032) Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory

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So what do you want to hear first? The Good Stuff? The Not So Good Stuff? The Next Big Step?

OK, The Good Stuff.

So at work today I found myself subconsciously putting extra swing in my hips when walking past one of the guys on The Wrecking Crew. I thought this kind of odd... He's not much of a specimen, really. Kinda fat, no obvious muscle, and he works for The Wrecking Crew, nough said on intelligence.

Then I thought about it, and you know... Despite all his faults, he's kinda a sweet guy. He was probably the nicest person on Diane's crew for the short time I worked for her...

Then there's numbnuts. You know who I'm talking about. The Mountain Dew buying, Plume of Death driving, muscle-show-off numbnuts. Anyways, he was up to his usual antics, I was laughing, and I said something, I can't remember what, and he misheard me as saying something about the circus, and I was like, "yeah, that too, cuz you two, indicating him and the other guy currently in the shop, are a circus!" And just cracked up even more.

I left the shop then and went back to where I was working, as I was starting the Billy Goat back up to suck up more leaves, it occurred to me why I was cracking up so much. I thought he was cute. No, really. Absolutely no interest at all. But I thought he was cute.

Well girls, I think it's official, I'm boy crazy.

And you want to know the first thing that popped into my head at this realization? The Battle Hymn of the Republic. Thus the entry title. I just randomly started whistling the first few lines, paused for a while, then whistled the entire song. From memory, of course. (C'mon, seriously, who DOESN'T have that particular hymn memorized? Non-US Citizens need not answer. Nor you non-religious types.)

Now, guys, answer me truthfully, (this only applies to any "normal" or "semi-normal" heterosexual males that may bother reading my random thoughts), do you ever consider a girl cute or pretty, without having any sexual interest in her at all? The first guy, OK, I'll admit it, though I have no idea WHY I'd be sexually attracted to such a creature, I was sexually attracted to the guy from The Wrecking Crew. But numbnuts, he's just kinda cute.

Now for the Not So Good Stuff.

Talked to the other fish again when I got home. Gave her a small history lesson about our first modern prophet and how he wasn't a prophet yet when he followed the admonition in James, Chapter 1, verse 5.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

According to our church history, he then received a direct visitation from God. Not yet a prophet. One of her hangups was that in her mind, only a prophet can speak to God. So I disabused her of that notion. I then admitted to her that no, I have not personally seen or heard directly from my Father, but that I do believe my guidance is still coming indirectly from him, through the Spirit, and my personal angel.

I then used the same teaching method I used for the meeting on Sunday night...

Long story short, she's still having a hard time getting past the "but the prophets have said..." Said what exactly? I'd have challenged her with the impossible task of finding even one iota of a word out of a General Authorities mouth against transsexuals. There's nothing. Plenty against living a homosexual lifestyle, but also, nothing against the feelings themselves.

I'd have challenged her... but I knew she wouldn't listen, that it would only serve the spirit of contention. So I told her to talk to the Bishop, that he'd already talked to Salt Lake, and that she was welcome to talk to him. Told her I'd email her his phone number, because she's refusing to talk to me while she's anywhere near her kids. As though talking about GID causes it...

And now mother... She's graduated from "It Is Wrong" and "God Wouldn't Make A Mistake" to "Why Me?", "Why my 'son'?", and "Where did I go wrong..." It saddens me to see her going through these stages, but I now recognize them for what they are, and am trying to gently guide her thinking towards "What A Great Blessing It Is To Experience Such A Miracle." I hope it will work...

And that's what I think this all is for me, folks. A Miracle. I was lost, but now I am free. I was in chains, led to a cynical world, but now I'm free. I'm FREE! I'm ALIVE! What a miracle it is to be alive!

Well, it's getting close to time for me to stop typing again now, but I did promise you one last thing, didn't I? Now... what was it... hm... I seem to have lost my notes somewhere... OH!

The Next Big Step.

I've told you I have a niece named Abigail Lynn, right? Hm... maybe not. Well, after talking to the other fish, I called up another of my sister's places, who live right here in town. She's the one who gave birth to my niece Abigail. Anyways, my sister was at work, so her SO picked up. I've arranged to meet with my sister, her SO, and their two girls on Friday at 6pm.

Oh, and this mornings fear? I decided that was the adversary and kicked him to the curb. He doesn't seem to like it there, but then, he doesn't like much of anything.

Keeping on, Keeping on,

Abigail Drew.

Comments

Ok...so now

When I was younger I had many more female friends than male, I've always got on more with women than men. The problem was that I was their friend but yes, I often did get physically attracted to them which led to(more in myself) conflict.
Then there was the time I first met my neighbours wife, who is EXTREMELY sexy. In fact, she's smoking hot. The funny thing is that she lost appeal when I became friends with her husband. Ask any male and he will tell you this is unusual.
When I realised that I wanted to be a woman I began focusing on female bodies not as attractive things for sex but attractive things I wanted to look like.
When I reealised that to be happy with myself I need to balance myself physically and spiritually I see cute girls and can feel an attraction. I am able to see the same in guys (but do not feel the same way as i do toward women.)
I think I just went off on a tangent and didn't completley answer your question:

Yes i notice cute girls but if there are certain factors I might lose interest. I still consider them pretty, just not desirable.

Hugs Cliff

Gaah!

Extravagance's picture

I don't know what happened inside my head this morning, but I am in full "cockaholic" mode! Talking about boys is SOOO not helping! D:
Ah, don't worry about me. I hope things in general go your way. *Quick HuggleSnugglePurr followed by hasty retreat to a place free of boy related conversation*

- - -

Royal catgirl of the court of the Empress of Euphoria. I like fine seafood, and I love huggles! ^_^
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I forgot to mention one person... Dad.

He's apparently, according to my mother at least, reacting in the typical male fashion. Once he got over the initial shock of it all, it's immediately on to worrying about "fixing" it. He's apparently driving himself nuts with what to do about all of this.

Abigail Drew.

Abigail Drew.

Hey Ab,

This is all so impressive! YOU ARE GREAT!!!

I just wanted to say the your attraction to males might be the result of the (psuedo) estrogens in your brain, it's also possible that the attraction might be temporary in the long term.

I was so surprised that after HRT for about 3 months I was crushing on a guy at work. He was kind, studly, smart, tall, handsome, etc.; he noticed pretty soon, figured it out and just smiled about it; very cool. The thing is, I'd always been nervous around unknown guys and afraid of the tough acting, powerful ones. Once I knew that whatever guys were alright, not going to beat me up, I really just ignored them. I showered with lots of guys on the rowing team, most with pretty good bodies, I guess. I guess cuz they should have had good bodies, but I didn't notice.

After I healed from surgery, I went out to a het "tall people's club" meeting. I started flirting with a guy who was standing near by, since he started flirting with me. I did the club thing, was admitted, but I ended up taking that 1st guy home and having him screw me crazy. Best guy I've ever had. I really had no idea that that was going to happen.

The thing is, I got tired of guys after about 4 months. It was sweet when they were wooing me, but when they weren't, they acted like guys (no duh). The way most guys acted had always repelled me in the past. I never wanted to be stuck in with them. I got some lesbian action and decided (after a while) that I was bi, but much more attracted to wimyn.

Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee

Ready for work, 1992. Renee_3.jpg

Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee