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Okay, its serious discussion time, but lets keep it friendly, okay?
Can a person change orientation?
I dont mean behaviour. You could be gayer than Elton John and Liberace combined, and still marry a woman because you think you're supposed to, or whatever.
I'm talking about who makes your heart go pitter-pat, who you do a double look at when they walk by. Can that part actually change?
Well, it sure seems like it for me. Growing up, I looked at girls, and while I had a lot of envy in my glances, there was definitely a sense of attraction too.
And I cant ever recall looking at a guy and thinking "yummy" or anything even close to that.
And yet, here I am, making my shaky way through a transition, and suddenly, I'm looking at guys in an entirely new light. And its scary as heck for me, considering my history.
So, can a person change their orientation? And if so, can I change mine back to being only interested in girls?
Please?
Comments
It does not work that way
Dorothy,
If you are taking hormones you are rewiring your brain and learning to process thought patterns as a woman. I have noticed (for myself at least) that not only am I more emotional but I also communicate better, listen better and am kinder and more gentle. That is not to say I did not listen (and ...) before I transitioned ... I listen even better now. I have read ... and I cannot remember where ... that for many that transition they change which sex they are interested in when they transition. For myself ... I am bisexual (I was before I transitioned and after too) ... but because of abuses (way to many) I am much more confortable and trusting of the the "gentler" gender. With that said ... I do look and appreciate a strong man, but I love being with a woman.
Remember ... gender has nothing to do with sexual preference ... and as you rewire your brain .... you are changing who you are ... and what you enjoy.
Hope this helps.
Kendra Manderscheid
(One step at a time is working)
Well, I don't think you do change
what you do, however, is pickup on someone super special to you, no matter what their gender or orientation. Kind of like a gaydar thing. You zero in on them and want to be with them no matter what. And for people for whom gender really matters, it throws them for a loop when they don't realize the presence and aura that person puts out makes them want to be with them. And if they are stuck on avoiding that person's gender or sex, they get frustrated and upset thinking they can't be with them and why is it I like this person when I should like (insert the correct sex here: men or women) ?
If you like someone, you like them. If you want to relate to them something further, go with it and ask them and see if you can start by being friends.
At least that is in the best terms I know how to describe it. But even the hardest nosed people who say they are straight or gay or lesbian only, they DO feel tugs of pain at their heart from some people they pass by of the forbidden sex and I guarantee you they feel it!!!! They won't act on it perhaps, and most likely will hide the fact from others. But everyone experiences situations like that at some point in their lifetime when someone they wouldn't expect to set off their heart racing and the desire to want to be with them.
Why that happens? no clue. But it does.
Love knows no boundry.
Sephrena
In my opinion
No, but it's having the right hormone in our brain that allows us to have the orientation we SHOULD have (Not meaning straight for our gender, but that by being under so much suffering we denied ourselves our chance to like who we really like) which can be lesbian, bisexual, straight, or other you know. Before transition I never really liked anyone, oh sure I dated a couple of other girls but I never found it to be anything like what people said. I wasn't interested in sex with them, I just wanted them to hold me, I just liked the feeling of being loved even if I couldn't a 100% love them back. Oh don't get me wrong, I TRIED to be sexually attracted to other girls but honestly.. I'm not really sexually attracted to anyone. Nor do I really find other girls attractive physically, mentally I've found a few that were nice, but Physically... that's all guys. Guys physically are just.. mmmm <3
I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transgender, Gamer, Little, Princess, Therian and proud :D
I'm wondering if the reason
I'm wondering if the reason you didn't look at men before was because you didn't see yourself as a gay male. It's possible you were a bisexual woman the whole time so when you started transitioning you started realising you could be with men as well. That's what has caused your heart to do the "pitter-patter" for men. I'm also thinking it has to do with the hormones you're taking. You are essentially going through a second puberty. That's probably really bringing your sexual thoughts to the forefront.
Short answer, no, a person can never change their orientation. You're stuck with this for life. You can, however, choose who you want to be with. If, for whatever reason, you don't want to date men then you can simply not date men. Some people who identify as bisexual actually have a preference. A good (male) friend of mine identifies as bisexual and yet he's only ever had boyfriends.
I guess you have to ask yourself why it's bothering you so much. I understand you were a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of a man. That might make this all the scarier. Perhaps it would be best to talk this out with a therapist. Just, for the sake of your own health and well being, don't discuss it with the members of your family who think you're only transitioning because of your rape. They won't help, they'll just see vindication in their weird theories.
Lying to ourselves
Yes, our minds are hopelessly deceitful. We rationalize our way out of things. I was never attracted to guys, though I never had a father figure that was worth a damn, I still wanted a Man in my life to look up to.
When young, I always looked at girls, and was jealous of their clothing and their shape. Of course any good therapist will tell you that my mom did a mindfuck on me giving me a girl's name and then raising me as a girl. What ever it was, I liked it a lot. So when the evil daemon man came into my life, he never did a single thing that I would want to imitate and he used to beat me to death and threaten to kill me. I often thought he did, and the rest of the time I wished he would.
So, when I became a woman, it was guilt be cause I masterbated a lot, a lot. It was guilt because my wife thought I was effeminate, though I used to do every damn thing she asked of me. I did really dangerous work either because of a death wish, or to impress her. Neither worked worth a damn. I think the only more dangerous thing I could have done was to have gone to Afghanistan as a scout.
Now days, I love guys, though I will never have one ... I am just lookin for my Daddy.
Any of you Freud people, don't be afraid of me the only one I am dangerous to is ME.
Gwendolyn
I think you can change, but
I think you can change, but you can't do it consciously.
Good news
You are not attracted to men. It's obvious. You are so repulsed by the idea that you can't get it out of your head because it makes you so sick. You weren't attracted to that guy, when you looked at him your body was remembering that tasty meal you had a few hours ago and your brain combined the two. Phew! Aren't you glad that's over.
That said. Have you thought about getting a cat. There cute and the perfect feminine pet. Even boy cats have a feminine quality, so you don't have to worry about your feline attraction and they like to snuggle too.
In a few weeks you will meet your life partner. Her name is Judy and she use to be a dancer but now she enjoys body building and carpentry. You will live happily ever after, mark my words.
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life
Maybe.
Can a person's attraction to people go through change when they transition? From all I've read and seen, yes.
I've known quite a few M2F individuals who were not attracted to males prior to transition, but were after.
That all said... I don't think it's their basic orientation that changed so much, as that they've allowed themselves to recognize something that may have been there all along. Here's an example: You're brought up believing there are Men and Women, and that men like women and women like men... Period, end of story... Everything else is just crazy. (Yes, I was brought up this way - though not out of hate... Sadly, that's what they believed.) So, if you're TS, you grow up thinking you're a guy (or a girl - but I'll just describe it one way for now) it's not surprising if you only allow yourself to recognize attractions to girls. Once you accept that TS is possible, and you're not unique/crazy and allow yourself to begin to think of yourself as a female, I'd guess that it's not surprising that some allow themselves to realize that they have some level of attraction to guys.
To be honest, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that many more people are truly bi than acknowledge it today. And, I suspect there are varying degrees of attraction to others.
Personally, I've not noted any attraction to guys - even those my daughters/wife describe as "hot". But, I do know others who do find that kind of attraction.
Annette
There is still that expectation for women to be attracted to men
... that may unconsciously push you to 'go ahead and see what my peers like about them'. I know it would be so easier for me if I were het like most other woman and there is a pressure to do so but I give myself a dope slap and I realize where it is all coming from. I CAN understand why man is attractive to a het woman but it is not truly at a gut level of looking at them and saying they are 'hot'. For me their masculine perspective grinds against mine like a person who grinds their gears while shifting a manual transmission. Plus men look like shit when they hit middle age.
Kim
I'm not in that camp...
I'm not in that camp, but I've looked over the fence and wondered if I wanted to go there. For me the answer is no... where I'm at is fine. However in looking I've done a bit of research. Since I wasn't intending to write a paper, I didn't keep track of sources so I could cite them. What I've learned about those who do HRT is that some re-wire the brain in the sexual orientation and some don't.
That is not straight or gay, because let's face it if you totally become a woman and like women, that's gay. If I were to transition, that's where I'd like to be, but since the woman I love has informed me she's not into a lesbian relationship, all the more reason to stay where I am.
But back to the point. Some people simply change preference to match the new hormones/genitals and some stay right where they were in the beginning. The reasons why are as much as a mystery as why we don't just accept the gender some misguided obstetrician laid on us a few moments after birth.
Not much help to you I'm afraid, but thems the facts as far as I've been able to ascertain.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
myth: hormones rewire your brain
I'm sorry but hormones do not rewire your brain.
A much more likely thing is... by taking them a part of you that was repressed psychologically is coming to the fore. You have always been perhaps a little perhaps entirely attracted to men but you have buried that part of you so deep that the mear thought of it seems so unlikely "I'm no fag!" (or similar feelings) make you question is my brain being rewired? NO!
You however are changing psychologically... As people treat you more and more as a women which you often tell us about you are giving yourself permission to see men as the opposite sex... and perhaps your inate bisexual feeling are being allowed to come to the fore.
You ask your doctors about hormones effects on the brain... they'll tell you. If they actually rewired the brain they would be altering your ability to make an informed decision about having surgery and no doctor on the planet would give them to you as they are trying to protect their ass first and foremost.
Rest assured that as you become more woman on the outside... you're giving yourself the permission (for lack of a better word) to see men in a new and more powerful light.
Dayna.