And Then I Came Out

So, yeah. Life happened, huh? My wife and I welcomed an adorable baby girl into the world and the days since have been just so full of joy. It's been hard to really think about the girl-side with so many things going on professionally and personally. I gotta tell you, when you're over 6 feet tall in your thirties and packing an extra 20 lbs, you really consider hanging up the skirt. Mine had been hung for well on 9 years and I was no longer the 155 lb waif I once was. Then January hit and I was crushed by a wave of depression unlike any I've had since I was a confused teen staring at my pretty,made up face in the mirror.

I got so tired of being who other people wanted me to be. Tempering the duality of my nature to meet their particular social needs of me. So I made a vow to myself. I'm going to be me and I'm not going to pretend to be anything else any more. I am not a girl inside. Not completely. I'm both. I'm bound by neither. Which is all well and good but I have a job where being a 6 foot crossdresser might not help me get ahead so instead I came out to my wife.

When I say out, I mean fully out because until now she'd thought it was just some kinky sex game and not rooted in my very DNA. So surprise, surprise she pretty much figured this was the case and she was all for my plan. Now I'm sitting here before she wakes up telling all of you that my legs are smooth, I've got "red carpet" colored nail polish on my toes, a little coal commander eyeliner still lingering on my eyes and a body tired from having crazy mad sex with my her over and over... tmi?

I should note that I'm mostly hetero -I mean, who among us hasn't fantasized about being the girl in the romcom, it comes with the clothes ,right?- I know this kind of faerytale ending won't work for everybody and I feel for you. I just had to do this for myself. The most important thing I want to pass on to my daughter is that we must be true to who we are -haters be damned. Now I don't intend to be selfish -although those dresses don't buy themselves- I want to be the father in full man mode and let my wife do all the crazy mother daughter things, but if my girl should ever want clothing advice, girl-side will be here waiting. How to explain the en femme stuff...? (^o^) Daddy likes to play dress up too?

Until next time, I patiently wait by the door for my order from Payless to arrive. I'm gonna rock the hell out of those heels.

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