dorothycolleen's blog

I'm going to have Sam twice a week

So because Sharon has been unable to get a caregiver for Sam, she's going to have to come here twice a week on the days Sharon works.

On the one hand, I love seeing Sam, and I'm sure she's not unhappy to spend time with me and mom.

On the other hand, this means me getting 1 mental health day a week is going to be impossible, and I worry I am not going to be able to provide the activity level she needs.

I think she needs someone who can keep up with her, not a crippled Dad.

Well, we'll just have to do our best.

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has my life gotten too good for me to write?

In order to tell the story I want to, I have to tell a different one first.

A long time ago there was a TV show, called "Love, American Style".

The show was an anthology, each week presenting a different story about the perils and joys of being in love.

And on this show there was an episode where a singer known for his sad songs about heartbreak and loneliness found a girl, and then discovered he couldn't write sad songs, or indeed any songs.

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I had a mixed day yesterday

So I had a mixed day yesterday.

I got some good news from my endo doc, as I'm losing weight, and my blood pressure is really good.

Sadly I am still struggling with my blood sugar so he's going to tweak my meds to see if we can make some progress there.

Then we took Sharon and Sam out for a bit, and its still a joy to see Sam talking and laughing again.

But then my knee tweaked, and I was in serious pain with only a Tylenol to try and dull it.

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had a self-care day

Okay so I took a self-care day today.

First, I shaved my face, a task which can be difficult for me, as I get caught in a catch 22 - I hate shaving, but I hate the facial hair too.

Then I went to a local pool and swam for about an hour and a half.

Then mom and I went out for brunch, and after brunch I got my hair cut.

Its shorter, but I think it still looks feminine and kind of cute, actually.

So that was my self-care day.

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sometimes, you have to know when to pick your battles

So tomorrow morning, my mom is going out for breakfast with one of my uncles.

I've made the choice to not come with, because he apparently has a problem with trans people.

And as he is almost 90, and dying of cancer, I think I'll skip making a scene.

Sometimes, you got to know when to pick your battles - and when its best to withdraw

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had a bit of a breakdown last night

Okay so last night at about 2 AM, the building's fire alarm went off, and while this has happened several times since we move in, most of the time it turns out to be nothing.

Not this time.

We could actually smell smoke, and as the elevators were out of service mom and I carefully made our way down the stairs to the lobby.

By the time we got there, the firefighters had gotten out the fire, and were taking someone to the hospital, possibly due to smoke inhalation.

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Sam is showing signs of improvement

So we went out to help Sharon and Sam get some stuff done, and Sam was clearly doing better.

She took my mom's arm when they went into the grocery store, she laughed and smiled at one of my dad jokes, and she waved and used a kind of sign language to communicate.

I hope this improvement continues.

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got a boost from a four-legged friend

Okay so the last couple of days I have really been struggling with depression and also having stomach issues, and it was getting to be a bit much.

Then today we went over to my aunt Terry's house, and met her new dog, a retriever mix named Rocky.

And he turned my day around.

gave lots of kisses, wanted to be petted often, just the thing I needed.

I am grateful for these moments.

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Stress and grace

So going into yesterday I was looking at having a ton of "to do" things on my schedule until the end of the year, and I was getting kind of stressed about it.

Then life added another item to the list.

One of the tires on my car started losing air.

After frantically phoning around, I was getting to the point where I was wondering how I would get anything done if I couldn't get the tire fixed.

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I found an award-wining (runner up) trans story

Okay so the last time I was over at Mike and Carol's they were packing up their books, and I took one that was a collection of the Nebula award winners from 1966. (The Nebula awards are presented by SF authors to the best stories of that year.)

One of the runners up was a cute little love story by Frederik Pohl, called Day Million.

The story is about a boy (of sorts), and a girl, and the girl was born a boy.

And the society in which they live, not only recognized her true nature, but had the ability to reshape her body to match her mind and heart.

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a mistake has caught up to me

so I have been using a CPAP machine for a while, and it had done wonders for my sleep apnea.

Unfortunately, it was only a loaner, and I have to return it Friday.

And because of mistakes I made trying to get Alberta Disabled support to cover me for one, I am going to be without one for the foreseeable

There have been a lot of times, I've made massive errors, and somehow avoided consequences, so if this time I am going to pay for my mistakes, so I can't kick too hard.

Still, its gonna suck not having the machine considering how bad my apnea is.

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a cute moment at the mall

Okay so today I was doing a little taxi service for Sharon and Sam, and while they were out shopping in a mall Mom and I went to the food court and got supper.

On our way back to the car, a little boy, maybe about 3 or 4, came up to me and proudly showed off the candy cane he had.

I told him "wow", the kid's dad grinned and kind of blushed, and mom and I went on our way.

Every once in a while, God throughs a little goodness my way, to remind me its not all darkness in the world, and today I really needed it.

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a streak comes to an end with a whimper

Some time after I had been on this site for a while, I realized I had managed to publish at least one story, poem, or essay each calendar month with one exception.

Being the kind of individual I am, it became an obsession to keep this streak going, and honestly, I think the quality of my stories suffered for it.

Well, as of midnight tonight, the streak is over, as I have not been able to produce any content for the month of November.

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advice needed

I really need advice.

I think my ex is taking advantage of me because I have a car, and she often will ask for a ride, only to add 2 or 3 extra stops, or want to spend much more time somewhere than she mentioned before she got into the car.

I put up with a lot because she is the sole caregiver of my disabled daughter, but then today she spent part of the trip insulting both me and my mother and claiming we were going to hell.

I really want to set a boundary here, but I don't know how to without it hurting my daughter.

advice please.

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some good news about Sam

So, we went to Sam's doctor today and got some good news.

Her CT scan showed no problems, which means whatever is wrong with her, it's not being caused by a tumor or a stroke or anything of that kind.

Which means that as was suspected at first, this is a psychological issue, or possibly a chemical imbalance, or maybe a bit of both.

We're a long way from a cure, but I think this was a major step forward.

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my dreams keep getting better

Okay so last night I think I had one of my best dreams ever.

I was an officer of the law, chasing a dangerous criminal in the mountains of British Columbia.

And I was amazing.

Strong, smart, and above all fearless, I overcame obstacles in my way with ease.

Sadly, the dream ended just as I had the bad guy cornered, but I have no doubt that version of me would succeed.,

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a better type of dream

So last night, I dreamed I was a freshman in university, and unlike a lot of my dreams, I was prepared. I had my schedule, a map, and a notebook where I wrote down where each class I was taking was located.

I'm hoping that dream means I am becoming less a victim of circumstances and recognizing I can do things to make my situation better.

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good news, bad news

Well, I just got a bit of good news. the social housing (reduced rent) agency has approved our application, and now we are on the wait list.

might be a while before we're near the top, but since we have a lease here until next June, that's okay.

Unfortunately, I also got a bit of bad news last night. The last few days Sharon, sick and exhausted, has had to phone me to get me to help persuade Sam to eat or drink anything at all.

That clearly cant go on for very long, so we're preparing for the possibility that Sam will need to be hospitalized.

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Sam is getting worse

so yesterday Mom and I helped Sharon and Sam go to a doctor's appointment, and she has apparently been getting worse.

Sharon said she's sleeping poorly, having nightmares, and she had to fight like crazy to get Sam to take a meal replacement drink.

Sam's brain scan on Tuesday can't come soon enough . . ..

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