines of the head-smack than the man, given her apparent lack of concern for her kids.

Still, I really liked the twist at the end. I'd been thinking she was watching some soap opera the entire time, and was a bit worried, but seeing who it is she's looking up to so much? Yeah, good choice girl :D

Melanie E.