Can an idea or concept be too dark?

A word from our sponsor:

Printer-friendly version

Author: 

Caution: 

Blog About: 

Warning: Wall-O-Text

So, can a story be too dark? You see, I read some stuff from Tigger and some other stories (I don't know why i like 'punishment' stories so much. They usualy make me sad. i guess i'm an emotional masochist) and i thought occured to me.

In stories where a rapist is punished, it's always some random person getting punished by by the victim/victim's family/victim's friends. But I then wondered, 'what if you know the rapist personally'?

So my head constructed this concept of a seventeen year old boy who had grown up being best friends with his neighbor, a girl who is fairly attractive. The girl's mother is very strong willed but is very fond of the boy, having helped care for and even to a degree raise the boy all his life.

So these two families are very tightly knit, but the boy is very attracted to his childhood friend.

One night the two of them go to a party and both get really drunk. SHe passes out in a bedroom and him, with his inhibitions gone, takes advantage of her.

He then promptly passes out.

Understandably, the girl is enraged, hurt and betrayed. She tells her mom who talks to the boy's mother and father. The fact that the girl's mother helped raise the boy and still cares for him (even now) is the only reason he isn't taken to jail.

However, both sets of parents agree that this cannot go unpunished. THe boy's parents do not want to have a rapist for a son.

So the boy is given a choice: face the justice system where his parents will not back him up nor defend him...or submit to his neighbor's personal style of justice.

He doesn't truly have a choice.

He is moved into the neighbor's house, fully aware that his parents know everything that will happen and support it all completely, and he lives in the basement. He only has a bed and bathroom and closet. The door is kept locked at all times unless he is being taken somewhere.

THe goal was to simulate the emotional anguish and torment his childhood friend is going through without actually raping him, for both parents (and the childhood friend) agree that raping him would make them no better.

Inspired by Tigger, what follows is roughly two to three weeks of carefully constructed illusions to simulate the emotional torment. Much like in tigger's story's they are only supposed ot make him feel vulnerable, hurt and alone and humiliated.

one Idea I had was that he is forced to serve, cross-dressed, at a bar where a family friend (of the neighbor's side) accosts him. He's never raped or molested but he's groped a lot and due to not wanting to be revealed as a cross-dressed boy, he is forced to take it without saying a word. This shows him humiliation and shame and helplessness.

Another idea is that he is made to model clothes while blindfolded and he hears people laughing and calling him names. What he doesn't realize ist he stage where he is modelling is entirely empty and the sounds are all stock, carefully constructed to make him think that he is facing a mocking audience.

This makes him feel shame, helplessness and humiliation again.

There are several of these but the last one is both a final punishmenta nd to showcase that feeling of absolute betrayel that his childhood friend had. She specifically requested this and her mother and the boy's parents were hesitant but ultimately bowed to her wishes since she is the victim in this.

One of his meals is drugged and he passes out. When he wakes up, he has undergone a forced sex change and breast augmentation surgery. Understandably, he (now she) is in shock.

The two families then speak to her explaining why this is necessary. They then stress that they ultimately care for her and don't want her to grow up to be a thug or a rapist. They also explain that this is her chance to start over fresh and it was also the victim's right to choose this punishment.

Now both families are aware how...traumatizing this has been for the new girl, but they don't realize how traumatizing. He has been out cold for about a week and needs another for recovery during which time both families watch him closely.

The childhood friend feels...better, seeing the new girl punished so soundly has given her a lot of closure. But this is still her friend and she wants to help her now, as do both sets of parents.

The problem quickly arises however that they can't, or rather she won't let them. The new girl closes up and shuts down, she doesn't really talk to anyone or discuss her feelings or thoughts. She is empty and broken: they can't get passed the massive walls she has built.

Now originally this story kind of went off in the direction of the Arrow series from netflix from here, but I decided that it didn't make much sense so i went with a different ending.

One where the new girl works as a stripper making frankly emberassing amounts of money but the job is demeaning. In spite of their best efforts, neither the childhood friend nor the parents are able to reach her emotionally to get her to listen to them. She's been broken by this and while she will never harm another preson as they wanted, she also didn't recovery from the experience.

The ending is...bleak, dark.

After I finished prepping this story, I stopped and looked at it and realized how miserable of a tale it was, how dark and depressing. I became extremely hesitant to start writing it out of fear that it would trigger some people, that others would get angry. I even considered having the new girl committ or attempt suicide (still isn't off the table either), as I coudln't see this having any happy ending.

So...have I gone too far here? is this story too dark, too depressing and too bleak? IS it too much for this site?

Comments

my advice

Alecia Snowfall's picture

write your story but include a disclaimer. I do that. Sometimes certain of my stories don't really need it in my opinion but I include it anyway due to the whole series. Some may be drawn to your story, others may not but with a disclaimer they will have a better idea as to the content and its nature.

quidquid sum ego, et omnia mea semper; Ego me.
alecia Snowfall

can you think of a way i

licorice's picture

can you think of a way i might make the ending less...miserable without compromising the tone?

Discussing

Andrea Lena's picture

and exploring AND commenting via exposition and dialogue the reasoning/beliefs that motivated both sets of parents? Revealing flaws and/or assets you might find? So your families do become sympathetic even if the reader may make other conclusions on their actions? Contrasting what they actually intended even as the consequences are much different than they envisioned? Exactly how wrong she believes them to be against how they all feel?

One of the most devastating things that was ever done to me was done by someone who loved me, but whose good intentions were lost in horrible judgement, so I already identify with him/her.

However you go, I look forward to reading what looks like a very compelling piece.

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

Definitely Dark and Depressing

Daphne Xu's picture

I don't think that it's too dark to be written. Probably not even for this site. If anything is really too dark, it's stories where the author is clearly sadistically gleeful, and lots and lots of savagery is written. I actually prefer endings where the punisher is left regretting his/her punishment, perhaps in tears over the consequences. The punishers might even be more distressed over what they did than the original crime.

I'm going to say, don't censor yourself.

-- Daphne Xu

-- Try saying freefloating three times rapidly.

Curiously

erin's picture

I had a thought recently that led to a story plot that I am considering developing. It is quite a dark idea, though entirely different from yours. My thought right now is that I am not the right person to write this story as I am not particularly good at creating villains. In fact, I have two or three stalled stories on my drives where I ran up against this very limitation.

Once you have decided that a person is capable of some transgressive act, how do you draw a boundary around what they will not do? It's a problem.

Good luck.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Villains

Melanie Brown's picture

Villains are fun to write! Sometimes it's hard to stop before they become a cartoon though.

Uncle Frank the zombie pedophile

laika's picture

Not all villains are fun to write. When I wrote my Christmas horror story THE SILENCE OF THE NIGHT ( http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/24405/silence-night ) I had to get inside the head of a sadistic pedophile, a monstrously selfish man with not a single redeeming quality. it was absolutely disgusting and I went around feeling like I was going to puke every time I wrote a passage dealing with him. Like I couldn't take enough showers to get clean again.

I wrestled with the question of "just how sick do I really want to make this" and decided to use Stephen King as my measuring stick, how dark would he make this passage? Then I turned it back half a click from King at his darkest, just to make sure. I also asked myself WHY THE HELL AM I WRITING THIS? That was absolutely the most important question. If it was just going to be some sick titillation or proving that I could do dark and shocking, or the perversity of a Christmas horror story, that wouldn't be enough of a reason and I should toss it out. So I made the whole point about how a person can recover from that kind of abuse, and fast-forwarding to her post-transition adulthood, gave the heroine a happy ending. (I also found it very gratifying to kill Uncle Frank in a very gruesome fashion TWICE over the course of the story. Hee hee!)

And just in case the Silence of the Lambs allusion in the title wasn't enough to warn readers that this was going to be a pretty fucked up little story, I gave it a hell of a trigger warning:

TRIGGER WARNING: ALTHOUGH THIS NIGHTMARE TALE EVENTUALLY PROVES TO HAVE A POINT TO IT BEYOND SOME DUBIOUS NOTION OF ENTERTAINMENT, AND ALTHOUGH PHYSICAL RAPE IS NEVER PORTRAYED IN ANY DETAIL; THE LONG SEQUENCE IN WHICH MIKEY/MICHELLE IS LURED INTO A PERVERT’S CAR AND IS ABDUCTED, THREATENED, MOCKED AND TERRORIZED MIGHT HIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME FOR SOME READERS. IF YOU'RE CONCERNED OVER HOW YOU'D REACT TO READING ABOUT SUCH THINGS IT'S PROBABLY BEST TO SKIP THIS ONE.

...because the last thing I want to do is hurt anybody with my story.
Happy Holidays,
Veronica

Not too dark at all...

Not at all, but I will say that if that was done to someone, I do think they would go through some serious PTSD. After all, the boy is literally ending up having dysphoria.

If the story drives you to write it, then write it

Personally, I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole, but I'm sure there are many on this site who like to get depressed about this kind of thing.

Just make certain there are warnings about what the reader is getting in to.

Dark Stories

Melanie Brown's picture

I'll just say to you what others tell me when I question the subject of my own stories, and that is just write the story you want to write. If for nothing else than to clear whatever emotion is inspiring the story. Your readers will tell you if you crossed any lines. I've seen several stories here when I thought the author went too far down a dark path. Even my latest story I had some people tell me they couldn't finish it because of the subject. Not every painting is pretty or intended to be, and not every story is happy. But keep in mind that stories than end in frustration are usually unsatisfactory. So there needs to be some change that happens to your characters.

I think the thing you need to ask yourself is ...

... what would causing a character this much pain do to you?

You wrote me and asked me to save the pain demons from my novel No Obligation because you felt the punishment inflicted on them was way too awful. I'm working that into the next chapter of No Rules right now because I thought you were right.

The boy from your story was not a bad person. He was drunk, as was the girl he raped. And from your set-up of the story, he's never done anything like this before (and would probably not do it again). If the fate of my pain demons (who fed off pain inflicted by magic on others) was too terrible for you to contemplate, imagine how it would feel for you as the author (and God of your particular story world) to be responsible for putting your boy through a hell from which there is no escape?

Remember, "with great power comes great responsibility," and as the writer, you are responsible for the imaginary pain you inflict. From our correspondence, I know how injustice makes you feel. So write it if you feel you have to, but remember how you felt when others hurt characters you cared about (and even, in the case of the pain eaters, blatantly sadistic monsters).

I don't want you to hurt yourself while you're inflicting that level of punishment on a boy who made one drunken mistake.

Much love, hon, *hugs*

Randa

You are entirely right. I

licorice's picture

You are entirely right. I HATE dark endings and this is too much, I'm trying to work out a way for it to be happier. Maybe my superhero ending isn't such a bad idea afterall.

I want this to have hope and happiness at the end.

My two cents

Sometimes a dark story needs to be written. It would be prudent to include a disclaimer and perhaps your own personal thoughts on the matter and why you felt compelled to write in such a dark fashion. What he did was terrible act but the revenge ultimately taken by his "best friend" and their parents is on the verge of making them true monsters.

When you have the "new girl" shut down and withdraw into herself despite the best efforts of her friend and family. You could perhaps have where she is thinking about suicide, but decides against it and runs away. Then you could have her best friend find the instruments that the new girl was going to use (pills, gun, etc) and starts her self reflection that she had done and unlike him she was sober.

While on the run the new girl could be sexually assaulted and her family eventually finds her at the hospital. You then could have them all reevaluate their actions and then start fresh and perhaps give a indication that while the story doesn't have a happy ending there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Your stripper ending is better

Why should the families get a nice closure, make them live with the consequences of their actions, he was never an evil person, a punishment that comes to an end is ok if it leaves no lasting damage and leaves him a better person but this was always going to be a tragedy, both parties were drunk and although the law says he is solely responsible, the fact that he regrets it and is truly remorseful means all subsequent actions are evil the parents should be made to face the fact that their actions were truly evil and live with it