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I was somewhat surprised to trip over this sex advice column in the Guardian, an entirely respectable daily newspaper in England. It's an old column, from about three years ago, and the columnist doesn't have room to say much, but oh those comments!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/aug/20/sexual-he...
I'm curious how folks here would respond to the comments. What do you think of the column and the responses?
___________________
If a picture is worth 1000 words, this is at least part of my story.
Comments
Nothing like advice...
...Gee, honey, we noticed that you've been going into your mother's closet. We understand that this is a confusing time for you, and that you're not alone. Oh, and by the way, we solicited the advice of strangers in a public forum. Hope you don't mind!
Do the words, 'talk to your son,' come to mind? Interesting column, Pippa. Thanks for the link.
Love, Andrea Lena
Below the line
If I had seen that when it first came out...my comments might have been quite sharp. One thing linked to (broken link) is something I have argued about with cisgendered people. When I came out, one comment was "But you were always so masculine!". The link below:
http://www.health.am/sex/more/gid_of_adulthood_clinical_pres...
for the description of 'flight into hypermasculinity'. That was brought up in my first ever meetings with the National Health Service here, and I remember looking at the concept and doing a Piaf. When the little sparrow first heard "Je Ne Regrette Rien" she said "That's my life!", and it was the same for me.
And yes, I borrowed Mam's clothes on a regular basis. Never got caught...
In truth, I was somewhat amazed,
at the seeming overtone of "let him be and see where it goes" than by anything else, although there were several removed comments which I assume had nasty things to say about the situation.
I'm not familiar with the Guardian, or it's readers, but there seemed to be quite a bit more of, "talk with the boy and find out why he wants to do this, then assure him that he's loved and work with him to find out for sure," than anything else. Surprisingly understanding, although one has to consider that cross dressing is, or seems to be, more accepted in the U.K. than it is here in the colonies.
In talking with one or two of our sisters in the U.K. I get the impression that it's not only more accepted, but that it is considered somewhat of a "lark" and I am assured by them that not only are there clubs who accept it, but who seem to encourage cross dressers, but there are regular police patrols in the areas where the accepting clubs do business, and those officers ALSO cross dress WHILE on duty!
A very interesting article, Pippa. Thanks for posting it. With the exception of one comment that said, "Send him to military school, and the several which were deleted, the overall attitude seemed to be understanding and caring. I say, well done to our Brit cousins!
Cathy
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
The Guardian ...
... is one of the UK's broadsheet or more serious national dailies along with The Times, Telegraph, and Independent. It is broadly left of centre though some of its columnist and contributors could be classed to be on the right. I read it every day during breakfast :)
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a former well-known comedy actress (or actor as the Guardian insists on calling all Thespians) and married to Scottish comedian Billy Connolly. She retrained as clinical psychologist and is a regular Guardian columnist on sexual matters.
I vaguely remember reading this at the time. The comments in general seemed to be sympathetic and even most of those that weren't showed signs of sympathy for the parents' dilemma. None seemed to be of the 'string the little queer up' persuasion which often seems to be the case in these sorts of discussion. And, of course, there was for me a certain recollection of my own behaviour though the clothes were always returned. I wonder how common it is because few would ever admit it openly.
Robi
I fell asleep
reading them, there are some weird people out there I mean, fancy borrowing your mother's clothes! Still it could be worse, he could be borrowing his dad's stuff.
Angharad
I spent altogether too long
trying to fit into the mould that society and my family decreed for me.
I knew that I couldn't discuss my needs with my parents. My father's idea of a 'Birds and Bees' talk went much like this; "If you must know, I can lend you a book, but I'd rather you didn't ask." So I didn't ask and lived in ignorance for most of my life. I didn't even learn about biology at school - neither in class nor in the playground.
I knew virtually nothing until I stumbled across a Storysite one day. All I did know was that I was female and too scared of what others might think to do anything about it.
Clearly the columnist doesn't have much space to write and the comments? Dangerous, erroneous, misguided are words that spring to mind.
S.
but did you read the comments?
suppose you'd had parents who would have followed the advice given in them? That's what Pippa asked.
Cathy
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
Yes, I did read the comments.
While some were supportive, others were Dangerous, erroneous and misguided. Although Gender Variance is not always the conversation-stopper that it once was, there is, IMHO, a long way to go. Very rarely does one read nowadays of someone who was born physically deformed or mentally ill. The same situation should prevail with regard to Gender Variance - of any kind.
Parents should seek to guide their child along whatever path that is their destiny.
S.
Teenager In Mom's Clothing
I say let him be himself
May Your Light Forever Shine
Read column, my response
Pippa K.
Similar experience many years ago and my mother realized someone was into her clothes. In time my mother's silence suggested to me she likely knew it was me or one of two of 8 boys, 4 brothers, four cousins. Five years later she died and we had never talked. How I regret that one of us did not get the nerve to talk to the other.
My Mom was a sharp woman, I don't know what her response would have been. A guy with that many clothes is not going through a phase. Those here know it could mean a number of possibilities about his identity. Mom and Dad, or just Mom should approach the son. Denial or bargaining to stop would not be a surprise, but now or in the future he would know the parents are there to talk.
Thanks for sharing,
JessieC
Jessica E. Connors
Jessica Connors
With 8 older sisters...
And my mom being soooo much bigger than my size... I always "borrowed" from the older girls. They knew it was happening... I suspect they kept it from her though, since to this day she seems to think that I'd only done it the once that she'd caught me. Until now. With me buying my own.
Abigail Drew.