Life is strange

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It as been a while. I talked to my GT about the total cessation of reading, she mentioned it depression can do strange things. It isn't the only thing I've changed on either. I'm getting better, just not there yet.

I've been buying shoes, I now own more girl shoes than mens. I even bought some high heels, even though with diabetes there is no way I should be going there. I will have a wig soon. It is sort of a catch 22, until I can blend in, even if is it badly, I will have real trouble getting more clothes. I've joined something called meetup, an online site to help organize events. Shopping is a common event for the Dallas Fem Ex group.

There is the laser hair removal for the face. I'll follow up long term with electrolysis. My friend's wife gave me a shirt (blouse?). I fit, but Lord I need to loose weight. I also shaved my chest, just out of curiosity how it would look.

Now for really humorous parts (at least I think so). My old doctor is a good man, I like him as a person, but with all the religious trinkets scattered around there an there there was some concern on my part how he would take the soon to be new me. My GT picked up on my concerns, and looked up a potential new doc. She is a Tgirl, though it is not obvious looking at the pictures. There was the feeling that she would probably understand what I'm going through a lot more. So my GT called and made sure it was OK. The reason she did this is the clinic is a gynecological clinic. Wonder what my insurance provider will make of that?

I am trying to turn a lot of things around, but it is slow going. It feels something like inertia, I suspect things will be flying soon enough. I am wondering how much of my weight loss is an illusion, I drink a lot of water, I have a feeling a lot of what I'm seeing is water loss. Time to bump it up a notch, but I do want to see the doc and talk it over with her first. The check up is in the middle of Aug.

Then there is the time I got my nails done. It wasn't funny at the time, but I can see the humor now. I screwed up my courage and went to a manicurist about a month ago. She asked if I wanted them short, I said medium. She whips out a set of nail clippers and in 2 seconds had months of growth laying on the table, her definition of medium being quite different than mine. I'm sitting there with my mouth open looking like a drowning fish, which she missed. Nothing to be done, so I sat quietly watching the rest of the process taking mental notes. Lessons learned, a different manicurist next time, stay far away from that shop, and come out to the next one. I may have a recommendation for a better place next time, manicurists are everywhere, so there is no reason to put up with any nonsense. I understand some of them can be quite supportive. In any case, I am still stealth as a man. No reason I can't get androgynous nails though.

Speaking of stealth, I also went to a group support. It was interesting, all the tgirls there had no surgery (though one was weeks away from SRS). One was stunning, absolutely beautiful, and still, she didn't like her jawline. We are a strange people, nothing will ever be perfect, ever. I have not started anything, I do not believe HRT will have all the effects I see some people hoping for, but I wonder if it will slim down my legs, for example. It would be nice, but I am not hopeful. Several people say if there is fuzz (I still have a light layer on my mail pattern baldness) it can bring hair back to a degree. Again, not hopeful, but still.

The comment was made, and I think it is true, is gays and lesbians fight for their rights their entire lives. They have to. TGs are different, while we are transitioning we are activists, but as soon as we reach our end game the goal becomes to assimilate. We disappear into the woodwork, never to fight the good fight again, because we are now cured. It is no wonder the less tolerant LGB community tries to take advantage of us. Barney Frank, the congressman, comes to mind. Fortunately, there are a lot of good folks who happen to be gay that do the right thing because it is the right thing.

It has been said here that sexuality does not change. I have met enough of my fellows TGs elsewhere, both face to face and online in forums and chat rooms to say with assurance this is incorrect. It is very common for a straight guy to become a straight girl. Of course, every other possible spectrum also happens, but a complete transition is common. The young people especially seem to have no problem becoming boy crazy, but even among the 40 year olds I have seen it happen. I have no clue where I will go, it is an open question. Currently I am straight, I like girls just fine. So much so I want to be one.

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