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I'm trying to work up the nerve to get out of my comfort zone, so I was wondering if someone here could give me a nudge.
I've recently learned that the TGI Network of RI has a peer support group that meets on the first and third Tuesdays of every month. I contacted the facilitator and got the information on where to go, but I was too nervous to go to the meeting two weeks ago. The idea of having to reveal my secrets to a bunch of strangers terrifies me even though I know it's extremely unlikely that this group will be anything other than welcoming and accepting. I still haven't convinced myself to attend the meeting tomorrow, despite knowing that it would do me good to have people I could talk to about things my regular friends and family members wouldn't understand.
Can anyone who's gone through a similar situation give me any advice? What did it take to get you over a social hurdle? Or tell me about an awesome experience you've had with a peer support group so I know what I'd be missing out on.
Comments
Go
I really doubt that anyone is going to force you to say what you don't want to say. If they try then tell them you don't want to yet. Or leave. Stand tall.
I actually am envious as there is no such group near here.
Go and good luck.
before someone can 'nudge' you...
You have to stop grabbing the door frame.
Dayna.
k. on the serious side.
for me I had got myself into a nothing to lose place.
I went or I withered. I was tired of withering.
Dayna.
Nudge -> --> --->
Consider yourself nudged. Look, let's play the worse case scenario game. What's the worst thing that could happen? The worst thing that could happen is that there is someone there that you know... or... is that the best thing that could happen??? If there is someone there that you know, why would they be there? Easy answer is that they are in the same place you are and want support. What a great thing you would be doing by being there for them.
Next thing worst thing is they could all laugh at you and tell you that you are in the wrong place and they don't want you there. Not likely.
The next worse thing that could happen is that you go and they ignore you... OK, that's possible, But what did you lose? A Tuesday evening.
OK, now the flip side of the coin. If you go, you'll know for sure that you are not alone. There will be a room full of people right where you are. People who know just what you are going through. People who won't judge you, but accept you just as you are.
Odds are really strong that there will be one or more people there who will become your friend(s) quite possibly your best friend... BFF.
Short story: You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Look, a number of years ago, I decide to quit hiding who I am and start going places as the me that I know I am. OK, I'll never seek SRS and I'll probably never go full time. All of my family knows about me, but not all are comfortable with their friends knowing about me, so I still allow some people to think I'm 100% male. What they don't know is that they've never seen me in anything but women's clothes. When I don't have to be around my family's friends, or at work (another place where I allow people to think I'm 100% male)I wear feminine clothes, not just women's clothes that are masculine cut. I go to my doctor appointments totally feminine; I go grocery shopping, I go clothes shopping (and try on dresses and skirts) I go out to eat all totally femininely dressed.
This decision wasn't easy to make, or easy to do, nor without hiccups. The first time I went out totally en femme, I was scared to death. I marched through the Mall at about six MPH, snapping my head left and right scared to death that someone would read me as a guy in a dress. I don't remember how many trips I made before I worked up enough courage to actually go into a store and then it was just to walk through to the other side.
What finally made me turn the corner was when a woman in a wheelchair looked at me and I knew she read me. She saw the look of fear on my face. She smiled a genuine smile. One that told me, "Yes I know you were born male and it's OK if you dress feminine."
I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times in the last 20 years I've had a less than rewarding experience out in the world as myself with fingers left over. So, if I can do what I did, out in a (what I thought would be) a hostile world, you surely can go to meeting of like minded people.
Stuff you fears and go!!!
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
I did it
I was petrified all day, but I went to the meeting. They were a great group of people. I feel like I'm not quite as sure of my TG status as most of them, but no one treated me like I didn't belong there. I don't know if I'm strong enough to come out publically, but I felt safe with them behind closed doors in a neighborhood where I'm unlikely to run into anyone who knows me.
Yay!
I'm glad for you!
Love, Andrea Lena
I'm delighted to hear that
I'm delighted to hear that you went!
We need to catch up.
Hugs,
Kristy
Congratulations!
I am glad you went and that you enjoyed it.
Keep coming back
That's what they say at the end of AA meetings. But that's what you need to do... Keep going back.
It's get's easier and easier each time. It'll get to a point where when you miss a meeting you'll feel like there's hole in your life that can only be filled by fellowshiping with the girls.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Yea Jenni!
You go girl! Baby steps, a little forward each time, you'll do fine hon. Big Hugs, Taarpa
Ah Jennifer you are asking me to remember ancient times!!
I began my process of transition back in the early part of 1998.
It was a small group of about 12 people. It was a transsexual
support group so all were starting or had been transitioning
for a while. I knew I wanted to but was very scared of what
would happen to me!! I arrived there in boy mode and changed
into my girl clothes. The meeting was nothing special but I
felt I had found kindred spirits!! Then the meeting came to a
close and everyone said come on we are going out to dinner!!
I said I would change and they said go as you are!! I thought
about it knew I would be with a group so I decided to go for it!!
And then I drove to the restaurant. I sat there for 20 minuets
until I could make myself go in! Getting out of my car my knees
were shaking so hard I could hardly walk!! Then I got inside
and they all asked what took so long!! I just mumbled that I took
a little while to decide to come in!! After I sat down the waiter
came over and asked "What can I get you Mame" He was used to our
group and as a gay man was supportive. I just felt so relieved!!
From then on it was easier and easier!! Yes there were bad times
but more and more it worked for me!! Here I sit today fully
transitioned and post-op enjoying my life as my true self!!
It can happen for you too Jennifer, you just have to believe!!!
Hugs,
Pamela
So I’ve been a boy and I’ve been a girl and, trust me, being a girl is better