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New fuses, and a different parent...
So, my therapy session with mom went better than I could have hoped. ^^ I feel rather silly for doubting her, as, despite the fact that we can fight quite easily (our personalities are FAR too similar...), she has always been my strongest advocate.
Not quite so with my dad.
Mom wants me to tell dad, which is fair, and is not pressuring me to do so. Likewise, she promised (both me and dad) that she wouldn't herself (I believe her for a few reasons...). However, as she pointed out, he will eventually find out, and it's better coming from me. Further, she feels that it would be a good idea to tell him before I leave in a little less than two weeks to be with my Lisa, so that he has time to try and assimilate the idea. The multiple-months cooling off period sounds very attractive, to say the least, as does the separation of most of a globe... >.<
So, the challenge is, how do I come out to a man who routinely suppresses his emotions until he lashes out from the stress, which is exacerbated by his poor business sense and the consequences for the family finances, especially given that he and I don't have the best relationship as our personalities are very, very different in a bunch of ways (openness to experience, imagination, and my lack of religious belief compared to his much deeper and very embraced indoctrination)? I've thought about involving my parents' mormon bishop, but I'm not sure that that's a good idea, or that I could do so without it getting back to dad prematurely. >.< I'm pretty sure that involving my therapist again would just make him feel ambushed, which mom agrees would just shut him off automatically. Unfortunately, mom's evaluation of the situation is about like mine: We can't tell how badly he'll take it, except for "not well". It's >very< unlikely that he'd get physically violent (he's only even come close >once<, and only after... pretty severe provocation...), but if anything could push him to that, it'd be this.
So, advice? Words of wisdom/caution? Good wishes? ^^ I'll have to tell him by about midday on the 22nd, as I'm flying out of Salt Lake that evening. Help! ^^
Comments
Write him a letter
even if you don't give it to him it will focus on how you might tell him.
Angharad
An excellent idea!
This was an outstanding suggestion. I know that sitting and putting my thoughts on paper, even in a simple outline form helps me to not only organize them better, but it allows me in some way to externalizing my feelings and deal with them better. I find the simple act of writing to be cathartic, and as Angharad has pointed out already, it truly helps to organize and focus your thoughts.
As she has so astutely stated, even if you never give it to him it will serve the purpose of helping you to determine the way you want to approach it when you do have the discussion.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
As a "mormon" TS myself...
I say you're probably being a little too nervous about going to your parents Bishop. I actually had a good personal relationship to my own, which helped, but still. I called on mine to support me coming out to my parents and he did, with openness and compassion.
RE: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/31223/022-now-wake-up-my-...
RE: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/31388/029-earthly-devoted...
You DEFINITELY don't need to worry about him doing anything stupid with the knowledge like letting it out to your Dad too early even if he doesn't feel he can support you. As a Bishop he is REQUIRED to keep ALL THINGS said to him as regards his religious office fully CONFIDENTIAL. And unlike some people, say whatever else you want about them, but when a Mormon makes a promise you can bet they plan to deliver.
Abigail Drew.
Well wishes are all I have to offer
Parents are tough to deal with. There's no other way to put it, especially when no matter what our relationship with them is, we always want their approval on some deep, personal level.
Is there any way you could talk your dad into taking a vacation too? Not going anywhere with you or anything, but just taking a break for a while so that he can digest the information afterward without any difficulties he has with it affecting your family's finances the way you worry it will. It could be difficult with you planning to leave so soon, but it might help.
And, to give you something positive to look forward to after...
Have fun in Aussie land! Tell Lisa hi for me!
Melanie E.
I'm such a coward...
...but I deferred telling dad till after I get back from Oz. >.<
-Liz
Successor to the LToC
Formerly known as "momonoimoto"