So I am mildly surprised to find myself posting another bit on my blog. In fact just typing 'my blog' seems weird to me, but cool anyway. I have been kind of having a pause over the last month. Personally I find christmas and New Year a very sad time of year and it gets me down. However there are changes on the way. My wife and I have made the decision to move South asap, and get a fresh start. Both of us feel much better just from making that decision. So now we are making preparations and selling stuff of to get moved. 2012 is gonna be a big year.

Also I have just had one of the most mentally/emotionally intense weeks of my life. I was asked by my Mum to see a therapist who felt he could possibly help me,and present some new ideas/angles to me, both with regard to my gender issues but also about my detachment from life in general and my family in particular. I was open minded going in and came down to visit with my Mum for a week while we had 3 2 hour sessions on Mon Wed and Fri. Yesterdays session was supposed to be the last but as it was cocked up by diary and train clashes we are having another next Tuesday. I can honestly say that right now I feel calmer in myself than I can remeber for a very long time, and not only have the sessions helped me but also my Mum and sister as well. I don't know where it will go but mre than anything else right now I want to get my internal self at peace as I think th esteps I have made so far have been very rewarding. I'm not good at experiencing good thoughts about myself, have suffered from depression and severe disassociation from my life and body, but cannot believe how much help this work has been.

I have had a lot of therapy but for me the difference has been the extent to which we have been discussing intergenerational effects of trauma, and frankly it's freaky at times, how much the traumas my parents both suffered at young ages have come down through their subconscious learning and then affected myself and my sister when we were kids as well. It'snot about blame, but about understanding how and why people's perception of reality affects those around them. I have alsways been far more feminine, just lumbered witha very masculine body, but understanding how subtle these effects can be has led me to realise that I am not broken. I have no idea how many people out there with GID might have had similar intergenerational issues that they know about or not, but it strikes as potentially hugley important. I do know that I have never come across that level of support, understanding and perception in a therapist before and I hope it will be world changing for me. Certainly both my Mum and sister and the therapist say that I am already hugley different than a week ago.

If you asked me I don't think I could pinpoint the differences but I do feel...calmer? more relaxed or at peace? Something like that anyway. I have also managed to write another 3k words in the last three days.

I will definitely let youknow how I feel after the next session on Tuesday which will be the last for at least a while.

Does anyone else out there have inter generational issues of traumatic events? If so have a think and ask yourself if they have ever been discussed with a view to what effects they may have on us and our mental well being. If you want to PM me feel free. Like I said, I'm no expert, but it seems to me the man is onto something!

Thanks again to everyone who has asked when the ext section of LoA is coming. The answer is it's at beta reading now, so as long as i didn't mess up too bad, it's almost there, while i work on chapter 14!

Love and Hugs all round.

Ashleigh Blayze